How to Convince a Boy to Kiss You

by Tara Eglington

  Mere weeks to make three people’s dreams come true. It was a challenge if ever there was one.

  ‘Spend the next few days on strategy,’ Jelena said. ‘I don’t expect you to get involved in any of the organisation for Friday. I’ve got a team on it already. I can assure you, the night will be akin to something Ovid himself would have attended.’

  Jelena had a way of spurring you on. ‘I’m with you one hundred per cent,’ I said firmly.

  CHAPTER 7

  ‘You told me you were with me one hundred per cent!’ Jelena said, glaring at me.

  It was the night of the party, and we were both in Hayden Paris’s bathroom. I was sitting on the edge of the bathtub, wrapped in a purple towel and staring in horror at the outfit that Jelena was brandishing.

  ‘I am with you! It just doesn’t include appearing nude in front of my classmates!’

  ‘It’s not nude, it’s flesh-coloured!’

  Jelena’s voice was all optimism as she waved the string bikini back and forth in front of me. Maybe she was hoping to hypnotise me into agreement.

  ‘It looks like the micro-kini Britney wore in the “Toxic” video clip!’ I grabbed the top and stretched the triangles out to emphasise the lack of modesty-preserving material.

  ‘This isn’t skeezy MTV-video-style nudity,’ Jelena huffed, obviously insulted. ‘This is a nod to classicism. The sensuous beauty of Botticelli’s Venus. With a little extra sparkle!’ She gestured towards the iridescent Swarovski crystals that dotted the edge of the bikini bottom.

  ‘I seriously doubt our classmates are going to make that connection.’ I crossed my arms over my chest, thinking of the snickers that had erupted when Ms Collins told us to open our textbooks to Michelangelo’s David. The boys had had a field day with nude jokes. ‘They’re hardly art connoisseurs.’

  ‘Everyone knows The Birth of Venus, Aurora. It’s ultra famous. Plus, you’ll be floating on a giant clam shell! Like they aren’t going to know you’re Venus, goddess of love.’

  I stared at the bikini again. I was fairly self-confident, but this was seriously pushing it.

  Outside, the music pulsating from Hayden’s backyard sound system suddenly went up a notch. However, it still wasn’t enough to drown out the screams and shouts of the partygoers frolicking in and around Hayden’s pool. The place was packed. It was like a school swimming carnival, except I didn’t have a sensible suit.

  Jelena shook her head. ‘The plebeians are getting restless. Aurora, I have to be out there to manage this thing before we get complaints from the neighbours. You need to get your Venus on.’

  ‘I don’t see why I can’t wear an outfit like yours,’ I said.

  Jelena was elegant in an aquamarine Roman-style dress and Samantha Wills Helen of Troy necklace and statement ring. On her head she wore a laurel wreath, Caesar-style.

  ‘I admit my outfit is captivating, but for the launch we need conversation-stopping, all-eyes-on-you attention,’ Jelena said. ‘This bikini’s the only thing that’s going to do that for this crowd.’

  ‘You know how accident-prone I am!’ I felt shaky just contemplating the possibilities for humiliation as I balanced on a giant floating clam in a microscopic bikini. ‘It’s a wardrobe malfunction waiting to happen. How can I launch the program successfully while I’m panicking inside?’

  Jelena let out a giant sigh. ‘You aren’t going to budge, are you?’

  The music went up another hundred or so decibels. Any moment now the walls would be vibrating. I really didn’t envy Cass and Lindsay, who were on crowd control for the first hour of the party.

  ‘Are you guys ready?’ Sara shouted through the bathroom door. ‘The place is nearly full to capacity.’

  Sara was on door duty, welcoming partygoers and taking the names of everyone who wanted to participate in the Find a Prince/Princess Program™. We’d constructed a special love-themed mailbox into which people posted a completed questionnaire that described their personal attributes, as well as their ideal partner and relationship. The three lucky winners would be selected later on during the party. Jelena had bribed Jeffrey Clark into dressing as Cupid, complete with wings and heart-tipped arrows (painstakingly crafted during our art class). He would deliver the mailbox to Jelena and me once we were ready to do the draw. I just hadn’t known that Jelena had secretly cast me as Venus. I held the bikini top up again, examining it. Perhaps I was being unreasonable … Nope. I could swear Jelena had used the ‘Toxic’ video clip as inspiration. The top was about as big as two oversized triangular corn chips.

  ‘Guys?’ Sara shouted again.

  ‘Fine. I’ll be Venus, you take my outfit.’ Jelena snatched the bikini top from me and unzipped the back of her Roman dress.

  ‘Thank god.’ I stood up, my knees weak with relief.

  ‘But you aren’t wearing the wreath,’ Jelena said. She took it off her head and placed it on the bathroom sink. ‘That’s empress-only attire.’

  ‘Not a problem.’ I was willing to agree to anything now I was no longer expected to wear a top that looked like it’d been shrunk in the dryer.

  ‘You realise this makes no sense?’ Jelena said as she pulled on the bikini bottoms under her dress. ‘You’re the spokesperson for the matchmaking program — the modern-day equivalent of Venus bringing love into people’s lives. I had an ingenious association happening there.’

  ‘I just think people are more likely to listen to me when I’m wearing this dress,’ I said, picking it up off the floor and pulling it over my head. ‘Rather than standing there wondering where I’d lost my clothes.’

  ‘Exaggerate much?’ Jelena rolled her eyes. ‘This thing isn’t even that sma—’

  Her sentence died as she stepped in front of the mirror and took in just how little the top covered what needed covering.

  I restrained the ‘I told you so’ hovering on my lips, just in case she changed her mind, whipped the top off and wrestled me into it.

  Jelena pulled her hair over her shoulders to lessen the bordering-on-nude factor. Thank god we’d switched outfits. My new Pob never would have done the job. I hurriedly put the ring and necklace on before Jelena suggested ‘swapsies’ like she used to when we played Barbies. I was totally happy with the gorgeous Roman vibe I was now rocking.

  ‘I’m owning my gloriousness,’ Jelena said, giving me a superior look.

  I noticed her eyes shifted instantly back to studying how the slightest movement threatened to destroy her strategic hair placement.

  ‘Exactly. You are the personification of Venus! I’ll go prep the others for your breathtaking entrance!’

  ‘I’ve got my phone, so call me when you’re ready,’ Jelena said, pulling her hairspray can from her handbag and giving it a determined shake. ‘I expect you guys to have the scene set in exactly ten minutes.’

  I shut the door behind me, simultaneously relieved and slightly guilty about my narrow escape. I wondered where Jelena was planning to put her mobile phone. That outfit certainly had no pockets.

  Sara was wearing a floaty emerald maxi matched with gold Roman sandals and a gold snake arm bracelet. She looked surprised. ‘Jelena gave you her clothes? Last-minute outfit freak-out?’

  ‘Something like that,’ I replied. We didn’t have time for explanations. ‘Jelena wants to make her entrance in exactly ten minutes, so we’ve got to get everything ready.’

  I dialled Bruce, one of the guys from woodwork class.

  ‘Aurora, hey, we’re in the basement,’ he said. ‘Pretty much ready to go.’

  At that moment Cass appeared.

  ‘They’re getting restless out there,’ she said. ‘I just had to pull Jeffrey down from one of the columns — he wanted to dive off the top into the pool. I had to up his appearance fee to sixteen dollars an hour to convince him that we weren’t paying him to be a waterlogged Cupid.’

  ‘I told Jelena ten bucks wasn’t going to do it,’ Sara said. ‘She’s going to have to pay the minimum wage at least.’


  Lindsay rushed up, her cheeks flushed pink from exertion, a bit like the floaty fuchsia caftan she wore. ‘I need help!’

  ‘Bruce, we’ll see you in a sec,’ I said, and hung up.

  ‘Hayden just confiscated a Roman jar filled to the brim with beer,’ Lindsay said. ‘Some of the soccer team smuggled it in. And Tyler’s being no help. I had to grab Hayden because Tyler was getting all uppity about telling off his teammates.’

  I got the feeling Tyler’s scoreboard was approaching negative numerals.

  ‘Okay, we’ll deal with Tyler’s unhealthy team bromance after the party,’ I said. ‘Right now we have to focus on clearing the pool. Jelena’s ready for the next step of her plan.’

  Cass and Lindsay gaped at me.

  ‘There’s like fifty people in there!’ Lindsay said. ‘I was just trying to get Jamie Martin not to eat while swimming and he tried to grab my ankle to pull me in. The soccer team have no respect!’

  ‘Everyone in the water right now thinks they’re above pool law,’ Cass said. ‘Or at least the guys do. We might be able to get the girls out, but I know the boys won’t listen.’

  ‘We need boys to do the ordering then,’ I said. ‘I’m going to grab Hayden. Wait here.’

  I’d seen Jelena’s elaborate plans for the backyard area in art class, but the results were way beyond my expectations. A red carpet ran up to the twin two-metre-high papier-mâché columns that stood either side of the pool gate, heralding the entrance to the party. Roman eagles perched on each stake of the pool fence and fake vines were wound along its entire length. Stepping through the gate, I saw a long outdoor table draped with a white satin cloth and heaving with gold platters of grapes, cheeses and bread, Roman-style water pitchers, and plastic golden goblets and plates. Jelena had obviously utilised Cass’s and Scott’s artistic skills, because elaborate backdrops showing the Roman Colosseum, chariots and gladiators stood behind the barbecue area, along with strategically placed Roman shields and busts that Jelena had hired from a costume shop. A projector screen hung from the veranda above the pool and flashed the quotes I’d found in Ovid’s Ars Amatoria: ‘Kiss me with a thousand kisses’; ‘May he love tomorrow who has never loved before’; and my favourite, ‘Love conquers all’.

  Throngs of our classmates, decked out in Roman gowns, togas or intricate gladiator armour, danced to the pumping music coming from the DJ’s stand, which was set up on the veranda. On the lawn, which was lit up with oil lamps perched on stakes, partygoers competed in ‘chariot races’ (using wheelbarrows), mud-wrestling (Jelena had obviously got creative with the old sandpit, as a sign hung from the tree above it: Who will be declared Hercules?) and Roman ring toss. Bags of ‘gold’ — foil-covered chocolate coins stamped with Jelena’s profile — were being given out as prizes.

  Momentarily stunned by the recreation of ancient Rome in my neighbours’ yard, I came back to my senses when I was nearly bowled over by two gladiators engaged in a sword fight. Their weapons clashed furiously, until they reached the edge of the pool and toppled in with a tremendous splash. Water spouted metres into the air, even reaching the fence line, where the school’s harpist, Ivan, sat plucking out a tune. He flinched as the top of his toga became suddenly soaked.

  I scoured the area for Hayden. There! He and Scott were wresting guys down from a gum tree whose branches stretched towards the pool — obviously too much of a temptation for certain daredevils.

  ‘Hayden!’ I ran over to him.

  ‘Aurora, thank god!’ Hayden blocked access to the tree as Scott pulled down the last wannabe Tarzan. ‘I know I’m doing this as a favour, but it’s getting crazy. I’m worried a neighbour will make a noise complaint.’

  ‘I know!’ I said. ‘We need a plan. The girls are waiting inside — let’s take two minutes to brainstorm.’

  Hayden and Scott shot each other a look, obviously uneasy at leaving the backyard area unattended. They followed anyway as I dashed back to the house. Cass, Lindsay and Sara were standing anxiously in the hall. They looked slightly relieved when I returned with the two guys.

  ‘We had to stop two body-painted slaves from making out on the lounge-room couch,’ Lindsay said.

  ‘I managed to get the henna stains out of the cushions with some spray from the laundry,’ Cass reassured Hayden.

  He let out a sigh. ‘I really don’t want my parents coming home to damaged furniture, or worse, the police.’

  ‘I know, it’s totally unfair on you,’ I said, feeling guilty as I looked at his worried face. I had no idea how Jelena had convinced him to host the party, but somehow she’d locked it down on Tuesday night, assuring me that Hayden was ‘totally cool with being host’ and that Friday was ideal because his parents would be away.

  ‘We need the pool clear,’ I went on. ‘That’s the first step in establishing some sense of order.’

  ‘I rate we get out the hose,’ Sara said with a devious look. ‘They might like the pool, but they aren’t going to like jets of water in their face.’

  Hayden looked a little brighter. ‘We’ve got twin hoses. And my dad has a bullhorn in the basement.’

  ‘I think you’re onto something there,’ I said. ‘Okay, Lindsay, Scott and Sara, you go to the veranda and get the hoses ready. Hayden, Cass and I will head to the basement so I can organise the woodwork guys and Hayden can grab the bullhorn. He’ll meet you on the veranda and then you can launch the clear-the-pool plan while Cass and I get the prop in place with the woodwork guys. Call me when you’re done so I can cue the lights and music for Jelena’s entrance.’

  ‘How elaborate is this going to be?’ Sara asked, looking slightly pained. ‘Oh, wait a minute, stupid question — this is a Jelena Cantrill production, after all.’

  ‘Production or not, let’s get this thing moving,’ Scott said, looking determinedly at Hayden.

  Scott, Lindsay and Sara darted down the corridor, while Cass, Hayden and I dashed down the basement stairs. I threw open the door and came face to face with Gary and Bruce from woodwork class, both looking proud beside a makeshift raft that held an oversized scallop shell carved out of thin plywood. It was painted a delicate shade of pink that glowed in the overhead light.

  ‘I added the glitter,’ Gary said. ‘Jelena said I’ll earn major points for this.’

  I wondered how long he and Bruce had laboured over the prop. Knowing Jelena, her idea of a reward would be a couple of extra smiles thrown their way.

  ‘Well, I was the one who studied the ergonomics of flotation.’ Bruce gave Gary a pointed look. ‘Glitter won’t do much if the vessel isn’t watertight. Looks will only get you so far.’

  ‘Wait a minute, this is going to be launched into the pool?’ Hayden asked. ‘I thought we were clearing everyone out of the pool so we could gain a little bit of control over the party.’

  ‘Well, it’s a bit of both,’ I said quickly, realising just how unhappy Hayden was. ‘I thought Jelena had explained her plan to you.’

  He let out a sigh. ‘I think you and I had better have a talk later on. Jelena said tonight was all about you launching the program.’

  Obviously I wasn’t the only one who’d been in the dark when it came to Jelena’s Botticelli-inspired plan. How was I going to explain that a flesh-coloured string bikini and an oversized iridescent shell were part of the program?

  My mobile rang. It was Jelena.

  ‘Aurora! It’s been ten minutes!’ She was clearly unimpressed.

  ‘It’s been harder than we thought to clear the pool —’ I began.

  ‘I’m heading to the veranda in exactly three minutes,’ Jelena snapped. ‘The pool had better be clear by then.’ She hung up.

  ‘Okay, everyone, grab the raft,’ I ordered. ‘We’re heading for the veranda. Hayden, I promise I’ll explain later, but right now I need you upstairs with that bullhorn. It’s your house. We’ve got a stronger chance of people listening to authority if you’re the one wielding that thing.’

  Hayden gave me a look, then grabbed
the bullhorn from a hook near the door and dashed up the stairs.

  Bruce, Gary, Cass and I heaved the raft off the ground.

  ‘Okay, carefully now, let’s start climbing the stairs,’ I instructed.

  ‘Don’t scratch the glitter off!’ Gary yelped as Bruce’s side of the raft teetered dangerously close to the banister.

  As we eased the raft through the open glass doors onto the veranda, I saw Jelena standing near the steps. She was wearing a white satin robe and holding two bags of pink rose petals.

  ‘OMG, took you long enough,’ she said, and rolled her eyes.

  James, one of the sound and lighting guys who’d worked with us on Much Ado About Nothing, was tonight’s DJ. As well as spinning tunes, he was controlling the lighting, and was currently wrestling a giant spotlight into place. Jelena must have borrowed it from the school’s theatre department. I could see Hayden below with the bullhorn, valiantly trying to establish order.

  ‘Jelena, Hayden needs help,’ I said. ‘No-one’s going to pay attention to him while music’s still blaring.’

  ‘Okay, James, kill the track,’ Jelena instructed.

  The booming electro beat died and protests broke out in the yard below.

  ‘I repeat, everyone out of the pool!’ Hayden bellowed.

  Scott and Sara stood either side of him, brandishing hoses. We watched as Sara turned her nozzle towards the stragglers in the pool. She placed her finger at the opening of the hose so a wide spray of water was unleashed across the area. Cries of protest erupted, but people began heaving themselves out of the water.

  My mobile flashed with Sara’s number and I picked up.

  ‘Okay, we’ve established control over the pool area,’ she said. ‘We’ll be switching the hoses off in exactly one minute, so you guys’d better be ready.’

  ‘One minute,’ I repeated to Cass, Jelena, Bruce and Gary, and we heaved the raft back up.