Your Heart's Desire

by Melody Carlson

  “Of course.”

  “Well, it’s been ages and ages since Rich and I have gone out. You know, just the two of us together. Like a date. And I realized this morning that it won’t be too long before I won’t fit into a nice evening dress and—”

  “I would love to watch your kids for you tonight,” Caroline offered.

  “You would?”

  “Absolutely. You two go out and have a good time.” She set down her packages and reached for her handbag. “And that reminds me.” She pulled out a check. “This is for the mattresses. Tell me if it’s not enough. And tell Rich they are very comfortable and we’re so grateful.”

  Marjorie threw her arms around Caroline. “You are the best sister in the whole world. I have missed you so much!”

  “I missed you, too.” Caroline held her close.

  “How does seven sound?” Marjorie asked. “I mean for us to go out? Will that work for you?”

  “Seven is great.” Caroline started gathering up her packages again. “That’ll give me time to get a few things done in there.”

  “I’m going to call and see if I can get reservations for the new dinner club. It opened up before Christmas. It’s called Parisian Moonlight.” She sighed. “Doesn’t that sound romantic? Dinner and dancing…oh, I can hardly wait!”

  Marjorie happily went into the house, and Caroline carried her purchases into the apartment. Unfortunately, the apartment looked even more dismal than she remembered and the air smelled worse than Joseph’s smelliest tennis shoes. But as she changed into dungarees and an old plaid shirt that Joe used to call his “Saturday shirt,” she reassured herself that this was a temporary problem. Nothing a little elbow grease and strong soap wouldn’t solve. Squinting to see her reflection in the murky bathroom mirror, she tied a protective scarf around her hair, imagining how much better the little apartment could look when she was finished. What a great way to show her appreciation to Marjorie and Rich.

  Before unpacking her cleaning supplies, she opened the few small windows and the screen door. Then she rolled up her sleeves. Her first task was to attack the disgusting bathroom. As she scrubbed down the shower stall she was surprised to discover that the tiles were actually white, not dingy gray. And the sink and toilet turned out to be white as well. She was just done washing down the last wall when she heard Joseph calling for her.

  “I’m in here,” she yelled back.

  “What’re you doing?” he asked.

  She stifled the urge to be sarcastic. “Cleaning.” She stood up straight, dropping the washrag into the bucket of dirty water and surveying her work. “What do you think?”

  “Looks better.” He ran a finger over the shining white porcelain sink. “I didn’t want to say anything, but it was kind of scary looking last night.”

  “I have to agree with you.” She ruffled his blond curls. “I hear you’ve been really helpful with Danny today. Thanks.”

  “He’s a funny little kid, but I kind of like him.” Joseph leaned against the counter with a surprisingly mature expression. “He’s asleep now.”

  “Did you have lunch?”

  “Yeah. Aunt Marjorie made us peanut butter sandwiches and milk.”

  “I figured she’d feed you.” She pushed a stray lock of hair back under her scarf.

  “You need any help, Mom?”

  “Really?” She peered into his face. “You want to help?”

  “I don’t mind.”

  She looked around the tiny bathroom. “How do you feel about painting?”

  “Painting?” His eyes grew wide. “You mean the walls?”

  She pointed to the wall she’d just cleaned. Although it looked better, it was a grungy shade of beige and rather splotchy. “Do you think you’d be a very good painter?”

  He shrugged. “I helped paint that mural at my school. Remember?”

  “I do remember. It was nice.”

  “Seems like painting a wall with just one color would be easier.”

  “Do you want to try?”

  His eyes lit up. “Yeah!”

  It wasn’t long until they both decided the aqua-blue paint would be nice in the bathroom. Then they discussed how to use the drop cloth and a few other things, including a wooden box for him to stand on to reach higher. Caroline offered to get the highest sections. And thanks to his school mural experience, Joseph seemed to understand the basics of painting even better than she did. After he changed into some old clothes, Caroline simply stepped back and let him go at it. But as she watched him dipping a brush into the paint can she felt guilty. Sure, he was mature for his age and wanted to help, but shouldn’t an almost ten-year-old be outside? “Are you certain you want to do this?” she asked one more time.

  “Yeah, Mom.” He didn’t even look up as he brushed a wide stripe of aqua-blue paint on the wall next to the toilet. “This is fun!”

  “Well, if it’s too hard, just quit,” she told him as she moved away from the doorway. “Yell if you need help.”

  He continued brushing the paint on, making the swath wider. “I like this, Mom. Really. Look how good that color looks.”

  She chuckled to herself as she remembered Tom Sawyer and the whitewashed picket fence. Hopefully she hadn’t tricked Joseph into this. “Well, I’ll understand if you change your mind. In the meantime, I’ll be cleaning the kitchen.”

  For the next hour or so, they both worked quietly. She was nearly done cleaning the tiny kitchen when she heard someone calling through the screen door. “Grocery delivery for Mrs. Clark.”

  “I’m coming,” she yelled as she ran to let the young man inside, warning him to watch his step as he carried the big box inside.

  “Put it there,” she pointed to the still damp countertop.

  He set it down, then looked around the disheveled place with a puzzled expression. “You really live in this?”

  “We’re just moving in,” she explained. “It’s still a little messy.”

  He frowned. “And small.”

  “Yes, well, it’s big enough. Here, let me get you a tip.”

  He held up his hands. “No, that’s okay, ma’am.”

  “But I—”

  “Maybe next time.” And just like that he hurried away.

  Caroline chuckled to herself as she imagined how this place must’ve seemed to the young man. He probably refused his tip because he figured they were very impoverished and desperately in need of every penny. That was actually very sweet and, in some ways, not too far from the truth. As she put away the perishable items, she promised herself that she would tip him generously the next time she had groceries delivered. Hopefully there would be a next time.

  “How’s it going?” She poked her head into the bathroom, suppressing the urge to laugh when she saw that Joseph was speckled and streaked with aqua-blue paint.

  “I got kind of messy,” he said. “But I haven’t gotten any on the floor or the toilet or anything.”

  “And look how much you got done. Almost the whole wall, except for the top section. And the biggest wall, too. Nice work.”

  Just as she was helping Joseph to clean up outside, a panel truck pulled up with the items she’d purchased from the secondhand shop. She directed the two men through the messy space, watching as they set the pieces into place and even talked them into taking some of the old pieces out to the driveway. Like the grocery boy, they seemed to feel sorry for her living conditions, too, but they didn’t refuse a tip.

  She returned to the bathroom, picking up where Joseph had left off, and like him, she discovered it was rather fun to paint. Watching something old and messy transformed into something fresh and clean was invigorating. And the aqua-blue color was fresh and fun.

  “That looks good, Mom.” Joseph poked his head through the doorway.

  “Thanks to your hard work.”

  “I moved my boxes to my room,” he told her. “I haven’t unpacked too much yet, but Danny wants me to play with him.”

  “Good idea.” She felt reli
eved to think Joseph might have some fun.

  By the time she finished cleaning up the messy paint things, it was getting dusky. Hopefully she’d have enough time to unpack some boxes, locate some kitchen pans and tools, and fix them some dinner before it was time to go upstairs to watch her niece and nephew. She was just unpacking her dishes when she heard footsteps clomping down the steep wooden staircase and Joseph calling. “Aunt Marjorie asked if you want to help fix dinner,” he explained. “That way she can get dressed.” He frowned. “Except that she’s already dressed.”

  “Oh, she means dressed up. She and Rich are going out tonight. I offered to babysit Danny and Lulu.”

  As she finished cleaning Marjorie’s kitchen, Caroline couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt this tired. Besides all the work in the apartment, she’d fixed the kids dinner, given Lulu a bath and put her to bed, played Chinese checkers with Joseph and Danny, and gotten Danny headed for bed (with Joseph’s help). Now it was only half past eight, but she was exhausted.

  “I read Danny two picture books,” Joseph said as he joined her in the kitchen. “And I told him if he didn’t go to sleep without a peep, I wouldn’t read him any books tomorrow. And he was quiet as a mouse.”

  “You’re amazing.” She ruffled his hair.

  He shrugged. “Not really.”

  “Yes, you are,” she insisted. “What would I do without you?”

  “Be lonely?” He grinned.

  She pointed to the kitchen clock. “And now it’s time for you to start thinking about bed yourself, young man.”

  “Can I open my boxes from home first?” he asked. “I want to find some of my own books. I’m tired of reading baby books.”

  She laughed. “Yes, by all means find your own books. And I’ve got just the thing for you to store them on. As well as some of your other things. Tell you what, you stay up here to listen for the kids and I’ll run down there and put it in your room.”

  It didn’t take long to move the small pine bookshelf into Joseph’s room. She placed it beneath the window, then stood back to look. With the bedside table and small dresser and desk, delivered earlier, this tiny space was looking more like a boy’s bedroom. And instead of the additional furnishings making it look smaller, it almost seemed bigger. As she went upstairs, she felt invigorated again, suddenly eager to put more things in place. Except that she was babysitting and it seemed irresponsible to be that far from Danny and Lulu. But then she got an idea.

  Joseph was thrilled at the idea of staying up late. And before long, dressed in his pajamas and robe and armed with some “big boy” books, he took his post in the living room and she went down to the apartment to continue putting their new home into order. “I’ll leave the door open,” she called. “Come and get me if you need anything.”

  As she unpacked boxes, she felt surprised at how many household items she really had. And she didn’t miss the irony—realizing that her kitchen cupboards were packed full, meanwhile Marjorie’s were fairly sparse. But then Caroline and Joe had gotten married many years ago. She still had their treasured wedding gifts, as well as other things she’d accumulated over the years. And, of course, this kitchen was about one-fourth the size of the one upstairs. Still, it felt good to see a well-stocked kitchen.

  Eventually it was past eleven and she knew it was high time Joseph went to bed. She went upstairs to find him curled up on the sofa with a book. She bent down to kiss him on the head, noticing a small splotch of aqua-blue paint still in his hair. “Thank you, my prince,” she said quietly. “Now it’s time for you to go to bed.”

  He nodded sleepily, starting to gather his things.

  “Just leave it,” she insisted. “I’ll bring them down.”

  After he left, she picked up one of the books. It was one that had belonged to her as a child, one of her favorites—The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. As much as she’d enjoyed the movie and the memory of how she and Joe had taken little Joseph to see it, she still felt the book was better. She opened the first page and started to read, but just like the Cowardly Lion in the poppy field, she found her eyelids growing very heavy…feeling herself drifting off to sleep. Instead of dreaming about the Tin Man or the Scarecrow, she dreamed she was a car mechanic struggling to fix a long yellow convertible that belonged to the handsome stranger from the coffee shop.

  Chapter 5

  On Sunday morning, after fixing Joseph pancakes for breakfast, Caroline went upstairs to see what time Marjorie and Rich were going to church and if it would be all right to join them. “Oh, we weren’t planning on going today,” Marjorie told her. “We got home so late last night. And I figured you’d be tired, too.” She made an impish grin. “Don’t tell Mom and Dad, but we don’t go every Sunday.”

  “Oh…okay.” Caroline nodded.

  “I’m hungry, Mommy.” Danny tugged on Marjorie’s bathrobe.

  “Want to join us for breakfast?” Marjorie removed the baby bottle from the hot water, giving it a shake. “I haven’t got anything started yet, but—”

  “Thanks anyway,” Caroline said quickly. “We already ate. And I’ve almost got the kitchen set up so we should be all right from here on out.” She ran her hand over Danny’s head. “I want to respect your space, Marjorie. I think in the long run we’ll be better off for it.”

  “Oh, yeah, sure.” Marjorie frowned slightly as she handed Danny the bottle. “Go give this to your sister and I’ll see what I can round up for your breakfast.”

  Caroline excused herself, then went back down to the apartment. “Looks like no church today,” she told Joseph. “Unless we want to go on our own, but I don’t even know where the church is.”

  “I saw a church when Uncle Rich brought us home that night,” he told her.

  “Near here?”

  “I think so. It looked like a big box, and the windows were all lit up with colors.”

  “Do you think you could find this church?”

  “Sure.”

  Caroline looked at the clock she’d hung in the kitchen last night. It was one that she and Joe had picked out together when Joseph was little. The friendly black cat, with eyes and tail that twitched back and forth with seconds, never failed to humor her. And if the cat’s time was correct, it seemed reasonable that they’d be in time for a service.

  “Okay.” Caroline reached for her black handbag. “Let’s see what we can find.”

  Joseph seemed to know which way to go and Caroline decided to just let him lead the way. It was a bright, pleasant morning, and, at the least, they would have an enjoyable stroll. However, she regretted her navy-blue suit. Made of wool, it was far too warm for these summery temperatures. She considered removing the jacket, but that seemed too informal for a Sunday service.

  “Do you think it’s much farther?” she asked Joseph after about ten minutes. Of course, he didn’t know. And just when she was about to give up, there, sure enough, was a square brick church with big stained-glass windows. “You’re good,” Caroline told him as they tentatively approached the stalwart building. The large sign in front gave the service schedule, but according to her watch, they were late for the first service. “Maybe we should come back—”

  “Hello, hello,” a stout elderly woman warmly greeted them. Wearing a purple dress and matching hat, she had a Bible under one arm and a big red handbag looped over the other. “Are you here for first service?”

  “Well, yes, but—”

  “No time to waste.” The woman hooked her arm in Caroline’s, leading them up the concrete steps. “I’m Mrs. Franklin, and I can tell you’re new because I’ve never seen you before. And I know everyone in this church. My father helped build this church in 1878.”

  “I’m Mrs. Clark,” Caroline said, “and this is Joseph.”

  “Pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Clark. Now you will take the first door to your right,” Mrs. Franklin instructed. “And I will escort this handsome young man to Sunday school. Let me guess, are you in the fourth grade?”

  “Thir
d.”

  “Tall for your age, aren’t you?”

  “But I—” Caroline looked at Joseph, but he seemed unconcerned. “See you later,” she called as Mrs. Franklin swooshed him away. Caroline stared at the big wooden door, which she assumed led to the sanctuary since she could hear the strains of a pipe organ coming through it. She had always disliked being late to church back home, but it felt even worse to come late to a church she’d never attended before. Taking in a deep breath, she gently pushed open the door and was met by a thin gray-haired man. “Right this way, miss.” He smiled as he led her down the aisle, clear to the middle, where he motioned to the pew on her right.

  Fortunately, the congregation was singing a hymn, so her entrance wasn’t quite as intrusive as she feared. The woman next to her handed Caroline a hymnal, even helped her to find the right page. As she joined in the singing of the familiar chorus, Caroline began to relax.

  When the congregation sat down, Caroline attempted to gather her bearings. Although this church wasn’t the same denomination as she was accustomed to, it felt familiar and she suspected it was similar. The reverend was well spoken and intelligent, and his message was from the scriptures. Perhaps Joseph had found them a good church after all.

  As she scanned the backs of the congregation, she felt slightly surprised to see that the women here, like Mrs. Franklin, appeared to enjoy wearing bright-colored clothing. So much so that Caroline felt rather dowdy and dark in her somber navy suit.

  As the benediction was given, Caroline took a moment to study the stained-glass windows on both sides of the sanctuary. The one to her left showed three crosses on a green hillside, with light beams and a rainbow behind it. But when she looked at the one on her right, she nearly gasped at its beauty. It must’ve been facing east since the sun was pouring through it. She stared in awe and wonder, taking in the amazing depiction of a ten-foot-tall shepherd holding a lamb in his arms, surrounded by green pastures and sapphire-blue streams. She could hardly take her eyes off it.

  She realized the service had ended while she was still staring at the shepherd image when the woman to her right gently nudged her. “It is lovely, isn’t it?”