Friends and Lovers

by June Francis

  ‘You won’t tell Viv about any of this?’ he said.

  Hilda slid an arm into a sleeve and her eyes gleamed up at him. ‘She wouldn’t understand that at our time of life love can come round a second time.’

  A slight laugh escaped him. ‘I need to adjust. I need time to think.’

  She stroked his cheek, ran a finger over his mouth, kissed him. ‘I’ll come again.’

  ‘Yes.’ He dug into a back pocket and brought out a wallet. He took out several banknotes. ‘Buy something velvet. Black or red,’ he said, his face colouring. ‘I like you looking sexy. Come Saturday. Viv never comes then.’

  She said against his mouth, ‘I don’t need your money, you know.’

  ‘Take it.’ He opened her hand and placed the money in it.

  Hilda hesitated, then her fingers curled over the notes. ‘Saturday. Viv goes to the pictures or dancing with her friend.’

  ‘A girlfriend?’ he said.

  Hilda said carefully, ‘Yes. But she does have a boyfriend. He’s an architect.’

  ‘She’s never said.’ He gnawed on a fingernail, frowning at her over the back of his hand.

  Hilda felt jealous all over again. ‘Why should she?’ she said coldly. ‘You’re only her boss.’

  ‘I’m more than that! I’m her uncle, aren’t I?’ he said earnestly. ‘Or am I making another mistake, Hilda?’

  Again she felt that odd sensation as he stared into her eyes. What was it? Fondness? Pity? Or was it something else? The love she had spoken of but had not really meant. She kissed his cheek. ‘It was no mistake upstairs, Steve. I’ve never made love like that in my life. You won’t take it out on Viv for not telling you about Nick? She’s only young, and the young imagine themselves in love so often.’

  ‘I don’t know why she didn’t tell me.’

  ‘Does it matter?’ She kissed his other cheek. ‘I’ll buy something really nice that you’ll get pleasure from.’ She kissed his mouth hard and his lips clung to hers, returning the pressure. Then she moved away from him. ‘Tarrah for now,’ she said. ‘See you Saturday.’

  ‘See you Saturday.’ He opened the front door and watched her down the steps.

  Hilda hurried up the lamp-lit road, her stiletto heels making enough noise to ensure that all the neighbours knew she was not staying the night. She wanted no gossip. She had some thinking to do.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  ‘Only make-believe I love you …’ sang Hilda.

  ‘Do you have to?’ murmured Viv, not looking up from the pile of newspapers. She had a day’s holiday from work and would be meeting Nick later. ‘A bit of hush would be nice.’

  ‘That’s a nice way to speak to your mother,’ said Hilda, flicking a duster over the sideboard.

  ‘I’m trying to read.’

  ‘Read what?’ She peered over Viv’s shoulder and read aloud, ‘“New calls on Architects … a new social service rather than an art catering for an aristocratic minority. Urgent needs and rigid economy making new demands … measures its success in terms of efficiency rather than aesthetics.”’ She glanced sidelong at Viv. ‘What’s aesthetics?’

  ‘It’s something to do with appreciating beauty,’ said Viv. ‘Now go and sing somewhere else.’

  ‘Are you in a mood? Has something upset you? You are all right, aren’t you?’ Hilda said anxiously.

  ‘I’m all right. I’ve just got a bit of a headache, and you warbling around the place doesn’t do it any good.’

  ‘Are you sure that’s all it is?’ Hilda sat down abruptly. ‘It’s not something to do with Nick? He hasn’t been coming it, has he?’

  Viv looked up. ‘Why don’t you put it into words, Mam? You’ve got Mr Kelly in your life so why be so coy?’

  ‘No, I haven’t. I’ve given him up, like the ciggies,’ said Hilda crossly. ‘Have you and Nick been carrying on then?’

  ‘You mean have we had sex?’ Viv placed the scissors on the table and smiled at her, pleased by the news about Mr Kelly. ‘Do you think I’d tell you if we had? As it is, I’ve got a headache because I’ve got my monthlies so you can breathe easy.’

  ‘Thank God for that!’ Hilda picked up the duster again but did not move from the chair. She sat staring at her daughter. ‘Does Nick ever talk about when he was young?’

  ‘What?’ The question startled Viv. ‘Why do you ask?’

  ‘I just wondered. People often talk about their childhood.’ She toyed with a fingernail, her head lowered so that Viv could not see the expression in her eyes.

  ‘Nick doesn’t. Mostly he wasn’t happy. Especially when his father came home from the war and all hell broke loose.’

  ‘I remember when Father used to come home. When I was small, before our Flo was born, I really looked forward to him coming back from sea.’ Hilda’s eyes wore a faraway expression. ‘He’d bring me presents and tell me stories about the foreign countries he’d seen. I used to wish I could grow up to be a sailor.’

  ‘You a sailor! I can just imagine it. We all know what sailors are,’ said Viv, smiling, reminded of last week when Stephen had given her a gold wristwatch because the bad debtor had paid up at last. It had been wonderful being given an unexpected present. The only thing was that she would have to explain it to Nick and tell him about Stephen. It was something she was not really looking forward. There was also her mother. Should she tell Hilda about Stephen?

  ‘That’s enough of that about sailors!’ Her mother wagged an admonitory finger. ‘I wanted to see the world and they used to say: “Join the Navy and see the world”. We all have daft ideas sometimes.’

  ‘You can say that again!’

  ‘Let’s change the subject.’ Hilda absently polished the cut moquette arm of the chair. ‘Has he asked you to marry him yet?’

  Viv stilled. ‘Why do you ask?’

  ‘I just wondered. I’d be against it, Viv.’ Hilda shuddered. ‘Imagine having his mother in the family. It doesn’t bear thinking about.’

  ‘She said you were a flibbertigibbet,’ murmured Viv. ‘Nick took me to meet his family a few weeks ago. You’ve worn better than her. She’s coarse. I’m glad you’ve given up Mr Kelly, by the way.’

  ‘Glad I’ve done something to please you,’ said Hilda drily. ‘Why didn’t you tell me about seeing his mother?’

  Viv closed her scrapbook. ‘Do you tell me everything you do, Mam?’

  ‘Nobody tells everything, even to their nearest and dearest. Did you ever mention going to see Stephen to Nick?’

  Viv’s fingers curled on the cover of the book, wondering if Mr Kelly had spilt the beans. ‘What made you think of that right now?’ she said casually.

  ‘It just came into my head. Well, did you?’

  ‘You mean when I went before Easter?’

  ‘When else would I mean? Have you been since?’

  Viv made up her mind quickly. ‘No.’

  Hilda smiled grimly. ‘I bet Nick wouldn’t be pleased if you did tell him. With his background he must be always worrying that you might betray him.’

  ‘I should hope he knows me better than that,’ murmured Viv, determined not to show that her mother’s words had disturbed her.

  ‘Jealousy is irrational, Viv. He might tell himself that you can be trusted but deep inside he won’t have forgotten the kind of life his mother led and how she betrayed his father.’

  ‘He hates his father,’ said Viv, wanting to pooh-pooh her mother’s reasoning. ‘He reckons his father was as much to blame for the way his mother behaved as she was. They married too young and he regretted it and showed it.’

  ‘There you are then, Viv. See a few other boys. Don’t be tying yourself to just the one. How can you know he’s Mr Right otherwise?’

  ‘Gut feeling, Mother,’ she said, getting up. ‘I’m going out. I’m meeting Nick in town.’

  Hilda stared at her and surprised Viv by saying, ‘Bring him back. I don’t want you thinking I don’t like him for himself.’ Viv gave her a look and went to get ready.
>
  Viv and Nick met in the Coronation Gardens in Paradise Street. The sun had brought the crowds out and there was a band playing. She was wearing a new primrose duster coat over a sleeveless gingham dress and felt prepared for almost anything.

  ‘You look as fresh as a daisy,’ said Nick, slipping his hand into hers and smiling down at her. ‘Real summery.’

  ‘You don’t look too bad yourself.’

  He smiled wryly, glancing down at his shantung shirt and light summer trousers. ‘I’ll be glad when fashion designers start coming up with more exiting clothes for men. During regency times it used to be us who were the peacocks.’

  ‘Talking about design,’ said Viv, ‘how’s yours going?’

  ‘Finished it and I’m exhausted. I needed this day off.’

  ‘Great.’

  ‘What’s your news?’ His eyes were intent on her face.

  ‘Everything’s marvellous!’ She squeezed his hand. ‘And even Mam seems happier lately. And she’s given up Mr Kelly.’

  ‘I wonder what brought that miracle about?’

  Viv shrugged. ‘Perhaps she wants to be respectable for once.’ She wondered how to broach the subject of Stephen.

  ‘Any news from George?’ he asked as they strolled past the floral clock.

  She kept her voice dispassionate. ‘He’s in the South of France. Met up with this middle-aged English artist who lives in a windmill, would you believe, in some valley down there. George has gone to stay with him and says he’s very encouraging about his painting.’

  ‘Perhaps he’ll stay there,’ said Nick, and Viv sensed that he was pleased at the thought.

  ‘Aunt Flo’s still hoping that he’ll go to America.’

  Nick glanced at her. ‘What about you and America? Are you still thinking of going to see your aunt?’

  ‘I’d like to,’ she said with a thoughtful air. ‘If George doesn’t go, I feel I should make the effort.’

  ‘I might be going myself. You remember I told you that Mavis is having a baby? Well, she’s talking about me being godfather when it arrives.’

  ‘Perhaps we could go together?’ This time she could not disguise her feelings of excitement and pleasure.

  ‘It would depend on how work is but there shouldn’t be any problem.’ Nick grinned and squeezed her hand.

  ‘I can’t see any trouble either,’ she said with a rush. ‘Although—’

  She was just about to explain about leaving her job and going to work for Stephen when he said, ‘Let’s get away from the band, Viv. I’ve got a surprise for you.’ She stared at him and saw an excited gleam in his eyes. ‘Don’t ask what it is. Just be quiet and wait. I don’t want anything spoiling this moment.’

  ‘What is it? Where are we going?’ she asked.

  ‘Shush, woman. I told you, it’s a surprise. Close your eyes.’ He led her to a park bench where it was quieter and the smell of roses filled the air.

  ‘Can I open my eyes yet?’ She felt really excited.

  ‘Yes. OK.’

  Viv’s eyelids lifted and she stared at the small box he held open in the palm of one hand. An emerald and diamond ring nestled in white velvet. ‘It can’t be real.’ Her voice was hushed.

  ‘Of course it’s real. Do you think I’d give you glass and brass!’ Solemnly he took the ring from its box and slipped it onto the third finger of her left hand. ‘I just wanted you to know that my intentions really are honourable.’

  ‘So you went out and bought a ring before you even knew I wasn’t pregnant?’ She gazed down at her hand and her vision blurred. ‘I don’t know what to say.’ There was a catch in her voice.

  ‘Not “This is so sudden”, for God’s sake,’ he said with a hint of laughter in his voice.

  ‘But it is unexpected.’ Her voice firmed. ‘I wonder what Mam will say?’ She wiggled her fingers, watching shafts of light flash from the stones. The ring was only a teeny bit too big.

  ‘Does it matter?’

  Viv was silent a moment and then said, ‘Mam told me to bring you back. I think she was trying to say that whatever she’s said about you in the past, it’s not that she doesn’t like you for yourself.’

  ‘Generous of her,’ he said sarcastically. ‘Do you want me to go back there with you and we can break the news together, after we’ve had a meal?’

  ‘Yes!’ Putting her arms around him, she kissed him. ‘I really love the ring, Nick. And after we’ve seen Mam there’s something I’ve got to tell you.’

  ‘Is it important?’

  ‘Not as important as you giving me this,’ she said softly.

  ‘Can’t you tell me now then?’

  She looked up at him and slipped her hand under his arm. ‘Later. I don’t want anything to intrude on this moment.’

  ‘I wish you hadn’t done this,’ said Hilda switching off the television and facing Viv and Nick.

  ‘Aren’t you going to wish us well then, Mother?’ said Viv, not too surprised.

  ‘I told you what I thought earlier. You’re too young to know your own mind, Viv.’

  ‘I’m nearly eighteen!’ Her voice was vexed. ‘For God’s sake, I’m not a child!’

  ‘I know that!’ Hilda waved her hand in the air. ‘But you’ve had no life! At least Nick’s seen something of the world.’

  ‘Had you seen anything of the world at my age?’ countered Viv, her eyes hardening. ‘People don’t have to go round the world to see life.’

  Hilda stiffened. ‘I know that. But I want more for you than I ever had. And if Nick cared for you, he’d say the same.’

  ‘Thanks very much,’ he interposed, glaring at Hilda. ‘I’m wrong now, am I, for wanting to marry your daughter?’

  She flushed. ‘I’m not saying that.’

  ‘Mother, I love him,’ said Viv emphatically. ‘I thought you understood that and hoped you wanted me to be happy.’

  ‘Of course I want you to be happy,’ she said tersely. ‘I just want you to be happy with someone else. I’d be lying if I didn’t say what I think.’

  Viv was exasperated. ‘Aren’t you hearing me, Mother? I’d be unhappy with anyone else. I love Nick!’

  ‘Love!’ Hilda raised her eyebrows. ‘I’m always hearing about love from you. I thought I knew about love at your age, but I didn’t. I craved admiration and played games with people’s feelings. Love hurts.’ Her smile was twisted as she gazed at Nick. ‘I’m sure you know that, laddie.’

  ‘It doesn’t have to,’ he said vehemently. ‘If you do things the right way.’

  ‘Doesn’t it?’ She laughed shrilly. ‘Oh, doesn’t it! You think you know it all. So did I! I thought I could have my cake and eat it, and it didn’t matter about anybody else. I thought I could cut other people’s feelings off and harden my heart, fight back and grab what I wanted. But in the end I was the loser.’

  Viv stared at her. ‘You’re talking about the past again. What’s that got to do with us? It was because of the war that things went wrong for you and for so many other people. It’s different now.’

  ‘Is it?’ Hilda’s expression changed to one of amusement. ‘Do you think love changes because it’s peacetime? Do you think people’s feelings are different? How do you think Stephen’s going to feel about this?’

  Shock jolted Viv’s composure and she slanted a glance at Nick and then looked at her mother again. ‘Stephen? What do you mean, Stephen?’

  Hilda folded her arms. ‘Don’t pretend this isn’t going to hurt him. He cares about you. He’s given you a job with damn’ good wages. He’s taken you out and bought you presents. He sees you as his future.’

  Viv forgot about Nick. ‘How do you know all this?’ she demanded of her mother.

  ‘What’s this about a Stephen?’ asked Nick. ‘What’s all this about love and presents and taking you out, Viv?’

  She eased her neck which was inexplicably aching. ‘I told you about Uncle Steve. He’s my father’s brother, remember?’

  He glanced quickly at Hilda and then ba
ck at Viv. ‘You told me he didn’t want to know.’

  ‘He changed his mind so I went to see him,’ she said impatiently, staring at her mother. ‘How did you find out, Mam?’

  Before Hilda could answer Nick spoke again. ‘When?’ His blue eyes glinted.

  ‘Weeks ago. I didn’t tell you because …’

  ‘No more,’ he said. He grabbed Viv’s arm and pulled her towards the door.

  Hilda moved suddenly. ‘What are you doing? Where’re you going with her?’

  Nick flashed her a furious look. ‘Keep out of this, Hilda. This is between me and Viv now. You’ve done your worst.’

  ‘I don’t know what you mean. Didn’t you know?’

  ‘As if you didn’t know I didn’t know,’ he said in a silky voice. ‘I don’t understand how you could let this go on.’ He opened the door and dragged Viv out.

  ‘Nick, you’re hurting me,’ said Viv through clenched teeth. ‘Will you let me go? I was going to tell you. Don’t you remember I said I had something to tell you?’

  ‘You should have told me before,’ he said, pulling her along the street. ‘Start explaining why you didn’t – and it had better be good.’

  ‘I’m not going to explain anything until you stop treating me like I’ve committed all the deadly sins,’ she said, digging in her heels.

  Nick stopped and stared at her. ‘The truth, Viv.’

  ‘I felt sorry for him. He was lonely and he’d had a tough life.’

  ‘Haven’t we all?’ said Nick sarcastically.

  ‘You never lost your sisters and brother and mother in the war!’ she said, flaring up. ‘You don’t have to make it sound like he was playing on my sympathy because he wasn’t! But I could see that he needed me in his life. All his family are gone, Nick. I’m all that’s left.’

  He breathed deeply but several seconds passed before he said, ‘So he gave you a job and lavished presents on you, took you out – and you never breathed a word to me! Was your mother in on this?’