Courting Innocence

by Kimberly Dean

  So here he sat, ready to open presents. He couldn’t believe he was sitting amongst them, eating their food and drinking their eggnog.

  He’d already taken a gift he shouldn’t.

  ‘Harmon, would you turn on the tree lights?’ Marilyn asked.

  The woman took the holidays to another level. One tree graced this room and another sat in the more casual great room in back. The showpiece before him was done all in gold, from the ornaments to the tree skirt to the star on top. A fresh Douglas fir garland wound up the staircase banister, and there were too many poinsettias to count. Here, the lights were all white and Santa was the more upscale St Nicholas.

  The house looked like something out of a storybook, and, in fact, it was. One of those style magazines had come by to do a photo spread on the notable home a few weeks ago. Erin had helped Marilyn get ready for the visit, and her mother had been so proud.

  ‘Colton, would you like to start?’ she asked.

  It had been a long time since Colt had felt out of place in this house, but today he felt like he had the first time he’d walked in the door.

  ‘Sure,’ he said, trying to work up enthusiasm. He accepted a stiff envelope with his name written in calligraphy on the front. Even the cards around here were elaborate. ‘Thank you.’

  Harmon leaned forward in his chair at the head of the room, the one by the tree. ‘Well, open it first.’

  From out of nowhere, a memory hit Colt – one of the rare good ones he had from before he’d met the Fosters. He remembered a Christmas with his own family. The three of them had been circled around a tree just like this, only theirs had been artificial with multicoloured lights and lots of tinsel. He hadn’t believed his eyes when he’d opened the box from his old man and had found a set of Matchbox cars. An odd ache pulled at his belly. They were small and inexpensive, but they had been the best present he’d ever received in that house.

  ‘You need help?’ Dustin said dryly.

  Colton shot him a look, but picked up the pace. He worked his finger underneath the flap of the envelope and opened it. The tiny slip of paper inside was worth a lot more than a basketball. ‘A ticket to the NHL All-Star game?’

  Harmon clapped his hands and rubbed them with glee. ‘Box seats. Dustin, you and I are going to fly down to Philly in the company jet and have a good old boys’ night out.’

  Colton winced. Erin’s brother and her old man. Kill him now. ‘How did you get seats this late?’

  The influential lobbyist sat back in his chair and crossed his legs. ‘It’s all who you know in this world, my boy.’

  Wasn’t that the truth?

  ‘Thank you, Harmon. This is…great.’

  Erin leaned closer to see the ticket, and Colton stiffened. Somehow they’d ended up seated together on the sofa, but he’d made sure there was a full seat cushion separating them. It would be too easy to let habit overcome him. He didn’t want to rouse any suspicions by accidentally playing with her hair or rubbing her neck.

  ‘Speaking of hockey…Erin, when are you going to bring Sienna’s new guy around?’ Dustin asked. He looked out of place in the frou-frou wing chair by the window. ‘The Sloan Gunman was my favourite player. Colt’s, too.’

  Erin gave Colt a playful nudge that put him even more on edge. ‘You were a fan of Jason’s?’ she teased.

  Was she trying to get them caught?

  ‘Wasn’t everybody?’ he said.

  Her face fell, and she glanced at her brother. ‘I’ll see what I can do.’

  ‘Wait,’ Harmon said abruptly. He leaned forward in his chair again, and Colt stiffened. ‘The Blakely girl is dating Jason Sloan? Isn’t he a big defence contractor now?’

  Marilyn shook her head. ‘Where have you been, dear? Even I’ve met the man.’

  ‘You have? How did I miss out?’

  Marilyn smiled at her husband fondly. ‘It was at Erin and Sienna’s apartment. He’s quite hunky, if you ask me.’

  The old man ran his hand over his silver hair. ‘Well, I don’t keep up on all that lovey-dovey stuff. How am I supposed to know who’s dating who?’

  Colton cringed.

  ‘It’s been all over the TV, Daddy,’ Erin teased. ‘Everyone knows.’

  Did they know? Could they see? Colton shifted in his seat. The underused sofa felt stiff and prickly. He swore that at least Dustin and Marilyn were shooting him questioning looks.

  He rose to his feet. ‘Marilyn, your drink is running low. Let me get you another.’

  He headed for the wet bar like it was an oasis. Keeping his head down, he concentrated on making the mimosa. What was wrong with him? He worked in front of juries that watched him like hawks. His actions and reactions were analysed by people searching for the truth, yet it was here at a friendly family function that he felt the most stress. He made himself a screwdriver while he was at it. He needed something stronger than champagne.

  When he returned to their small group, he perched on the arm of Marilyn’s chair. She patted his leg and watched as Harmon opened a present from her.

  Colton tried not to look at Erin, but that was next to impossible. She watched him with the tiniest hint of a line burrowing into her forehead. There were questions in her eyes, and a tinge of hurt.

  ‘Dustin, open your present next,’ Marilyn requested. As always, she was directing their day. She probably had festivities scheduled down to the minute.

  Colton gave another tug on his collar. He knew he was acting strangely, but he couldn’t help it. He and Erin were lying. It might have been his idea, but it had been wrong. If her family knew about the things he did to their sweet girl…

  And the things she did to him in return?

  He took a long draw on his drink and felt the alcohol kick. It had been long on the vodka and short on the orange juice.

  Erin frowned at him. She looked polished and seasonal in a red-hot dress that skimmed her figure. The straight neckline showed no skin, but the long chains of her necklace draped across the swell of her breasts. His gaze got stuck. God, he wanted her even now.

  Even when his gut was churning, and guilt was sitting on him like a two-ton elephant.

  ‘Colt, this one is from me,’ she said, offering a hesitant smile.

  He took the brightly wrapped present and found the one he’d bought for her under the tree. They’d made a pact to buy strictly platonic gifts to exchange here, but he held his breath as he tore open the wrapping.

  She worked faster. Erin had always loved Christmas. ‘Art pencils,’ she said with delight. ‘I need these.’

  He knew. He’d seen the nubs she’d been trying to work with as she’d sketched ideas for the remodel of his home.

  ‘Thank you.’ This time her smile was filled with such warmth, he really felt he’d been hit by sunlight.

  He pulled back the ripped paper on the gift in his lap and peeked. His shoulders relaxed. ‘A new gym bag. Thanks, Sunny.’

  He’d needed that, too.

  ‘I saw at your game how ragged the one you have is. This one has compartments and pockets for all your boy things.’

  Colt hesitated.

  Marilyn blinked, and Dustin laughed outright. ‘Boy things?’

  ‘Well, I don’t know what they are.’ Erin’s eyes went wide. She looked young and innocent and so damn cute.

  ‘I hope not!’ her father said with a bark of laughter.

  This time everyone joined in, except Colton. God, he felt like the big bad wolf.

  ‘Boy things.’ Dustin moved over to take the space on the couch beside his sister and spread his legs out to full length. ‘That sounds awfully naughty coming from you.’

  She pushed at his shoulder, but the colour in her cheeks was starting to match her dress. ‘You guys!’

  That only made everyone laugh harder.

  The mood in the room was happy, familial and loving – and it only made Colton feel worse.

  Dustin was still teasing Erin in the kitchen half an hour later when Colton followed Har
mon to the billiards room for a game.

  ‘So, speaking of boy things,’ her brother said, ‘when are you going to start dating again, Sunny?’

  Colton stopped in his tracks, fast enough that the garland on the staircase next to him fluttered. Harmon continued on, ignorant to the fact that he’d lost his opponent. Colton knew he shouldn’t listen in, but he couldn’t help it.

  It was getting to be a theme with him.

  ‘Dusty!’ Erin’s laughter left, and her voice turned hesitant. ‘It’s only been three months.’

  Three months since her engagement had ended? Could that be right? Colton did the math in his head. On the one hand, it was longer than he’d thought. On the other, had it really been that recent since she’d been sleeping in another man’s bed and wearing his ring?

  The idea of it gnawed at him, and he rolled his neck. This was the price he paid for eavesdropping.

  He passed by the open doorway. As much as he tried to be casual, he glanced in. Instead of catching Erin’s eye, he caught Dustin’s. He felt it like a punch, but nodded and kept going.

  Behind him, he heard his friend’s voice drop.

  ‘Because there’s someone on my basketball team who’s interested,’ he said. ‘He’s a really good guy. I think he’d be good for you.’

  Whoa. Colton braked again. Was D messing with him or was he serious?

  ‘You’d be even better for him,’ Dusty finished.

  ‘I…I don’t think so,’ Erin said, her words stumbling.

  Colton tried to remember who on the team had been giving her the eye at the last game. Matthews? Garcia? What the hell did they think they were doing? He was going to have a little talk with his teammates about going after other guys’ girls.

  But they didn’t know that he and Erin were an item, did they?

  His hand fisted against the doorframe, but he forced himself to turn into the billiards room. Harmon already had everything racked up and was chalking his cue. Christmas had invaded this room, too, but the masculine space had been limited to reds and greens. Colton mechanically took off his jacket and rolled up his sleeves.

  He couldn’t put up stakes. He couldn’t make any claims on her.

  They’d hidden their relationship from the team and coworkers and people at the charities Erin favoured. They’d hidden what was going on, because she was supposed to be off-limits for him, too.

  The man standing right across the pool table from him had said so.

  Harmon soundly kicked his ass that game, and Colton begged off another. He said his goodbyes to a pouting Marilyn and a concerned-looking Erin. He kissed her chastely on the cheek, but felt her nails bite into his wrist.

  ‘Merry Christmas, Erin,’ he said as he backed out on to the doorstep.

  They’d driven separately – another attempt at concealment. She could find her way home.

  Or to her apartment, whichever she considered her home now.

  ‘Merry Christmas, Colton,’ she said, her voice wavering.

  He went down the steps and didn’t look back.

  He got in his car and pointed it towards Dupont Circle, but the autopilot in his head directed him towards downtown Georgetown instead.

  ‘What are you doing?’ he asked himself.

  His breath turned into a cloud of white in the cold interior of his car, yet he didn’t turn around. That blast from the past was still messing with his head.

  He was a glutton for punishment today.

  Traffic was light and he got there fast. Really, it was only a short jaunt from the Fosters’ historic manor, but it felt like he’d entered another world.

  He parked in a spot across the street from the apartment building where he and his parents had lived, and let the engine run. God, it seemed like another life ago. The place still looked as upscale as ever. Even the front entrance had been upgraded and the building now sported a spiffy red door. It fitted in with all the trendy restaurants and boutiques that had sprung up in the neighbourhood. If it hadn’t been for Christmas Day, the place would have been active and vibrant.

  Yet all he saw was the dirty snow bank piled up on the edge of the curb.

  His father had died years ago, but for a brief moment, he wondered where his mother was these days. Was she even alive? In prison or a bar somewhere?

  He sought out the corner shop impulsively and was happy to see the pizzeria had survived. It was only right.

  Unconsciously, he ran a hand over his stomach.

  He remembered going into that shop one night when things had been going downhill fast. He hadn’t eaten for two days, and he’d been bordering on desperation. He still didn’t know what he’d intended to do that night, but the idea of getting some money and buying a bus ticket out of town had been in his head. That, he remembered clearly. A bus ticket to anywhere.

  Anywhere but here.

  ‘Damn,’ he muttered. The chill got to him, and he turned up the heater.

  He would have run, too, if not for the short little pizza guy with the thick moustache. The store owner had him pegged the moment he’d laid eyes on him. Colt didn’t know how. He’d been tall and skinny back then, not all that imposing, but the guy must have seen the look in his eyes.

  The pizzeria owner had jerked his thumb towards the rear of the shop. ‘Out back,’ he’d snapped before Colt could work up the nerve or the stupidity to do something he shouldn’t.

  ‘What?’ he remembered saying. He’d thought the guy was offering to kick his ass.

  Only he’d surprised the hell out of him by saying, ‘I just threw out half a pizza from some anorexic college girls. They’d rather starve themselves than eat more than one piece in front of their sorority sisters.’

  Even all these years later, Colton’s mouth watered. He’d been starving, too, but he’d been past the point of pride. He’d taken that box out of the dumpster and had sat down right there in the alley to eat cold leftovers from strangers.

  At least until that big-mustachioed owner had pulled him into a back booth and shoved a soda in front of him, too.

  It had been the break he’d needed.

  The other one had come the very next day when he’d met Dustin Foster on a basketball court – and they’d gone round instead.

  Colton’s hand twisted around the steering wheel, and he pulled back into traffic. Yeah, he owed the Fosters big time. He owed them practically everything.

  But look at how he’d repaid them.

  ‘I don’t understand,’ Erin said, fighting back a sniffle. ‘Why won’t he fight for me?’

  She hadn’t been to Nina’s office for weeks, but today she’d had to schedule a session. The rush of the holiday season was over, and people were buckling down, trying to get through January in DC. Cold winds and ice were making things difficult.

  She just couldn’t take it any more. She’d needed to talk to someone. Sienna was spending most of her time at Jason’s, and the two of them had already loaned her their shoulders to cry upon too many times. ‘I hoped the holidays would bring Colt and me together. We spent time with my family. They all know him and accept him.’

  ‘But would they accept the two of you as a couple?’ Nina asked. She was in a grey sweater dress today, with black tights and suede ankle boots.

  ‘I don’t know,’ Erin admitted. They’d chased him off once before, and they’d known him just as well then.

  She slipped off her own boots and tucked her feet beneath her. She’d spent enough time here now that she felt comfortable and safe. She couldn’t be concerned with ceremony; she was opening her soul.

  ‘We spent New Year’s on our own, but that seemed to backfire, too.’ They’d watched the Times Square ball drop on TV as they’d curled up together on the couch, but not even the noisemaker she’d tooted had been able to make him smile. ‘He’s been so distant. He goes into his head, and it’s getting harder to pull him out.’

  ‘And the sex?’

  Trust Nina to go there. Erin’s lips pursed. ‘It’s still good.’r />
  Her mentor lifted an eyebrow.

  ‘It’s almost desperate, only…’ Oh, God. Nina had practically become her sex therapist, but Erin couldn’t say it. In these sessions, she’d kept the details of her and Colton’s bedroom activities private. She loved the things they did together, and she treasured the way he made her feel. Things could get pretty steamy – at least in her limited experience – but the kink wasn’t the problem.

  Nina waited patiently.

  The room was quiet. The door was closed. Outside, snow fell harder than it had all season.

  ‘He’ll only take me in the missionary position,’ Erin said softly.

  They’d kissed at the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Eve, but that wasn’t all they’d done. He’d rolled her on to her back right there on the sofa. There hadn’t been a smile on his face. Instead, his expression had been so serious. He’d taken things slow. His touches had seemed different, almost deferential. It had almost been as if he was touching her for her sake, not his.

  That wasn’t what she wanted at all.

  Nina ran her finger across her lower lip. ‘The holidays are difficult for some people. It’s a stressful time.’

  Erin knew that, but, as much as she loved the time of the year, she’d been hoping for some holiday magic. The snow, the warm feelings, the time with those who meant the most to you…‘I want to be his stress relief.’

  Nina smiled a knowing smile. ‘Have you dropped by to “surprise” him recently?’

  Erin bit her lip. She might not have shared with the Luxxor exec the where or the how of those encounters, but she had shared her strategy. After all, those secret booty calls had been some of the hottest sex of her life. ‘Sneaking around worked for a while.’

  She drew her favourite pillow onto her lap. ‘But he’s too worried about getting caught now, and I’m tired of hiding. It makes it seem like what’s between us isn’t real.’

  ‘Have you told him how you feel?’

  ‘Yes.’ She’d tried to show him, too, but she’d ended up on her back beneath him. He hadn’t let her be on top for a while now.