Crossroads

by Wendy Saunders

‘Okay push the Epi,’ Louisa watched the monitor as she pumped the old man’s chest firmly.

  He held onto Mrs Bailey, smoothing her back and rocking her gently as tears streamed down her make-up free face. Come to think of it he didn’t think he’d ever seen Eustacia Bailey looking anything less than perfect, but there she was, her hair flat, her heavily lined skin pale and her clothes wrinkled. Her only thought was for the man lying on the bed, the man she had devoted her whole life to.

  ‘Damn it,’ Louisa swore, ‘charge the paddles.’

  She listened for the whine of the machine charging as the nurse rubbed the paddles together.

  ‘Clear.’

  She yanked her hands clear as Mr Bailey’s body jerked violently.

  She watched the monitor.

  ‘Again.’

  ‘Clear.’

  Another spasm racked his poor body.

  Louisa resumed compressions. ‘Charge to two hundred.’

  Jake watched in amazement as they worked tirelessly to bring him back. When the seconds ticked into minutes and then hit the first hour Louisa was still there, giving chest compressions even as the nurses looked to each other knowing there was no use.

  ‘Dr Linden.’

  Louisa shook her head, ‘no keep going.’

  ‘Dr Linden,’ the nurse placed her hand over Louisa’s to still her movements. ‘He’s gone, it’s time to call it.’

  Louisa let her hands fall helplessly to her sides breathing in painfully, her eyes filling with tears as she looked up at the clock.

  ‘Time of death 10.42am.’

  She turned towards Mrs Bailey watching in deep sorrow as the old woman’s legs went from under her. Eustacia Bailey crumpled to the floor in Jake’s arms and when her mouth fell open the sound which tore from her lips was the most piercing, heart wrenching, animal like howl of despair Louisa had ever heard in her life.

  Veronica paced her living room in agitation. Beau was curled up on the new bright blue bed she’d bought him and in the kitchen sat new bright plastic food and water bowls. She’d figured it was probably just easier to have spares at her apartment, as she and Jake seemed to have joint custody of Olivia and Theo’s cute little dog, at least until they returned, if they returned. She chewed her nail absently as she glanced at the clock again. She couldn’t settle, she’d tried. She’d showered and changed into her pajama pants and tank top and crawled into bed, but despite her exhaustion sleep just wouldn’t come.

  She jumped at the sudden banging at her door. Taking a deep breath to calm her pounding heart she opened the door and her heart almost broke at the look on Jake’s face.

  ‘What is it?’ she asked worriedly, stepping back to allow him into the apartment. ‘What’s happened?’

  She closed the door and turned to face him.

  ‘Jake,’ she studied him closely, ‘what’s wrong?’

  He didn’t say anything he simply leaned in and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in tightly and burying his face in her neck. Her arms came up slowly and she rubbed soothing circles on his back. He didn’t know why he’d reached for her, or why he was content to just stand there holding her tightly, breathing the scent of her. He’d intended to check on her to make sure she was okay and then he was going to head back to his apartment and get some sleep. But she’d opened the door and with one look at her something inside him had crumbled and he’d reached out to her like a little boy lost, allowing himself to take the comfort he didn’t know he so badly needed. He could’ve just stayed there all day, clinging on to her like a lifeline, but she needed answers and he could feel Beau scrambling at his legs trying to get his attention. He took one final breath and pulled away to look into Roni’s questioning eyes.

  ‘Mr Bailey died a few hours ago.’

  ‘Oh no,’ she breathed, shaking her head sadly. ‘I’m so sorry, he seemed like such a sweet man.’

  He bent down and scooped Beau up into his arms, stroking his soft coat as much to soothe himself as the pup. Dropping down to the couch with a sigh he looked up at Roni.

  ‘I’ve known him my whole life. Lou, Olivia and I would race down to his store after school to buy candy and make a nuisance of ourselves. Mrs Bailey would be yelling at us and shooing us out of the store but Mr Bailey would just laugh and sneak us an extra tootsie roll each. Once, when I was 11 years old, I fell out of the tree Tommy had dared me to climb. I not only broke my arm but gave myself a concussion. So there I was laid up in bed, stiff, sore and covered in bruises when Mr Bailey dropped by to bring me a whole box full of comic books and sweets.’

  Roni dropped down onto the arm of the sofa next to him and rubbed her hand across his tense shoulders soothingly.

  ‘It sounds like you have some really great memories of him.’

  ‘I just can’t imagine Mercy without him, he seemed as permanent as the town itself.’

  ‘I know,’ she murmured.

  ‘I was there when he died, Louisa and her team were trying to save him. They tried for over an hour even knowing that it was useless.’

  ‘Well I expect your sister probably felt the same way about him as you did.’

  ‘I held Mrs Bailey in my arms as she watched them working on her husband. She always seemed to tower over me, even when I got to be taller than her. She was such a formidable woman and a little intimidating but she felt so tiny, so broken.’ He released his hold on Beau and leaned forward, cradling his head in his hands, his elbows propped on his knees. ‘The sound she made when they pronounced him, Roni. I think it will haunt me for the rest of my life, I’ve never seen anyone in so much pain.’

  She scooted Beau off the sofa and the puppy looked at her indignantly. As she moved to sit down beside Jake he curled up at Jake’s feet and sighed.

  ‘It will be okay’ she murmured, running her fingers through his hair.

  ‘Will it?’ he raised his face to hers, ‘because I don’t even have the comfort of knowing he’s in a better place. All I know is his soul is trapped God knows where, so he can’t find peace or even move on. He was a good man and he doesn’t deserve for it to end like this.’

  She reached out and grasped his hand firmly and when he looked into her eyes he found a deep sympathy.

  ‘We will figure this out I promise, we will find out what he is doing with the souls and if we can we will find a way to set them free.’

  ‘God I hope so,’ he blew out a breath as she stood up and moved towards the kitchen.

  ‘Do you want a coffee? Something stronger?’

  He shook his head. ‘I’ve already had too much coffee. I’m so wired it feels like my hair is standing on end.’

  ‘Tell me what you need Jake,’ her eyes softened as she looked at him.

  ‘I just don’t know,’ he frowned as he slowly stood and moved closer to her. ‘Roni, about what happened earlier…between us.’

  ‘Jake, don’t…’ she stopped him, shaking her head. ‘We don’t need to do this now.’

  ‘Yes we do, we’ve danced around it for too long as it is,’ he paused trying to find the right words. ‘I had no idea you felt that way about me.’

  ‘Jake please,’ she whispered, ‘don’t.’

  ‘You think I don’t want you?’ he stepped closer. ‘I think I’ve wanted you from the first moment you tripped and fell in a heap at my feet.’

  Her mouth curved into a small amused smile.

  ‘I bet I’m not the first girl to fall at your feet.’

  ‘You’d be surprised,’ he replied with a sigh, ‘look I wanted you and I kissed you…twice. Maybe I shouldn’t have as it’s only made things more complicated.’

  ‘What exactly are you trying to say here Jake?’

  ‘I can’t do this with you Roni and it’s not because I don’t want you, please don’t think that.’

  ‘Don’t worry I get it,’ she forced a smile, but it didn’t quite meet her eyes. ‘Its fine…I’m fine.’

  She turned away.
/>
  ‘Roni don’t be like this, if I could just explain.’

  ‘You don’t need to, I said its fine.’ She shook her head swallowing back the hard ball of misery that ached at the back of her throat, not daring to turn around and look into his deep blue eyes, seeing the pity there. ‘I didn’t expect anything really; I always knew you were way out of my league.’

  ‘It’s not like that,’ he frowned. Did she honestly not know how great she was, how beautiful and sexy? Did she really not understand how hard it was for him to keep his hands off her?

  ‘Look I said its fine,’ she turned back towards him keeping her pain tucked away tightly, ‘we shared a few kisses, no big deal. No harm done, anyway you should probably get home and rest. You haven’t slept yet and I’m pretty tired so…’

  She headed back towards the door.

  ‘Roni, damn it would you just listen,’ he swore and headed towards her, grabbing her arm to spin her around towards him and as she did his mouth descended on hers again. He pressed her up against the door and feasted on her mouth. His fingers tangled in her glossy hair dragging her head back, changing the angle so his tongue could sweep in and taste her.

  He tore his mouth away, pressing his forehead to hers and breathing heavily as he closed his eyes, trying desperately to find his control.

  ‘Do you have any idea how much I fucking want you Roni?’ he breathed against her mouth. ‘I don’t want to hurt you.’

  ‘Then don’t,’ she whispered as she looked up at him, her blue eyes wide and her heart pounding in her chest.

  ‘It’s not that simple, I don’t do serious relationships, I never have. I simply don’t know how, I’m too selfish. But you,’ his bruising grip gentled as he toyed with the ends of her hair, ‘you’ve got serious written all over you Roni. You deserve someone who can give you serious, someone who can give you marriage and children.’

  ‘And you can’t?’

  ‘I thought I could for a while. I thought I could be that guy,’ he shook his head, ‘but after seeing what Mrs Bailey went through, I never want to feel pain like that.’

  ‘Well,’ Roni’s expression hardened, ‘then you’re not only a coward but you’re an idiot too.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘With everything that is going on do you really think I’m sitting around writing your name in little hearts on my notebook? You think I’m sitting around dreaming of white picket fences and two point four children and the faithful family dog?’

  ‘I didn’t think that…’

  ‘That’s just it Jake,’ she pushed him back so he wasn’t crowding her space, ‘you didn’t think at all. You can spout all the crap you want about me deserving better and about you not being able to give me what I want, but it’s all bullshit. Pretty it up all you like, it’s just an excuse to protect yourself from taking a risk, from getting hurt.’

  ‘That’s not fair,’ his eyes darkened, ‘I care about you.’

  ‘If you did, you would have stopped and asked me what I actually wanted, instead of just assuming for me.’

  ‘Fine, what do you want?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ she blew out a frustrated breath. ‘Do I want a husband and kids one day, yeah probably, but I can’t even think about that right now. Because right now the world is a pretty fucking scary place and I’m afraid. I don’t know what’s coming but I do know that we could all be dead tomorrow or worse having our souls ripped out and taken God knows where. So what do I want? I want someone who’ll stand beside me, I want someone to hold on to, to give me courage and be there when I’m hurting. I want someone who SEES me the way my parents and my family never have.’

  ‘Roni…’

  ‘I want to feel…real,’ she breathed painfully.

  ‘Jesus Roni,’ he pulled her closer to him, gently grazing her jaw with his fingertips, ‘you are real, you’re the most real thing in my life right now.’

  She looked up into his eyes.

  ‘Do you want me Jake?’

  ‘More than I want my next breath,’ he murmured.

  ‘Then take me to bed,’ she watched him carefully, ‘stop worrying about tomorrow, we’ll deal with it another time.’

  He shouldn’t, he knew he shouldn’t, but he just couldn’t stop himself. She deserved better than him but it was true, he was selfish, and right now all he wanted, all he could think about was her and to hell with the consequences.

  He slid into her slowly, wrapping his arms around her as his mouth found hers once again soft and slow. Her arms snaked around his neck and as his hands slid down to her hips he lifted her against him so she could wrap her legs around his waist. He turned and headed towards the bedroom, kicking the door shut behind him, after all Beau was too young to see what they were about to do. He dropped her down beside the bed and stepped back. Removing his gun, he ejected the magazine and checked the safety, before laying it on the top of her dresser. He kicked his boots off and slid out of his jacket, laying it over the chair she had propped in the corner of her room. Moving back towards her, slowly pulling his shirt from the waistband of his pants, he watched her, watching him.

  ‘Are you sure this is what you want?’ he asked as he moved to stop in front of her.

  ‘What do you think?’ she whispered as her fingers began to unbutton his shirt, peeling it slowly from his shoulders and revealing more of his body. She sighed softly in appreciation as her smooth inquisitive fingers stroked his skin, tracing all the dips and curves of his hard muscled body. When she reached his waistband she unhooked his belt and rolled his zipper down. Hooking her fingers in she pushed them slowly over his hips, taking his boxers with them and letting them drop to the floor.

  She gasped as her mouth fell open.

  ‘Jesus Christ.’

  The man was just beautiful everywhere.

  ‘Thank you,’ his mouth curved into a cocky grin.

  He kicked out of the rest of his clothes until he was totally and unapologetically naked.

  ‘My turn,’ he smiled as he lifted her easily and deposited her on the bed so that she was kneeling up against him.

  His fingers raked tantalizingly down her ribcage and grasped the bottom of her tank top, pulling it up and over her head in one swift movement. His eyes flashed appreciatively at the sight of her naked flesh.

  ‘You are perfect Roni ‘he murmured, taking her mouth again as he filled his hands with her beautiful plump breasts.

  She moaned into his mouth when one of his hands skimmed down her torso and under the waistband of her pajama pants finding her naked beneath. His fingers stroked her lightly in a teasing glide.

  ‘Jake please,’ she gasped against his lips.

  ‘Tell me what you want,’ he whispered.

  She placed her hand over his and pressed him more firmly against her most sensitive flesh. He circled teasingly as her body trembled against him and just when she was about to cry out in frustration he slid one finger inside her, followed by another and then curled them slowly. Her eyes almost rolled back in her head and she could do nothing but rock against his hand, as her body instinctively sought the slow build and blinding release that was so close.

  ‘Christ Roni,’ Jake broke their kiss, breathing heavily and pressing his face against the soft heavenly scented skin of her shoulder. Nipping the skin lightly he felt her tense around his fingers and growled, pressing his hips against her firmly. ‘If you don’t stop making noises like that it’s going to be over before it starts.’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ she gasped, ‘I just…’

  She threw her head back as he hit a spot deep inside that made her go blind and without realizing it she let loose a loud moan of intense pleasure.

  Jake’s control snapped with an almost audible ping. He pulled his hands free and tossed her back on the bed ripping her pajama pants down her legs and tossing them aside before crawling between her thighs and taking her in his mouth.

  Roni arched off the bed and her hand reached d
own and tangled in Jake’s hair as he ruthlessly drove her body up to the highest peak and held her there. Her body hummed like a finely tuned instrument as he nipped and feasted on her. When he finally drew that tight little bundle of nerves into his mouth and sucked hard her orgasm ripped through her, white hot and blinding, and she let loose a scream.

  Roni lay staring up at the ceiling as Jake slowly slid up her body resting comfortably between her thighs, a cocky grin curving his lips.

  ‘I’ve been thinking about doing that to you for weeks,’ he slid his arms under her back pressing her breasts against his chest, ‘didn’t peg you for a screamer though.’

  ‘I’m not usually,’ she mumbled her face flaming red.

  ‘What’s that?’ he smiled against her lips, kissing her softly.

  ‘God, the neighbors probably heard that,’ she breathed in mortification.

  ‘I wouldn’t worry about that sweetheart,’ he chuckled as he nibbled her jaw lightly, ‘because we’re not done yet.’

  He took her lips again, kissing her deeply as she felt him press against her. Lifting her hips slightly he slid into her slowly, inch by deliriously delicious inch and just when she thought he couldn’t get any deeper he tensed up and pressed further.

  ‘Jake,’ she breathed against his mouth.

  ‘I’ve got you sweetheart,’ he rolled his hips against her setting a slow deliberate pace, ‘just relax.’

  Her arms tangled around him pulling him in as close as possible. She wasn’t by any means a virgin but the few disastrous relationships she’d had, hadn’t even come close to making her feel the way Jake did. She wasn’t kidding when she said she didn’t usually make any noise; she’d never really felt the need to. She simply let them satisfy themselves and roll over to sleep. She had wondered at one point if she was just defective, maybe she wasn’t capable of feeling that level of passion. Jake however, made her feel like her skin was wired into the mains electricity. She could do nothing but feel every raw nerve and jagged edge of pleasure. He owned her body in a way she hadn’t even known was possible. All she knew was she wanted more, she wanted deeper, faster. Now she’d experienced it she was greedy for it.