by Nancy DeRosa
Chapter 4
Every morning, promptly at seven thirty, Penny waited for her neighbor Sarah in the front of her apartment building. Pulling at his leash, Penny’s Beagle Winston darted back and forth as he tried in vain to dodge the wind.
She smiled down at Winston. “Who loves you little guy?”
Sarah Bentley trudged toward Penny. Sarah was a strange agent, and she always looked as if she had just tumbled out of bed. Each morning, her black and white mutt Brutus tried to force her, unsuccessfully, to quicken her pace. Penny would rather walk Winston alone, but since they both came out at the same time before work, she had long since made peace with the fact she was stuck with Sarah for the rest of her life.
Each day she mentally braced herself when she spotted Sarah. The woman was insanely obsessed with reality TV. She had to endure Sarah’s never ending descriptions about what people on various shows did, or said, as if she were on intimate terms with all of them.
Standing before her, Sarah looked with wide eyes and exclaimed, “Okay, we gotta talk about this. Did you see what went on last night between Heather and Matt?”
“No,” Penny replied slowly. “I have no idea who Heather and Matt are.”
“What? How could you not know? Don’t you watch TV at all? You know why she did it don’t you? Heather slept with Matt so she could get an edge on the competition because, you know, all the other girls want him too. Every lady on that show wants to marry Matt, the competition is fierce.“
She felt the sarcasm seep out. “I didn’t know that, so thanks for filling me in.” Penny looked down just in time to watch Brutus take a huge dump. She didn’t think she could get through another day of her neighbor’s ramblings. Perhaps this was one piece of her life she could change… if she had the nerve.
Strolling down the street next to her, Sarah was already out of breath. She had on her usual black pants, black boots, black coat, and black scarf—all covered in back and white dog hair.
“Only two more bachelorettes left,” Sarah said between breaths. “That’s it, Mindy and Becky. What do think of that? I could have sworn Mindy was going to get kicked off two weeks ago,” she snapped her fingers, “and she’s still going strong. The one booted off last week was so much prettier and—”
“Can you do me a favor?” Penny asked with more of an edge to her voice then intended.
Sarah looked at her in surprise. “Depends on what it is.”
She lowered her voice. “Look Sarah, could you stop talking about TV shows? It’s just that, well, to tell you the truth, I don’t much care about those people. I only care about what I’m doing, which granted isn’t much, but still, I have no desire to hear about the trials and tribulations of people I don’t know and will never know. Let’s talk about something else, or at least, let’s shoot the breeze about people we do know.” She realized they didn’t have one person in common to talk about.
Looking at Penny with a hurt expression, Sarah said in a sharp tone, “Okay, so give me some people, or topics, why don’t you start the conversation for once.”
She thought for a moment, but knew she was stumped. She looked down at Winston and shrugged. “I don’t know, there’s got to be something.” She snapped her fingers. “I know, let’s talk about, let’s see,” she scratched her head. “Okay, what are your plans for the holidays?” She smiled brightly for she did find a good topic and had triumphed. “Where are you going for Thanksgiving?”
Sarah replied curtly, “We just finished with summer so I don’t know, and I don’t care. My mother lives far away and I don’t feel like driving to her house. Plus my old room doesn’t have a TV and most importantly, my parents won’t let me bring Brutus. Next subject.”
“What kind of music do you like?”
Sarah glanced down at her watch. “I can’t think offhand.” She clasped her hand to her forehead. “I almost forgot, I must go to work early today, pretty much every day this week as a matter of fact. Do you mind if we cut this short?”
“Not at all,” Penny replied truthfully.
“I’ll catch up with you later then. Have a great day. Come on Brutus.” Sarah turned abruptly, almost snapping Brutus’ poor neck as she dragged him along with her.
Winston whined softly as he watched his friend depart. Penny could swear Winston knew the visit with his buddy had been cut short and he sensed he would never see him again. “I’m sorry baby,” she whispered softly, “If Brutus doesn’t show up tomorrow we’ll find some new friends. I promise.”
After her walk, Penny found Bob waiting for her at the front foyer. “Missed me baby?” She leaned down to stroke him behind his left ear. It was then she spotted the huge pile of cat crap that was piled on her recently washed kitchen floor. She sighed again and straightened up. “When are you going to get this?” she pointed to the poop as she scolded Bob. “You’re supposed to do that in the kitty litter box. You’re not a dog you know, cats aren’t supposed to have accidents.”
Blinking slowly, Bob turned around. With his orange tail up in the air he walked into the bedroom. Penny knew this was Bob’s revenge for not being brought along on the walk.
“You’re spiteful,” she yelled out crossly as she grabbed paper towels from the kitchen cabinet. “I’ll clean up your cat crap, but shit,” she said to no one in particular. “My life seems to be full of it lately.”
Penny cleaned up the mess. She fed Winston. Then, suddenly, she felt exhausted. She plopped down heavily onto the couch. It was Tuesday morning and she had the day off for superintendent’s day.
Taking in the pokey apartment as if with new eyes, she wished more sun filtered in there.
The doorbell rang, startling Penny out of her misery. Jumping up, she called, “Who is it?”
“You know who it is.”
Running to the door, she flung it open. Standing there was Dolores’ sister Bess. “Aunt Bess,” Penny cried. “I thought you were still in Florida.”
Stepping inside, Aunt Bess shook her head sadly. “I had to come in for yet another funeral. Another one kicked the bucket. No-one you know, but they’re dropping like flies now.”
“I’m sorry.” She wrapped her arms around her beloved aunt. “How did you know I was home?”
Looking at Penny with a smirk, Aunt Bess said, “I was a teacher once remember? I know all the holidays.”
She smiled as she watched her aunt drop into her couch. She was so delighted to see her.
“It smells like cat shit in here.”
Laughing, Penny asked, “Tea?”
“Yup, so what’s been shaking with you? I hear you’re giving your Mom a hard time. Good for you. I was wondering when you would rebel. You’re only about 25 years too late, but what the hell.”
Whirling around midway to the kitchen, Penny looked at Aunt Bess in astonishment. “Are you sticking up for me?”
“I’ve always stuck up for you since the day you were born.”
She walked back and sat down opposite her. “Something weird is happening to me.”
“Weird can be good, go on.”
Leaning her elbows on her thighs, Penny put her chin in her hands. “I don’t want to be on the sidelines watching everyone else have a life.” Tears formed in her eyes. “I want friends, Aunt Bess. I want to fall in love, I want a backyard to put mulch in, and I want a job that makes me feel good about myself.”
“So, what’s stopping you?” She waved her hands in the air. “Get up off your ass and do something about it.”
“It’s not that easy. I even tried to have a holiday get-together last year. I’m sure my mother filled you in.”
Penny remembered every detail of that humiliating event. She had invited three neighbors over for a holiday cocktail party and they had all turned her down in quick succession.
“You need to try harder to make friends,” an exasperated Dolores had told her. “I feel like you’re still four. For God’s sake, doesn’t anything change? I had to push you toward the kids in the playground whe
n you were little. Stop being so shy. That’s why people don’t gravitate to you.”
As she relayed this exchange to her aunt, Penny still felt the awful and familiar sting of her mother’s words. They always felt the same; like a hundred angry bees stinging her all at once.
At the time, Penny had inwardly winced. She’d retorted that she did have friends, two to be exact. Dolores had gleefully pointed out in painstaking detail how friendless she really was.
“You haven’t seen these girls for years, Christmas cards don’t count,” Dolores had scoffed. “So scratch them off your buddy list.” Dolores had looked at Penny with pity in her eyes and announced that childhood friends move on, and so the hell should you.
After sharing this last bit of the exchange with Aunt Bess, Penny heaved a sigh of despair. “You see what I have to contend with?”
Sitting back, Aunt Bess folded her hands in her lap. “When was the last time you had sex?”
“What?” Penny asked, leaping to her feet.
“You heard me, when was it?”
She glared at the floor. “It’s been so long, I can’t even remember.”
“Well hell, that’s part of your problem, get out there and strut your stuff.” She pointed to Penny’s chest. “Show your boobs for God’s sake. You have nice boobs and you always have them stored away under those stupid high shirts you wear.”
“I can’t believe this.” Her eyes were wide in astonishment.
“Oh come on Penny, you have to live life to have a life. Stop whining and move forward. You’re the one who chooses to deal with your Mother. No-one’s forcing you.”
She shook her head slowly. “You don’t understand.” She paused as a shadow crossed her face. “Sometimes I don’t even know if my Mother loves me.”
“At this stage of your life who cares? I don’t even think Dolores knows if she loves herself, but that’s not your problem, it’s hers.” She jabbed a finger in Penny’s direction. “Don’t give her any more of your air space. It’s time to move along.”
As Penny’s brain registered Aunt Bess’ wisdom, all she could do was stand there and blink.
“So where’s my tea?”
Chapter 5
She fell asleep early that evening and woke up depressed. Clambering laboriously out of bed, she hobbled into the bathroom and turned on the shower. I feel like shit, she thought as she stepped gingerly into the cold spray of water.
She tried to shake away the cobwebs still sticking to her brain. The water splashed off her face as she recounted all the things her Aunt had said to her the night before. She thought about what it was she really wanted to do. The answer remained annoyingly elusive.
After the quick, cold shower, she got ready for work. With a deep sigh, she pulled her hair back with a barrette and felt ready to face the day.
Just one problem though: the day wasn’t ready to face her. Just as she got into her car, huge raindrops started to spatter against the windscreen. In the damp grey haze, the traffic was soon bumper to bumper.
Arriving at work late, a loud siren jarred her as if someone was smashing cymbals an inch from her ear. Mr Adams, the dour-faced principal, was standing by the main doors holding a big black umbrella. He hollered, “Fire drill, everyone out.”
Oh great, Penny thought, some jerk in the office decided to hold a fire drill in a rainstorm, just brilliant.
Standing in the pouring rain with no umbrella, as she waited for the front doors to open, a third grader, Joseph Simms sidled up next to her.
“Miss Marins, I don’t feel so well.”
Engrossed in watching for the doors to open, she barely paid any attention to him. “What?” she asked, struggling to pull her sopping wet hair back into the barrette.
“I said, I don’t feel well, my stomach hurts.”
Penny realized she needed to lean down to soothe Joseph the moment Joseph realized he needed to lean down and puke all over her wet black pumps.
It was an odd moment of calm. She looked down in abstract fascination as the rainwater carved little channels through the vomit on her shoes. The realization dawned on her that it was finally time to look for a new job. Looking over at Mr Adams, she observed him yawning loudly. He scratched his head. One of the first grade teachers walked by, barely acknowledging her presence. The decision to look for employment came to Penny as clear as a lake on a crisp spring day.
Yes, I have to leave here, she told herself firmly. There is no reason to stay anymore. It’s time to get a move on.
Chapter 6
Penny arrived home after work feeling restless and lonely. Against her better judgment she decided to visit her parents.
The scent of fall was in the air and Penny could not help thinking that the holiday season was just around the corner. Christmas reminded her of all the things she didn’t have in her life. When she saw the sappy commercials with the dewy eyed children dressed in their holiday splendor, she felt a pang of emptiness. She had no-one to dress up and make a fuss over.
With that dismal thought she leashed up Winston, and stepped back outside. Before she left the apartment she looked down at Winston and said, “I could put you two in holiday outfits.” That thought made her all the more depressed.
“Come on, let’s go visit grandma.” Scooping up the little pooch, she looked down at Bob and said, “Bob, we’ll have our special time later, you know that. If you make in the house tonight, I will put you in a crate from here on end.”
She arrived at her mother’s house. At first it seemed that no-one was home; then she noticed her brother Louis’ Mercedes parked in the driveway. Usually, Penny’s parents had every light on throughout the whole downstairs of the house. They were obsessed with lights, to the point where someone could easily land a small plane in the driveway. But on this night only the kitchen and front porch lights were lit.
The door flew open, startling her. There stood her mother.
“I have a goddamn partial blackout can you believe?” Dolores announced, distinctly agitated as she impatiently motioned Penny to come in. “I hate when this stuff happens. I called Con Ed and they told me they couldn’t take care of this for hours. What kind of business are they running anyway?”
“Can’t think of a worse family for this to happen to. You usually have the house lit up like a Christmas tree.” She walked inside.
“Don’t be such a smart ass,” Dolores retorted. “I’ve never been robbed, not even once since we’ve lived here and all the lights are the reason. Even your father thinks so.”
Penny didn’t want to tell her mother that Ron agreed with everything she said just to have peace in his life. Instead she went with: “Whatever you say.” She was in no mood to get into a debate with her mother.
Dolores was small and wiry with shoulder length chestnut brown hair and dark darting eyes that never missed a thing. She did not stay still for a moment. When Penny was small she liked to go into her bedroom and watch her sleep. She was always fascinated at how still her mother was capable of being. Penny would bend down to listen to Dolores’ chest to make sure she was breathing. While awake, Dolores never sat still, chain smoked and ate very little.
Penny sighed. Louis and his wife Amber were huddled around the kitchen table.
Their six-year old twin sons Paul and Alex were sitting on the floor drawing on a big piece of cardboard. She looked down at their drawing and saw two dynamically etched fire engines in red crayon. Remembering the fire drill she had to endure earlier that day, she looked away without proferring her usual compliments. She’d had enough of fire engines to last her for the duration of the week.
She greeted her nephews with a smile. “Hi guys, I’m so glad you’re here. How’s everything?”
Without looking up they both chorused, “Fine, hi Winston.” I can tell they really missed me, she thought as she watched Winston greet the boys with a big wag of his tail.
Dolores stood by the refrigerator and motioned with her hand to the contents. “Want something
to eat?”
“Looks like slim pickings as usual.”
“You’re all out of the house, so why should I cook?” Dolores quipped. “Takeout, and going out, is my motto these days.”
Louis piped in dryly, “Yeah, but we still visit, mom, and you do have grandchildren.”
“Takeout and going out was always your style mom,” Penny said with a laugh. “I’m not hungry anyway.”
“Suit yourself.”
“Louis, get Alex a Gatorade,” Amber addressed her husband sharply. “He’s asked you three times already. Don’t you have ears?”
Quickly standing up, Louis did his wife’s bidding. “So,” he said over his shoulder, “how’s life treating my little sister?”
“It’s treating me okay,” Penny answered with a shrug. She didn’t think about what she said next. She just blurted it out: “But I’ve decided I’m going to look for a new job.”
The room hadn’t changed physically, but she know there was a sudden change in the air, a rearrangement as if someone shook all the pieces inside a chess box.
“Why would you want to go and do that?” Dolores snapped. “You’re in good shape where you are. It’s such an easy job.” Dolores took a quick drag of her cigarette and inhaled deeply. “All you have to do is push a thermometer in a kid’s mouth every now and then.”
Penny could have kicked her own big mouth if it was physically possible. She knew she had made a huge mistake with her declaration, and the aftermath was building up around her.
“Do you think that’s all I do?” she asked. “My job entails much more than just taking some kid’s temperature.”
Standing her ground, Dolores put her hands on her hips. “But let’s face it, you’re not dealing with terminally ill patients here. Most of the time you take care of scraped knees and sore throats.”
Anger gripped her by the ears. She wanted to hurl Alex’s big box of crayons at her mother’s head. She heard her voice rise as she defended herself. “You don’t know anything about my work. You’ve never even come for a visit. I’ve been thinking about this for a while, and maybe it would be better to work in a hospital. I could meet different people and have more of a social life. I could help people. I think it’s a good idea.”