Forever (This #5)

by J. B. McGee

  My brows crease. “I think you should be the one who always turns the lights on for the first time.”

  He turns his head to the side. A small, crooked smile emerges from the corner of his mouth. “Is that so? Why is that?”

  “Because one day I hope we’ll have kids, and in my mind, I’ve always pictured their father being the one to turn the lights on.”

  He pulls me back to him, our bodies crashing into one another. “Do you already have baby fever, Mrs. Banks?”

  I vigorously shake my head. “No. Absolutely not. School first, then babies, remember?” Even though he’s smiling, I swear there is a bit of disappointment. His eyes dull, the sparkle missing just a little.

  Almost a year before we were to be married, Veronica, Bradley’s ex-whatever, got pregnant. She convinced him, us, everyone she conceived the week before he met me at the wedding. As it turned out, she duped everyone. Faith wasn’t his child, and we don’t talk about her or that whole situation much, but I’ve wondered lately if he’d gotten his mind right with becoming a father to only have it jerked away.

  “I remember, Gabby. School first, then babies. So, you want me to flip this switch, huh?”

  I nod.

  He releases me, crouches down, and peeks over his shoulder. “Three, two…” We smile at each other, and I clap my hands together like the cheerleader I’m not. “One.”

  Sucking in a breath, I start to turn in a circle to soak in the beauty of this moment. The sun is setting, and our house is only lit by an ambient glow. The lights of the garland resting on the mantel leave a bokeh effect on my bridal portrait, which hangs above the oversized fireplace. Our personalized stockings handmade by Bradley’s grandmother, rest on sterling silver hooks. Bradley’s had his stocking his entire life, of course, but mine was a wedding gift. Nothing anyone did for me made me feel more a part of his family than that one simple gesture. It’s like a rite of passage. I look back at our tree. Mom would be so proud to know that this is my life, but then again, I’m sure she had a hand in it all. I smile as a tear trickles down my cheek. “I love this. This life. This day. This tree.”

  He swipes it, and I look down at my feet, wishing I could have willed it not to fall. “What’s this?”

  “Nothing.”

  He tenderly lifts my chin. “You’re a terrible liar. Wanna try again?”

  “Tears of joy and a bit of sadness. Missing my mom.”

  “Ah. I hate I never got to meet her.” He brushes the hair away from my wet cheek.

  “It’s okay.”

  He kisses my forehead. “Go pack an overnight bag. Quickly. We’re running late.”

  “Interesting. A clue. How much longer?” I grin and shrug. I didn’t ask what it was.

  As I’m turning away to walk to our room, he smacks my butt. “Quit wasting time.”

  I jump when his hand hits my jeans. It’s not hard, more like a playful love pat football players do when their teammate scores the winning touchdown. “You like spanking me?” I glimpse back over my shoulder as I nearly skip out of the living room into our bedroom.

  He shakes his head, chuckling. “Woman. Pack. Now.”

  I raise my brows a couple of times, but can’t wipe the grin off my face. “Going. Patience, right, Mr. Banks?”

  Bradley mumbles something under his breath, but by this time, I’m too far away to hear him. When I flip the light switch, I see the enlarged photos from the locket. On his nightstand is the picture from Cade’s wedding. That night I’d told Bradley I was waiting on a man who would love me not just for my body, but for my mind and my soul. The picture is in a silver frame with the words, Mind, Body, Soul…Forever engraved on the bottom. Our vows. The other one, from our wedding, is on my nightstand next to my clock in a matching frame. Euphoria sets in as I gaze at them.

  “Gabby Girl. Focus. Hurry up.”

  “You’re going to be a great parent one day. You know? Being able to tell from another room that someone’s being disobedient.”

  “You sure you don’t have baby fever?”

  “Stop. No baby fever.” I roll my eyes. “Now, shh. Be quiet so I can concentrate on the task at hand.”

  The trip to Bradley and Gabby’s house is longer than usual because traffic into the ATL is always crazy, but add the rush of Christmas shopping, and it’s an absolute clusterfuck.

  “How was your day?” Ryan barely glances over.

  I scroll through my Facebook news feed. “Same old stuff, you know.”

  “Are you liking your surgical rotation?”

  “Yeah, but I don’t think that’s what I want to do long term.” I put my phone in one of the center consoles of Ryan’s Land Cruiser. “I think I want to do pediatrics.”

  “You couldn’t pay me to deal with sick, screaming kids every day.”

  Joe’s words about Ryan never settling down creep into my mind. “I can’t believe we’ve never really talked about kids before. Do you want kids, Ryan?”

  He shrugs, but his hands grip the steering wheel a little tighter, his knuckles turning white. “Maybe eventually, but right now, no.”

  I swallow hard. “Why not?”

  “I love what I do, Sam. The freedom to go check on patients, do what I want when I’m off.” I can’t believe what I’m hearing. “Kids are a lifelong commitment.”

  “So is marriage. Are you planning on staying single?”

  “Sam.”

  “Answer the question, Ryan.”

  He shifts in his seat. The air in the car is thick, and I push the button on my door to lower the window a smidge. The setting sun glares into my eyes, and I flip the visor down to blind it. “I have nothing against marriage. Just not right now.”

  It’s not that I want to be married. But Joe’s been warning me of this for months. I’d thought he was just screwing with my head, but maybe he wasn’t. He’s his brother. It’s just I thought I knew him equally well. Apparently, I know nothing about either of them. How is it I spend an entire year of my life with someone and don’t even know whether they want kids or not? How is this just coming up? Why tonight?

  I twist my body into the seat, wrapping my arms around my legs. My lids become heavy as I watch the naked trees on the interstate until I’ve finally slipped off to sleep.

  It’s funny how I can sleep soundly when we’re on a straight road, but my body knows when we are close to our destination by the sound of blinkers, the slower speed, and the tugging of the car turning.

  Ryan glances over at me, a small grin on his face, as if the conversation we had prior to my nap didn’t take place. “There you are. Were you able to get some rest?”

  My arms extend toward the roof of the car. My back arches and then pops as I twist from side to side. Maybe I should forget it happened too. “Yeah. Now that we’re here, I’m really excited to make some memories.”

  “I’m glad Bradley invited me…us back. At least we don’t have to worry this time about the pressure to hook up from the two of them.” He winks.

  My stomach churns. Or is it rumbling? Hunger pangs. Right. “Did Bradley mention what the food plans are? I’m starving.”

  “He didn’t mention anything to me. I thought you two had worked all this out.”

  “Eh…” I shrug. “I just kept his little secret from Gabby.”

  We pull up to the gate of their neighborhood. “Name of the resident you’re visiting, please,” the guard asks, glancing from Ryan to me and back to Ryan again.

  “Banks. Bradley and Gabby Banks,” he says.

  “And your name?”

  “Ryan Adams and Samantha Gerhart.”

  I get why Bradley wanted to buy a house in here, but I’ve never understood the appeal of having a guard and gate. Something about it seems snooty and ridiculous. And the fact no one can ever spontaneously surprise you is a major turn off for me. My thoughts return to Gabe. Maybe them being in a gated community isn’t such a bad thing. I do hate the fact I can’t drop in on Gabby for the fun of it without her knowing. They
have to call in every single visitor. Gabby doesn’t seem to mind, though. Ultimately, I guess that’s all that matters.

  The guard nods while scribbling something on a hanger that goes on our rearview mirror. “Enjoy your visit. Display this at all times while you’re in the community.”

  Ryan gives him some kind of bro code hand gesture. “Got it. Have a great night, man.”

  “You too.”

  “You’re so nice. Polite. Compassionate. Even to the little people.”

  He shrugs. “Stop.”

  “It’s true. You’re so humble you don’t even see it.” I saw it, still do, and I keep reminding myself. Since the ghost tour, I’ve started to question every single flutter, throb, and zap to my core. In fact, I haven’t just questioned them, I’ve started to analyze them like a strip to an EKG. I’ve started to take notes on what causes certain rhythms…what leads to skipped beats. More frightening than any ghost tour or haunted house is the fact Joe seems to send my pulse racing, not Ryan. And I’m totally stuck in the situation. The easy thing would be to end it with Ryan, but then there are moments like these, when I know that losing him may very well be losing the best man—the one who loves me, nurtures me, and adores the ground I walk on.

  A man who doesn’t want kids. At least as of now. That’s a deal-breaker.

  Then, there’s the fact that breaking up with Ryan to be with Joe will never be an option. They are brothers, and if that doesn’t break the so called ‘bro code’, then I don’t know what does. With Gabby married to Bradley, and these guys being his best friends, having them out of my life completely is equally impossible. Call me selfish, but the thought of seeing either of them with another woman causes bile to rise in the back of my throat. The blood being pumped by my erratic heart boils.

  It simply isn’t an option.

  This is the only one.

  Besides, I can never explore this attraction with Joe. What a travesty it would be for me to hurt Ryan, break their bond as brothers, and have it be for nothing because maybe, probably, this is just lust with Joe.

  As we pull in Bradley and Gabby’s driveway, I’m blown away by the vehicle I see parked on one side. Joe’s. Dammit. Bradley didn’t say anything about him tagging along as a fifth wheel. Although, up until now, it was never an issue. This won’t be awkward at all. I gulp. “Your brother’s coming too?”

  “Again, I thought you and Bradley had talked more about this whole shindig?”

  “I did too.” I unhook the seatbelt. This is the first time I will have seen or spoken to Joe since October. “Maybe he just stopped by for something. Surely, he’s not coming with us. I mean, the whole point of this, Bradley said, was to establish traditions. Joe was never a part of this tradition.”

  Ryan cuts the ignition. “Would it bother you if we added him to the tradition?” He casts a glance toward me. “He is my brother.”

  I shrug. “No, of course not.” Because it wouldn’t. Maybe we could just pick up like old friends—like we were before feelings and words that can’t be taken back got in the way.

  “Let’s get inside.” Ryan leans over and gently brushes my lips with his. “Merry Christmas.”

  “It’s not Christmas yet.” I smile.

  “Eh, I consider the entire month of December Christmas. Can there ever be too much Christmas?”

  I shake my head. “No such thing, is there?”

  “Exactly.” He grabs our coats from the backseat and waits on me to reach the front of the car before placing his hand on the small of my back, guiding me to the door.

  Before I can ring the bell, Bradley snatches the door open. “I’m guessing you two would be late to your own funeral. Happy you decided to join us.”

  “If it involves Atlanta traffic, probably. You know Sam can’t stand being late.” Ryan extends his hand. Bradley takes it, pulls him close, pats his back, and motions for us to come in. “I don’t know how she puts up with me.”

  Truth. I smile as I embrace Bradley in a hug. “Says the man married to my habitually late sister. Sorry we were delayed in our arrival. It may have actually been my fault this time.” I shrug as he releases me. “I had to take a quick nap before I passed out on your doorstep from exhaustion. Didn’t want to be the party pooper.”

  “Eh, you’re forgiven. Gabby’s in the kitchen serving wine we saved from Italy and a cheese platter. You hungry?”

  “You have no idea. Thanks.” Once Ryan’s out of earshot, I contemplate asking what’s been on my mind since I first saw the driveway. “Joe’s here?” The words are out before I have time to think twice.

  “Yeah. Kitchen too. Can you believe it’s been two months since we were all together in Charleston? That was so much fun, I thought traditions should be modified. Besides, I have something I want to discuss with everyone on the way.”

  My heart begins to pound, and I’m thankful for the bulky sweater and scarf to hide the beating in my chest. “Seems like forever ago. I didn’t realize he was going to be here tonight.” I glance away. “Kinda different when you’re the fifth wheel on a romantic double date.”

  “No kidding. It worked out, though, because he’s been seeing someone for a few weeks, and so I figured they’d fit right in with our group. It’s officially a triple date.” A chill sends shivers up my spine as all the blood seems to leave my body. Bradley quickly shuts the door. “You’re white as a ghost. Sorry for leaving the door open like that.”

  I try to force my lips into a smile. “It’s okay. I’m good. While it’s always nice chatting with you, Bradley, I’ll go see my sister.”

  He gestures toward the kitchen. “After you, Sam.”

  The floor plan is pretty open, so it doesn’t take many strides before the ginormous kitchen comes into view. This house is huge. Mom would be so proud. Maybe she already knows. Maybe she arranged it. “Hey, Gabby.” I hold my arms out for a hug. “The decorations are beautiful. I think my favorite is the mantle. It’s breathtaking.” The tree looks like something out of Southern Living magazine. But the mantle…sigh…it’s incredible. Covered with white lights, garland, handmade stockings on decorative hooks. I take it all in. “Did you do this all today?”

  She runs into my arms. “Oh my gosh, Sam. It’s been an ah-mazing day. Let me show you something.” She takes my hand and pulls me into the living room. I look over my shoulder and smile at Ryan. The intensity of other eyes searing me awakens butterflies that had been hibernating since October. Funny my body responds to Joe even when I’ve not looked at him once. Or the girl he’s with. From what I’ve seen out of the side of my eye, she’s gorgeous. Ryan lifts his chin before taking a long swig of his Scotch. Gabby tugs me a little harder. “Sam, look at this.”

  My eyes follow the direction she’s pointing at to find a locket with two pictures inside. One from Cade’s wedding. “Oh gosh, Gabby. I had no idea this picture existed. It’s…it’s wow.”

  “I know. Bradley happened to see it in Cade’s album after they got back. Look at the other one.” She points to the other side. “It’s of us in the same exact place at our wedding.”

  “He arranged this for you?”

  “Is it not the most romantic thing you’ve ever seen?”

  I nod, taking a deep breath. A pit settles in my stomach before expanding, and I realize I’m actually jealous of her, yet happy. How is that even possible? She’s got this amazing husband, house, life, and I am not even sure if I’m still in love with my boyfriend because I am lusting after his brother. So messed up. “Where did you have this?” I hand the ornament back to her. “I’m not surprised he arranged this. I just usually know about his surprises. He didn’t tell me about this one.” Or about Joe. What the hell, Bradley Banks? I’m going to have a chat with him about all these surprises. My sister may enjoy them, but I don’t.

  “He also had them framed. They’re beside our bed. I love them so much.” She nudges me. “You seem off tonight. You okay?”

  “Just tired.” We make our way back into the kitchen. “So,
Bradley, what time is this show getting on the road? Or are we waiting on other guests?” I narrow my eyes at Joe. He uncrosses his arms and places one of his hands behind his plus one’s back. I’d really tried to avoid looking at her, but my eyes follow his movement like a magnet on an Etch-A-Sketch. They roam down to her six inch heeled boots. Oh, sweetie, you’re going to regret those. I grin. Then, I make my way up her long, super skinny leather clad legs to the tight, black cashmere sweater. Her soft blond curls fall perfectly on her perky, round breasts, which I’m guessing based on the proportion of the rest of her body, are fake. Her face is perfect, though. White teeth, dimples on both cheeks, defined cheekbones, and the most perfect smoky eye makeup enhancing her baby blue orbs. Not that I know anything about what makes a perfect smoky eye. Okay, I've watched a few YouTube videos and played around, but I always think I look like a raccoon when I’m done. Not her, though. She’s definitely no raccoon. She’s the total opposite of me. I swallow as I look back at Joe, whose face is stone cold, void of any insight to his thoughts.

  “Oh gosh, I’m a terrible hostess.” Gabby throws her hands up. She hates awkward silence. “Sam, Ryan, you’ve not met Joe’s girlfriend yet, have you?”

  Joe clears his throat when I raise an eyebrow.

  “No, I don’t think we’ve met,” I answer. Even her fingernails are perfect. Fake, but perfect. “I’m Sam, Gabby’s sister and Ryan’s girlfriend. I can’t believe we’ve not met yet.” I offer my hand. “So nice to meet you.” Joe’s eyes narrow, but his lips curve into what I know to be a fake smile. Someone should have told me it was a costume party. Show up as anyone other than yourself. Which Joe is real? This one or that one?

  “I’m Rebecca. Nice to meet ya.” She takes my hand, then looks past me at Ryan, who also clears his throat. “Nice to see you again, Rebecca.”

  To see you again? I cough before pointing to the bathroom. We all appear to be choking on the thick air. “Excuse me a minute.”

  When I make it to the powder room, I put the lid down over the seat of the commode and drop my head between my legs. Could this be any more disastrous? It’s not like it’s just a day trip. We’re spending the night this year. In one of the most romantic places ever. An old bed and breakfast in Aiken, The Carriage House Inn. Will our rooms be next to each other? Will we all hear each other having sex? I swallow back the bile. Oh God. They’re having sex. Ryan clearly knows her. Has Ryan had sex with her? Why would Ryan have had sex with her? Is this a joke? Beads of sweat form on my forehead, my throat constricts, and I pant, trying to get air to my lungs.