Sex, Decisions & Rock n' Roll (Redemption Tour #2)

by Michelle Lee

  I huddle against the wall, squeezing my sides tighter, trying to keep everything wanting to spew forth inside. His latest plaything, He’ll tire of her soon enough, Why would he be with you, and I’ll take care of him, echo in my head, causing it to ache and throb. I grip my forehead, trying to squeeze their voices out of it. It doesn’t help; they continue to bombard me with their comments. Comments I’m beginning to see as the possible truth. I’m trying to push them down, force them out of my mind and completely ignore them, but it’s damn impossible. Then, as if summoned by my insecurities, Blake’s voice pushes through all the others, leading the charge. They are perfect together. They really do look like they’re in love. All their voices—their comments—spiral and spin, twisting and turning into one single thought… you don’t belong with Dash. My chest cracks. My heart rips apart.

  Honestly, why is Dash with me? He is this amazingly, beautifully talented man and can have any woman on the planet, probably in the fucking universe for that matter. And then there’s me. I’m just plain old boring me. Nothing special to look at, never have been, never will be. We are from two different worlds, worlds that don’t usually collide. But they did collide, and the way he acts and looks at me shows me there’s more to it, and they do say actions speak louder than words. However, right now those girls’ words, Nadia’s words, Blake’s words, are speaking louder, much louder. A rogue tear escapes my dam and before I can stop them, others follow. My body shudders and shakes with each sob, and I can’t calm the storm that has claimed me. I really need to get out of here and be alone. I don’t want Dash to find me like this. I’m just thankful he’s preoccupied with rehearsing for tonight’s show at the moment, that he doesn’t know what’s going on. I continue to walk in the shadows, hiding myself from everyone and anyone, when I have the sudden feeling I’m not going unnoticed any longer.

  “Jules?” a familiar voice calls to me from the shadows.

  I huddle against the wall, hoping and trying my damnedest to blend into it, becoming one with the concrete. I feel a hand reach for me. Its iciness slithers into my veins, causing me to shudder from the inside out. I try to escape from Roland’s grip. I can’t deal with him right now, and I’m sure I don’t want to know what he has to say. But it’s useless; he stops my attempt and keeps me rooted in place. Summoning all the strength I have left, I turn and look into cold eyes.

  “You don’t belong here. Obviously, that’s become clear, am I correct?” His voice slithers like a snake, wrapping around me.

  Standing taller, squaring my shoulders, I look him dead in the eyes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “It’s very commendable that you are trying to appear to be unaffected. But let’s be honest here, shall we?”

  I don’t answer him, and I suspect he didn’t want me to. I glare at him, wishing he would just get on with it and tell me what he wants and needs to so I can leave.

  “If this…” he waves his hand up and down in front of me “… if this is any indication how you react to a few unwanted comments, then I suggest you either grow a thicker skin or just end this ‘relationship’ with Dash. I won’t have you and your ridiculous emotions ruining what I’ve worked so hard to accomplish. So, don’t think for a second that I won’t do something about it.”

  His threat lingers in the air between us. I’m not surprised by his comment. I’m actually surprised it wasn’t something more. I know Roland doesn’t approve of me being with Dash. He’s made that clear to me time and time again in very subtle ways. He raises an eyebrow as if daring me to answer back, to prove him right or wrong. I’m sure he was hoping his words, his threat would have me cowering and running, but just the opposite.

  The voices have faded into nothingness, and all that remains are Roland’s. My arms release from around me, dangling at my sides. My fists clench and unclench as his warning fuels the simmering anger deep inside. I stand taller, straighter, feeling as though I could tower over him. “I’m touched you’re so concerned, but there isn’t a need for it. I’m fine. I will be fine. And don’t worry, my ridiculous emotions won’t ruin what you’ve accomplished.”

  Before he can respond, Russell walks up. “Is everything okay, Jules?”

  Roland’s eyes burn into mine before turning to Russell. “Jules is fine, Russell. I believe there’s something else you should be doing other than checking up on her, no?”

  Russell comes to stand right next to me. “Everything is as it should be; I’ve made sure of it. Besides, Dash made it perfectly clear that no one but me is to be on Jules’s detail.”

  For a minute I think Roland is going to argue. His eyes burn with irritation, and then it’s gone. “Good. If you’ll excuse me.” He starts to leave, but after only getting a few feet he turns around. “Oh, Jules, remember what I said.” With getting in the last word, he leaves.

  “One thing I’ve learned since being with the band is Roland can be a total douchebag, and his words at times hold empty promises. Remember that.”

  I look up at the man who’s become my protector. “Thanks, Russell. Do you think you can take me back to the hotel after I talk to Dash really quick?”

  “Sure.”

  I swipe my fingers under my eyes, hopefully erasing any remains from my earlier tears.

  “You look just as you always do, Jules— beautiful. You have nothing to worry about and even if you did, Dash isn’t going anywhere. Besides, Nadia’s plastic can’t compete with your natural beauty. Remember that.”

  I look up at the usually silent man, my heart swelling with emotion. “Thank you, Russell.”

  He nods as we continue on to where Dash is rehearsing. My heart drops to my stomach the closer we get. Nervousness bubbles just below the surface, and I’m not exactly sure why. I will my nerves to calm the hell down. I need a second or a minute or an hour or two. I hate feeling this way, and I just wish I could be normal. I wish I could be like every other girl in love with some gorgeous rock star. I just want all of this insecurity and self-doubt to end. I want to be the girl—no, the woman—Dash deserves to be with. I want to be the woman I was before Blake walked into the mall. I want to be the woman who isn’t scared to love, to feel, to just be the woman who she was always meant to be; not the broken woman that is making her way to the stage. I think a part of me will always be broken no matter what, and that is something I’m going to have to accept. It doesn’t matter how much therapy I have or how many pep talks Val and Tracy give me. I just have to accept that and move on. My stride becomes more urgent, more desperate to get to him. Whether Russell has noticed a change in my demeanor, he doesn’t react or mention it, and for that I’m grateful. I don’t think he’d be interested to know about the conversation I’ve been having in my head, and even if he were, he’d say what he did before, or something to that effect.

  We stop a few feet away from the stage, and before going to the stairs, Dash stops mid play. His head whips around, and his eyes instantly zone in on mine. I give him a small smile, and his eyes flash with concern. He takes the guitar from around his neck and tosses it to a nearby roadie. In long strides, he crosses the stage and down the stairs two steps at a time. His long legs continue to cross the distance between us in no time at all, and before I know it, his hands are cupping my cheeks and his lips are melding to mine. His lips move with such urgency and need that I respond the same. His mouth, his lips, his tongue are wiping away all the awful thoughts I had previously and the ugly things those models, Nadia, and Roland said. Just being near him, in his arms, makes the dark rush away. Makes me believe in myself. Makes me feel strong and secure and able to kick anyone’s ass that gets in my way. I need to hold on to these thoughts, these feelings—grab them tightly with both hands and never let go no matter who or what tries to take them away from me.

  Our tongues tangle together as his hands grip my face closer—tighter. A deep ache takes up residence inside, building and building. My fingers grip his shirt, fisting and twisting it within my grasp. Dash’s
tongue sweeps against my bottom lip before he takes it between his teeth, tugging and sucking on it briefly before finally letting me go. Our panting breaths mix between us as his forehead touches mine. “God, what you do to me, Sunshine.” He pulls away, his hands still holding my face, his thumbs caressing my cheeks. “I love you.”

  “I love you, Dash, so much.”

  He gently kisses my lips, sweeping his thumbs against my cheeks one more time before letting go. He nods to someone behind me, and that’s when I remember Russell. I’m about to die of embarrassment at our public display right in front of him. I can only imagine what Russell must be thinking. Hopefully he wasn’t paying attention, but my luck being what it is…

  “You okay?”

  “I’m perfect now that I’m with you.” My heart swells in my chest at my admission. I feel I could take on the world as long as Dash is by my side.

  “You’re perfect without me too, ya know.”

  I give him a small, tentative smile, hoping to appease him. Apparently I didn’t do a good enough job because his eyes get a little squinty as he shakes his head. “One day, Sunshine, one day…”

  “One day what?” I interrupt him.

  He kisses the tip of my nose before answering. “One day you will see yourself as I see you and when you do, you’ll finally understand what I’ve been saying all along. But, until that day, I guess I’ll have to tell you over and over how perfect I think you are and have even more fun showing you over and over. You’re the dream I lost, but now I’ve found, and I’m never, ever letting that dream go, you understand?” His eyebrow quirks up, and that smirk I love so much is firmly in place.

  “I understand.”

  “Good. I guess you’re ready to go?”

  “Yeah.” He gives me a quick kiss to the forehead before grabbing my hand and walking over to Russell. Okay, good—he wasn’t like right there when I was sucking Dash’s tongue.

  We stop in front of Russell, Dash pulling me in front of him as his hands massage my shoulders. I notice Russell eyeing Dash, silently telling him something I’m not privy to. Dash’s ministrations stop mid massage and fingers dig into my skin. I feel his chest rumble against my back, a low growl coming from his lips. Russell nods, and Dash loosens his hold on me and goes back to rubbing my shoulders.

  “You’ve got my girl?”

  “I’ve got her. No worries, Dash, she’s safe with me.”

  “I’m counting on it.” Russell nods, again his eyes carrying on a silent conversation with Dash. I’m sure if I could see Dash’s, they would be responding in the same spy-like way.

  “I’ll be waiting by the hall, Jules, whenever you’re ready.” Russell points to the hall off to the right, and then nodding to Dash one more time, he heads that way.

  Dash gives my shoulders a squeeze before turning me around to face him. “Russell will take care and look out for you when I can’t. I trust him.”

  “I know.”

  “I’m sorry I can’t spend more of today with you right now, but…”

  My finger touches his lips, stopping his words. “I know, Dash, and I completely understand. You don’t have to explain anything. I get it, and I’m okay with it. This is your job, it’s a huge part of who you are, and if being with you means I have to deal with not being close to you all the time, then so be it. I’ll handle it. I can’t always promise I’ll be happy about it, but I’ll be okay as long as I know at some point I get to spend some time, any time with you.” The truth of what I said shocks me, but it’s true. The truth makes me stand a little straighter and fills me with strength.

  “How did I get so fucking lucky? What did I do to deserve you?” Dash pulls me against his chest, his arms wrapping tightly around me. His heart beats against my cheek, its steady rhythm soothing, calming.

  “I could ask the same thing about you.” My arms wrap around him impossibly tighter. I never want to let go. I never want to leave his arms.

  There’s feedback through the speakers, making me cringe. “If you two are done groping each other or dry humping, I could really use my front man back up here. Lance is starting to get jealous.” Vic’s booming voice comes through the speakers, and as hard as I try to suppress my giggle, I can’t. The man has a way with words.

  “Fuck you. You’re the jealous one, sweets.” Lance’s voice echoes through the empty stadium. And when I look around Dash, I see Lance blowing Vic a kiss.

  “I guess that’s my cue.” Dash reluctantly lets me go. His hands fall to my hips, keeping me close.

  “Sounds like it.”

  “You gonna be okay? I could go back with you for a little bit. We could figure out a way where I wouldn’t be missed so soon.” He glances around the stadium, everyone busy doing something to prep for tonight’s performance.

  As much as I want him to blow off his obligations, deep down I know I would feel guilty the entire time and it wouldn’t be fair to Vic or Lance or all these people that are working so hard.

  My eyes close for just a second, giving myself a very brief moment to collect my thoughts. With a deep breath, I look up at him. His eyes shine bright, and I find myself getting lost in them. The depth of love I see in them calls to me, warms my heart and soul. I’d do anything this man would ask of me as long as he would keep looking at me the way he is right now. “As tempting as it is, I don’t want to give your fans any more ammunition to hate me.” The words fall out before I have a chance to stop them. I didn’t want to tell about what’s happened today—not now, now ever.

  “They don’t… they don’t hate you, Jules. They just…” His hands leave my hips and make their way through his hair. Frustration is evident all over him. He takes a few steps away from me, and I don’t know if I should say something more. Even if I did, what would I say? He stops, his fingers still tangled in his hair, pulling at the ends before weaving their way through again. His body stiffens, and then he abruptly turns toward me, his eyes shining with concern and realization. He takes three quick strides, and then he’s right in front of me. “Did something happen today to make you think that way, Sunshine? Did something happen at the photo shoot?” His eyes search mine for an answer. I do my best to hide the truth. He doesn’t need more on his plate than he already has. He doesn’t need to worry more about me than he already does.

  “No. Nothing happened. I just get the feeling that if I wasn’t in the picture, they would be happier. I mean, Val has explained it to me that an available rock star, or movie star for that matter, makes for better… well, better everything. If your fans think you’re available and not dating someone seriously, it’s better for business.”

  He snorts his disapproval of my words. “You sound like fucking Roland.” Dash grabs me by my shoulders and leans down to look directly into my eyes. “I don’t give a shit if appearing available is better for business. All I fucking care about is you and us. If my fans don’t fucking like it, then they aren’t the fans I fucking want. You’re mine, and I’m yours. That’s what matters. That’s what counts. So if something happened today, tell me.”

  “You’re not going to let this go, are you?”

  “Nope.”

  “Fine. A couple of comments were made about me being temporary and you being available soon enough. It’s nothing I can’t handle.” I hope he buys the lie. I can’t bear to tell him the truth.

  “That’s all?”

  “That’s all.”

  Dash looks deeper into my eyes. “I sense that there’s more to it, but I’ll drop it for now. But we will talk about this later.”

  “Dash, there isn’t…” He silences me with a kiss.

  He quirks that challenging eyebrow at me. I wish I could do that. “I’ll get it out of you one way or another.” He leans down, and his lips find that spot right below my ear that drives me absolutely crazy with lust. He sucks it a little, and then his teeth graze the spot before they sink in. My body is ablaze, and I just know my panties are soaked. My hands reach up to pull him closer to me but before I even
get the chance, Dash licks and kisses the spot he just bit and pulls away. “Frustrated?”

  I glare at him, giving him my best “you’ve got to be fucking kidding me” look.

  “Good. Now you know how I feel sometimes.”

  Cymbals crash behind us. I turn around and see Vic pounding his fist into them, staring directly at the two of us. I swear—if looks could kill. Dash waves him off. Vic tosses his drumsticks into the air and heads off stage, his feet stomping the whole way. Lance shakes his head and then takes off after him, giving his bass to the roadie standing off to the side.

  “You better go before Vic goes all hulk on everyone and everything.”

  “Saved by the bell.”

  “Da—”

  “Later. I’ve got to go and tame the beast. I love you.” He quickly kisses me before running to the stage.

  “I love you.” My lips tingle, and that spot just below my ear pulsates. My whole body does. He knows exactly what he’s doing, and I’m afraid later he’ll do it and more and I won’t be able to keep up the lie. I guess I will just have to figure a way to distract him and beat him at his own game.

  I walk toward the hall where Russell is patiently waiting. “Ready?”

  “Yep. Sorry I made you wait so long.”

  “No worries, Jules. You’re my priority and I’ll wait as long as I need to, as long as Dash needs me to.” Russell starts walking down the hall and I follow, getting in step beside him.

  “So, Russell, since it’s obvious we’re going to be spending a lot of time together, I say we get to know each other.”

  “What did you have in mind?”

  “Something like twenty questions?”