Undescribable

by Tessier, Shantel

  “Where are you going, Angel?” He sounds worried. He should be!

  “Kitchen.” I continue to walk through the door and shut it behind me. I stand in the hall, taking a few deep breaths as I try to hold back the tears. He obviously hasn’t seen her lately, I could tell by the message. What does that mean? Maybe he doesn’t want to see her. He did give me a key to the house.

  I’m not going to tell him I saw the message. I don’t want him to know that I know. I’m just going to…

  Shit!

  I don’t know what to do. I have feelings for him, and this is why I’ve been trying to hold them back. How could I allow myself to get in this situation again? I shouldn’t have been so stupid. Of course he is going to continue seeing girls from his past. Why wouldn’t he? It’s not like he would want to be with just me. Why ask me to be his girlfriend, though, if he just wanted to sleep around? It’s not like I was subtle when I asked him to have sex with me the first night he brought me home.

  I hear the shower turn on so I head to the kitchen. I’m going to need some wine tonight. I might even need to get drunk.

  I’m downing my second glass of wine when Slade enters the kitchen. My heart aches at how good he looks. He’s wearing a baby blue t-shirt that matches his gorgeous eyes. He had put on a pair of dark jeans and a pair of black boots. His hair looks messy and sexy as hell.

  Like usual.

  How could I be stupid enough to think he only belongs to me?

  “You look gorgeous, Angel.”

  I clear my head and look down at my empty glass.

  He gives me a look of confusion. “You’re chugging wine?” he cocks an eyebrow with a smile, obviously amused.

  He won’t be amused later when I’m hammered. I nod my head yes as I pour another glass. Did he read the text message? If he did, he has to of known I opened it. I didn’t delete it.

  I look down to the wine glass now full again in my hand and drink it down. I debate having another one, but decide against it. I’m positive Vivian will keep my wine glass full at all times tonight, and I don’t want to be so drunk that I ruin Micah’s proposal.

  I turn to rinse my glass out in the sink and see Slade standing there; leaning back against the counter, one ankle crossed over the other with a hand on either side of him on the counter, just watching me. It’s painful to look at him. I feel as if my heart is already shattered beyond repair. I know it’s written all over my face. I’m avoiding eye contact with him. I won’t smile. I feel desolate inside, like he has ripped me of everything. I don’t understand. He hasn’t even tried to sleep with me. Yet some girl named Jessica has obviously been talking to him about hooking up? I rinse my glass out and just stand over the sink. After a few awkward seconds, Slade pushes away from the counter and walks to me. I make the mistake of looking up at him. His eyes probe into mine and he has a smirk on his face. It makes me feel like a fly caught in a spider’s web. My body stiffens as his hands grab a hold of my hair. He raises my head up to his and he searches my eyes as he leans in to kiss me. His lips touch mine and I try to pull away, but he tightens his hold on my hair. My body betrays me under the silent command of his hands, and I can’t help but give in to him. I can be crushed and heartbroken, but my body can’t deny him. That thought terrifies me.

  He pulls away from the kiss, but keeps his lips touching mine. “Before this night is over, I will know what is bothering you,” he promises, pulling back even further to look in my eyes.

  I shake my head no. I am not going to tell him. If I do, then he will see not just the jealousy I have, but the love that I’m trying to hide.

  Love.

  How could I have let this happen? I know love is never a good thing. It always ends, but I thought I would have more time with Slade.

  “You’ll see,” he smirks. He kisses me on the forehead, then releases my hair. Turning around, he picks up the cake off the counter and leads me out of the kitchen towards the garage. I slump my shoulders and let out a big puff of air.

  This is going to be one long ass night and I’m going to need two more bottles of wine!

  I sit down in the passenger seat of Slade’s car and pull my sunglasses out of my purse; a black pair of D&G that are so big, they cover half of my face. Good. He won’t be able to see my eyes. I’m trying very hard not to cry. I can’t help but feel betrayed. How could I have fallen for all of his lines? I guess it’s my fault. I was the one who believed everything he said. Am I that pathetic and stupid?

  The drive is completely silent. As I start to feel the effects of the wine, I start getting pissed off. How dare he think he can see someone behind my back? It’s not like we’re just dating. He was the one who wanted to start this relationship. I was going to be fine with a one night stand. Even someone who has never been in a relationship before knows you don’t hook up with other people!

  I’m not going to look at him or speak to him. This night is about Holly and Micah. Not about our relationship problem. Problems?

  Ugh.

  Three days in a relationship and we already have a problem, and it’s a big one.

  We pull up to his parents’ house and I get out before he can open the door for me. Why pretend to be a gentleman?

  “Hi dear,” Vivian hugs me as I reach her at the front door. “You look beautiful, as always.”

  “Thanks, Vivian. As do you,” I say very sweetly, but my smile is tight. She eyes my face features, then she looks over to Slade as he reaches us, then back to me. She frowns. Crap. I was too sweet. I give her a big smile, trying to hide my pissed off mood.

  She turns her attention to Slade. “Hey, honey. I’m so glad you’re finally settling down. Samantha is wonderful and just gorgeous. Everyone in this house loves her.”

  What is she doing? She can obviously see the tension between us. Is she trying to fuel the fire? I keep my back to Slade, not wanting to see the look on his face and, well, because I have nothing to say to him.

  She puts her arm in the crook of mine, then leads me to the kitchen, leaving Slade standing in the doorway, not saying a word. “Wine?” She asks, but she’s already pouring me a glass. She knows me all too well.

  “She’s had enough wine, Mom. She downed three gasses before we got here,” Slade says rather angrily as he comes to sit next to me, setting my cake down in front of us on the island.

  Vivian’s head snaps up to look at him, then she looks at me. “Would you like a glass of wine?” Her tone is even, her eyes never leaving mine.

  “Yes, please.”

  She smiles, and I hear Slade sigh. That’s right, buddy. I can drink all I want.

  She hands the glass of wine to me and I smile. Wine always makes me feel better.

  “Thank you.” She goes to put the wine in fridge. “You might as well leave that out.” Vivian’s smile widens.

  “What?” Slade inhales a long breath, clearly agitated by my statement.

  I can’t hide my smile, but I keep my eyes on his Mom. “We are going to be celebrating, after all.” I take a big gulp of my wine. She gives me a look that says she knows what’s going on. I shrug.

  She looks to Slade. “You want a glass, dear?’’

  “No!” he snaps. “One of us needs to stay sober tonight.’’ He sounds pissy. Good!

  I can’t help but snicker as Vivian gives him a disapproving look. I smile and down the rest of my glass. Without a word, she reaches over and refills it. As my head starts to feel like its floating in the clouds, I can’t help but once again feel like I’m not enough. What am I doing wrong?

  I just want to continue drinking until I pass out, but I know I can’t. We are here tonight for a reason that has nothing to do with me. The wine is making me want to cry and I need to get to a bathroom because I have a feeling I’m not going to be able to hold them back. I get up from the table and take off in the direction towards the front bathroom.

  I watch Angel exit the kitchen as my mother speaks. “Slade.”

  I look up to see my mom giving me a
dirty look. “What?” I ask irritated.

  “Why is she mad at you? What did you do?” She asks accusingly.

  I run a hand through my hair. “I don’t know. We were fine earlier today. I came home after work and laid down to take a nap with her. When I woke up from my nap, she was so distant, and over the last hour it’s turned to anger.”

  “Slade,” she gives me a serious look. “Fix it.”

  “I asked her what was wrong, but she wouldn’t tell me. How am I supposed to fix something when I don’t know what the problem is?” Fuck, I’ve never done the boyfriend thing! When I’ve pissed girls off in the past, they’ve just screamed at me, then left. They always came back.

  I don’t want Angel mad at me, though. And I have a feeling that if she left, she wouldn’t come back.

  “Well, don’t let her stay mad. You keep asking her what’s wrong, and eventually she’ll let you know.” She takes a drink of her wine.

  What could have possibly happened while I was asleep?

  I hear my phone ringing, so I dig it out of my jeans pocket.

  Micah: On our way.

  As I exit out of it, I catch site of Jessica’s name, causing me to frown. When did she text me? I don’t remember reading a text from her, but the text has obviously already been opened. I read the message, which makes me roll my eyes. When is she going to leave me alone? This bitch is annoying as hell. I just need to call her right now and set her straight.

  I look at the time it was sent.

  Hmm...

  “Fuck!” I say loudly.

  “Slade Marcus Long. Keep your voice down,” Mom scolds me, but I’m not listening.

  She read it.

  She thinks I’m cheating on her.

  I’m such a fucking moron.

  Of course that’s what she thinks. I would think the same thing if some guy texted her, wanting to meet up, and she kept it from me.

  I jump up off the bar stool and go to search for her. What the fuck have I done?

  I see my dad in the hallway. “Hey have you seen Angel?”

  “I think I heard her in the front bathroom.”

  I have to get to her, and now! I have to explain it’s not what it looks like.

  I get to the bathroom and reach out to open it. What I hear makes me stop and listen. I can hear her sniffling. She’s crying. Fuck!

  I gently knock on the door.

  “Yes?” She sounds so small and it makes my chest ache.

  “Angel.” I knock again. “It’s me, baby. Let me in.” She doesn’t respond. “Let me in, baby.” She still doesn’t say anything. She is obviously giving me the silent treatment, and that shit is not going to work. I need to set this straight. I try opening the door, but it’s locked.

  “Angel, if you don’t open this door, I will break it the fuck down!” I yell loud enough I’m sure the whole house heard me. I have no problem with putting a hole in this door to get to her. I need her to listen to what I have to say.

  She swings open the door and tries to run past me, but I push her back into the bathroom, and slam the door shut with my foot. I’ve got her back against the wall, and both of my hands holding her wrists tightly against her chest, my body pushed up against hers as she tries fighting back to push me away.

  “Angel, I need you to listen to me.” She shakes her head no. “Look at me. I need to explain.”

  She lifts her head up and slowly opens her eyes. A single tears leaks out. My heart breaks for her, for what I’ve made her feel. I release my hold on her hands, and place mine on either side of her face as I wipe away the stray tear with my thumb.

  “Angel, I promise you, I have not seen her. She has texted me a few times to meet up, but I’ve told her to leave me alone. That I have a girlfriend, and that I want nothing to do with her.” Her eyes look hollow...empty, and I can tell I’m not getting through to her. She’s shut herself down to me.

  “I’m sorry, Angel, but I deleted the messages and I have no proof, but I promise on everything that I’m telling you the truth.” Why the fuck did I delete those messages?

  She continues to stare at me with a blank expression on her face.

  “I….”

  Almost said I love you. Stupid bastard. Think before you speak.

  “You are the most important thing in my life, Angel. I would never do that to you. I need you to believe me.”

  Nothing. The only emotion I’ve seen on her face since I got her to open the door is sadness; heartbreaking sadness. I would do or give anything to get that look off her beautiful face.

  “Say something,” I plead. “Tell me you believe me.”

  “I’m sorry,” she whispers.

  My body stiffens. This is it. She’s going to tell me it’s over; that she can’t stand the sight of me anymore.

  She takes a deep breath as I watch another tear stream down her cheek. “I’m sorry,” she repeats. “I didn’t mean to read the message. I thought it might have been Micah. Then, when I saw it was a girl, I couldn’t help but read it.”

  I let out a breath that I didn’t know I was holding. “You think I’m mad at you?” This woman continues to surprise me. “I’m not mad at you.” I shake my head. “I just want you to understand that I didn’t cheat on you. Please. Tell me you believe me?”

  She doesn’t say anything. I very gently kiss the tips of her soft lips. When she doesn’t pull away from me, I continue to kiss her. She opens her lips for me as I slide my tongue in her mouth. She’s a little timid, but it doesn’t stop me. When I finally pull away, I gaze into her sad eyes. “I only want you, Angel. Say you believe me. I need to hear you say it.”

  “You have to understand, Slade...” she takes a deep breath. “I’ve heard all those excuses and pleas before.”

  I let her push me away as she walks out the bathroom door. In her eyes, right now, I’m no better than that jackass Jax.

  The next couple of hours go by agonizingly slow. I’m on edge, and Angel hasn’t said one word to me since she left me standing in the bathroom. On the bright side, she’s not mad at me anymore, but she just acts like I don’t exist, and she’s drunk. Neither one is good, but combined it’s driving me fucking crazy!

  We are sitting at the table with my family and Holly and we have just finished up dinner. I look across the table to my Mom who gives me a dirty look. Shit. I can’t win.

  Micah clears his throat. “I want to thank everyone for coming to dinner tonight.” Holly turns to Angel, giving her a questioning look. She smiles reassuringly and Holly turns her attention back to Micah. “I just want you all to know how much this means to me.” He stands up from his chair, and walks over to where Holly is sitting. She begins to stand. “Sit down, baby,” he says softly. She complies, looking at my parents, then to Angel.

  “What’s going on?” She asks Angel quietly. She doesn’t respond, causing her to turn her attention back to Micah again. When she turns back to him, he is down on one knee in front of her.

  Holly gasps as she places her hand over her mouth while she looks down to my brother. I can’t help but smile.

  He takes in a deep breath. “Baby, the past three years of my life have been amazing. I can’t remember a day that you weren’t there with me, making me smile. As I look to my future, I don’t want there to ever be a day that you’re not by my side. Please make me the happiest man in the world and marry me?” I can tell he is holding his breath. I’m pretty sure we all are. “Please, don’t cry, baby.” He lifts his hand to wipe a tear away off her cheek. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

  Removing her hand from over her mouth, she starts shaking her head. “I’m not upset. I’m so happy, Micah. I love you. Yes, of course I’ll marry you.” She leans down to him and gives him a long kiss, followed by a hug. As he slips the ring on her finger, my Mom and Angel begin to cry. We all get up from our chairs as Holly and my brother get up off the floor. Everyone hugs them, and tells them how glad we are for them.

  “Congratulations, Micah.” I walk over to
hug my brother. “I’m happy for you guys.” I give him a smile.

  “Thanks, Slade.” He hugs me, then pulls away. “I’ve been so nervous. That’s why I acted strange on Dad’s birthday. It’s all I’ve been thinking about.” He stands back and places his hands in his pocket as if he is nervous. “Slade.” He pauses for a second, “Will you be my best man?”

  I pull him into another hug and pat his back, smiling like a fucking idiot. “Of course I will Micah. I’d be honored to stand by you as you marry Holly.”

  He pulls away and he turns around to go over to Holly.

  I smile looking back over to the table and see my Mother pouring Angel another glass of wine.

  Fucking fantastic!

  I walk over to my mother as Angel walks over to speak to Holly and Micah. “Mom, may I talk to you for a minute?” She gives me a dirty look. This is not going well. I just need to grab Angel and take her back to my place.

  “Listen, Slade,” Great, aren’t I a little too old for a lecture? “Whatever you did to mess up what you have with Samantha, you better fix.” She’s pointing a finger at me. “Sam is the best thing that will ever happen to you, so pull your head out of your ass and pay attention. This relationship you have with her will end one of two ways. One, you will fuck it up beyond repair and she will leave you, or two, she will realize you’re not taking her serious and leave you. A woman like that wants commitment, not childish games. Which one do you want it to be?”

  I stand staring at her wide-eyed. My Mom never cusses. “I’m trying to fix it, Mom,” I sigh.

  She raises her eyebrows. “I’m going to fix it. She’s drunk, I’m tired, and I want to talk to her so I think I’m just going to take her home.” I run a hand through my hair.

  “That’s a great idea, Son.” She hugs me then walks off to the kitchen.

  I spot Angel standing with Holly. She has her head thrown back, laughing, and the sound of that laugh makes me think there’s hope for me; for us. I will do anything to hear that laugh, rather than that sad face I saw earlier.

  I walk toward them. “Angel, you ready to go?”