How to Convince a Boy to Kiss You

by Tara Eglington

  There was no recovering from this situation. We’d be lucky if Piper went to watch a DVD at a guy’s house ever again. I was going to have to call her to apologise. Nope, that wouldn’t cut it. Jelena and I would have to send her flowers to apologise. Even then, we’d still have one very traumatised student on our hands.

  ‘Anyways, the next second she slapped me, saying I obviously had no respect for her and that inviting her for dinner was all some ploy to get her naked.’ Jeffrey looked completely blindsided by female logic. ‘And worse, when I texted her later, she said she should have listened to Jemima and Ruby and the three of them were going to post a warning about my “Casanova tactics” on Facebook so no other girl would make the mistake of falling for them. I just checked Facebook and it’s true! Aurora, this is as bad as when Chloe set fire to that dude’s stuff. If this was an animal doco, I’d be the male who failed. I’ll never pass on my genetic legacy!’

  ‘He was following the material; he just went a bit too fast,’ Hayden said as we headed back down the front path. Jeffrey’s place was only a few streets from mine so we’d decided to walk home in the moonlight.

  ‘But we practised his approach! Never, during any role-play exercise, did Jeffrey use the word “naked”.’

  ‘No matter how many rehearsals, you can’t control every aspect of the real thing,’ Hayden pointed out. ‘Jeffrey’s real personality is always going to come to the fore in the end. He’s quirky and cheerful and a little bit cheeky, and the right girl is going to get that about him. His perfect match would have laughed the whole thing off and told him he needed to make a bikini part of the surprise next time.’

  I gave Hayden a sceptical look. ‘I don’t know. Most girls would have been pretty unnerved by the situation.’

  ‘You can’t shape him into someone else just to win over his matches. Sure, it might work for a while, but they’re going to figure it out eventually. It’s not fair on Jeffrey or the girls.’ Hayden reached for my hand. ‘There’s nothing wrong with your program, Princess, you just need to realise that you can’t rush these things.’

  ‘But I am in a rush, that’s just it.’ Didn’t he get it? ‘It’s ten days till the election deadline — when all eyes will be on me and the Find a Prince/Princess Program™. Our classmates aren’t going to wait around for months to see the matchmakees find their happily ever after; they want results on election day. That’s what’s going to garner their support for the program in the next year or so.’

  ‘You can’t force what’s unnatural,’ Hayden replied, like he hadn’t even heard what I’d been saying.

  ‘But quick chemistry can be natural — it worked perfectly fine for Chloe and Hunter.’

  ‘Well, I didn’t want to say this, but in my opinion they’re rushing in.’

  I stared at him. ‘Why are you being like this all of a sudden? It’s my program and it hurts me to have you say you don’t believe in it.’

  ‘I do believe in it, but —’

  ‘What happened to your whole speech about life being fragile and seizing the moment?’

  I pulled my hand away from his. He grasped it again.

  ‘I was talking about us. We aren’t rushing in. We’ve known each other more than half our lives.’

  ‘If you know me so well, you should know that I believe in love at first sight,’ I said. ‘Extraordinary connections do happen. People are always making out like romantics aren’t practical. It’s insulting.’

  ‘Aurora.’ Hayden’s voice was super serious. I could tell he was upset that we were fighting. ‘The reason I caution people about rushing in isn’t because I think romantics are foolish. It’s because there are a lot of guys and girls who take advantage of other people’s open-heartedness. One of the reasons I’m crazy about you is that you have this innocence — you see the good in everyone and believe their hearts to be as loving as yours is. But the world isn’t entirely made up of people like that. That’s why I want to be a lawyer, to help people who are taken advantage of. I want to give them some hope of justice in what can be a very harsh world.’

  I understood what he was saying. Hayden had spent half of high school looking out for the welfare of our classmates. Of course he was prone to be more realistic than romantic.

  ‘I know,’ I said. ‘But you have to see that I’m doing that too, in my own way. Love transforms people. If it’s great love and all encompassing, it takes away their cynicism and softens their hearts so that they’re kinder and more compassionate to anyone they come into contact with. I want that for the world. And I need a boyfriend who supports what I’m trying to do.’

  ‘I created the Chemistry Calculator, Aurora. Of course I support you.’

  ‘Then start showing it,’ I said. ‘Start having a little faith in what could happen. That a guy and a girl can meet, and feel the way we do, and just want to seize it without hesitation.’

  ‘Okay, for you I will,’ Hayden said, just as we reached my driveway. ‘Starting now, we’re the carpe diem couple.’

  ‘Agreed.’

  I put my arms around him and it was as if the argument had never happened.

  ‘You’re at home today, aren’t you?’ the NAD asked when I came down to breakfast the next morning.

  Ms DeForest placed a bowl of papaya down at my spot at the table. ‘The enzymes are great for digestion.’

  I thanked her, then turned to Dad. ‘Well, Mum texted me. She asked if I could set aside some time between one and five today. I’m not sure what she has planned, but I said that was fine. Why?’

  I hadn’t wanted to say the word ‘Mum’ after last week. The NAD, Ms DeForest and I had point-blank ignored last Saturday’s events. I was actually looking forward to seeing Mum. Things had felt different since the engagement party. She’d sent me a link to some of the inspiration boards that her wedding planner had put together and had actually asked my opinion. To be included in a major part of her life was a significant step forward in our relationship.

  ‘We’re having some people around today for a special ritual, and we’d like you to play a part in it,’ Dad said, cutting his papaya into smaller pieces. ‘I texted Hayden this morning and he said he’s happy to join us.’

  ‘We were planning to hold it at twelve thirty, as it’s the most opportune time astrologically.’ Ms DeForest’s mouth was pursed, as if she’d discovered her papaya was rotten. ‘If you’re leaving at one, then we have a problem. Can you tell your mother you’re busy?’

  ‘But it could be something to do with wedding preparation,’ I started, then stopped.

  God, this was awkward. I’d already promised Mum two days ago that I was free. The NAD and Ms DeForest could have said something earlier if they’d blocked out an appointment with the solar system.

  ‘Well, I’m sure she can handle it on her own,’ Ms DeForest said. ‘Your father said she cancels on you all the time.’

  For some reason, even though that was the truth, it seemed harsher coming from someone of similar age to my mother. And realising that the NAD had discussed my disappointments — which I’d never even shared with my friends — with her made me feel exposed and vulnerable.

  The NAD could tell I was hurt. ‘What Dana meant to say is that this is a special occasion. We should have let you know earlier, but sometimes spiritual realisations come knocking at inconvenient times, like late last night. We’ve been lucky to round up the majority of our friends after only inviting them this morning.’

  ‘Fine,’ I said. ‘I’ll see if she can pick me up at two thirty — that gives us two hours.’ Two hours of Igneous, Echo, Primrose and Ms DeForest would be as much as I could take in a concentrated dose.

  ‘I can’t see why you can’t give your father the whole afternoon,’ Ms DeForest pressed. ‘He’s given you his whole life as your fulltime carer.’

  She made it sound like I was karmically indebted to him. He was my dad, after all; I hoped he didn’t see sticking around as some burdensome sacrifice.

  ‘Your loyalt
y should be to him, not to a woman who didn’t ever want to be a mother,’ Ms DeForest went on.

  That was enough. She might be living here, but that didn’t give her the right to judge my personal relationships. She’d crossed the line. I got up from the table feeling like I’d been kicked in the chest.

  ‘Dad, I know she’s our guest, but I’m not sitting here listening to this. She wasn’t even part of the picture until a couple of months ago and she’s got no right to make comments about the situation between me and Mum.’

  The NAD quickly pushed his chair back, the legs screeching against the kitchen floor as he tried to stop me from going. ‘Dana just doesn’t want to see you get hurt again. She knows about loss firsthand.’

  I wasn’t staying to hear some sob story about Ms DeForest’s past. Wounded or not, she’d been pretty darn insensitive.

  ‘If she doesn’t want me to be hurt, then why is she saying things that leave me feeling like I’m bruised?’

  I charged out of the kitchen and up to my room, locked the door and turned on my iPod dock. I heard the NAD knocking on the door but I turned the music up louder. I wasn’t up for a show-respect-to-our-guest lecture.

  I almost didn’t hear my phone ringing. I took it into my walk-in wardrobe, as I didn’t want to switch off the music and give the NAD an opportunity to start making love-is-blind excuses for Ms DeForest through my door.

  ‘Aurora?’

  ‘Tyler, it’s not exactly the best time.’ I could hardly hear him, even inside the wardrobe. ‘Can I call you back a little later today?’

  ‘No!’

  Tyler was prone to dramatics, but this sounded like it couldn’t wait. ‘Okay,’ I said, and sat down on the floor.

  ‘I went over to Lindsay’s house this morning to give her the concert tickets and tell her about our dinner plans, and she started crying. At first I thought it was because she was happy, but then while she was hugging me she asked if I’d be able to be friends with her if we broke up.’

  ‘What?!’

  They couldn’t break up! Yes, they’d had some speedbumps recently, but there was no reason why they couldn’t start coasting again if they were both set on working through their difficulties.

  ‘She said it was only a hypothetical question, but, Aurora, I’m scared out of my mind. There was something about the way she was hugging me, like she was trying to impress a memory into her mind, like we’d never be that close again. I thought showing her how much she means to me would work, but it’s like she can’t see the gesture for what it is. I don’t know what to do any more. You have to talk to her. I know she didn’t want you to, but please. I feel like I’m on my way to the boyfriend execution block.’

  ‘Tyler —’

  ‘Maybe I should just head back round to her house. I could write another poem and perform it. It worked last time!’

  I shuddered, thinking of Tyler’s former attempt at the poetic form. Keats he was not.

  ‘Now’s not the time for rashness,’ I said. ‘Too much heavy-handed pleading could push her over the edge. Lindsay’s made it clear to me that she needs thinking time, and we need to step back and let her have that.’

  Cupid was certainly not on duty today. Straight after I hung up from Tyler’s call — which lasted another twenty minutes, as I had to stop him from going into a panic attack over the possibility of Lindsay calling it off — I got a call from Jeffrey, who was distraught at being persecuted on Facebook. Apparently Ruby’s, Jemima’s and Piper’s comments had unleashed a torrent of links to anti-sexual harassment articles and images on Jeffrey’s wall. He’d managed to antagonise everyone further by launching into a defence of the naked human body and the value of streaking. I ordered him to stay off Facebook as a form of damage control. Jelena would have to issue a public statement on Monday before the situation got worse.

  The only positive news I got was Chloe checking in to tell me how Hunter had serenaded her with his violin over the phone last night. They’d talked from 6 till 9 pm about everything under the sun, and only stopped because Hunter’s mobile phone battery had drained down. However, before he hung up, he’d asked her to take the ferry with him over to Indigo Bay on Sunday afternoon.

  Just after I’d concluded the call with Mum to reschedule the pick-up time, there was another knock at my bedroom door. ‘Aurora?’

  It was Hayden. I lowered the music for the first time in two hours and opened the door to see him dressed all in white, from his collared shirt to his pants and shoes. He noticed my odd look at his choice of attire.

  ‘Your dad requested that I wear white. Everyone downstairs has obviously been told that too. How come you aren’t dressed?’

  I was still in my Garfield pyjamas.

  ‘I feel like these ceremonies happen every week,’ I said. ‘Why do we need to dress up for this one?’

  ‘Um, judging by the backyard, this seems a lot more elaborate than your dad’s usual lounge-room sessions.’

  Hayden left the room while I went into my walk-in robe and quickly changed into a white blouse and skirt, then dashed across the hall to the bathroom, which had a window that overlooked the backyard.

  I peered through the screen. It looked like there were white roses covering a wooden frame at the back of the garden, and throngs of people were assembled to its left and right.

  ‘Is that a floral archway? What on earth?’

  I ran for the stairs, Hayden following me. As people made their way through the kitchen sliding door into the garden, they took a white feather from a basket held by Igneous. White shells lay either side of a makeshift path leading to the archway.

  I marched up to Igneous. ‘Have you seen Dad?’

  Primrose, wearing a flowing white gown, appeared behind me. ‘Your father is inside, preparing himself.’

  ‘Okay, thanks.’ I turned to go find him.

  Primrose caught me by the arm. ‘I promised Kenneth I’d show you to your spot.’

  She guided me towards the archway, where a line of chairs was set up. None of them had been taken by the guests, who were all standing around talking about prana-enhancing foods and recent soul challenges.

  ‘Primrose, I think I’ve been left out of the loop,’ I said. ‘Dad only told me about the ceremony this morning, so I didn’t know there’d be this many people here. What’s this all about?’

  Hayden had followed us and Primrose gestured warmly for him to take the chair next to mine.

  ‘Uncertainty is the only certainty in life,’ she said, smiling at us. ‘You will learn to accept this more and more as you get older.’ She waved at someone near the house. ‘Excuse me.’

  ‘I’m going to find Dad,’ I told Hayden. I was feeling uneasy amongst the throngs of people. Besides Primrose, Echo and Igneous, there was no-one I recognised. ‘This whole thing is completely weird. There are like fifty people here.’

  ‘I knocked at your dad’s bedroom door on my way to your room,’ Hayden said. ‘There was some group chanting going on inside. No-one responded to my knock.’

  I felt like I didn’t know what was going on in my life any more. Just as I was about to head back to the house, Native American music started playing over the speakers, which had been dragged out onto the backyard patio. Everyone quickly organised themselves in standing rows. A Chinese gong sounded and the crowd turned their heads towards the house. Being in the front row, I couldn’t see over them properly to view whatever they were looking at.

  Then I spotted Ms DeForest and the NAD, arm in arm, coming down the path. Ms DeForest wore a white lace gown and had a coronet of white baby’s breath on her head. My heart stopped. I tried to reach for Hayden but my arm wouldn’t move. I opened my mouth, but no sound came out. It was like all those dreams where I’d tried to tell my mother how angry I was that she’d left — my vocal cords only made strangled sounds.

  Hayden, noticing my look of horror, grabbed my shoulders. ‘Steady, Princess.’ He sounded almost as shocked as I was.

  All I could d
o was stare, the image of the NAD and Ms DeForest and their radiant smiles burning into my retinas. They stopped at the floral archway and faced each other, like a bride and groom at an altar. This. Had. To. Be. A. Very. Bad. Dream.

  My vocal cords unclenched and the words came out as one continuous horrified whisper. ‘Itcan’tbehecan’tmarryherIknewnothingaboutthis.’

  ‘Your dad wouldn’t get married again without asking you, or at least telling you,’ Hayden breathed into my ear.

  His words and his hands on my shoulders were the only things that kept me steady on my feet.

  Primrose appeared next to the NAD and Ms DeForest with a microphone in her hand. ‘Namaste. Just to assure everyone, this is not a marriage ceremony.’

  She let out a little laugh of amusement. I released a sigh of relief so loud that the people nearest to me looked over.

  Thank god. The NAD and Ms DeForest were probably the designated priest and priestess for some ritual. It could be an ancient druidic ceremony of autumn for all I cared, as long as it wasn’t the legal binding of two people.

  ‘I’d like to invite those with chairs to sit, and those without chairs to find themselves a place on the lawn,’ Primrose said. ‘This is not a marriage ceremony,’ she continued when everyone became quiet, ‘but it is conducted with the same intent. Kenneth and Dana want to share with you all the fact that they have commenced a significant relationship. I’ll let them speak now.’

  I turned to Hayden. I felt like my face was frozen into a picture of anguish, like Edvard Munch’s The Scream.

  ‘It’s not a wedding ceremony,’ Hayden whispered, putting an arm round me. ‘Keep telling yourself that. You can talk to your dad straight after; just hold it together a little longer.’

  ‘Thank you, Primrose.’ The NAD gave her a kiss on the cheek as she handed him the microphone. He turned to address everyone assembled in the garden. ‘The reason why people have traditional wedding ceremonies is so they can pledge their dedication to each other in front of their friends and family. Dana and I suffered some setbacks at the beginning of this relationship, which many of you will remember. Both of us were quick to find reasons why the relationship was too hard, hiding the fact that it was our emotional baggage that prevented us from being able to bring our separate lives together in a holistic way. After crossing paths again, we have realised that this is a connection that we want to commit to. Last week, Dana made the symbolic shift of coming to reside in this house with me and my daughter, Aurora. As you know, seven is a holy and powerful number, and what the past eight days under a shared roof have shown Dana and me is that we want to move forward with our relationship. After initially considering a private ritual, we realised that we wanted all of you to feel like a part of our decision.’