by Nancy DeRosa
Louis piped in, “You’ll screw up your retirement and pension.”
“God Lou, I’m thirty eight years old.” She smacked her forehead. “Do I need to think about that now?”
Dolores swooped in with a counter: “You’d be making a big mistake, I’m telling you. Working in a hospital means bedpans, puke, and real sickness. It’s much cleaner where you are.”
“Believe me, I’m used to puke.”
Snippy Amber slid in: “I know where you’re coming from Penny. A lot of good-looking doctors are walking those hospital corridors. Out with it, that’s the real agenda isn’t it?”
Her conscious mind had switched off. The words just flew out of her mouth. “You know what Amber? I think you should have gotten Alex the Gatorade yourself instead of ordering my brother to do it.”
Everyone looked at Penny: wide eyes, jaws creaking open; momentary silence. Alex and Paul had dropped their crayons. They looked questioningly up at their aunt. Penny felt her face flush with heat.
They all apeared to be waiting to see what she would do, or say, next.
Amber broke the silence, of course. She couldn’t help it. Her voice was steely: “I really don’t think it’s any of your business to critique how I conduct myself.”
Penny leaned against the kitchen sink, folded her arms, and replied, “You’re right Amber, only you should have the right to say what you think.” Blanking Amber—who was evidently building up to a big retort—she said to her mother, “I’m not staying at a job just because it’s easy. I’d appreciate it if you would keep all your opinions to yourselves. I need support, not advice.”
Pulling Winston closer, she stood up, picked up her pocketbook and slung it over her shoulder. Suddenly, Penny looked upon her family like her worst nightmare. They didn’t care that she had no friends, or a husband, and a home of her own. They didn’t give a hoot they she had no children drawing fire engines on the kitchen floor. This realization saddened her. If they really cared, they would be applauding her decision to reach for something better, instead of trying to tear her down and place fear in her heart.
She looked down at Winston who was calmly eating a yellow crayon. “Winston, we’re going home.”
“Oh come on,” Louis pleaded. “Don’t be so sensitive. What’s going on with you lately? You haven’t been yourself. We just think you have a good thing going and we don’t want to see you spoil it.”
Dolores shook her head in agreement. “You know Penny. She overreacts with everything. You owe Amber an apology, missy.”
“Bye,” Penny said abruptly. She picked up Winston. Clumps of yellow crayon had stuck to his mouth and whiskers. She brushed them away with short, sharp motions like an angry mother peeling potatoes. She couldn’t wait to escape.
Arriving back home, she slammed the door behind her. She rummaged around in the freezer, hoping to find at least one hot pocket left for dinner. Her search was in vain.
Sitting at the kitchen table, she realized that hope was still residing in her heart. It was up to her to find happiness. No-one was going to hand it to her on a silver platter. She thought to herself: And I have to find somebody to love me; I need sex too. Time is running out.
Chapter 7
Waking up the next morning, her foul mood had returned. She realised it never really went away. The first thing she thought of when she jumped out of bed and into another cold shower was that conversation with her family. She would never get used to their negativity.
She realised long ago that her family had no confidence in her; therefore, she had none within herself.
She jumped out of the shower and wrapped up the morose thoughts just as you wrap yourself inside a fluffy towel. She walked into the kitchen to make a much needed pot of coffee. Winston and Bob were standing at attention by their food bowls.
“Good morning guys. Hold on for a moment.” She stepped through her usual morning rituals, thinking that life couldn’t be any more mundane then it already was.
There was one bright spot in her day: Sarah Bentley did not meet up with her that morning. Now able to walk Winston without Sarah’s boring prattle, she breathed in huge gulps of fresh air as she ambled down her street. She promised Winston she would find him a new friend.
Arriving at work, she began her usual routine. Nine year old John Boris came in for his allergy medicine at nine sharp, Beth’s mother Joan marched in at eleven to administer her daughter’s daily insulin shot. Gregory Simms usually came in on Thursday mornings complaining of a headache to avoid his weekly math quiz.
Just as Gregory was leaving, Mr Adams popped his head into Penny’s office and asked, “How are we today Penny?” Penny’s eyes were drawn to the top of his head. Not only did he have oily hair, he also had a bad case of dandruff.
“I hope you’ll be coming to see the band perform this evening,” he said cheerfully.
She shuffled her feet. “Well, I don’t know if I can, Mr Adams. Something came up.”
“Came up?” His face fell in disappointment. “I was expecting the whole faculty to attend, very important for the morale of the school you know.”
“Yes I do know… Believe me, if I can, I will. My mom, I think, may need me to take her somewhere.”
“I see,” Mr Adams replied, but she could tell he didn’t see at all. “I know you’ll try your very best to attend.”
“Of course,” she called after him, as she thought what a big fat lie that was.
Anway, she thought, listening to his receding footsteps in the echoing corridor, I’m worried about my own morale, buddy. Because right now, it’s pretty much non-existent.
Chapter 8
As usual, she folded under pressure. Against her better judgment, she went to see the school band perform their annual Back to School reception. It was always boring, quite loud, and she cringed as she watched the parents fight each other for the front seats.
“I’ve been waiting over an hour for these seats,” Jennifer Suptahs booming voice carried clear across the auditorium like a half-time score announcement. “You have one hell of a nerve thinking you can just slip into them when I just turned around to put down my bag.”
Jennifer’s immediate nemesis, a frizzy-haired mother who had lodged herself into the seat via a strategically positioned elbow block, retorted, “I’ve been waiting here too, you know. Just because I went to the bathroom doesn’t mean you can take over the entire front row with your entourage.”
Penny shook her head slowly as the heated argument bubbled away unchecked. She knew the situation would escalate if the two combatants weren’t placated. Mr Adams ran over. As she watched his attempt to find a compromise—in other words, something that would please neither party—she realized she’d been watching this same scenario year after year.
The band was still warming up. She inwardly cringed as she listened to the grating off-key music. She decided she’d rather be plunged into icy water than endure the rasping clarinets competing with the discordant scraping of half-tuned violins. Looking at her watch, she sighed and thought: I only have an hour and a half and then I can get out of here.
It was then that she saw him. He was standing by the wall across the auditorium. The man was breathtaking to look at. His wide shoulders tapered into a small waist and he wore a pair of jeans and a light blue v neck sweater. He was slightly bow legged; for some reason Penny always had an attraction to this slight affliction. His hair was rather long, longer than the current trend, which made him all the more attractive. He looked to be around forty to forty-five. Penny thought he was the most handsome man she had ever laid eyes on.
She was so entranced with him, that she hadn’t realized he had been staring back at her. Oh damn, she thought frantically, he knows I’m gawking at him.
Quickly turning away, she pretended to look for something in her pocketbook.
Finally, the assembly was over. Walking quickly toward the front doors, she turned around and found that the man she’d been gawking at was right behi
nd her. He was even more beautiful than from afar. Penny actually felt her knees go weak. With the departing crowd thick in front of them, she was standing mere inches away.
One of the parents sidled up to Penny in line and declared loudly, “Weren’t they just amazing? I am so proud of them.”
She placed a fake smile on her face. “Just unbelievable.”
To her great surprise, another mother strode up to the man behind her and hugged him. Mrs Simms’ son had leukemia last fall and everyone had been talking about it. He had been quite sick for a while, but to everyone’s enormous relief he was now experiencing a full remission. Arlene Simms greeted this man like they were old friends.
Arlene then grabbed her husband’s arm and said in excitement, “Look Brad, it’s Dr Bruck. He came to see Craig. Thank you so much, it will mean so much to him. How are things over at Wayside?” She laughed loudly and lightly touched Dr Bruck’s arm. Arlene was as awestruck by this guy as Penny was.
The good doctor laughed too, a deep, throaty, sexy laugh. It sounded better than she could have imagined. He looked down at Arlene’s hand on his arm. “I’m happy that the surgery had gone so well Mrs Simms. As much as we enjoyed spending time with your son, we would rather not have to see him at the hospital.”
“Yes that is the truth,” Arlene agreed with a girlish, flirty laugh. “He’s back to being the all-round jock he’s always been.”
Let’s not get carried away Arlene, Penny fumed as she watched Arlene bat her eyes shamelessly at this fabulous man. She looked down at the floor and thought, Who am I kidding? I’d be doing the same damn thing if I had the chance.
The crowd thinned as Penny neared her car. She had lost track of Dr Bruck. A light rain was falling and it created a mist in the air. The fog was so dense she could barely see a foot in front of her, but her resolve was as clear as ever. She thought back over the conversation with her family yesterday. How weird: here she was declaring to her family that she wanted to work in a hospital. Now after seeing Dr Bruck she was drawn to that dream more than ever. Wayside Hospital may be a place to look into. She jumped into her car, chuckling. Not in a million years would she ever admit to Amber that Dr Bruck had been the draw.
Two cars over, Mr Adams stood next to his Ford Taurus. He looked distracted, rumpled, and sad. He appeared to be stuck in a rut as well, and she could sense his desire to move on. In her core, she knew he would never do it. As she watched Mr Adams yawn loudly, she knew that she no longer had a choice.
She decided she would call Wayside Hospital tomorrow and try to set up an interview. If they didn’t want her, she would look elsewhere. She waved at Mr Adams as he scratched his oily head and pulled up his wrinkled, baggy trousers. She didn’t want anyone who remotely resembled Mr Adams. She laughed and asked herself: Is that too much to ask?
Chapter 9
Penny entered Krasdall’s coffee shop breathing heavily. She ordered an omelet and began to assemble her resume.
She couldn’t work at home because Bob and Winston were distracting her. She needed this resume to be so slick, so heavy with gold-plating that it could break somebody’s foot if they dropped it. This portfolio would be her ticket to a better future, and a better life.
After the first draft, the completed resume read pretty much like this:
Penny Marins completed four years of college at Stony Brook University of New York and is a licensed registered nurse. She accepted a job at Fernfair and has been there practically her whole life.
The flimsy resume looked pathetic, she realized. Try as she might, she couldn’t wrack her brain for anything to fluff it up. She didn’t like to think about it, but she just didn’t appear very interesting or substantial on paper. She felt a nervous clench begin to form in her stomach.
Who the hell is going to hire me with these credentials? she thought in dismay. What have I been doing for all these years, sleepwalking? I should have volunteered for Habitat for the Humanities; I should have helped sick children that lived deep in the jungles of South Africa. But no, she thought in disgust, instead I spent almost half my life filling out emergency forms at an elementary school.
She took a sip of coffee and rolled her shoulders to work the kink out of them. She heard a light cough and looked up. Oh, great. Standing at the counter ordering a Mocha Latte to go was Cousin Charlene’s best friend Beth Blake. Penny had the perfect nickname for Blake: Blake the Flake. Her bleached blond hair was whiter than usual and her make-up was heavier than ever. Her lip pencil was applied so thickly that her mouth looked as if someone had drawn it on, and her heavy brown lipstick was bleeding right through it onto her upper lip. Penny had a sudden longing to pick up her napkin and vigorously wipe Beth’s face.
“Oh hi, sweetie, how are you?” Beth’s voice was high and tinny.
Oh just peachy keen. She smiled up at Beth, and realized that she despised this woman. “I’m fine, and you? What brings you to this side of the woods? Are you slumming?”“
“Oh, you’re just so funny. I just happen to be meeting a friend for sushi at Asian Grill.” Beth smiled sweetly. “Dining alone?”
Penny sat back just as the waitress placed her omelet in front of her. She felt a rush of humiliation. “Yes, well, I had some work to catch up on and I become easily distracted at home because of Bob and Winston.”
Beth shook her head up and down with faux understanding. “Oh, are those your children?”
She had a sudden urge to slide under the table and hide. “No, they would be my dog and cat.”
Beth’s confused look cleared up. “Oh, yeah, right, I didn’t think you had any kids.” Before Penny could reply, she snapped her fingers and asked, “Hey, speaking of kids, don’t you baby-sit?”
Penny bit her lower lip. She already knew what was coming next.
“Yes you do, for Charlene, right? I’m just desperate for a babysitter this Saturday. For every Saturday come to think of it. My girl moved back to Guatemala.” She stretched her painted-on mouth into a grotesque pout. “I was so disappointed.” She took a sip of her Café Latte, leaving a thick smear of lipstick on her cup. Beaming, she asked, “So what do you say?”
“You drink coffee before sushi?” was about all Penny could manage. She didn’t have any plans this Saturday night or any thereafter. She scrambled for some sort of an excuse.
Checking her watch, Beth laughed easily. “I’m killing time before dinner. The kids are both at home with my mother. I needed to get out of the house.” She shrugged and added with a shake of her head, “You know how that goes.”
“No,” Penny deadpanned with a smile, “I really don’t.”
“Anyway,” Beth continued, unaware that Penny was acutely uncomfortable. “So, can you watch my kids this Saturday night?” She clasped her hands together as in prayer. “Oh please say yes, I need you.”
Penny blurted out, “No, I absolutely cannot watch your kids at all, ever.”
Beth stepped back with a surprised look. Penny felt the blood drain from her face. An uncomfortable silence chewed at the air between them. Finally Beth recovered her composure and asked in a meek voice, “May I ask why?”
“Why?” she parroted back. “I’ll tell you why.” She calmly stabbed her fork into her omelet. “I have a life and I’m very busy.”
Taking two steps back Beth stammered, “Well, uh, I guess that’s as good a reason as any.”
“Yes, I think it’s a very good reason.”
Beth peered down at her watch and exclaimed, “Oh, I’m so late for my dinner date. I’m so sorry, but I must be going. Enjoy your meal.” Blowing a kiss, she backpedalled out of the coffee shop.
“Hope you enjoy your sushi,” Penny called out after her.
She realized with a stab of longing that she wished she was busy. She also realized she would never, ever babysit for anyone’s children again, unless of course they happened to be her own. Penny knew she was worth so much more than that. She calmly finished her omelet and completed her resume as best as she co
uld. She knew it was time to go home: dinnertime for Bob and Winston.
Chapter 10
Barely a week after completing her resume, she sat fretting in a hallway at Wayside Hospital waiting for an interview with Chief of Staff Dr Kittles. Should the interview go well, she would meet with the head nurse. The anxiety had turned her breath shallow, making her feel amost faint. She tried to compensate with deep breaths, but nothing seemed to be working. She knew her resume was lacking but she also knew Wayside Hospital was lacking in nurses. She could only cross her fingers and hope she interviewed well. She was proud to have gotten this far.
As much as she tried not to, her mind returned to the last visit with her family on Sunday. Her brothers and Aunt Bess were visiting and she decided it was as good a time as any to take the plunge and tell them she had an interview at Wayside. There was utter, contemptuous silence. The evening had gone downhill from there. But of course, Penny had expected that.
“You are making a huge mistake,” Dolores insisted with a look of astonishment. “You would throw away a wonderful career at Fernfair to take care of really ill people? You are crazier than I thought.”
She felt the anger well up. “You call what I do a career?” She threw down her slice of pizza. Tomato sauce sprayed all over her white shirt. She dabbed at it with her napkin. “You’ve got to be kidding me. Let’s see,” she put her forefinger on her chin, “what did I do this week? Ah, yes. I had to call six mothers to bring in clothes for their kids. At recess, eight boys decided to have a free-for-all mud fight.”
Standing up from the table, she said with sarcasm filling her voice, “Oh, and let’s not forget, I also helped Lindsey Leopold find the chapstick in her backpack because she had dry cracked lips. Well, I think that’s it,” she added in a clipped voice. “I guess that sums up my week.”