How to Convince a Boy to Kiss You

by Tara Eglington

  ‘That’s okay,’ I said, looking at the matches on the screen again. ‘She has the exact same compatibility with this other guy — Hunter Greene. Do you know anything about him?’

  ‘Wow. Okay, he’s an interesting guy. He’s actually an incredibly gifted violinist. My friend Lucy — you know, the clarinet player — is in the school orchestra with him, and apparently they were all in shock the first time they heard him play, even Ms Fisher, the music teacher. He’s won all sorts of competitions, here and internationally. He was at a fulltime music college, but something happened over the summer and his parents decided to transfer him to Jefferson. Lucy says he doesn’t say a word in class, but he plays so beautifully that nearly all the orchestra girls are in raptures over him.’

  ‘Well, he fits the bill in terms of artistic nature,’ I said, intrigued by Lindsay’s description. ‘I’ll give him a call now.’

  I looked up his number and dialled. It went straight to voicemail. ‘Hi, obviously you’ve reached Hunter. Try not to leave a message if it’s truly inane. Cheers.’

  I hung up. He sounded like a super-serious, slightly ironic type and leaving a voicemail message just didn’t seem right somehow.

  ‘I’ll talk to him in person,’ I said. ‘It’s better if I get a sense of him one on one before we officially set Chloe up with him.’

  ‘So that’s Chloe then.’ Lindsay looked disappointed that we hadn’t reached Hunter. ‘Do you think we should remove Adam’s name and run the calculator again to get a third option?’

  ‘Well, Benjamin’s in, and if I can convince Hunter to come on the trip, then that’s two,’ I said thoughtfully. ‘Chloe’s the intense type, so I’m sure she’s going to launch into D&Ms straight off the bat. Trying to juggle three candidates in the space of three days may be too much for her. She has a pretty high compatibility rating for both these guys so maybe we should see how things go. If she doesn’t have any luck with either Benjamin or Hunter, we can run the calculator again when we get back from the trip.’

  ‘Okay.’ Lindsay grabbed the computer and hovered the mouse over the matchmakee drop-down menu. ‘Jeffrey or Sara next? Let’s do Sara — I’m so stoked we get to finally have some say over her dates. Some of her previous choices should have had warning labels attached to them.’

  I laughed. ‘Okay, Sara it is.’

  Lindsay hit the Match Me button and we both held our breath.

  ‘Johannes Alsvik,’ I read slowly, struggling with the last name. ‘Johannes … do we know him?’

  Lindsay let out a small shriek. ‘He moved here from Sweden at the start of the term. You know, the tall blond guy with Ikea stickers on his backpack?’

  I tried to picture him, without success.

  ‘He looks like Alexander Skarsgård from True Blood,’ she said. ‘Don’t tell me you haven’t seen him! All the girls call him “TB” as a codename.’

  ‘Ohhh!’ His face popped up immediately. ‘The very tall, slim guy? Often wears pale aqua skinny jeans?’

  We didn’t share any classes, so I’d only had glimpses of him at assembly or in the corridors. He was definitely a ringer for Alexander. This matchmaking thing was certainly throwing up some attractive candidates.

  ‘He’s very fashionable. Sara is going to die!’ Lindsay squealed. ‘I’ve seen her head turn whenever he walks into maths. Call her NOW!!’

  We both giggled as I grabbed the phone and dialled Sara’s number.

  ‘Put it on speakerphone!’ Lindsay demanded.

  ‘Hey, Aurora,’ Sara answered.

  ‘Hey! It’s Aurora and Lindsay.’

  ‘We’re doing the matches for you, Chloe and Jeffrey!’ Lindsay burst out. ‘And you’re not going to believe who’s come up as having a ninety-six per cent compatibility with you. Johannes aka TB!!’

  ‘What?!’ Sara shrieked on the other end of the phone.

  Lindsay and I grinned at each other. We had her.

  ‘So, just think, next week at camp you’re going to have Alexander Skarsgård plus two other guys fighting to win your affections,’ Lindsay continued.

  Sara was silent. Perhaps she’d fainted.

  ‘Sara?’ I tried.

  ‘I don’t know,’ she said slowly. ‘Besides the fact that I’m determined to stay single so I can focus on my manuscript, Johannes is a bit too …’ Her voice trailed off.

  ‘A bit too what?’ I wanted her to speak up if there was a problem with Johannes.

  ‘Good-looking,’ she said.

  I gave Lindsay a look. Sara sounded totally unconvincing.

  ‘Isn’t that your type?’ Lindsay pointed out. ‘None of your dates has ever been struck by the ugly stick, or even the somewhat-okay-looking stick.’

  ‘Yeah, but they’re, you know, roughish-looking. Johannes is like … too coordinated with his clothing.’

  ‘You told me at the start of term that his aqua pants should be framed and auctioned off, they were so exemplary,’ Lindsay said.

  ‘What?’ I mouthed to Lindsay. She nodded, trying not to laugh.

  ‘Okay, well, I think it’s a little unfair to write Johannes off ’cause he dresses well,’ I said. It was obvious Sara was on a mission to avoid a set-up. ‘Leave it to Lindsay and me to continue the matchmaking. We’re going to get off the phone now.’

  ‘I don’t get a say?’ Sara wailed melodramatically.

  ‘You don’t get to veto all the options, you mean,’ I said good-humouredly and hung up.

  Lindsay looked astounded. ‘I can’t believe she said no to Johannes!’

  ‘She’s just stubborn,’ I said. ‘We’re going to have to be cautious. She’ll go hide up a tree at camp if we push it too far. I say we focus solely on Johannes for those first three days and then introduce the other two matches once we’re home and she’s warmed to the idea a little more.’

  Lindsay nodded and noted down the other two matches for later. Her phone rang.

  ‘Tyler,’ she said, making a face. ‘I really hope he’s not calling to whinge again. My picture is up on the posters as well, but I’m not acting like a baby.’

  ‘Go ahead, take it,’ I encouraged her. ‘I’ll call Johannes from the kitchen while you speak to Tyler.’

  ‘Okay, Johannes sounds completely over the moon,’ I told Lindsay as I bounced back into the room. ‘He totally knew who Sara was. His accent’s a bit thick, but I’m pretty sure he compared her with some kind of Swedish goddess. He’s up for the trip too. It took him a while to understand the concept of high ropes and camping and how it related to Sara, but as long as he’s standing in the car park ready to board the bus on Wednesday morning, it’s all good. He’ll get the idea once we’re there.’

  ‘Fantastic!’ Lindsay looked happier. ‘Tyler was calling to ask if he’d left his sleeping bag at my place after the camping trip with Mum and Dad over summer. So he’s obviously done a turnaround on coming.’

  I beamed at her. ‘I knew it! You’ll see, this trip is going to be the beginning of a lot of good things.’

  ‘Even true love for Jeffrey?’ Lindsay asked, looking at the laptop screen.

  I sat back down next to her and saw that the cursor was hovering over his name, ready to trigger his top three matches.

  ‘I have full confidence that we can do this,’ I said, boosted by my conversation with Johannes. ‘Hit the button.’

  This time, instead of jumping up and down with anticipation, Lindsay and I both tensely drummed our fingers against the couch.

  ‘Jemima Brown, Ruby Jackson and Piper Robinson,’ we announced together as the names materialised.

  I looked at the rating of ninety-four per cent next to Ruby’s name. ‘I’d never have thought to match her up with Jeffrey, but you know, I think they might work really well.’

  ‘She ticks the bootylicious box,’ Lindsay said, making a Jessica Rabbit shape with her hands.

  I laughed. Ruby had been the first girl in our class to move from crop tops to proper bras. ‘She does, and she walks that fine line of co
nfident but not arrogant.’

  Ruby was one of those ultra-bubbly types whose absence left a big hole in the class if she was away sick for a day. Her birthday parties always had to be held at a theme park or the beach, as she got way too many RSVPs to have them at home or in a restaurant.

  ‘She’ll probably be up for the camp if we push the wildlife aspect,’ I added. ‘The campground’s in a nature reserve so I’m sure there are oodles of lizards and native birds and possums to see.’

  Ruby was crazy about animals and wanted to be a vet, a wildlife conservationist or a zoo keeper. Her mind was usually on healing injured birds, saving stray dogs or the dietary requirements of tank fish rather than on fashion magazines or make-up looks, which was probably why she was so unconscious of her attractiveness.

  ‘What do you think about the ninety-one per cent rating for Jemima?’ Lindsay asked. ‘Oh, you know, that’s cute: Jemima and Jeffrey!’

  ‘Jemima’s kind of synonymous with cute,’ I replied.

  ‘She’s so tiny!’ Lindsay shook her head. ‘I thought I was petite, but she’s like a fairy princess. Except for those eyelashes. If she hadn’t had them since primary, I’d think they were extensions. So not fair.’

  ‘Jeffrey would probably feel really masculine next to her,’ I said. ‘Even he’d have no difficulty sweeping her up in his arms.’

  ‘Do you think she’s confident enough for Jeffrey?’ Lindsay asked. ‘She’s kind of quiet.’

  ‘That isn’t necessarily a bad thing. When it comes to chemistry, it seems that while it’s important to have similar values and goals, you can have significantly different personalities and still be a great match. Jeffrey might love dating someone quieter, and Jemima might adore a lively boyfriend.’

  Lindsay laughed. ‘Let’s just hope she sees the funny side of nudie runs. What about Piper? I don’t know much about her.’

  ‘She’s pretty,’ I said, thinking of her long sandy blonde hair, which she almost always wore up in a ponytail, and the light dusting of freckles on her petite nose. ‘Jeffrey did say he’s partial to blondes.’

  ‘Hopefully she’s partial to him! Do you think these set-ups are going to work?’

  ‘I guess we can only get them on the trip, watch their interactions and observe the results,’ I said, shutting down the laptop now that we had all the matches.

  ‘Why do I feel like you and I are equivalent to Charles Darwin or something?’ Lindsay joked.

  ‘Hey, you never know, if this Chemistry Calculator is as precise as Hayden and I hope, then all the candidates could go gaga for Jeffrey, Sara and Chloe,’ I said. ‘Maybe this trip will turn into a survival of the fittest.’

  CHAPTER 15

  The next morning, I blearily made my way down to the kitchen to catch the NAD before he went to work. I needed him to sign my permission slip for camp. I hadn’t slept well last night; I’d been overexcited, my mind racing over the matchmakees and their matches, imagining wildly romantic scenarios and happy endings.

  ‘Hey, Dad.’ The NAD was eating a bowl of bright purple cereal, which I was guessing was puffed amaranth with acai berry powder and almond milk. Thanks to Igneous’s continuous meddling, the NAD hadn’t bought any cow’s milk last week. I’d told him that the cats and I needed our protein hit, but Igneous, who’d been visiting at the time, had assured me that almond milk had far more protein and nutritional value. He’d even emptied the cats’ milk bowls and filled them with almond milk instead. I hadn’t wanted to be rude to a guest, but I’d felt Igneous was taking the saying ‘Mi casa es su casa’ far too literally. After a three-day liquid food strike by the cats, the NAD had finally given in and agreed to keep buying milk for the non-New Age members of the household.

  ‘Hey, honey.’ The NAD took a sip of his now standard detox juice of chlorella, rocket and kale, and tried not to shudder.

  ‘Dad, are you sure you need to detox? You’re pretty slim and healthy already.’ I lifted up the bread bin, which was bare. ‘What happened to the sourdough?’ There’d been a whole loaf of it yesterday morning.

  Dad looked slightly guilty. ‘Oh, the group brought over some healthier alternatives to some of our pantry items yesterday. There’s some raw sprouted bread in the fridge.’

  I took the tiny loaf and attempted to slice it. It was like trying to cut a half-cooked cake, it was so moist. Any time I touched the knife to it, whole sections broke away into little lumps.

  ‘Here, honey.’ The NAD got up and took the knife from me. ‘You just have to go easy on it — whoops.’

  He destroyed half of the loaf before he got a thin square to put into the toaster.

  I opened up the pantry and stared at the contents: grains, raw kidney beans and chickpeas, burghul. There was virtually nothing that didn’t need four to six hours of soaking and boiling before it could be consumed.

  ‘And the jam?’ I asked.

  ‘No sugar, remember? Done!’ The NAD triumphantly pulled the slice of bread out of the toaster. It was as moist as it had been pre-toasting. ‘Let’s put some brazil nut spread on it … whoops.’

  The ‘toast’ crumbled like a sandcastle at the beach.

  ‘Oh well, it’s going to get broken down anyway,’ the NAD said cheerfully.

  He placed the toast on a plate and plopped it down at my spot at the breakfast table. I held my tongue. I supposed we were a step up nutrition-wise since the days when the NAD had made pesto pasta six nights in a row — it was the one thing he felt confident cooking just after Mum left. The vast amount of raw garlic in our diet had led to Jelena giving me a ‘present’ of a bundle of breath mints tied up with a big red bow and a tag saying ‘Use me’. I’d borrowed a pile of cookbooks from the school library that very afternoon. Now, however, with the demands of the Find a Prince/Princess Program™ and my schoolwork, I didn’t have the time for extensive meal prep. I’d just have to buy some supplies and lock them in the top cupboard so the support group couldn’t get to them.

  I took my seat at the table. ‘Dad, can you sign my permission form? It’s for a three-day camp next week.’

  The NAD smiled as he read the header, which had a photo of Jelena beside it. ‘Ah, Jelena’s touch, of course.’ He grabbed a pen from his briefcase on the table.

  ‘Yeah, all the girls are going,’ I said. ‘Lindsay’s helping me with matchmaking. It’s going to be such a romantic atmosphere — campfires and starlit nights —’

  Dad looked up. ‘Is Hayden going?’

  ‘I’m pretty sure, yeah.’

  I wondered if the Parises had signed Hayden’s form. They had to — being a leader on something like this would look great on his résumé down the track.

  ‘Hmmm.’ The NAD’s pen paused on the signature line.

  I suddenly realised why. Stupid Kai and his Make-out Mastery. ‘Dad! Don’t be silly. You aren’t actually worried, are you?’

  ‘No, honey, I trust you!’ he replied, lightning fast. ‘I was just thinking … how would you feel about me coming as a volunteer?’

  ‘You want to volunteer?’ I looked at him blankly. Dad had never done a canteen stint or manned a fair stand in my whole time at school. ‘Don’t you have work?’

  ‘I have so much leave owing my boss said I have to take some days, pronto.’

  ‘And you want to spend them on high ropes with my classmates?’

  It wasn’t like I was embarrassed by Dad or anything, but his presence would obviously distract me from being able to focus one hundred per cent on the program. This sudden urge to offer his assistance couldn’t really be related to last Sunday’s mortifying moment, could it?

  ‘Dad, Hayden’s going to be in another tent, you know. The camp’s completely boy–girl segregated —’

  ‘Don’t be silly, honey, it’s not about that at all,’ the NAD said. He grabbed his mobile from his briefcase and punched in the principal’s number, which was at the bottom of the form. ‘Hi, Mr Quinten, this is Ken Skye, Aurora’s dad. I’m hoping I can sign on as a parent volu
nteer for next week’s camp? You’re in need? Fantastic. Put my name down.’

  ‘Your dad? On camp?’ Jelena blinked at me in shock when I handed over my signed permission slip.

  I nodded.

  ‘Climbing trees and walking on high ropes?’

  I nodded again. I sure wasn’t going to tell her the real reason for his sudden desire to volunteer.

  She shrugged. ‘Okay. I suppose he’s pretty cool for a supervisor. Hopefully he’ll take up a spot usually filled by one of those killjoy parents who are paranoid their kid’s going to come to some gruesome end at the science museum or something.’

  ‘Oh, and here are the permission slips for Benjamin, Ruby and Jemima,’ I added.

  Piper couldn’t come because she had a swim meet. We’d have to wait till we got back to set her up with Jeffrey. Jemima hadn’t been crazy about the idea of roughing it, but fortunately I’d been able to convince her that it would make her university application look more rounded. I’d also shown her a website that sold highly feminine activewear, which had spiked her interest.

  ‘You should already have Johannes’s form,’ Lindsay said, appearing at our side as we took our seats at the back of the art room. ‘I spoke with him earlier.’

  Jelena pulled her clipboard out of her bag and crossed off names from the Take It to Another Level list. ‘Check. So you told the girls they’ve been matched with Jeffrey?’

  ‘Not exactly,’ I said, looking at Lindsay uneasily. ‘In this particular case, we kind of wanted to get them on the camp without preconceived notions.’

  ‘Meaning you didn’t want to scare them off.’ Jelena didn’t even look up from the checklist. ‘Smart thinking, girls. Now, make sure you oversee his wardrobe selection. No tired T-shirts or too-tight shorts. Maybe you could help him pack his bag.’

  Jelena sounded like she was telling me to check a six-year-old’s rucksack to make sure he’d packed enough undies. I was not approving Jeffrey’s undergarments.