Bad Girls Finish First

by Shelia Dansby Harvey

  Michael leaned back in his chair, his arms behind him, interlaced fingers cradling his head. “Yep. How many endorsements have I lost until now?”

  “None,” Christopher said.

  Michael, one hand cupped to his ear, leaned forward. “Huh? I can’t hear you.”

  Christopher smiled at his father. “None, as in, not one,” he said loudly. He loved his father so much.

  “Correct. This is just a blip on the radar screen. By next week we won’t even remember it.” Michael stood, walked over and kissed Raven. “Enough of this. I’m starving. How about Italian?”

  By the time his driver, Lawrence, dropped them at Antonio’s for dinner—less than twenty minutes later—the lost endorsement was already forgotten.

  You’d have thought Raven was the candidate for governor from the way she conducted Michael’s staff meeting. The group was in Michael’s conference room, drinking coffee, eating Krispy Kremes, and going over the day’s agenda. Michael began the meeting the way he usually did, by commending his staff for their hard work and encouraging them to work even harder. “I know that you did everything you could to keep the Rice Association from pulling its endorsement. I appreciate the effort.”

  “I don’t see how you can say that, Michael,” Raven interrupted. “If they’d worked hard, you wouldn’t have gotten a call last night telling you the association’s endorsing Sweeney.”

  The few eyes that weren’t already on her turned Raven’s way. Early on, the staff had taken to watching Raven, because that’s what Michael did, especially when he was speaking. The men enjoyed looking at Raven because she was one of the finest women they’d ever seen. The women studied Raven’s manner—decisive, fierce, condescending with staff and smooth with contributors—and to varying degrees, they modeled themselves after her. After all, they weren’t in politics for the bumper stickers and funny hats.

  “Elsa, Pete, and Juanita, it was your job to hold onto that endorsement. You were stunningly ineffective,” Raven said. “Maybe it’s time you faced the fact that major league politics aren’t for you. Time to go back to the minors.”

  The three staffers were dumbstruck. Pete was the first to break the trance. “Senator, what’s going on?” Pete blurted. “I’ve been with you for six years.”

  “And based on your performance, we’re going to stay “senator,” Raven said sharply. “My husband and I want to be the governor, Pete. The fucking governor. And you’re unable to keep up. The three of you screwed up for the first time in El Paso, during the primary, remember that? Your performance has been downhill since then.” Raven coolly paced the room, holding her coffee mug with both hands.

  “I may have made a . . . a miscalculation with the Rice Association, Mrs. Joseph. I apologize,” Pete said.

  Raven banged her mug down on the conference table with so much force that coffee sloshed over the rim. Raven used her hands, spread wide and tented on either side of her mug, to lean forward across the table.

  “A miscalculation?” Raven screamed. “You think I’ve got time for your fucking miscalculations? Or that I want your sorry-ass apology?”

  That shut Pete up. For once, everyone was looking at Michael instead of at his wife. Michael’s professional loyalty was one of his best assets. His staffers and supporters would do anything for him, because he wasn’t one to abandon a friend or colleague when things got tough.

  Michael was seething. How dare Raven undercut his authority with his staff? The thing that irritated him the most was that Raven was right—the three hadn’t earned their keep for months. He, Raven, and Dudley had discussed firing the trio but he’d turned around and thought of an excuse to give them one last chance.

  “Elsa, Juanita, Pete,” Michael looked each in the eye as he spoke their names. “Over the years you’ve been good to me, and for that I’m grateful. This should’ve been handled differently, but what’s done is done. Think about whether you’d rather stay here in Austin or go back to Dallas. Once you decide, let me know and I’ll make some calls. You’ll each be situated somewhere else by the end of the week, I promise.”

  “You’re fired. Please leave now,” Raven said.

  Michael grabbed Raven by the arm. “Come here, let me show you something.”

  She tried to jerk away. “Michael, stop it! You’re hurting me!” They were in Michael’s office, just the two of them, after the staff meeting.

  “Hurt you? In my wildest dreams,” he said as he marched Raven over to a wall mirror. He pointed at their reflections with one hand and squeezed her arm with the other. “You know what I see? Huh? I see Senator Michael Joseph and his wife! I don’t see Senator Raven Joseph and spouse, and I damn sure don’t see two candidates for governor!”

  When Michael spun Raven around to face him, he was so incensed that his lips trembled and his words came out shaky. “I might love you, and you might be the commander in our bedroom, but not here. You understand? Not here!”

  “The only reason I fired them was because you weren’t man enough to do it!”

  Michael’s eyes flashed, and he abruptly let go of Raven’s arm, put both hands in his pockets and took several steps backward. “I suggest,” he said evenly, “that you stay the hell out of my sight for the rest of the day.”

  Raven wasn’t ready to leave—she thought of half a dozen insults, any one of which would have taken their argument to a new low, but the brutality in Michael’s eyes unnerved her. “Fine with me. I’ve got too much to do today to be bothered with you anyway.”

  “I could’ve been like you,” Michael mused.

  “What do you mean?”

  Michael rubbed his eyes with his fists. “Happily married. How long have you and Mary been together?”

  “Thirty years, just about,” Dudley said vaguely. As soon as he had finished high school, Dudley rushed out and married the only girl who would have him.

  “Come next month, Grace and I would’ve celebrated twenty-three years together.”

  “You fell in love with someone else. It happens.”

  Michael stood near the window that provided his favorite view of Austin. His kingdom. “But the price,” he said as he looked into the distance, seeing nothing. “I heard from David that Grace hasn’t been the same since the divorce. When we split, I didn’t give much thought to how it would affect her. I was, you know, trying to get to Raven. She was the only person on my mind.”

  He turned to Dudley. “And my new wife. Half the time I can’t think straight, always worried about what Raven—aah.” Michael stopped himself, because he’d learned that complaining about Raven was a waste of time.

  “Evan’s got problems, did you know that?” Michael asked. “He has Grace’s sensitive temperament.”

  Dudley didn’t reply.

  “When he was younger, I was busy with other things. Now this race sucks up all my time. I missed Evan’s city-choir audition and Grace didn’t show up, either. Christopher was the only one there. A big brother, taking the parents’ place. It’s not right.”

  “You would’ve been there if you could’ve,” Dudley said. He’d said the same thing to Michael hundreds of times: “You would have (Dudley would fill in the blank with whatever the situation called for) if you could have.”

  “Look at your life,” Michael continued. “Still married to your high-school sweetheart. One daughter at Yale, another married with a baby on the way.”

  Dudley’s daughter was at Harvard, not Yale, and his youngest grandson was a month old. He’d told Michael about his birth, but Dudley himself couldn’t care less about the little bastard, so what did it matter?

  “At least Chris is doing fine,” Dudley said.

  “Fifty-percent success rate, is that acceptable for a father? But you’re right, Chris is a good kid. A better man than I was at his age.” Michael looked uplifted. “He’ll make a name for himself and someday he’s going to be a good husband and father. He’s going to outshine me, and for that I’m thankful.”

  While Michael bo
o hooed on Dudley’s shoulder, Raven was in her own office, opening her mail. She was so angry that her hands shook. Michael hadn’t ever hit a woman, and although she knew he’d never hit her, no matter how far she went, his roughness rattled her. It made her feel like he was the one in control.

  The first thing she opened was a card from her mother, Jacqueline. She’d seen a picture of Raven and Michael in the San Diego Union-Tribune. Had Raven put on weight, her mother wanted to know. Why was she standing so awkwardly, and what was wrong with her hair? Raven ripped up the note and put it in the trash can. She closed her eyes and felt the familiar hunger, the emptiness that had gnawed at her insides since she was a girl. Her impulse was to eat to the point of nausea, purge, and hurt someone, in that order. Never one to deny herself whatever her body craved, she took a bag of Dove bars from the back of her bottom drawer (where she tried to hide it from herself) and began the process.

  As she ate the chocolate, Raven went through the rest of her mail. This time she started with the invitations. As she read invitation after invitation, Raven regained her composure. All these people—the Texarkana Chamber of Commerce, the Wichita Falls Philanthropic Society, 100 Black Women of Houston—wanted her. By the time Raven got to the tenth envelope, she was no longer gripping the letter opener like it was a weapon. She shoved the bag of Dove bars back into its hiding place, leaned back, crossed her legs, and assured herself that she wasn’t fat or awkward as Jacqueline’s note implied. How could she be? She was the future governor’s wife.

  David is a tough nut to crack, Raven thought as she enjoyed yet another lunch with him. He managed to have lunch with her once a week, and from the start, Raven enjoyed their conversations. One minute she flirted with him and the next they commiserated like old friends. They talked about everything from world events and economics to movies and hip-hop culture.

  As they finished their meal, Raven boldly went out on a limb. “I probably shouldn’t say this, but we ignite a spark when we’re together. Remember the first time we had lunch? And that night in the Lufkin hotel lobby? Whew. Have you noticed?” she asked. Raven was surprised to find that she felt shy. “What do you think it means and what should we do about it?”

  “It means we click,” David replied. “We shouldn’t read more into it than that.”

  “I’m not reading anything into it, David, and you know it.” Raven challenged him. “Are you denying that you’re attracted to me?”

  “No,” David quietly said. “I can’t deny that you’re incredibly intriguing to me.”

  Raven threw up her hands in exasperation. “Okay, then what’s the problem? I’m not saying we need to do anything drastic, but if you’re feeling me, David, you could at least show it.”

  David grabbed her hand across the table. He was completely confident and at ease because he was doing what he did best, providing moral guidance to a confused soul. “Ever heard of one thing leading to another? If we were to start acting like more than just friends, the next thing you know we might decide to act on our feelings. I don’t want that to happen and neither do you. It would be wrong, Raven.”

  She sighed. “So, just friends?”

  “The best,” David said.

  “Let me get this one,” he said when the check came.

  “Oh, no, you got the last one,” Raven said. She quickly added, “But if you insist, go right ahead.”

  It was their private joke. Raven let David know early on that she didn’t believe a woman should ever pay for anything. “The pleasure of our company ought to be enough,” she had said. David told her that her attitude was old-fashioned, but he liked it a lot.

  As they left the restaurant, David’s hand brushed against Raven’s bare skin. The electricity between them had been hot enough to burn down a brick house.

  “Come here,” she said and pulled David into the empty coatroom.

  Raven kissed him, and he kissed her back, briefly, passionately. She felt him rise, but when Raven reached for David’s crotch, he pulled away, leaving her standing there with her eyes closed and arms groping for him, like a blind woman.

  “David, I don’t get you. Why won’t you just go with the feeling? Is it because of Michael?”

  “In part, but mainly because it would be wrong.” David didn’t feel as sure of himself as he had moments before. As much to reassure himself as to get Raven in check, he said, “We’re both adults. We can be friends without letting our hormones take over.”

  “That’s not what your kiss just said.” Raven moved toward David again. He grabbed her hand, but then disappointed her by leading her out of the coatroom.

  “Let me walk you to your car.”

  As David closed her car door, Raven looked up and said to him, “You say one thing, David, but the fire in your eyes tells another story.”

  “Maybe so,” David admitted. He was still so rock hard that it hurt. “But this is one story that won’t end the way you want it to.”

  14

  Grace, concentrating on picking bruise-free tomatoes from the grocery bin, didn’t notice the woman standing near the onions. The woman waited until Grace turned so that she could get a better view of her face, then she rushed forward.

  “Grace? Grace, girl! I thought that was you!” Before Grace could react, the woman reached out and hugged her.

  “Hi, Carolyn. You’re looking great.” Grace was right. Carolyn, almost six feet tall, was one solid sister. Carolyn had been thick and curvy when they were in college, and now she was even thicker. She was still curvy too, and showing it. Carolyn had on tight black pants that gripped her huge behind and a low-cut bright orange blouse that her double-D-cup breasts all but popped out of. She had on diva lashes and wore her natural hair twisted. Carolyn’s look matched her personality, outsized in every way. Neither Carolyn’s disposition nor her fashion sense were for everybody to emulate or to like, but they worked for her.

  “Thanks, hun. I’m feeling good, too,” Carolyn said.

  Grace looked down at her own baggy sweats and sneakers. No wonder Carolyn didn’t return the compliment.

  “How’s Jimmy?” Grace asked.

  Carolyn waved one jeweled hand dramatically. “Girl, that fool is fine, last I heard from him. You know he quit me for a woman who works at the car wash around the corner from our house.” Carolyn’s big grin never wavered. “My house, I should say.”

  Grace put her hand on Carolyn’s arm. “I’m sorry, I hadn’t heard. I know how hard it is.”

  “It was in the beginning. I kept trying to figure out what I did wrong. I look good, I’ve got a good job, and like Betty Wright said, I was a mother to the children and you-know-what in the sheets.” Carolyn had started out serious, but by the time she finished her sentence, she was smiling again. “What could a man want with a bone like that car wash girl when he had a juicy, thick T-bone steak like me at home?”

  Grace tsk-tsked, and started to say something, but Carolyn kept on talking.

  “And you know what I said to myself? Who gives a damn! I mean, really, Jimmy’s stupid as hell anyway, so he went and did some more stupid shit—so what!”

  Other shoppers were starting to look at them and Grace was getting a little self-conscious, but she wanted to hear more. In the back of her mind she’d always believed that Michael left her because she was boring, couldn’t hold a candle to Raven when it came to excitement. But here was Carolyn, sexy, vibrant, and larger than life, saying that Jimmy dumped her. Men didn’t leave women like Carolyn, they only left women like Grace, or so Grace had thought.

  “I’m not handling my divorce so well, Carolyn,” Grace blurted out.

  Carolyn cocked her head to one side and looked at Grace. “I can see that.” Suddenly she interlocked her arm with Grace’s and said, “Come on, girl, I’m taking you to lunch.”

  “But what about our groceries?”

  “This store will be here when we get back,” she said as she and Grace walked out of the store. “Besides, grocery stores don’t sell the k
ind of nourishment you need.”

  Grace and Carolyn went to a Thai restaurant across the street from the store. Carolyn promptly ordered for both of them: white wine, spring rolls, and hot fish.

  “How did you do it?” Grace asked as she looked out the window.

  “Do what?”

  “Become happy again, find your joy.”

  “You’re talking about two different things, Grace. When Jimmy walked out, it made me unhappy. I was so hurt—I can’t put into words how hurt I was. But my joy? He never touched that.” Carolyn patted her chest. “Joy is mine, and Jimmy—nobody, for that matter—can take it from me.”

  Grace felt a tear slip down her face. “Michael took my happiness and my joy. He walked off with my children, with my whole life.”

  “Michael doesn’t have anything that belongs to you, Grace. Everything that’s yours, you’ve still got. Your joy and happiness are buried, and you’re refusing to dig them up.”

  “So it’s my fault, is that what you’re saying?” Grace angrily asked. “That’s not true. I’m not going to sit here and listen to you blame me. I put my soul into saving my marriage.”

  Grace moved to stand, but Carolyn grabbed her hand. “Sit down, Grace. You’re mad and that’s a good thing. But it’s time to move beyond the anger and the hurt and do something.”

  Grace wilted and said miserably, “I don’t know what to do. I’m not like you, Carolyn. I don’t bounce back as easily. I still feel beaten down by what I’ve been through.”

  “Just because you feel beaten down doesn’t mean you have to look it,” Carolyn said. “When you were going through tough times, battling to hold on to Michael, you looked liked a star.”