If Forever Comes

by A. L. Jackson

  I leaned back into him, unable to stop the small giggle that flitted from my mouth.

  He squeezed me a little, the warmth of him spreading out to touch every fiber of my being. “I’m going to miss you,” he grumbled hoarsely near my ear before he burrowed through my hair to kiss my neck, sending a thrill of nerves racing through my body.

  I moaned my agreement.

  “Would you two knock it off!” Natalie yelled from where she tossed a bunch of bags into her trunk. She was parked on the street at the end of my driveway. “You’re worse than two teenagers who have ten minutes to make out before their parents get home.” She slammed her trunk shut. “You’ll see each other tomorrow.”

  “I’m not quite ready to let her go yet,” Christian mumbled mostly to me.

  Natalie propped an annoyed hand on her hip. “We have stuff we have to take care of for the wedding before her shower today.”

  Christian rocked us in a slow sway, his body flattened against mine, every inch of him plastered to me.

  It was unbelievable how much I loved it. How much I loved this. I clasped my hands over his that were splayed wide over my belly and rested against the strength of his chest.

  Christian’s voice deepened, the words hoarse. “I don’t think you have anything to worry about, Natalie. As long as the wedding includes me dancing with my wife and her ending up in my bed afterward, everything is going to be perfect.”

  A shot of choked laughter ripped from Natalie’s throat, and she turned her wide, disbelieving eyes on me. “What did you do to him, Elizabeth? I think you’ve created a monster.”

  I just grinned. She had no idea. She’d not known the cocky boy I met in college, that flirty mouth and those impatient hands that had turned me upside down, twisted me inside out. The Christian she’d known had been one filled with regret, every moment spent trying to make up for what he’d done.

  Christian pulled me closer, his mouth curled up in a self-satisfied smirk. “What? We have a lot of time to make up for.”

  Now I could recognize that eager boy swimming through the spirit of this caring man. This was the Christian who’d knocked me from my feet, stolen my breath just as assuredly as he’d stolen my heart.

  “Let me love on my future wife before you steal her away,” he continued.

  Natalie scoffed. “Umm…okay, I’m taking her for her final dress fitting and then to her bridal shower, and Matthew is getting ready to take you off on some crazy boys’ night somewhere he wouldn’t even tell me. Now tell me who’s doing the stealing?”

  Matthew laughed as he surprised her from behind, lifting her off her feet.

  Natalie squealed, but there was no way she could hide the grin that captured her face.

  He placed her on her feet and spun her around in the same second. By her waist, he tugged her close and bent her back as he hovered over her. “You’re not worried, are you?” His grin was as big as hers.

  She swatted at him. “Of course not, but if these two don’t knock it off, they’re going to make us late.”

  He pecked her lips. “Good. Because I’m going to take our Christian here and make sure he has a good time.” He raised a cocky brow at Christian. “I don’t think this guy has left her bed in months,” he said, gesturing at me with his chin.

  I giggled more as Christian rocked me from behind, his laughter all brash with Matthew’s taunting.

  “Well considering that’s the only place I want to be…” he said as he tipped his head in overt suggestion.

  A rush of color seeped to my cheeks with Christian’s blatant innuendo.

  Still, it was true. Christian and I couldn’t get enough of each other. We never would. The need between us came unending, this powerful force that shot through me every time he touched me.

  To top it off, we were excited. All of us. It was a joy that sat like a palpable aura in the warm San Diego air. Like I could reach out and touch it.

  One week from today, I would be Christian’s wife.

  I bit my bottom lip to hide the pleasure that lit deep within me. Christian hugged me closer, and I knew he felt the power of it, too.

  Slowly turning me in his arms, an affectionate smile lifted his mouth as he lightly bumped my stomach with his. Gentle fingertips caressed down my sides until he found his way below the distinct prominence jutting out from my belly.

  This was the only evidence of my pregnancy, the massive ball that sat out in front of me like a declaration of my and Christian’s love. The rest of my body remained thin, probably too thin, but I wasn’t nearly as bad off as I was with Lizzie. I felt healthy. Good. That was all I could ask for. Christian kept telling me he was worried I should be gaining more weight, but my doctor assured us that, as long as the baby grew, we didn’t have anything to be concerned about.

  Christian turned those strong fingers up and tenderly cradled her. Our baby girl. Lillie. Lizzie had named her because she wanted her little sister to have a name like hers. Christian and I didn’t hesitate to agree.

  It was perfect.

  I stared up at him as he ran his thumbs just under my belly button. “I love her,” he whispered, “and I love you.” He watched down on me with those kind blue eyes that somehow still managed to burn. Christian’s attention found its way back to my ear, his breath hot as it caressed along my skin. “You know I’d much rather spend tonight in bed with you, don’t you?” he murmured.

  A shiver traveled the length of my body. “Mmmhmm…I bet you’re going to miss me while you’re out partying with the guys,” I teased, although I knew he wasn’t speaking anything but the truth.

  He released a warm chuckle at my neck as he brushed my hair back, kissing me there. “You’re way more interesting. Believe me.”

  I smirked a little as I weaved my fingers through black strands of soft hair, lifting my jaw so he could kiss miss me a little more.

  Natalie smacked her hands together as if shooing away a wild animal. “That’s it. Break it up.”

  I laughed and stepped back. With widened eyes, I mouthed, “Fine,” at her.

  She returned the same mocking glare, but I saw it all there, sparkling in her eyes. Relief softly played across her features as she watched us, her expression reflecting joy—her joy for me. I knew she’d worried about me for so long, that she’d hoped and prayed that I would one day find a way to heal the broken heart that had tainted every aspect of my life.

  Never could I have imagined that those fractured pieces would be mended in the arms of the one who’d shattered me in the first place.

  I’d thought I’d lost the ability to love, the ability to forgive. But forgiveness had come into my life like the most intense burst of light. It had penetrated the darkest recesses of my spirit, the hidden places soiled with bitterness, this poison that had eaten and destroyed everything good in me until only fear remained. I’d been chained, bound by my anger. Ridding my heart of it had changed everything. No, I wasn’t a new person.

  I’d just found myself again.

  An affected smile hinted at my mouth. I gazed across at her, a silent confirmation that told her just how happy I really was.

  Behind me, footsteps clamored from the house and down the sidewalk. I turned to find Christian’s mom, Claire, standing at the end of the walkway, with Lizzie’s hand wrapped in hers. Her face was filled with a joy unlike anything I’d ever seen her wear. She’d come into town just two days before, here to share in the festivities of the upcoming week. She’d stay two weeks after the wedding to help my mom take care of Lizzie while Christian and I were away on our honeymoon.

  Affection poured from Christian as his gaze settled on the two of them. “Well, now that I have all my girls here, I really don’t think I want to leave.”

  “Daddy,” Lizzie scolded with her toothy grin, dimples denting her cheeks. She’d matured so much over the last year. We celebrated her sixth birthday just last weekend. Sometimes it was unbelievable how fast she’d grown, that my round-faced baby was growing into a little g
irl.

  Still, she remained the sweetest thing I’d ever seen.

  “You have a party. You have to go,” she continued on as she rocked onto the outside of her feet and swayed at her grandmother’s side.

  My heart swelled a little further.

  Was it possible to be happier than I was now?

  I looked between the faces of the family I loved, and thought no, not a chance. Christian had given me back everything I had lost, completed me in a way I never thought imaginable.

  “You’d better go and give your daddy a hug goodbye before he leaves,” Claire prodded as she slanted a knowing smile at her son. I loved seeing Christian and Claire this way. Close, each other’s staunchest supporter, defender, and friend.

  Two nights ago, when we’d picked her up from the airport, I couldn’t stop crying as I clung to her, so grateful for how important this woman had become in my life. How crazy it was that she’d once been someone I despised, one I thought was only there to heap more burden on her son, that she really didn’t love him the way a mother should. When in reality, she had one of the greatest hearts of anyone I’d ever known. This was only the second time I’d seen her since Christian and I had reconciled. Still, we spent hours on the phone, talking as if we were the oldest of friends, and then there were the times she was there to offer me motherly advice. So easily she fit into both roles.

  Lizzie ran down the drive to Christian, and he scooped her up and spun her around.

  “I’m going to miss you, princess. You have a fun time at your friend’s house.”

  After the fitting, we’d be dropping her off at Kelsey’s mother’s house for the evening. We figured a bridal shower wasn’t the best place for a six-year-old impressionable little girl. No doubt, some of these women would be doing their best to embarrass me.

  “I will, Daddy,” she promised. “I like playing at Kelsey’s house, then I get to spend the night at Grammy Linda’s house!”

  “Well, that works out perfect, then, sweetheart. Be a good girl for me, okay?”

  “Daddy…” She squirmed and a roll of giggles escaped her as he tickled her side. “Of course I’ll be a good girl.”

  He softened and kissed her nose. Tenderness filled his expression. “I know you will, baby girl.”

  I leaned into them, my hand on Lizzie’s back while Christian held her in the crook of his arm, his other wrapped around my waist, Lillie pressed between us. This time, no one bothered us as we stood there as one. A family.

  The way we were always supposed to be.

  Mirrors rose up on every side. Quiet rumblings whispered back from them, stirred something deep inside me, uttering my forgotten hopes and dreams. They murmured of a future I’d longed for as a little girl. One where it was love that conquered all.

  So badly I’d wanted that for my life, but years ago, I’d given up on that perfect picture, counted it as loss.

  Standing here now, those hopes came rushing back, kindling the remnants of those days of my life that had been filled with such a pure, unassuming innocence. It set those hopes aflame and ignited my dreams anew.

  My attention wandered the length of the mirror, taking in the simple strapless gown. It had a bodice of delicately braided white lace and a thick ribbon sash that fit snugly just above my expanding waist. It gave way to a cascade of tulle that fell in soft waves down my body. The dress flowed all the way to the floor, and the material was fuller in the back with just the hint of a train.

  A swell of emotion surged, pumped steadily through my veins, joy and peace and ecstasy.

  How, in such a short time, had my life gone from empty to complete? Less than a year ago, I’d spent my nights alone, yielding to the belief that I always would be. Now they were spent in the safety of his arms.

  Christian had once again changed the direction of my life, this force of a man that I could never have resisted. I never should have tried.

  Because a life with him was the only thing I wanted.

  “Oh my God, Elizabeth,” Natalie whispered at my side. Her fingertips were pressed to her lips. “It’s…perfect.”

  Through the mirror, Natalie met my watery gaze. I let mine wander to my daughter who bounced beside her.

  “You look so pretty, Mommy…like a princess,” she asserted through her precious grin.

  A tremulous smile edged my mouth as I looked down upon the little girl I loved with all my life. I slanted my hand over the soft material covering my stomach, where this new life blossomed. Somehow this baby girl managed to fill me just as full. Not for a second did she take away from the love I held for Lizzie. She just magnified what was already in my heart.

  “And look at you, precious girl. You are going to steal the show,” I promised her.

  Redness flooded Lizzie’s face as she twirled the silken material of her baby blue flower-girl dress. She giggled. Bashfully, she whispered, “I think I look like a princess, too, Mommy.”

  From over my shoulder, I caught my mother watching me with outright adoration.

  In the beginning, she’d had reservations about Christian and me. It wasn’t that she didn’t want us to be together, it was just that she believed we were rushing into things too quickly, the way we’d upped the wedding date, definitely when we told her we were expecting. She’d wanted us to give it time so we could find if we really could fit back into each other’s lives, for trust and belief to build before we made any permanent commitments.

  But time had brought that all to an end, because time could never change what Christian and I shared. A strong relationship had steadily built between Christian and my mother. It was one that was so incredibly important to me because I loved them both more than should have been possible. I couldn’t stand for any riffs to remain between them.

  The same awe I was feeling shined back at me. Moisture swam in her eyes, glistening in the warm brown. “You’re beautiful, Elizabeth. Unbelievably beautiful,” she said.

  Her words tightened my chest and made it hard to breathe. “Don’t make me cry,” I demanded, pressing my fingers into the hollow beneath my eyes, trying to rein in the emotion that was vying for release.

  But it was already too late.

  Tears worked their way free and slipped down my cheeks, a fervent display of everything I’d ever wanted. Frantically I rubbed them away. “Oh my god, I’m going to cry all over my wedding dress.”

  From where she stood beside my mother, Claire watched me with her own elation shining through. Chewing at her bottom lip, she struggled to control her brimming emotions that quickly overflowed.

  And I was trying not to laugh, trying not to cry, knowing that I looked a complete mess, because all of this was entirely overwhelming.

  I was going to marry Christian.

  The realization hit me hard.

  Natalie choked over the tears that welled up in her throat, laughing over the sob she seemed to be struggling to keep in.

  The seamstress who’d done my final alterations probably thought all of us insane, these grown women standing in the middle of the bridal dressing room, crying through their laughter.

  Natalie wiped her wet cheeks, her smile unending. Then she shook her head with a grin. “Christian is going to lose it when he sees you in that dress.”

  My gaze traveled back to my reflection. Redness seeped across my chest and flamed at my cheeks, because I couldn’t help but picture the expression Christian would wear when he first caught sight of me. But what struck me most was I could only imagine how it was going to feel when I finally walked down the aisle toward the man who owned me, heart and soul. The one who held me in his hands and captured every thought in my mind.

  I couldn’t wait to stand before him in this dress and promise him my life.

  Present Day, Late September

  On Thursday afternoon, I pulled up close to the curb in the circular drive in front of Lizzie’s school. I cut the engine to my little red Honda and glanced at the clock glowing from the dash. Only three minutes until the last be
ll rang. Yearning nudged me somewhere in my chest. It was just a little thump of awareness. But it was there. It was a feeling I hadn’t truly experienced in so long. I’d longed and I’d mourned, but I realized then I hadn’t really wanted.

  And I wanted Lizzie.

  Two days had passed since I last saw my little girl. She spent Tuesday and Wednesday nights with her dad. Even though I always missed her, there was a grim resignation that always came with it. It was then I’d find myself lost in the oblivion of sleep, wasting away the minutes and hours, letting go of those days of my life because I didn’t want to live them.

  But today was different. I wasn’t sure what it was. This morning I woke early. I’d gotten up and cleaned the house, went out in the backyard and puttered around in the flower bed, had showered and changed.

  I even looked in the mirror, studying what my mother had seen earlier in the week, the hollow woman who’d been staring back at me. Almost frantically, I put makeup on, as if I could cover it up, hide what was festering inside of me.

  And I knew it was only a temporary solution, a patch that couldn’t hold.

  Still, I found some sense of satisfaction in it.

  Now I was anxious. I gripped the steering wheel, willing time to pass. I couldn’t wait to wrap Lizzie in my arms.

  After what seemed an eternity, the bell rang. Seconds later, children began to flood through the school gates and out into the open corridor.

  I rose from my car and went to stand on the walkway, my attention focused ahead as I strained to catch the first glimpse of my daughter.

  “Hey, Liz.”

  A short gasp escaped me and I jumped when I was hit with the voice that fell much too close to my ear. I pressed my hand to my chest, trying to catch my breath.

  “Logan, hi,” I wheezed. A disconcerted smile ruffled my mouth as I attempted to regain my composure. Ridiculous, but the man had really startled me.

  “I didn’t hear you,” I said, feeling self-conscious as I peeked up at him from the side.