Undescribable

by Tessier, Shantel

  Slade is quiet for a moment. “I’ve been thinking about your dad ever since you told me he taught you how to fight. And I was wondering…why did you sell your dad’s company and go off to college instead of running it?”

  He sounds this like this has been bugging him. I don’t like to talk much about my past. One parent is dead, and the other acts like I’m dead. What else is there to say? I guess we have to have these conversations, though. We are a couple now.

  I lay there with my eyes closed, thinking I shouldn’t keep anything from him. He is my boyfriend, and I want him to know he can tell me anything if he needs to.

  I open my eyes, but don’t move. “My dad left me letters. Letters concerning the company. They explained to me that he didn’t want to hold me back in life by me running it. He wanted me to sell it and go to college to become whatever I wanted.

  “At first, I wasn’t going to sell it. I thought about keeping it. That company meant the world to him. It felt bad to give it away. I don’t know. I think if I would have kept it, maybe my mom would have never quit talking to me. She never came out and said it, but I think that’s what made her the maddest, that I sold it. Like I just threw it away.”

  “When exactly did she stop talking to you?”

  “She started acting weird a couple of months before dad had died, but it wasn’t until a few months after, when we got in a huge fight that changed everything.

  I was in the kitchen making a sandwich when she came barging through the front door. I could tell she had been crying, but she seemed to be more mad than sad. She came in the kitchen, yelling about how my dad shouldn’t have left it to me, a child. She just could not grasp the concept of him giving it to me.

  “I said some horrible things.” I sigh. “Asked her why not me? Who else would he leave it to? Her? It wasn’t like he owed her anything. I called her a bitch along with a few other choice words. I told her I was selling it, and that I was going to go out of state for college. That I didn’t want to be around her anymore.” I shake my head lightly. “I’ll never forget the hurt in her eyes when I said that. She just nodded her head, and said that was for the best, and walked out the front door. We didn’t speak after that.

  “Towards the end of my school year, I was having second thoughts. I didn’t want to leave her. No matter how mad we were at one another, she was still my mom. You only have one mom. I was going to tell her I was sorry at graduation, but she never came. I was so mad at her. How could she be so mad at me over a situation I had no control over? Like I asked for my dad to die?” I angrily brush a tear off my face. “I went out after graduation and got trashed with Courtney. The next day I went home, she wasn’t there, so I packed a bag and took off for Texas.”

  “It must have been hard, being somewhere new not knowing anyone.” He runs his fingers through my hair.

  “It was hard,” I nod against his chest. “I was terrified. There wasn’t a day that went by where I didn’t want to call her and beg her to forgive me...to love me again. I finally broke down and called her...she didn’t answer. I left her a message, telling her I was sorry and that I loved her. She never called back. I thought if I sent her money that maybe that would help her feelings towards me, so I sent her a check. It became a habit. Calling her every month and sending a check, but it hasn’t changed a thing,” I say sadly.

  He removes his arm from me as I lay down on the bed. My eyes are still closed, but I feel his weight shift and his hands on either side of my face.

  “Open your eyes, Angel.” I open them and my vision is blurry from the tears filling up my eyes. They slowly run out the side of my eyes on to my cheeks, before Slade brushes them away.

  “You mean you still call her every month, along with the check you send her?” His eyes are hard, and his jaw is clenched. I nod. “She just disowned you? All over what? Some money!”

  “A lot of money,” I whisper.

  “How much money could you possibly have gotten for her to just let you go?” he asks sarcastically.

  “12 million dollars,” I whisper.

  He frowns as he shakes his head. “I’m so sorry, Angel. No amount of money is worth losing you.”

  I keep my face blank. I feel a little shocked that he didn’t react to my money. I’ve always tried to keep how much I had got a secret. People tend to treat you differently when they find out you have money.

  He leans down and gives me a sweet kiss. “You need some rest, Angel.” He pulls away and reaches in his nightstand. “Take this.”

  “Slade, I don’t need that.” How many times is he going to give me these freaking pills?

  “It wasn’t a question.” I stare up at it. “Take it,” he demands.

  I snatch it from his hand as he reaches over grabbing the bottle of water off his night stand handing it to me. After I swallow the pill, he kisses my forehead.

  “Get some rest, Angel.” He lays down next to me, pulling me underneath his arm as I cuddle up to his side.

  I could never get enough of being in his arms.

  As I stare at the muted TV, all I can think about is Angel cuddled up next to me. No wonder she is so strong. She had to be. Someone weak would have been broken in two. What kind of parent just quits talking to their child? She had just lost her father, for fuck’s sake. She needed her mother more then she probably ever had.

  I look over at Angel and notice she has fallen fast asleep. I know she is feeling better, but I just don’t want her up and around doing too much. With a sigh, I relax into the bed and close my eyes, not waking until I hear the doorbell. I lift my head and move out from underneath Angel gently so I can answer the door.

  I open the door and there is a delivery man standing there.

  “Hi, I’m delivering a door for...Mr. Long.” He looks down at his clipboard.

  “That’s me.”

  “Okay, where at in the house is it going?” He turns and signals someone to bring the door in.

  “I was wondering, can you just leave the door? I would like to install it myself.” The guys raises his brows, and for a few seconds he just stands there, looking at me. Finally, he nods his head.

  “Yeah...you can do that.” He doesn’t sound very sure, though.

  “Thanks.” I sign my name and hand him the clipboard.

  I don’t want them in the bedroom while Angel is asleep, and since I gave her that pill she will be sleeping most of the day and through tonight. They bring the door into the entry way and lean it up against the wall before leaving. As I shut the front door, I hear my phone ringing back in the bedroom. Shit, who could that be? I take off in a mad dash to get it before it wakes Angel up.

  “Hey what’s up?” I say when I see Josh’s name on the caller ID.

  “Not much. I called your work and they said you were working from home today and tomorrow. Everything ok?”

  “Yeah, I just didn’t want to leave Angel. She says she’s better, but I think she needs a couple of days doing nothing but resting.”

  “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

  “Are you at work?” I sit down on my brown leather couch in the living room.

  “No, I’m grabbing a burger. You want me to grab you something and bring it to you?”

  “I’m not very hungry and Angel is asleep. I’m in the living room. My new bedroom door was delivered when you were calling.” I pick up the remote and turn on the TV.

  I had filled him in on my outburst and the entire door incident, yesterday when he called. I was working and Angel was sleeping in the media room. He wasn’t surprised. He and I were once in a fight at a party before I had left for college. Me and the man I was fighting both went through a door. The guy had thought I fucked his girlfriend. Turned out I had fucked her twin sister, who the guy was also fucking. That was quite a drama filled party. “You had your door delivered?” He laughs. “Do I even want to know why you didn’t just go and get it like any other man?” He laughs again.

  “For your information...” I laugh at myself,
“I didn’t want to leave Angel here alone, but I wanted to get it fixed as soon as possible.”

  “I still can’t believe you punched that door.” He chuckles. Glad he finds it funny. “Are they installing it right now?’’

  “Nope. I wouldn’t let them. I can do it myself.” I lie back on the couch and put my feet up on the coffee table.

  “Okay. I will come over and help you put it up. I’ll be there in about twenty minutes.”

  “Thanks. See you then.” I hang up and click through the channels, but my mind wanders to Angel. A smile forms on my face, she is all mine. She belongs to me and no one else. It makes me happy knowing I’m the only one to kiss her, touch her. To have her sexually. I can’t wait until she is healed and I can take her the way I have been craving. She brings out an animal in me that craves to dominate her. I sigh as I lean my head back and close my eyes.

  “You okay, Slade?”

  I really need to start locking my door. I open my eyes to Josh standing in my living room with a sack of food in one hand, and a twenty four pack in the other.

  I look at my watch. “Twenty minutes, huh?” Have I really been sitting here forty five minutes?

  “Yeah, I took a detour and stopped for some beer.” He lifts up the twenty four pack of Bud Light. “And, being the nice friend that I am, I grabbed you a sandwich and some fries.” He smiles, holding up the other bag he’s carrying.

  “Thanks. I’m actually hungry now.”

  He sits down in the recliner next to the couch, and I take a good look at him. He actually looks okay today. I don’t see any marks or bruises on his face, and he looks like he showered and put clean clothes on. It’s not that he normally doesn’t, or that he has poor hygiene, but he’s just not been himself. He used to be the one in a serious relationship. We were partying buddies until he met his ex, and for a year he never wanted to go out or drink. We would still talk daily, but we didn’t hang out every day like we used to. His ex-hated me. Said I was a bad influence. Whatever. She was a bitch and a whore, so the hatred was mutual.

  “How are you doing, Josh?”

  “Not as good as you,” he jokes, handing me my sandwich and fries.

  “I’m serious. I just want to make sure you’re doing alright.” His hand freezes midway to his mouth as it holds his burger.

  “What?” I pick up a fry and toss it in my mouth.

  “You! Are you going to give me relationship advice? Tell me that I need to find someone?” He lifts an eyebrow.

  I shake my head. “I’m the last one to give relationship advice. I’m only a day into my first one.” We both laugh.

  “So, it’s official? You two are together?” Josh asks through a bite of food.

  “Yeah,” I nod while opening my beer.

  He chuckles as he shakes his head.

  “What?” I ask.

  “Nothing, but you better not fuck it up. She may kick your ass.” He laughs.

  I nod, knowing she would do just that. I wouldn’t do anything to fuck up what I have with Angel. She is someone special, and when you find something that special you don’t let it go. Ever!

  “So, how is work going? You guys staying busy?” Josh and his dad own a chain of jewelry stores here in St. Louis.

  “Yeah, the stores are doing really well. Dad said he wants to open one up in St. Charles. So I may be going there sometime next week to look at some spaces for sale.” He takes a drink of beer.

  “That’s good. Did you not have to work today?” It seems he is always working. His dad has a hard time getting around with his arthritis, so Josh pretty much runs them himself.

  He nods as he picks up his napkin to wipe off his hands. “Yeah, but I had to take Dad to a doctor’s appointment, I have to go back to work in a little bit.” He lays his napkin back down.

  “How is he doing?” His dad is a pretty cool guy, but didn’t like me much when we were in high school. He thought I was a bad influence and partied too much. Of course, he didn’t say that until he had to come pick me, and a shit faced Josh up from a party one night when my parents were out of town.

  “He has his good days and bad. He has more good, though.”

  “Well that’s good to hear.” I sit my beer on the coffee table and sigh as I fall back into the couch.

  “Slade, are you okay? You seem stressed.” I know he’s afraid I’m going to go postal and punch a few more doors. He’s been my best friend since we were three. We lived right next to him and his family, so he knows me well enough to know when I’m stressed out.

  “Yeah. I’ve just got so much going on in my head.” I know Angel was apprehensive in saying yes to me. And I know that Jax played a part in that. He hurt her, but I would never do that to her. I hope she knows that.

  “What’s going on? Is it anything I can help you with?” I smile as I look over at my best friend. His dark blue eyes are half covered by his dark hair falling in his face.

  “No, but you can help me with that door. Just give me a second. Let me go check on Angel.” I stand up and go to the bedroom.

  My heart has never felt so complete looking at someone sleeping in my bed. I sit down softly next to her sleeping body. I can’t hold back the urge I have to run the back of my knuckles over her cheek. I lean down and kiss her forehead. My lips linger a few extra seconds while I listen to her steady breathing. She is all mine.

  I chuckle as I look at the covers pushed to the foot of the bed. She must not like them much because she always kicks hem off. I get up off the bed and reach down, picking up the comforter and sheets. I pull them up until they sit under her chin. I bend down and kiss her once last time.

  “Let me go get my tools out of the garage real quick,” I call to Josh as I pass the living room heading for the garage. I grab my power drill and battery pack and head out of the garage.

  “Need me to help you carry that door?” Josh asks.

  “Here carry these.” I hand him the tools. I pick up the door, and he follows me down the hallway to the bedroom.

  “That won’t wake her up?” He eyes the power tool in his hands.

  I shake my head. “No, I can do it on a slow setting and she won’t hear a thing. Okay hold up the door while I get these screws in.” It doesn’t take us five minutes to get the new door up and working.

  “I’m going to get out of here, man.”

  “Okay. Thanks for bringing me lunch by and helping with the door.”

  “Anytime. I need to get back to the store. I’ll call you later.”

  “Sounds good.” I put my tools back in the garage and go to my office. I have some work I need to do as well. I sit down in my chair, and immediately hear Angel.

  “Slade.”

  I get up and hurry to my room. She is rolling around and kicking the covers off. “You okay, Angel? Do you need something?” I sit down beside her.

  “No,” she whispers.

  I brush the hair off her face; her eyes are still closed. “What is it, Angel?” I ask softly.

  “I want you.” She reaches out her hand, trying to grab a hold of me. “I want you to lay down with me.”

  I smile as I lay down, pulling her close to me side. “Okay, Angel.” I kiss her hair and run my hand up and down her back.

  I’ll lay down for a few minutes, then get back to work. I don’t think she is even awake. I close my eyes and hold on to her tightly.

  Just how I want it.

  I wake up, and decide I need to get back to myself. My soreness is gone as I stretch out my legs and arms, feeling the pull in my muscles. It feels better than it did four days ago. My mouth is dry, and a feel of dizziness still lingers in my head.

  I sit up cautiously, looking around for Slade. I don’t see him in the bedroom, so he must be in his office. I need to go take a shower and actually fix myself up today. I know it will help me feel better.

  I quickly shower, and by the time I’m finished with my hair, I feel great.

  “So, what do you want to do today?” Slade asks as he come
s in and stands next to me as I’m putting on my makeup in his bathroom.

  “I don’t care. What did you have in mind? Wait. I thought you had to work today?”

  His phone rings. “Hold that thought.” He holds up a finger, then turns to get his phone.

  I just finish applying my lipstick, when I hear him telling someone he will ask me. “Ask me what?” I walk to my bag that’s in his closet to get out my clothes. Thank goodness I had packed a few different things. I had only planned on staying one night with him.

  “Josh wants to go to lunch.” He pulls the phone away from his ear to ask me privately, “Do you mind if we have lunch with him?”

  “No, of course not.” I smile, then return to looking through my bag for something to wear.

  “Yeah, that sounds good. What time? Okay, we will be there.”

  Its creepy quiet in this closet now that’s he’s off the phone. I find the jeans I’m digging around for in my bag, then stand and turn around to find him standing right in front of me, scaring the crap out of me.

  “Geez!” I put a hand over my racing heart. “You scared me.” I look up at him.

  He smiles. “Thank you.” He leans down and gives me a peck on the lips.

  “For what?” Because I didn’t slap him when he scared me? I laugh.

  “I don’t know what’s so funny, but I love to hear you laugh. I was thanking you for saying you will go eat lunch with Josh.” He turns and starts picking out what he wants to wear.

  Did he say love? I’m pretty sure my heart rate just doubled, but I’m going to ignore that. “I like him, he’s a nice guy. Well, I guess. I don’t know him all that well, but from what I do know he’s a good guy.” He discards the green polo shirt he was wearing and puts on a white linen t-shirt. I can’t help but stare at his sculptured abs and smooth chest.

  “Yeah, Josh is a good guy. We’ve been friends since we were little kids. His fiancé left him a little over six months ago and he’s still trying to get over her.”

  That must be terrible. I couldn’t imagine still pining over Jax. Guess I hadn’t really loved him after all. The more I think about him, the less I realize we had in common. He didn’t make me laugh like Slade does. He never made me feel pretty. And the man did not like football. I mean, come on. What man doesn’t like football?