Volume 2 - The Sighs of Suzumiya Haruhi

by Tanigawa Nagaru

  When you free yourself from the boundaries of your mind, you’ll be able release your potential that you never even knew you had. ……Something like that.

  Makes sense.

  But, Haruhi,

  Why is it that you are the only one whose potential got released? And you aren’t even aware of it yourself.

  Chapter 3

  Saturday came.

  We were to meet at the station. When I arrived carrying all the equipment using the largest backpack I could find in my house, I discovered that the other four were already waiting for me.

  The sight of Haruhi in her casual clothes and Asahina-san in her usual cuteness was just as captivating as usual. They looked like a pair of mismatched sisters. Asahina-san, who looked more like the younger sister despite being older, wore some mature styled clothing.

  Surrounded by three weird people, Asahina-san breathed a sigh of relief as she saw me and nodded while waving at me. Ah, that feels good.

  “You’re late!”

  Haruhi may be yelling at me, but she was obviously quite happy. The reason her hands were empty was because she had stuffed the loudspeaker and director’s chair into my baggage as well.

  “It’s not even nine yet,”

  I frowned and said. I looked aside and saw Nagato’s porcelain statue-like expression and Koizumi’s relaxed smile. Speaking of which, today’s a holiday. While it was normal for Nagato to still wear her uniform as she always did, why was Koizumi wearing his uniform as well today?

  “This is my costume for the movie, apparently,”

  Koizumi replied,

  “She told me that yesterday. I will be playing an esper disguised as a high school student.” Isn’t that what you are!?

  I put down the bags which were stuffed with the camera and all the other shooting equipment and wiped the sweat off my forehead. Haruhi showed an excited face like an elementary school kid ready to set off on a field trip and said,

  “Kyon, you’ll have to pay a fine since you’re the last to arrive, but not now. Right now, we need to ride the bus. I’ll be paying for the fares, as that’s part of the expenses anyway, but you’ll have to treat everyone to a meal.”

  After unilaterally making this decision, she waved her hand, “Everyone! The bus stop is this way! Follow me!”

  I now noticed the armband on her arm was now labelled “Ultra Director.” Looks like Haruhi thinks she’s above even a Great Director. Was she about to make an awesome movie?

  Let me clarify once more, I still believe making an Asahina-san video special would be more fun than this.

  After a bumpy thirty minute bus ride we got off at the bus stop at the bottom of the hill. We then spent another thirty minutes arduously climbing up the mountain path.

  We arrived at a forest park such as can be found anywhere in the countryside. This was a place I was very familiar with ever since I was in elementary school, because every year when it comes to going out on a field trip, we always end up going hiking at the nearest mountain.

  This was only a park in name, since all the authorities did was open up an empty patch on the hill and build a fountain over it. It was so empty that I can’t help but wonder why on earth did I climb so high here anyway. It’s only the little kids, having no concept of what entertainment is, who feel happy coming here. And bringing those little kids here were most likely their parents.

  Using the fountain in the center of the plaza as a starting point, we decided to make this our base for today’s filming. Haruhi, who was empty-handed, had an unlimited amount of energy oozing out, while I was nearly worked out like a dog. If I hadn’t shoved half of my baggage to Koizumi, I was sure I would be lying dead on the mountain path already. So, once we arrived at the park, I leaned against the equipment bag which was mainly used for backpacking journeys, trying to catch my breath.

  “Would you like a drink?”

  A plastic bottle appeared before my eyes. Asahina-san was holding it.

  “I drank half of it already, so if you don’t mind……”

  As this Oolong tea was made by the gods, it must be as sweet as all the heavenly elixirs combined. This has nothing to do with whether she had drunk of it or not, because I would probably be condemned if I refused this. Before I could gracefully accept this gift, a hand from the evil devil pushed off the hand of the angel, as Haruhi grabbed the Oolong tea from Asahina-san and said,

  “Leave this for later! Mikuru-chan, now is not the time to give water to these servants in charge of menial tasks. If we don’t start soon, we’ll be wasting all this good weather. So let’s start the filming already.”

  Asahina-san opened her eyes widely,

  “Eh……? Right here?”

  “Of course. What did you think we came here for?”

  “But don’t I have to change? There’s nowhere here I can change……” “That won’t be a problem. Look, everywhere is full of these.” Haruhi’s finger was now pointed towards the green forest surrounding the park.

  “No one would come if you change in the forest, it’s like a natural changing room. Come on, let’s go!” “Eh?…KYAA~~!!! H…HEEEEEELP~~!!!”

  Before any help could be rendered, Asahina-san was dragged away by Haruhi and they disappeared into the forest.

  Asahina-san reappeared wearing her lively waitress costume, with two ponytails tied behind the back of her head. Her eyes looked shyly at the wild flowers growing by the side of the road.

  One of her eye colors looked very strange, truly. Only her left eye was blue, just what was in her eye? “That’s a colored contact lens,”

  Haruhi explained,

  “Having different colors for each eye is also an important factor. Just look at her, isn’t her aura of mystery even greater now? All it takes is a little trick. That’s a hint!”

  She grabbed Asahina-san’s chin from behind her back and tilted her little face slightly sideways. Asahina-san can only look perplexed while being toyed around by Haruhi.

  “There’s a secret hidden with this blue eye,” Haruhi said.

  “Because if we don’t provide any meaning to this, then there’s no big deal in having different colored eyes.” Seeing Asahina-san’s exhausted, worn-out look was already quite a big deal.

  “Then what’s the secret with that colored contact lens?” “Right now it’s still a secret.”

  Haruhi smiled and replied.

  “Hey, Mikuru-chan! How long are you going to daydream for? You’re the star of the show! Your greatness is only second to that of the executive producer and director! Now straighten your back!”

  “KYAA~~!”

  Asahina-san made an eerie scream, and was forced by Haruhi to make a pose. Next, Haruhi made Asahina-san carry a gun (a toy gun, that is).

  “Show the feel of a female assassin! Make people strongly feel you’re from the future!” Haruhi began making all sorts of unreasonable requests, while Asahina-san tried frantically to make all sorts of poses towards me – the camera that is. She didn’t really need to work this hard. Seriously.

  In the meantime, Haruhi has shown an abnormally high amount of enthusiasm in this. I too have seen movies that bored the hell out of me. But never once did I think “I could do better than that,” and then proceed to try and make a movie myself, and I don’t even know how a movie is made anyway. Even if I did shoot a movie, I don’t believe I could make it any better myself. Yet, Haruhi really thinks she has the talent to be a director. At least she believes she can make a movie better than the cheap B-movies shown on late nights. Just where did such confidence come from?

  Haruhi waved her yellow loudspeaker and yelled,

  “Mikuru-chan! Don’t be so shy! Set yourself free! Immerse yourself into the character’s role and you’ll do fine! Right now you’re the female protagonist Asahina Mikuru!”

  ……Of course I knew there was no basis for Haruhi’s confidence. She was born with that groundless confidence, which causes the world to constantly fall into chaos. Otherwise she wouldn’t be we
aring such a ridiculous armband and smiling so boastfully.

  Under the instructions of Haruhi the director, we began the filming of the memorable “Action 1.” The scene was named as such, but all it involved was me carrying a camera and filming Asahina-san running across the plaza. I was told this was the opening scene. I felt we should at least have a script, but Haruhi said as a matter-of-factly that there was no such thing.

  “It would be troublesome if what we wrote gets leaked out.” That was her reason. It looked as though she was going along the style of those Hong Kong action movies (making it up as you go along). To be honest, I was already exhausted, but compared to Asahina-san, who had to run breathlessly carrying two guns in her hands, my situation wasn’t too bad.

  Under our watchful gazes, Asahina-san continued to run, wavering left and right along the way. It wasn’t until after “Action 5”, when the director signalled an “OK” gesture, that she slumped tiredly onto the ground.

  “Huff…… huff……”

  Ignoring the waitress who put her hands on the ground, catching her breath, Haruhi turned and gave her orders to Nagato, who had been waiting aside all this time,

  “We now begin the battle scene between Yuki and Mikuru-chan.” Wearing her favorite black costume, Nagato stepped in front of the camera. As all she did was put a black cloak over her uniform and wear a black pointed hat on her head, she didn’t have to be dragged out to the forest to change, so she should count herself lucky. But Nagato looked like the sort of girl who wouldn’t flinch a bit no matter where she changed. I wonder what it would be like if their roles were switched? With Nagato as the waitress while Asahina-san would be the magician. It would be a surreal sight, but it sounds good.

  Haruhi had Asahina-san and Nagato stand three meters apart facing each other.

  “Mikuru-chan, I want you to shoot mercilessly at Yuki.”

  “Eh?” Asahina-san looked shocked. She shook her untidy hair, which was messed up after running for so long, and said, “But we can’t use this to shoot people……”

  “Don’t worry! Mikuru-chan, you’re bound to miss anyway with your skills. Even if you do shoot on target, Yuki would be able dodge easily.”

  Nagato stood still, silently holding the rod with a decorative star attached to its end.

  I thought to myself – even if you were to pull the trigger on Nagato at point blank range, she would still be able to dodge it faster than the speed of lightning.

  “Well……”

  Asahina-san looked timidly at Nagato like a rookie waitress who had just broken a plate and was reporting to a scary looking chef.

  “It’s fine…” Nagato replied, then spun the rod in her hand, “…go ahead and shoot.” “Mikuru-chan, even Yuki says she’s fine with it, so fire all you like. Let me just make this clear, don’t fire both guns at the same time, but one by one alternately! That’s the basic skill of a double-barrelled gunman.”

  Koizumi lifted the light reflector board high above his head, I had no idea where Haruhi got her hands on this one. The Movie Club was probably reporting a theft to the police right now. By the way, Koizumi, aren’t you supposed to be the male lead?

  “I’m not confident of adapting to any changes that would come along during filming, so instead of being filmed, I much prefer doing this. Yesterday I’ve been wondering, can’t I just remain as a backroom crew……”

  “Huh?”

  Asahina-san carried a bulky model machine gun and fired ceaselessly with her eyes closed. Standing aside, I had this scene recorded into my camera. I wasn’t able to see clearly where the BB bullets went, but from the sight of Nagato standing still without even flinching, it seems she wasn’t even hit. Was it because of her magic…… When I began to suspect that, Nagato slowly lifted her wand, she then waved it swiftly and the bullets just fell on the ground in clinking sounds. She wasn’t wearing her glasses, yet her keen eyesight continues to amaze me.

  Nagato never moved her gaze away from the gun. She was unusual like that, it’s as though she wasn’t aware, “It wouldn’t be natural if I don’t blink,” yet she was only making herself stand out even more. I don’t think I would be surprised whether she walks without blinking or smashes through the ceiling and moves instantaneously. So I wasn’t at all fazed by that.

  Nagato was like a broken windshield wiper, swinging her wand occasionally. Every time she waved her wand, the BB bullets would make a clattering noise as they hit on the ground.

  But, this was a pretty monotonous battle scene. Nagato was busy waving her wand, while Asahina-san simply fired the two guns on her hands, without a single bullet hitting its target, as Haruhi only told her to “fire all you like,” she didn’t even provide a script. The only lines of dialogue I could hear were Asahina-san going “Ah~~! Kyaa~~!! It’s so scary!!”

  When Asahina-san used up all the bullets in her guns, Haruhi tapped her shoulder with her loudspeaker. I put down my hand-held camera and walked towards Haruhi, who was sitting on the director’s chair,

  “Hey, Haruhi. Just what kind of movie is this? I don’t see any story in it at all.” The Ultra Director glanced at me and said,

  “It doesn’t matter, since I plan to edit the scenes during post-production anyway.” Who’s going to do that? I meant the editing of course. Of course, I did sort of remember part of my duties involved editing.

  “At least have some sort of dialogue!”

  “When there’s a problem, we’ll just remove the background sound and dub them over during editing. We’ll add the sound effects and background music as well then. We don’t have to worry about those now!”

  Now that I think about it, as the story only exists in your head, there’s no room for us to do any thinking anyway. But I must at least make sure that Haruhi’s sexual harassment of Asahina-san gets reduced to a minimum, as well as forbidding any other guys besides myself to touch her body. That’s my bottom line, surely no one has a problem with that, right?

  “Now for the next scene! Yuki’s counter-attack. Yuki, use your magic and attack Mikuru-chan with all your might!”

  Nagato didn’t move, save her dark eyes staring out at me from under her black hat, and tilted her head in an angle only I could notice. I think Nagato was trying to ask me “Is it really OK?”

  The answer was of course “No.” There was no way I would let anyone injure Asahina-san in any way, let alone by magic. Just look at Asahina-san, don’t you see her trembling with a pale face already?

  Of course Haruhi had no idea Nagato could wield such incredible magic, I think what she meant was to have Nagato perform something that looks like magic.

  Nagato seemed to understand what I thought of as well, she said nothing and lifted her wand, then waved it like how fans in a pop concert would wave their fluorescent tubes.

  “Forget it,” Haruhi said, “I’ll add in the visual effects later on. Kyon, remember to create effects that has rays coming out from Yuki’s wand during post-production.”

  How should I know how to make such visual effects? It would be a different story if we could borrow some assistance from Industrial Light & Magic, though.

  “Mikuru-chan, scream in agony and then fall on the ground looking tormented.” Asahina-san hesitated for a moment, then she then muttered “……AH” and fell forward face down with her hands lifted up. Standing besides her was Nagato, like the God of Death who had just claimed Asahina-san’s soul. I had this scene recorded, while Koizumi stood beside me holding the reflector board.

  The staring glances of the bystanders who had been standing around us now felt like needles on my back.

  Haruhi finally decided to have mercy on us and granted us a break. We all sat down together on the ground exhausted.

  Haruhi rewound the video I just recorded and played it again, muttering something to herself with a concerned look.

  A few curious kids ran towards Asahina-san and Nagato and asked, “What TV program is this?” Asahina-san could only smile weakly and shake her head, while
Nagato had completely ignored their presence and blended in with the background.

  From beginning to end, Haruhi never once explained what the scenes that we shot were going to come out as. So I was completely in the dark when the Ultra Director announced that our next location would be the shrine nearby. Was the break over already!?

  “There’re pigeons there,”

  Haruhi said,

  “We need a scene of Mikuru-chan running with doves flying in the background! If possible, I’d prefer all the pigeons to be white, but I guess I can’t be picky now.”

  I guess we’ll just have to find some domestic pigeons. Haruhi wrapped her arm around an already exhausted Asahina-san’s arm (probably to prevent her from escaping), and walked through the forest park towards the main road. I carried the equipment with Koizumi and followed them, like the local sherpas hired to handle the baggage of a filming crew sent to do a documentary. We arrived at a large shrine in the middle of the mountain. It’s been a while since I last came, not since a field trip in elementary school.

  Haruhi stood in front of a sign that says “Don’t feed the pigeons,” she then began to openly throw bread crumbs around like a gardener determined to make the wilting flowers blossom again. All I could say about this is that she’s probably illiterate.

  Nearly covering the ground completely, the swarm of pigeons now gathered over at once, and more landed from the air. A shrine that is covered by feathers just doesn’t feel comfortable at all. Asahina-san followed instructions and stood within the sea of pigeons. Standing in front of the waitress, I recorded her legs being pecked at by various beaks as her lips shivered nonstop. Just what was I doing?

  Haruhi stood offscreen carrying the gun Asahina-san had been holding and clicked off the safety switch. Before I could wonder what she was up to, she suddenly began shooting like mad towards the side of Asahina-san’s legs.

  “KYAAA~~!!!”