Destination Unknown

by Amy Clipston

  “Well, I better get going. I had fun today.” I crossed the kitchen and kept my eyes focused on Vanessa even though I felt Taylor watching me.

  “I did too.” Vanessa rushed over from the stove and hugged me. “Thank you. Will you come again?”

  I glanced at Taylor for permission, and he nodded in response.

  “Yes, I will,” I said. “How about the same time next week?”

  “Awesome!” Vanessa jumped up and down. “I’m so excited. Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.” I looked back at Taylor. “You’re both welcome at my church’s youth-group meetings by the way. Maybe you can come with me next week after our cheer lesson.”

  “Maybe we’ll do that sometime. It all depends on my mom’s schedule, though.”

  “Okay. Well, I better go.” I pointed a thumb toward the front door. “Have a good night.”

  “Thanks again, Whitney!” Vanessa waved. “I’ll practice the cheers and try to figure out how to do cartwheels.”

  “Sounds good.” I turned toward the doorway. “Good night.”

  “Ness, please put the meatballs in the microwave. The recipe is on the counter by the oregano.” Taylor appeared beside me, wiping off his hands with a paper towel. “Let me walk you out.”

  Taylor opened the front door and then followed me out to my Jeep. “My sister had a great time. Thank you.”

  “De nada. I had a lot of fun too. Helping her made me realize how much I truly love the sport.” I grinned. “Buenas noches.”

  “Good night,” he echoed in English. “Drive safely.”

  As I drove toward church, I suddenly realized I’d forgotten to tell my mother about the potluck at youth group—I’d be home much later than she would expect as a result. I fetched my phone from my bag and dialed the house number. I quickly told my brother I was going straight to church from my meeting and would be home later, and I asked him to relay the message. I then rushed off to the grocery store to pick up something to share at the potluck.

  Emily sat across from me at the youth-group meeting. “These fudge-stripe cookies are just what I needed.”

  “I’m glad you like them. I stopped at the grocery store on the way over here.” I picked up a cookie and broke it in half. “Did you work today?”

  “Yeah, I did. Then I came straight here. The money is good, but I’m worn out.”

  I bit into the cookie and thought about sharing my confusing feelings for Taylor. I’d been engrossed in my thoughts since I left his house. I couldn’t stop myself from analyzing every comment, every glance, every smile … What was wrong with me? I used to know where I was supposed to be. I once dreamed of going to the prom with Kristin, Tiffany, and the rest of our group. We used to spend every weekend at each other’s houses, and we talked about planning a joint graduation party with all of our friends and relatives. Now I found myself excited about coaching Vanessa, wondering when I would see Taylor again, and avoiding my former friends. Who was I? Where did I belong?

  “Are you okay?” Emily leaned closer to me. “You look preoccupied. Did something else happen with your mom?”

  “No, it’s not her. I’m just confused.”

  “About …?” Emily waved her fingers as if trying to pull words out of me.

  “I went over to Taylor’s today and started training Vanessa for cheerleading tryouts.”

  “Really?” Emily looked impressed. “You convinced Taylor to let you train Vanessa? That’s great. He seemed really adamantly against it when you offered at my house.”

  “I worked some magic.”

  “You did the puppy-dog eyes and begged?”

  I laughed. “How did you know?”

  “I’ve seen you use that to work your dad a few times.” She picked up a cookie. “How did it go?”

  “I had a really good time. In fact, now I’m thinking really seriously about becoming a teacher and being a cheer coach on the side, like Coach Lori at our school.” I lifted another cookie from my plate and broke it in half as I considered my words. “But I’m worried I’m getting too attached.”

  Emily raised an eyebrow. “Are you getting too attached to Vanessa or Taylor?”

  I shook my head. “I don’t know.”

  “You like him. It’s time you admit it.”

  “But I don’t want to.” I covered my face with my hands. “It’s too complicated. I’m so confused. I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore. Everything is changing around me.”

  Emily touched my arm. “You’ll figure things out.” She bit into a cookie and pointed the other half toward me. “As my mom used to say, don’t eat the whole elephant at once.”

  “Where have you been?” My mother met me at the back door with her hands on her hips and her foot tapping. “I’ve been worried sick about you.”

  “Didn’t you get my message? I called earlier and asked Logan to tell you I was going straight to youth group for a potluck.” I moved past her into the house.

  “I never got a message.”

  “Oops!” Logan appeared in the doorway leading to the family room. “Whitney called before Dad and I left for karate. I was supposed to tell you Whitney was going straight from her meeting to church. Sorry!” He then disappeared, and I resisted the urge to chase him down and shake him for forgetting to relay my message.

  Mom continued to scowl. “Whitney, I was worried something had happened to you.”

  “But Logan just told you he messed up. Why are you angry with me when he forgot to relay the message?” I glanced down at my cell phone. “The phone works both ways, you know. Why didn’t you call me to check on me?”

  Mom held her head high. “I was waiting for you to call me.”

  I stared at her. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

  “Yes, it does. It’s the principle.”

  I shook my head. “I don’t understand. I told you I had a meeting after school. And you know I always go to youth group on Thursdays. Why is it an issue today?”

  “It’s an issue because I expect you to tell me where you’re going.” She folded her arms over her silk robe. “Where were you earlier?”

  “I told you.” I placed my tote bag and backpack on a kitchen chair. “I had a meeting and then youth group.”

  “What meeting?” She eyed me with suspicion, and I wondered if she knew the truth. But how would she have found out I went to Taylor’s?

  “It was a cheer meeting.” I knew I should tell the truth, but I didn’t want another lecture.

  “If it was a cheer meeting, then why did Kristin stop by on her way home to see you?”

  “She did?” I squeezed the back of the chair. “She didn’t call or text me. What did she want?”

  Mom took a step closer to me. “What are you hiding from me, Whitney Jean?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Then why can’t you tell me where you were this afternoon?”

  “Fine!” I threw my hands into the air. “I went over to Taylor’s after school. His sister is going to be a freshman in high school next year, and she wants to be a cheerleader. It’s like her dream. She asked me to train her, and I wanted to help her.”

  My mom shook her head. “Whitney, why didn’t you tell me the truth?”

  “I didn’t want to get a lecture from you about how inappropriate it is for me to spend time with Taylor.”

  “It is inappropriate.” Mom tapped the table for emphasis. “Your focus needs to be on keeping your grades up and participating in the right activities. It’s not your job to help a girl get on the cheer squad. She can do that herself.”

  “Not everyone has the opportunity to be part of a rec team, Mom. Taylor’s mother is a single parent. She can’t afford extras like that.”

  “That’s not your problem.”

  “Really?” My eyes widened. “Mom, I’ve been lucky enough to participate in gymnastics and recreational cheering since I was little. Shouldn’t I be willing to help out someone else? Isn’t that what we’re taught at church?”


  “You’re twisting my words around, Whitney! That’s not what I said. I said school is more important. You can help someone less fortunate after school is out and you’ve maintained your grades and appropriate extracurricular activities. You don’t need to feel obligated to help that girl just because her brother is your peer mentor.”

  “That’s not it, Mom. I feel like I’m supposed to help her. You should’ve seen the look on her face today when I taught her a cheer. It was magical, Mom. Can’t you understand that?”

  “Whitney, you’re missing the point. Helping that girl isn’t going to guarantee your entry into Kentwood.”

  “What if I don’t want to go to Kentwood? What if I’d rather go to the University and get my teaching certificate? They have a great program there.”

  Mom shook her head. “Now you’re just being silly, Whitney. You’re just upset you got that one bad grade in calculus.” She patted my shoulder as if I were five. “Everything will be fine, dear. You’ll bring your grade up. Just work hard like you always do. You’ll go to Kentwood and get your law degree or maybe even go into medicine. You know you’d starve on a teacher’s salary, so don’t even joke about going into teaching.”

  I gritted my teeth. I couldn’t stand it when she patronized me. “Mom, you’re not listening to me! I don’t want to go to Kentwood. I want to go to U, and I want to be a teacher and a cheer coach, like Coach Lori.”

  Her expression hardened. “Don’t tell me you want to go to University because of that boy, Whitney.”

  “No, it’s not that. I just don’t think I’ll fit in at Kentwood. I don’t want to be a doctor or a lawyer. I want to be a teacher, and U has a great teaching program. I’ve researched it already. I’ve been trying to tell you this, but you don’t listen to me.”

  “Now you’re really talking foolishly. You won’t be certain what career you want to pursue until you get to Kentwood and see all that it has to offer. You need to be thankful for this opportunity and take advantage of it.”

  “But what if it’s not the right choice for me?” I pointed toward my chest. “I’m not you, Mom.”

  “You’re not looking at it from my perspective. You have to understand I only want what’s best for you. I don’t want you to struggle like I did when I was your age. I was only able to go to Kentwood on scholarships, loans, and grants. I struggled hard to pay back my loans. I met your father when he was just starting out in the banking industry, and he helped me pay them off. You don’t need to worry about that, since we can afford it, and you have scholarships due to your grades. I want you to take advantage of every opportunity you can. You’ll thank me later when you’re successful like your father.” She patted my shoulder again. “Now, that’s enough discussion. Go on to your room and finish your homework. It’s getting late.”

  I felt something inside me snap, and for once I couldn’t hold back my frustration. “I’m so sick and tired of you patronizing me and treating me like I’m five instead of eighteen.” My words were laced with fury. “I’ve been trying to tell you I want to go to U, but you won’t listen. I also want to help Vanessa learn how to cheer, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with following my heart. You need to stop giving me orders and listen to me for once. Do you think you can do that, Mom? Can you pretend I’m one of your country-club buddies and listen to me?”

  Mom gasped. “Where is this disrespect coming from, Whitney? Is this how Taylor talks to his mother?”

  “No, it’s not Taylor. It’s me, Whitney.” I lifted my tote bag and backpack.

  “You need to go to your room right now. I will not stand here and listen to you talk to me this way.” She pointed toward the stairs. “Go on. This conversation is over.”

  “Fine.” My hands shook with anger as I climbed the stairs. I decided I was going to continue doing what I felt was right, despite what my mother said. She thought she could force me into the future she wanted for me, but I was my own person. She wasn’t going to control me any longer.

  chapter nine

  The following Thursday I sat with Vanessa at her kitchen table and ate grapes. We had practiced cheers and cartwheels for nearly an hour, and then I changed my clothes before heading into the kitchen for a quick snack. I had called my mother earlier and told her I was going to see Emily after school. It wasn’t really a lie, since I stopped to talk to Emily before coming over to Vanessa’s house.

  I picked another grape from the bunch. “You’re really getting the hang of it. I don’t think you’ll have any problems trying out in the spring.”

  “You think so?” Vanessa’s expression lit up with excitement. “Do you really think I’ll make it, or are you just being nice?”

  I chewed another grape. “I really mean it. If I thought you needed to practice more, I’d tell you.”

  “How long have you been cheering?”

  I tilted my head and thought back. “Well, I started gymnastics when I was three, and I think I started doing cheer through the recreational league in fourth grade.”

  “Wow! You have a lot of experience. I hope I can be as good as you are someday.” She chewed a grape.

  “You will be. You just have to practice.”

  The phone rang, and Vanessa jumped up and ran for the cordless receiver on the counter. “Hello? Oh, hi, Mom. How are you?” She listened for a minute and then nodded. “Great. I’ll see you soon, then. Bye!” She returned to the table. “Mom is coming home early tonight. She told me not to cook. She wants us to make something together.”

  “That’s nice.” I swiped another grape. “I bet you’re happy she’s coming home early.”

  “I am. She works too hard. I worry about her sometimes, but she tells me to only worry about my grades. She said paying the bills is her job and getting good grades is mine.”

  “That makes sense.”

  “Taylor says he wants to make it so Mom doesn’t have to work so hard. He wants to be a lawyer. He says he’ll take care of Mom and me. He got a full scholarship to U, and he keeps telling me I have to get good grades so I can get one too.” She popped another grape into her mouth.

  “That’s great. I bet he’ll be a good lawyer. He definitely knows how to speak up for himself.” I thought back to his conversation about my “exclusive” friends. Taylor had no problems telling me just how he felt without any regard for how much it irritated me. I wondered if my mom was right, and his outspokenness was rubbing off on me. This new Whitney could’ve been inspired by Taylor, but I was tired of her running my life. I felt justified in my defensiveness, despite the teeny spark of guilt that nipped at me.

  “I think so too.” She glanced at the clock on the wall. “Maybe you’ll get to meet my mom.”

  “I’ll have to head out soon, but I’d like to meet her if I can.”

  “She’ll like you.” Vanessa took another handful of grapes. “I think my brother likes you.”

  “I think he likes me as a friend.” I reflected on how nice Taylor had been at tutoring on Tuesday. He was friendly and even funny, but I seriously doubted we could be more than friends. Although I was beginning to notice I talked to Taylor more than I talked to Kristin and Tiffany. In fact, I hadn’t had a real conversation with them all week. I’d only nodded to them as we passed in the hallway.

  Vanessa shook her head. “I think Taylor likes likes you.”

  “I doubt it.”

  “He was telling my mom about you again last night.”

  “What did he say?” Although I wanted to know what he’d said about me, I was also nervous I might not like what I might hear.

  “They were talking about his tutoring sessions, and he looked happy while he was talking about you. I see a difference in him. He used to be so serious all the time, but he’s cracking jokes now.” Vanessa grinned. “Why don’t you invite him again to your youth-group meeting tonight?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m sure he’s too busy.”

  “I bet my mom would love for him to go. She says he works and studies
too much.”

  I hesitated. I wanted to ask him, but what if he rejected me? It would be awkward, and I’d still have to face him at our tutoring sessions.

  Vanessa and I talked about school, and soon twenty minutes had passed. I heard Taylor’s motorcycle thunder into the driveway, and I stood. “I should get going. I guess I’ll see you next week?”

  “Yeah.” Vanessa picked up our paper plates littered with grape stems. “Thanks for coming over. I really had fun.”

  “I did too.”

  The garage door slid open with a loud scrape.

  Vanessa pointed toward a door off the kitchen. “You can walk out this way.” She pulled the door open, revealing a small, one-car garage clogged with shelves, a washer, a dryer, various pieces of lawn equipment, plastic storage containers, and tools.

  Taylor guided the bike into the small, empty space at the center of the garage and placed his helmet on the seat. “Hey.”

  “Hi.” I hefted my bag onto my shoulder.

  “Mom is on her way home.” Vanessa crossed the garage.

  “Oh, good. I’m glad she got off work early.” He leaned against the bike. “Did you two have fun?”

  Vanessa nodded. “We had a blast.”

  “She’s a natural. I don’t think she’ll have any problems trying out for the team.” I walked through the garage and moved toward my Jeep. “Well, I hope you have a good evening. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Whitney. Wait,” Vanessa called.

  “What’s up?” I faced her, hoping she wasn’t going to embarrass me.

  “Taylor, you should take Whitney to dinner and then go to her youth group with her.”

  “What?” Taylor looked at Vanessa and then me. “Is this a conspiracy?”

  “No.” I held up my hand in my defense. “This is all your sister’s idea. She thinks you need to get out more and make more friends.”

  He gave a palms-up. “So, you’re saying I’m a loser?”

  “No, not a loser. You’re a loner.” Vanessa enunciated the word for emphasis. “You can’t study and work all the time. You need to have fun too.”