A Place to Call Home

by Dixie Lynn Dwyer

  She tilted her head at him. “Don’t hit me. Please, don’t hurt me. D…d….don’t…hurt me.” She was shaking so hard she couldn’t even speak. She moved and Culter cursed low, under his breath.

  “Kane,” he said his brother’s name, and as she tried to push them away, Kane pulled her into his arms and hugged her. He caressed her back and she gasped for breath.

  “We would never hurt you. Not ever, Hannah,” Kane said, and eased his palm up and down her back. His arms were like solid, muscular steel that encased her entire body, or at least it felt that way.

  She closed her eyes and willed the panic attack away. “It’s been so long. Months. I can’t breathe.”

  Culter caressed her hair from her cheek. She blinked her eyes open at him as she gripped onto Kane. “You can breathe. You got this, sweetie. Don’t let it control you. I know it’s hard. I know.”

  She shook her head. “Don’t know. You…don’t,” she said.

  “I do. When I came back after being shot and nearly dying in combat, I had episodes like this. Panic attacks, migraines, sometimes I fought them so hard, I would vomit and rage, then pass out. Kane, Chase, and Fox were there to help me, and when I finally put away my pride and accepted that, things changed.” He caressed her hair and leaned down and kissed her temple. “Put away your pride, sweetie. Fight against the fears you have and let us help you. We get it. We know what it’s like. I…know what it’s like.”

  She focused on his voice, on the feel of Kane’s palm caressing her back, and she closed her eyes and fought against the panic attack overpowering her.

  “Nice and easy. You got it. It’s over. It passed,” Culter said, and she eased back, felt Kane squeeze her a little like he didn’t want to let her go, or was afraid she would push them away. She felt so tired now. That was an after effect of an episode, and throw in the migraine and the fact her head was starting to hurt again, and she teetered. “Kane?”

  “I got her, bro. I got her.” Kane lifted her up and carried her to her bedroom. She heard his radio go off, but then Culter took his place and sat on the bed. “I got her, Sheriff. I’m here now.”

  “I’ll call you in a bit and check on her,” Kane said, and she blinked her eyes open. She looked up at Kane and he lowered down and pressed his lips softly to hers. “You rest. We’ll talk later. Make some plans,” he said, and winked.

  “I’m sorry.”

  Kane shook his head as Culter caressed her hair back and against the pillow. “No apologies. Whether you realize it or not, you trust us, or are learning to, and that’s a good thing because we’re good men. We protect our own, and this attraction, it’s a beginning. A slow, steady beginning. Now rest, and let your body recover.” She nodded and then he winked and walked out of her room. She looked at Culter who stared at her, eyes squinting with concern.

  “Breathing okay now?” he asked.

  “I’m so sorry.”

  He shook his head. “No. No apologies. What I shared with you back there in the kitchen, no one knows but my brothers.”

  She gulped. “You obviously went through something traumatic, correct?” She didn’t respond, and he raised one of his eyebrows up at her.

  “I can’t,” she whispered.

  “You won’t, and I get that. With time, with reassurance from us, you’ll see we aren’t out to hurt you. Now I’m just putting some things together. The training you’re used to doing, the fact you have no cell phone, no car, want to get paid cash to work, how secretive you’ve been since moving here, and how you picked this apartment way out on the edge of town, and even how this place doesn’t have hardly any décor around. No pictures, no knickknacks. The only sign of emotion or hominess is the small vase of flowers on the coffee table in the living room. I wouldn’t be surprised if you had a bag all packed with money in it to leave in a hurry.” Her eyes widened.

  “It’s that fucking bad, Hannah?”

  She closed her eyes and tightened them. She couldn’t confide in him. She couldn’t let Culter know, or his brothers. They would want to look up Matias, and they would think they could save her when they couldn’t. She would get them killed. She turned away from him and rolled into the pillow. “I can’t. I’m sorry. I appreciate your help before with Kane, and getting me through that, but that’s it.” The bed dipped and then she felt him join her on the bed. She tightened up. “Oh God, Culter, please don’t.”

  “Shhh, I’m not going to hurt you, or force anything on you. I’m just trying to let you know that you’re safe in these arms. Safe with me, Kane, Chase, and Fox protecting you, spending time with you, helping you with all of this.”

  “No, no it won’t work. I can’t. I’m…I’m broken,” she said as tears fell.

  He squeezed her tighter. “Don’t let the demons control you, and dictate your future, your freedom, and life. Don’t. I know you feel down, defeated when these attacks happen, but they pass, and you move on and hopefully they happen less and less because you feel safe here in Cherry Hill.”

  “It isn’t that easy.’

  “No, it won’t be.” He pressed his lips to her temple and she had to admit it felt good in his arms, and she longed to be held, to be comforted and not have to owe in return. Would they expect something in return?

  “You’re tightening up again. Relax, I won’t hurt you.”

  “What will you want in return? That’s what I want to know. There are loads of beautiful single women around town, even in the dojo and at Harper’s. They were all hitting on you guys and flirting. Why would you want to even talk to me? To waste your time with someone like me who isn’t whole.”

  He shifted, causing her to roll to her back, and then he pressed one thigh between her legs and encased her head and shoulders between his forearms. He stared down into her eyes, looked at her face, her lips and not lower to her breasts that were pouring from her top in this position. “The moment I laid eyes on you, I knew something was different. There was this spark, this instant attraction, and something in these gorgeous jade green eyes drew me in. I could see emotion, fear, determination, and then I inhaled your scent as my brother introduced us, and I just kept inhaling and needing more. I wanted to reach out and touch you and I couldn’t. But then everything transpired, and I knew Kane was attracted to you. He hasn’t been with a woman in just as long a time that I have. No one has interested us. No one has pulled us from our thoughts, our routines and responsibilities and made us react. Then there you are in my dojo, and Nash and the guys are staring at your body, flirting with you, and I’m jealous. Actually jealous, because I feel like I know you’re mine or something. I know that probably sounds barbaric, Hannah, but it’s how I felt.”

  He licked his lips and lifted slightly to look at her breasts, then back toward her face again. Her pussy throbbed and her nipples hardened once again. She was okay with him on her bed with her, laying over her, caging her in. It aroused her and that was shocking.

  “Then throw in Harper’s, and Chase and Fox being unable to take their eyes off of you, as well, and holy shit, we knew, knew that we all wanted you to be our woman. Then that dick threw the beer at you and you took care of it by yourself, and I saw the fear, the upset in your eyes. The reaction to Kane’s demands as sheriff and rules to protect you, and I knew you were scared for a whole lot of other reasons. Other than just the fact that four big, dominant commanding men wanted you.” He looked from her eyes to her lips and then back at her eyes, holding her gaze. “Do you feel it, too? That’s what I want to know, baby. Everything else we can handle. We’ll handle together. Just tell me.”

  “I can’t let it happen. I’m not capable.”

  “You are capable, because you’ll have us by your side, supporting you, helping you get through the fears and recovering from whatever the hell went down in your life to make you this fearful.”

  “I can’t,” she said, knowing that these men, the way they kissed her, touched her, would want to have sex with her, and she didn’t think she would be able to get t
hat far. To pull down the walls she built up so tall and tight.

  Tears rolled from her eyes and he squinted. “With time you’ll see you can trust us.” He lowered his mouth to hers and kissed her. He trailed his lips along her jaw, then to her neck, and a little lower to the cleavage of her breasts. Then he hugged her, rolled to his back, taking her with him and caressed her hair as she lay her face against his solid chest. She inhaled his cologne, placed her palm on his chest that he covered with his other hand, and closed her eyes and absorbed the feel of him, of safety, of being cared for by another human being. She rested, not worrying about what came next, but instead on just this moment with Culter.

  “That sounds really bad. What the fuck could have happened to her?” Chase asked Kane as him and Fox talked to Kane outside of the sheriff’s department.

  “You remember how Maya was for months after the assault?” Kane asked.

  “She closed up, and had those small anxiety attacks. She got counseling, still goes and is a thousand times better,” Chase said.

  “Exactly. If Hannah is running from whatever the traumatic event was in her life, then she’s had no counseling. She’s conditioned herself to deal with it on her own, and this anxiety attack was bad,” Kane said.

  “Could be she suffered a sexual assault, as well, considering she panicked with you and Culter kissing her at the same time,” Fox said.

  “Holy fuck. It could be. My God, she’s so young, maybe this is a bad idea, wanting to make her our woman.”

  “How can you say that Chase, when we are all attracted to her? We’ve never felt his way about a woman. I’m going insane worrying about her right now, and the only reason why I’m here and not at her place is because I know Culter is there. He spent the last few hours holding her in bed.”

  “What?” Chase asked.

  “It’s where I left them as she recovered from the panic attack. I also mentioned her seeing Doc Shelton for the swollen knuckles and the migraines she has. I don’t think it’s too smart taking three of those over the counter migraine pills when it says two at most.”

  “She refused though. Another indication of not getting her name into the system. You realize we can’t even try to look anything up on her on our own?” Fox said.

  “Well, you and I could with our resources,” Chase replied.

  “It wouldn’t be right. I think if we go slow, which is fucking hard, believe me, then it will work out and she’ll confide in us,” Kane said.

  “But when? What if she’s still in danger and that danger comes here, then what?” Fox asked.

  “We need to get her to talk to us soon and explain how the town rules work, how we can protect her no matter how bad this is,” Kane said.

  “I’m in. I’ve never felt so much for a woman I haven’t even kissed yet, never mind took to bed,” Chase said.

  Kane nodded.

  “I’m not sure yet. You don’t really know her or who she really is and what baggage is attached to her. We’ve seen crazy shit before. Men get tricked,” Fox added.

  “Fox, she isn’t bull shitting us. If I thought for one minute she could be, I would handle it accordingly,” Kane replied.

  “Would you, Kane? Would you handle it like the sheriff of this town and the bad ass you are, or would those jade green eyes, that sexy body, make you act differently? Maybe not let’s say, push for answers you know with anyone else you would demand to know if it weren’t for this attraction? Because that’s when the bad shit happens. You need to put aside the attraction for Hannah, and find out what happened to her and what she’s obviously running from. Then we can claim guardianship of her and protect her. Before that, I just don’t think I’m ready to let down my guard and take this chance, when all I know is what she looks like, what her body and those eyes look like and the sexual attraction I feel.”

  “Well, Fox, you’re going to have to talk to her and get to know her instead of only thinking about her looks and that physical attraction. Then you’ll see. You’ll read her eyes, her body language, and know she isn’t lying and her fears are legit. Why do you think Culter is there with her now? He saw it like I did, and you will, too,” Kane said, and Fox was silent.

  Chapter 6

  It was becoming a routine. She joined the dojo in Cherry Hill and had Culter as her sparring partner. She continued to work at Harper’s, but gave up the job at Spark’s as she felt isolated and scared, being so far from town and from Kane, Culter, and Chase. Fox was distant with her, like he didn’t trust her too much, and she understood why. Athena was holding back, resistant to this attraction she felt despite her gut telling her she could trust them. Her fear that they would be turned off by her past, by her being repeatedly raped by Matias who held her prisoner for two years, and that she feared him and his capabilities. She saw Matias commit several crimes. She had written down lots of things in a journal, names, dates she remembered. Some business dealings she knew were criminal, and put them all into those journals she hid beneath the floorboards with the money she made.

  She was getting used to their touches, their hugs, their attention, and the desire in their eyes as they watched over her bartending and drove her home each night. Today Fox and Chase were coming over to take her to lunch and meet Kane and Culter. It would be another show of possession by them, and a push for her to accept their guardianship of her. She just couldn’t seem to do it. Her fears of not remaining fully in control of her life, her actions, her decisions were scary. Yet she knew they would do what was best for her and she was learning to trust them individually.

  As she looked into the mirror, she smoothed her palms along the beige flair skirt and adjusted the camisole so it wouldn’t show off too much cleavage. She then pulled on the light sweater, and then waited until she heard the knock at her door. Her heart raced but she was determined to act normal and give a little more each day, each encounter, each shared time with these four pretty intimidating brothers.

  She walked into the living room and took a deep breath. Chase and Fox were soldiers, hardcore, very commanding soldiers and women stared at them constantly whenever she was around to take notice. Athena had some insecurities, that was obvious, and it made things harder to share special moments with them as they called her Hannah and not Athena. She just wasn’t ready to tell them the truth.

  She opened the door and Holy God, both men took up the entryway looking lethal. Their eyes gazed over her body and she felt it everywhere. She took in the sight of them. Both wearing dark jeans, button-down shirts. Fox in navy blue that brought out his eyes and Chase in Green that seemed to do the same thing despite their eyes being such a dark blue.

  “You look gorgeous, Hannah,” Chase said as she motioned them to come inside while she grabbed her bag. His use of the name Hannah brought on a guilty feeling that was growing each day, each moment they called her that. It somehow made this not seem real. Like this was temporary and she was playing a role instead of being herself, Athena Monroe. When she turned around to face them, both men looked so damn serious.

  “Ready?” Fox asked, his tone hard, sharp, but she was learning that was his way. He didn’t do soft. They guided her out of her place and then to Chase’s truck. Fox helped her get in on his side, giving her a lift by her hips. She felt it everywhere. The same deep attraction for each man and it was crazy to digest. She was growing fonder and fonder of the four brothers who wanted to claim guardianship of her, but she had yet to accept them. How could she accept them without telling them about Matias and fear for their lives because of her past?

  She crossed her legs and Chase drove out of the long driveway. They all waved at Mr. and Mrs. Gaynor as they headed out.

  “Kane said he can pick you up to drive you to work tonight at Harper’s,” Chase told her.

  Fox kept one arm leaning out the window and his other hand on his thick, solid thigh. She looked at how big his hands were, and she wished she could just react. Just reach over and cover his with hers, but then she worried about him countering
her action with a more intimate one and it scared her. She was slowly taking chances, so why not show him she was feeling the attraction too instead of shying away?