Awakening

by Rebel Miller

  He also looked very surprised to see me.

  He glanced beyond me into the apartment. “Hi,” he said with a frown.

  “Rhoan’s not here,” I said, cutting to the chase. I didn’t know why I’d thought he would be looking for me. The last time we’d seen each other, he’d left without a backward glance.

  Tai shifted his duffel bag as he looked me over, head to foot. “I told him I was coming,” he said. “Will he be back soon?”

  I shook my head. “He’s spending the night with a new redhead.”

  He grimaced, apparently remembering. “Right. Beth.”

  “Yes. Beth.”

  Tai inhaled deeply and glanced behind him before turning to me again. “How are you?”

  “Good. And you?”

  “Busy, but holding on.” The dark smudges under his eyes seemed to have taken up permanent residence. “I thought you got home later than this,” he said with a tinge of accusation.

  “Since the proposal was approved, I have more regular hours now,” I said, then cocked my head. “How do you know what time I usually get home?”

  He shrugged.

  I frowned.

  We stared at each other.

  I drank in the way his broad shoulders filled out his steel gray wool coat and how the light from the hallway fell on highlights in his hair.

  I hated this. Tai was, first and foremost, Rhoan’s best friend, and someone my family cared about. No matter that he didn’t return my affection, I reluctantly had to admit I’d missed him.

  I leaned a hip against the doorjamb. “Do you want to come in?”

  His eyes flickered across my face. “I should probably go …”

  I gave him an arch look and he stepped forward. Smiling, I moved back, giving him entry.

  “Drink?”

  He shook his head as he unslung his bag and placed it on a chair in the kitchen. I took a bottle of water out of the cooler, and we watched each other as I took a drink from it.

  Tai crossed his arms and looked off somewhere in the near distance. “I don’t like this, Kira,” he said, glancing back at me. He appeared beleaguered, but his hazel gaze was resolute. “I want things to go back to the way they were.”

  I took another sip of water. “You miss arguing with me?”

  His lips quirked up in response. “Yeah, something like that.”

  I narrowed my eyes, taking in the tight lines around his. “Even if it’s about how little sleep you’re getting.”

  He chuckled. “Yes, even about that.” He scrubbed his hands over his face.

  I smiled outright and felt my body relax: the tension between us was lifting.

  Tai lowered his arms and stared at me. He took a few uncertain steps toward me, almost as if he was moving involuntarily. Looking down at my mouth, he said, “Gods, I love that smile.”

  I jerked and blinked. Suddenly, it dawned on me. No matter what Tai said in the past, present or future, he wanted me. He was protecting me, my family and his heart by holding me at a distance. His sense of duty and fear of the unknown wouldn’t give up their hold on him without a fight. So why should I?

  “Yes,” I murmured, eyeing him.

  His eyes cleared a bit. “Apologies?”

  “You said you want things to go back to the way they used to be. I want that too.”

  Tai appeared taken aback. Arguing was something we excelled at. He must have expected me to be more resistant.

  I stifled a smile and glanced about the kitchen. “Would you want something to eat?” I asked. Tai had an appetite that surpassed even my brother’s. He must have come straight from work too.

  “I’m starving,” he said. “I was going to drag Rhoan down to that new place down the street.”

  “Oh? I could order in something from there.”

  His gaze became shuttered. “Maybe we should go there instead?”

  I watched him closely. “I’d prefer to stay in.” I raised the water bottle and tapped its rim against my bottom lip. “I had just been thinking,” I added, “of taking my clothes off, taking a hot shower and getting into bed.”

  I’d never have thought that a man so large whose job it was to wield intimidation and violence could look so fearful. I stifled a smile as he swallowed hard.

  “Before you came by, that is,” I said, feeling empowered by his response.

  He nodded solemnly.

  I walked over to activate the wall-to-wall monitor in the sitting area. “We can watch a film while we eat. Why don’t you find something, and I’ll order the food?” I turned to find him still standing in the same place, staring at me.

  I waited patiently, holding the bottle in both hands in front of me.

  Without speaking, Tai removed his coat, placing it on the back of the chair holding his bag, and walked to the monitor. After a swift, unreadable glance thrown in my direction, he started to tap at it, running through the catalogue.

  I ordered a few items from the eatery then retreated to take the fastest shower I ever took in my life and change into fresh clothes. Normally, a tank top and a pair of loose pants were my sleeping outfit of choice, but I decided on something a little different in honor of my company.

  When I walked back into the sitting area, Tai was standing in the kitchen by the table, which was now filled with our dinner order. He was staring off toward the door, his hands clenched by his sides.

  He must have heard something, because he swung his gaze to me. My skin immediately lit up as his eyes raked over me. I had wondered if my attire was a bit much, but the look in his eyes told me I’d made the right decision. Tugging at the thin straps of my black, gauzy knee-length night-gown, I straightened my spine, my confidence increasing with the growing appreciation in his eyes.

  “Did you find something to watch?” I asked. The filmy dress fluttered at my thighs as I walked over to the monitor. I tapped on the title of the video he’d selected. “‘A documentary about the invention of hologram technology and its various uses by Realm societies’?” I said. I raised my eyebrows and sent him a questioning glance over my shoulder.

  Tai’s eyes flicked up from somewhere around my behind to my eyes, quickly banking a hungry look.

  Coward.

  “Great choice,” I said with a broad smile.

  Tai narrowed his eyes. No doubt he’d thought I would balk at his intentionally stuffy selection. But I had my eyes on the bigger picture.

  I walked to the kitchen, pulled out a few plates and some cutlery and set them on the table by the food. As I shared out our meals, I brushed against his side. He stood stiffly as I leaned around him to pour drinks and place napkins, bumping my hips and thighs against his. When I bent across the table to reach for a knife and the strap of my nightgown slipped off my shoulder, Tai grabbed my wrist, staying me.

  I glanced up.

  He inhaled deeply, his nostrils flaring. “What are you doing?”

  I licked my lips, leaning back to stand upright again. “What do you mean?”

  He shook his head, apparently not buying the innocence of my actions. My pulse pounded as I waited for his response. Tai thinned his lips, as if holding himself back.

  Truthfully, I hadn’t expected to get this far in my seduction. I’d figured the moment he saw me in my see-through nightgown, he would hightail it to the door.

  Intrigued, I reached up tentatively to place my hand around his nape. His eyes held mine steadily. I bit my lip as I tried to figure out what to do next. His gaze shifted to my mouth. Thankfully, before I had to choose the next step, he leaned in and kissed me.

  The kiss surprised me in its soft intensity. It was long and sweet, bringing to the surface a familiar yearning. As I moaned against his lips, Tai wrapped his arms around my waist tightly and deepened our kiss. He leaned into me, pushing me to take the few steps to the couch, where we collapsed, Tai bracing himself on his elbows above me. My breath puffed lightly into his mouth as we settled into the cushions, our connection still unbroken.

  Tai
showered my face and neck and shoulders with kisses as I cradled him between my thighs. I arched my neck to give him better access and sighed as he licked a spot just above my collarbone, my hips writhing against the weight of him. I grabbed at his back then lowered my hands to pull at his ass, trying to bring greater friction to the spot that burned with need between my legs. The powerful muscles of his back rippled beneath my fingers as he repositioned himself to lean on one elbow. He ran a hand down the side of my body. When he stared down at me with haunted eyes, a sharp pang of anxiety burst in my chest.

  He couldn’t stop now! I grabbed the front of his shirt with both hands. “Please,” I said, searching his face, hoping that he wouldn’t let fear hold him back.

  He took my hand and placed a kiss in its palm then tugged my dress out from under him so that the hem bunched around my waist. As he returned to my mouth and stroked my hip, I marveled at his ability to light my body on fire with just the slightest caress and the brush of his lips — so different from Gannon’s, but igniting the same impassioned response in me. I cringed slightly, glad Tai couldn’t see my face for the hunger of our kisses. There I was thinking about Gannon when I finally had Tai exactly where I wanted.

  I had no time to go down the path of my traitorous thoughts: Tai ran a hand along the top of my panties and tugged them down, lifting his own hips so that together we could slip them down my legs. Wasting little time, I ground myself up against his stiff arousal, the fabric of his pants only intensifying my need for him. I felt the dampness my sex left behind on the front of his pants as I sought friction.

  With a deep moan, Tai took my lips again. I sighed into his mouth when he slipped a hand between my thighs and forced two thick fingers deep inside me. My sex clenched around the invasion, greedily holding onto it as he pumped into me. Grinding my hips against his hand, I lost myself in the taste of his tongue sliding along my own and the feel of his fingers stroking inside me. The reverence behind his touch was humbling. He worshipped my body, tasting me, exploring my mouth and body, seemingly committing every part of me to his memory.

  Tai shifted, removing his hand and pushing my dress up just below my breasts. He pressed hot kisses to my waist, making his way down my body. My skin became tight with the need to have some part of him inside me again. Growing impatient, I tilted my hips up as he licked around my navel, and bumped my bare sex against his chin. When he glanced up at me, I almost disintegrated on the spot. Scorching desire burned bright in his eyes.

  He swallowed, and after dragging his eyes from mine, kissed my inner thighs. I understood what he wanted and opened wider to him. As he kissed lower still, I suddenly realized what he was doing. My body hummed in desperate anticipation.

  Tai held my gaze as he went lower still, his mouth stopping below my hips. When he made the first coaxing stroke of his tongue between the folds of my sex, I released the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding and breathed out his name. Using both of his thumbs, he held me completely open to him as his tongue plunged so deliciously deep, I had to stave off coming on the spot. My hips had a mind of its own now, thrusting up to meet each of his thick, wet strokes.

  I slid my hands into his hair, pulling his mouth closer as he sucked and teased the tight nub of my clitoris. A bone-deep shudder racked through my body, threatening an orgasm. Alarmed, I started to push at his shoulders, trying to prevent it from happening. I couldn’t believe that I was trying to stop something I normally had to struggle for, but I wanted this moment with Tai to last. I was hurtling to the edge too soon.

  Tai lifted his mouth. “Fuck, Kira,” he ground out. “Stop fighting me and just let it happen.”

  He licked his lips as I dropped my hands to my side. We eyed each other, both panting. Resigned, I lifted my hips, my silent plea for him to return his mouth to me. He answered by slanting his mouth over my sex and laving between its folds. My body clenched, sending a vibration through me that made me see stars. I called out his name as I felt a familiar ache start to bloom. I placed my hands on my breasts, rubbing and molding them as he continued to lap, milking everything I had to give.

  Tai ran his teeth lightly across my clitoris. I gasped on yet another shudder and writhed frantically against his mouth. Giving myself over to him, I lifted my hips as he dragged his tongue over me one last time before my body clenched fiercely and shattered around a melting climax. I moaned and whimpered as I rode wave after wave of the exquisite pleasure shooting out from my core throughout my legs and arms, filling my body with a warm buzz. Even then, as soon as the orgasm washed over me, my body craved more.

  “I want you inside me.” My voice was so hoarse I didn’t recognize it as I dragged him up my body, my hands filled with his shirt. I tugged eagerly at its buttons as I kissed him, tasting my orgasm on his lips.

  “Baby, no,” he said.

  My heart took flight at the endearment. I began to tackle his belt buckle, but he quickly took my wrists and held them together against my chest in one hand. His chest heaving, Tai looked at me with an expression I could describe only as guilt-ridden.

  Then it dawned on me: that was it. Tai wasn’t going to make love to me. He’d literally had his taste and was, once again, going to deny us anything more.

  “That shouldn’t have happened,” he said.

  “You can’t be serious?” I whispered in growing disbelief.

  He shook his head. “I’m sorry.”

  I shot up, causing him to sit back. I pulled my leg free from around him and struggled to push my nightgown down.

  “Baby —”

  “Don’t call me that!” I lunged off the couch and spun around to bear down on him. “You accuse me of letting Gannon use me, but you turn around and do the same thing!”

  He looked as if I had just struck him. “This is completely different.” His nostrils flared as he pushed himself to a stand in front of me.

  I glared at him. “How is it different?”

  “I respect you too much to use you. Things just got out of control.”

  “You knew where this was going the moment you took off your coat, Tai Corporal,” I seethed. “You didn’t give a shit about respect or my feelings then, or even a minute ago, when your head was buried between my thighs!”

  He fought to bite back what I imagined were a few choice words. “Why do you have to be so fucking …”

  “Fucking what?”

  “Fucking frustrating!”

  I stood, mouth agape. “So this is my fault?”

  “That’s not what I’m saying, and you know it.”

  I closed my eyes as my shoulders slumped. I was such a fool. I would always love Tai, but I wouldn’t fight for a man who refused to love me back.

  “I’m done, Tai.” I opened my eyes, looking at him steadily. “From here on, don’t call me, don’t message me — nothing. If you have news about my family, you go through Rhoan or my uncle.”

  He looked confused for a moment then shook his head as comprehension bloomed on his face. He gripped my arms. “No,” he insisted.

  “Yes,” I said, shoving at him, more for effect than actual impact. He barely moved.

  He was so close, I could feel his breath on my face. “Kira, you don’t mean that. This is my fault. I —”

  “Stop, Tai.”

  “Bab—” He winced. “Kira, listen to me.”

  “No. You said it yourself. I deserve better.”

  He searched my face. “I’m so fucking sorry,” he whispered urgently.

  “Go!”

  Tai released my arms. I crossed them, belatedly trying to protect my tattered heart. He took a few steps backward before turning around to walk into the kitchen, where our food sat cold and untouched. It seemed we had started a trend of never finishing a meal together.

  Silently, I watched Tai perform the same movements he had made earlier in the evening, but this time in reverse. He shrugged into his coat and slung his bag across his chest. When he turned to me, seeming to want to speak, I turned my face away.
After a few moments, I heard shuffling before the door slid open and closed.

  I sank to my knees.

  I didn’t cry, though I wanted to. I experienced a sensation oddly bereft of profound emotion. It was like I had just broken up with a boyfriend but, without the benefit of having any history with him to draw on, was left in a state of deep dissatisfaction and emptiness.

  Ping.

  I glanced toward the sound then gasped. Gannon.

  I leapt to my feet and hurried into my room, where I had left my comm.

  “Hello,” I answered on an unsteady breath. At the same time I tried to clear my head.

  “What’s wrong?” he demanded.

  I swallowed, striving to gain some composure. “Nothing.” Even I wasn’t convinced.

  “Why aren’t you answering your monitor?” His voice was tight with concern. “Where are you?”

  “I’m at home … in my room.”

  “I’ve been trying to reach you.”

  “I — I know. I got … caught up in something.” I bit my lip, running a finger along the hem of my silly nightgown. “I lost track of time.”

  There was no response for a few moments. I used the time to steady myself.

  “Who are you with, Kira?” His voice was no longer worried. It had an edge that sent a shiver along the back of my neck.

  I squeezed my eyes shut. “No one,” I said through clenched teeth. It was the truth.

  “Which means someone. Who?”

  I snapped. “Gannon, just because we slept together doesn’t mean you own me. Where I am and what I’m doing is my business, not yours!”

  The line fell silent. I assumed he disconnected, but then heard his voice, low and precise.

  “Did you beg Tai to fuck you too?”

  I ended the call.

  CHAPTER NINE

  “Have I done something wrong?”

  I glanced up from my mug of coffee. I had been watching the sugar and cream swirl into each another as I stirred the hot beverage, my mind running in different directions.

  After a fitful night’s sleep following Tai’s visit and Gannon’s call, I’d woken with a headache that, despite a number of medicinal patches, could not be alleviated. Gannon hadn’t called me back, but then I didn’t expect him to. I imagined him seething after I quit our call, but one of the many things I’d learned about Gannon, and reluctantly had come to admire, was that he was disciplined in all things. He would contact me when he was ready — and more than likely in the most strategic and effective of ways possible.