How to Convince a Boy to Kiss You

by Tara Eglington

  I had total sympathy for her. Max had been a complete jerk and had treated her badly — he’d dumped her via Facebook on a Sunday night and on Monday morning she’d had to walk past him and the eighth grader making out by the school gate. It was enough to send anyone slightly loopy. I really wanted to help her find love, but I had no idea how I was going to erase that fire from the collective memory of all of the boys at Jefferson. I was going to have my work cut out for me, that was for sure.

  ‘And the second name is … our very own lovable class clown, Jeffrey Clark!’

  Jeffrey! I hadn’t known he was searching for love. Searching for a make-out partner, sure, but an actual relationship?

  Jelena winked at the camera. ‘Jeffrey, I’m sure you’re fist-pumping in history class right now.’

  I just prayed he wasn’t doing a triumphant nudie run. How was I going to get the girls at Jefferson to take a wannabe nudist-colony owner and waterlogged-trunks-wearing Cupid seriously? Or convince Jeffrey not to refer to them as ‘chicks’? I’d always found Jeffrey hilarious, but it was hard to see him as someone’s boyfriend. Like a fine wine, he needed maturing to become more palatable. Only I didn’t have a couple of years; I had merely weeks to make him an appealing option. I crossed my fingers behind my back. Please, please, could some girls with a sense of humour have put in questionnaires on Friday?!

  ‘Time for the final draw,’ Jelena announced, her hand hovering dramatically over the hat. ‘This person will make up our trilogy of winners today — all of whom will go down in history as the forerunners of what is sure to become a legendary program.’

  She reached into the hat and drew out a slip of paper, then paused again as she read the name. Her pauses were like those on American Idol. We were probably halfway through history class by now.

  ‘Wow, this is really a special one.’ Jelena looked thrilled. ‘I’m delighted to announce that the final matchmakee is the stunning Sara Sanderson.’

  ‘I’m not doing it.’ Sara had her arms crossed firmly over her chest. Her cheeks were a fiery red that matched her waist-length Titian-coloured hair. ‘You’re going to have to do a redraw.’

  ‘I am not doing a redraw.’ Jelena crossed her own arms and stood in a face-off with Sara. Unlike Sara, she wasn’t on the verge of losing her temper. She was icily determined, like a tsarina dealing with an unruly member of her court.

  We were still in the media room. Jelena and I had been helping the tech guys pack up the boom mike and camera stands when Sara strode in. Her unhappiness at being the third matchmakee was unmissable.

  ‘You have to,’ Sara said angrily. She turned to me. ‘Aurora, I didn’t willingly put my name into the draw. Jelena made me fill out the questionnaire at the party to encourage other people to put their names down.’

  Jelena shrugged. ‘You’re an influencer. In marketing terms, it means that when you decide to take part in something it becomes more appealing to others. Remember how everyone started wearing the ballerina bun after you rocked up at school with one last year? I needed people to see that entering the draw wasn’t something to feel scared about, that the program was legit.’

  ‘People were scared about entering the draw because they didn’t want their private lives made incredibly public,’ Sara snapped.

  ‘Made public in a positive light!’ Jelena replied. ‘It’s like The Farmer Wants a Wife — super-saccharine stuff. Otherwise I’m sure that Aurora, queen of the happy ending, wouldn’t be guiding the whole thing.’

  ‘I wouldn’t compare it with The Farmer Wants a Wife,’ I added quickly, in case Sara was getting visions of wrestling pigs to impress a potential hubby. ‘You won’t be competing against anyone. This is much more focused — it’s all about identifying your ideal match.’

  ‘The issue is that you promised you’d remove my name once more people had signed up,’ Sara said to Jelena. ‘We had a deal.’

  ‘Did we?’ Jelena looked blankly at her. ‘I don’t remember that. I remember suggesting you put your name down —’

  ‘By suggesting you mean forcing,’ Sara said. ‘This is where your Russian heritage comes to the fore. You people “suggested” political objectors go to Siberia.’

  ‘Guys.’ I stepped in between them. This was getting toxic fast. ‘Can’t we talk this through in a way that isn’t hostile? I’m sure we can come to a compromi —’

  ‘I suggested,’ Jelena said over me to Sara, ‘that you put your name down because I thought it would be a good opportunity for you. When was the last time you had a date with someone actually promising?’

  I wouldn’t have put it so bluntly, but Jelena was right. When Sara’s name had been announced, I’d been thrilled. I was always hinting that she should veer away from her stock-standard dating prototype: muscled up, hyper-masculine, strong and silent. From all my research into the science of dating, it was abundantly clear that men with excess testosterone were less likely to be the stay-at-home-and-snuggle type. Their brains were programmed to roam the land for as many females as possible, to up their chances of successfully passing on their genetics (ew!). In modern terms, they were players. Sticking with one woman didn’t make sense to them. Sara always shrugged my hints aside, saying she found nice guys boring. Now was my chance to show her how dating outside the box could do wonders for her love life.

  ‘Cass and Lindsay might let you play around with their lives to some degree, but I’m not complying,’ Sara said, pointing at Jelena to emphasise her statement. ‘I don’t want to date or find a boyfriend at this stage in my life.’

  ‘Why on earth not?’ Jelena looked shocked.

  ‘I want to be a romance novelist,’ Sara said, smiling. ‘I want to have a completed manuscript by the end of Year Twelve. It’s my personal project for English class.’

  Jelena snorted. ‘Is writing the further adventures of Jeremiah a realistic career path?’

  ‘Um, is being the next Stalin one either?’

  ‘Okay, enough with the Russian references,’ Jelena said. ‘It’s totally ethnically inappropriate.’

  ‘Guys!’ I cried.

  Neither of them blinked an eye at my attempt to break things up.

  ‘I’ll have you know that Mrs Kent has had four Mills & Boons published,’ Sara said. ‘That’s why I went to her for advice. She asked me to write a short piece in that style, which I did, and she said I had real promise. That’s why she’s supervising my project despite being flat out with her Year Twelve classes.’

  ‘Wow, Sara, that’s fantastic,’ I said, impressed by her decision to take on such a major project. I totally got her ambition to be a writer. I was more focused on non-fiction, but a passion for words was a fabulous thing. I could just see the two of us post-graduation, working from home and meeting up for coffee to discuss our respective projects.

  ‘I can see where Sara’s coming from,’ I said to Jelena. ‘Let’s just do a redraw. There were lots of names in that hat.’

  ‘I’m not redrawing,’ Jelena said, her arms staying firmly folded. ‘It looks idiotic. Plus, if Sara bows out of the program and she’s our best friend, what does that tell the general public? It’ll undermine their faith in us. You can’t argue with that, Aurora.’

  I paused. She had a point. ‘So what do we do? I don’t want Sara to be unhappy.’

  The heat in Sara’s cheeks faded slightly as she realised I was on her side.

  ‘Well, neither do I,’ Jelena said. Sara’s face softened further. ‘I’ll make it worth your while,’ Jelena added.

  Sara’s cheeks bloomed red again. ‘You’re going to bribe me?’ she scoffed. ‘Here we go again with the Russian approach to getting what you want. Weren’t you saying before that your funds had run low? What are you going to do, pay me off with your spare shoes or something? That’s not going to make me bow down to you.’

  ‘I’m not bribing you, you idiot.’ Jelena looked insulted. ‘I’m just saying that there are further opportunities available if you take the one I’m offering you now
.’

  ‘Like what?’ Sara said. ‘Nothing you can offer is going to sway me from my course, you know.’

  I believed that. Sara was ridiculously stubborn. She’d once suffered in too-tight shoes for a full week because she refused to believe she was a size eight, not her normal seven.

  ‘Like getting firsthand material for your book,’ Jelena replied. ‘The program will give you the chance to do significant research on emotional reactions. Stuff like experiencing major nerves before your first date; feeling your stomach drop away, like you’ve gone down a huge dip on a waterslide, when a guy you like takes your hand on the way home; the exact sensation of being swept up in a kiss. If you set out to write about sensual experiences without actually experiencing them, you’re cheating your audience.’

  ‘Hey, Stephenie Meyer never made out with a vampire and she still had a worldwide bestseller,’ Sara said. ‘Did Suzanne Collins know what it was like to battle other teenagers to the death? Writers don’t always have to live out the scenes they describe in their books. I have a good imagination, and I know from my extensive reading of the genre what my future readers do and don’t want.’

  ‘Are you sure you don’t want to experience some romance yourself though?’ I asked. ‘It could be inspirational. Part of the reason I’m running this program is because I want to have real-life subjects to write about in my dating treatises. Plus, you get firsthand insight into so many facets of love and intimacy.’

  ‘Thank you,’ Jelena mouthed my way.

  Sara shook her head. ‘I don’t want to be distracted. Look at what happens when I get a tiny crush. Hours disappear! I’m off daydreaming for weeks on end. I lose focus in my classes. And what have I ever got in return? Maybe some cute smiles from the guy before he turns his attention elsewhere. I’ve been the definition of boy crazy since Year Seven. Now I want to use the daydreaming for something constructive. As long as it isn’t focused on a specific person, it’s great — I can create uber-romantic scenes for my characters while staying totally detached.’

  ‘But surely if you have a clear goal, the relationship won’t take over,’ I said. ‘You’re too level-headed.’

  ‘Love and level-headedness don’t go together all that well, Aurora,’ Sara said. ‘You’ll learn that yourself one day soon. Time becomes a casualty very, very easily.’

  I was sure that wouldn’t happen to me. It hadn’t so far, and my crush on Hayden was pretty hardcore. I could balance the heart and the head, I knew it. So could Sara if she really tried.

  ‘Sorry, guys,’ she said. ‘I think the program’s great, but it’s wasted on me. It’s better if you give someone else the chance to benefit. I’m willing to go on camera to say so if you want.’

  ‘Okay, what if I told you that if you take part in the program — just until the election date — I might be able to get your book to a publisher?’ Jelena said slowly.

  Both Sara and I looked at her in surprise.

  ‘Jelena, don’t be ridiculous,’ Sara said. ‘Your influence doesn’t go that far.’

  ‘Oh yeah, want to bet?’ Jelena replied confidently. ‘It’s all who you know in this world.’

  ‘Who do you know in the publishing world?’ I asked. ‘And how do you know them?’

  ‘Through my dad’s media company,’ Jelena said. ‘It’s not just TV, there’s a print sector as well. Their publishing house is the third biggest in the country. Dad, being the networker he is, has buddies there. One of the fiction publishers, Marcus, came to our house for New Year’s. One word to Dad and I can get that manuscript in the door.’

  ‘I’m sure I can get it in there anyway,’ Sara replied. ‘Mrs Kent’s going to guide me on submission policies.’

  Jelena shook her head. ‘I’m talking skipping the slush pile. You send that thing in via the standard submission guidelines and it joins the hundreds of unread manuscripts that sit there for years on end. I know because I’ve heard Marcus going on about it.’

  I could tell Sara was struggling to seem blasé. Jelena’s words were obviously having an impact.

  ‘You take part in the program, go on some dates and maintain a positive attitude, and at the end of the campaign I’ll get Marcus’s email address for you,’ Jelena said with a smile. ‘It’s that simple.’

  ‘I just don’t want to go head-over-heels gaga,’ Sara said. ‘The email’s worthless if I don’t have a manuscript.’

  Jelena sighed, obviously getting impatient. ‘No-one’s asking you to get married at the end of this thing. You don’t even have to fall in love.’

  ‘I thought that was the whole point of the program,’ I said, frowning. ‘I want my matchmakees to experience what it’s like to meet their ideal partner.’ Like I had with Hayden.

  ‘Obviously that’s the best possible outcome, but let’s be realistic here. Real life isn’t tidy like it is in novels. It’s unlikely that all of the matchmakees will stay blissfully together with their match for all eternity.’ Jelena took in my disappointed expression. ‘I’m just saying, Aurora! This is all about statistics. The more people we get to sign up for the program, the more success stories we’ll have in the next year. Our main goal with round one is to show everyone that we have some very eligible guys and girls in our database. Which we do. So, Sara, just let Aurora do her thing and find you some cute boys to take you out. Maybe you’ll find one of them appealing enough to progress to a second date. Maybe you’ll end up smooching him just before the campaign finishes — an uncomplicated moment of enjoyment for you, some great research for your book, and some good publicity for Aurora and me. Perfect! A week or two later, Aurora and I will distract the guy and get him to go for someone else. The public focuses on this new twist and you’re free to finish the manuscript without the burden of a relationship.’

  ‘I don’t want to fake a connection,’ Sara said. ‘My lips can’t be bought, Jelena.’

  ‘It seems kind of dishonest,’ I added. ‘The program’s meant to be for people who are genuinely seeking a soul mate.’

  ‘I don’t want her to fake it,’ Jelena replied, rolling her eyes at me. ‘The public would see straight through it. I’m saying that the program is likely to deliver some great matches, so Sara probably will have chemistry with one of them and our schoolmates will be witness to that. That’s all I need for a positive campaign,’ Jelena assured Sara. ‘I’m not going to make you sign a contract that says you have to make out with anyone. If you feel like doing that, it’s your choice and we’ll be stoked, but there’s no pressure.’

  ‘And if I don’t have chemistry with any of them?’ Sara asked suspiciously.

  Jelena shrugged. ‘Then you’ve still participated and I’ll hand over the email accordingly.’

  ‘What’s the catch?’ Sara said. ‘This seems skewed in my favour.’

  ‘There are conditions,’ Jelena said. ‘You forfeit the email if you show any kind of negative attitude. That includes badmouthing the program, refusing to go on dates, or presenting an unattractive, slovenly appearance to put people off.’

  Wow, Jelena had thought of all the loopholes. It was a wonder she didn’t want to go into law. I supposed her savviness would serve her well in any future business mergers.

  ‘You have to be your naturally appealing self,’ she finished. ‘Do we have a deal?’ She stuck out her hand to shake on it.

  Sara hesitated for a second, then unfolded her arms. ‘Deal.’ She reached out and shook Jelena’s hand.

  She smiled at Jelena and at me, then headed for the door, seemingly satisfied. She paused at the exit to call back to me. ‘Just make the boys cute, okay, Aurora?’

  ‘I’m sure I can do cute,’ I said. ‘We were overwhelmed with responses.’

  Sara left the room with a spring in her step.

  ‘Problem solved,’ Jelena said.

  I shook my head. ‘I don’t feel right about this. We’re deceiving the public. I don’t want to be involved in that.’

  ‘No, we’re not,’ Jelena said firmly a
s she picked up her silver handbag. ‘Sara just thinks she isn’t going to fall in love.’

  I looked at her, puzzled.

  ‘I want you to find her Potential Prince for real,’ Jelena said. ‘Yes, she’s resistant, but think of this as the ultimate test for the program. I’m sure, like Sara, there are lots of unbelievers at Jefferson. You have something amazing here and it’s up to us to prove it.’

  ‘But she doesn’t want to fall in love. The only relationship she’s seeking is with her muse.’

  Jelena laughed. ‘Come on. The only reason Sara feels apprehensive is because her dating experiences have been with complete tossers who can’t sustain a relationship beyond the weekend. If you’re constantly worried about being dropped, of course you’re going to be distracted and unable to focus on school.’

  ‘I guess that’s true.’

  ‘We owe it to her as her friends to show her that love can be a positive experience, one where she doesn’t have to lose her sense of self,’ Jelena said, getting out her lipstick in preparation for meeting the public post-announcement. ‘Being loved deeply gives you real courage, which means you’re more likely to grab life’s opportunities. You know that person is there for you if you fail.’

  ‘You mean I find her a guy who encourages her writing?’

  ‘Exactly. Her Potential Prince will naturally support her dreams. He’ll be there at her side, proofreading the mushy chapters in all their glory.’ Jelena shuddered. ‘I’m just glad I won’t have that task. I better run, it’s almost time for next period.’

  I picked up my bag to follow after her, but she was already strides ahead.

  ‘Don’t worry,’ she called back to me as she dashed out of the room. ‘I’ll still hand over the email. Sara will just have a far better manuscript from having experienced a real relationship.’

  CHAPTER 12