by Nancy DeRosa
Smacking the table Alyssa laughed gleefully. “You’re funny, a real hoot you know. I feel better already. So what if Bradley dumped me? Who cares? He was a tiger in bed, I’ll give him that, but I should just take it for what it was. We had a fun fling and I was the one who tried to make it into something more. Both of us should move on. I’ll get over it, I’m a free spirit by nature.” She lowered her voice. “I still can’t believe I shared all this with you, but I have a feeling you can be trusted.” She added another Styrofoam shard to the growing pile around the decimated cup. “You and me? We’re going to be good friends.”
Penny felt the same, and a spark of happiness zipped through her tummy. “I feel comfortable with you too,” she declared warmly. Her disappointment over Dr Bruck eased ever so slightly.
Alyssa mussed the Styrofoam pieces around with her fingertips. “Let me give you some advice, my new bud, if you want to have a great time and feel fabulous, be my guest and do Bruck. You’re really pretty, so of course he’s all over you already. Just know that he’s a louse, and you won’t be able to keep him.” She slapped her hands together. “Use him up and then toss him away.” Looking up at the wall clock Alyssa gasped. “We’re late, Reins is going to have a shit-fit. We better go.”
Scrambling to her feet with a warm blush upon her face from Alyssa’s compliment, Penny quipped, “We certainly don’t want that now do we?”
Alyssa laughed again as if Penny were the funniest person in the world. “You are such a blast. Let’s meet up tomorrow—same time, same place.”
As Alyssa ran down the corridor, she still felt a pang of sadness. Dr Bruck could no longer be her dream man. She’d have to find somebody else to fantasize about late at night when she was feeling lonely. She had the whole Pretty Woman thing going on, with Dr Bruck scared of heights but still clambering bravely up the fire escape. But this time, she thought with firm resolve, the man I think about won’t be a dream. My man will be real and he will love me and I will matter to him. No more imaginary lovers, because I deserve better. I want a relationship, not an illusion to hold onto, because I am worth so much more than that.
Wiping a small stain of coffee off her uniform, she once again noticed how loosely it fit her now. She remembered how the angles in her face had changed when she looked in the mirror. She touched her hair; it was longer too. She had really nice hair when she tended to it. So that can only mean… it’s time to go shopping… time to nurture the outside to help out the inside just a bit.
Her next patient was seventy five year old Mrs Steller. Penny found her in a wheelchair in front of the window, peeling an orange. Yesterday afternoon she was told she was ready to go home. Luckily, Mrs Steller had been given a good prognosis for the future. A small tumor had been removed from her breast, and the good news was it had not spread to any lymph nodes. She only needed to go through a brief series of chemotherapy sessions to follow up on the surgery. Penny looked down at her and smiled.
Mrs Steller held up a slice of orange. “Want a piece?”
“No thank-you,” she replied, placing a blanket around her shoulders.
“I insist!”
“I’m really not all that big on oranges,” she protested.
Not to be daunted, the old dear continued to hold up the slice of fruit.
Penny finally took the segment out of her hand, “I wouldn’t want to offend you.”
Mrs Steller smiled. “Nothing you could do or say would offend me. I’m too happy.”
Penny laughed. “You must be thrilled to be going home after all you’ve been through.”
“I want to sit on my couch with my husband and our cat Sophie, watch a Lifetime women’s movie and eat popcorn. That’s all, that’s it, boring as it sounds,”
“It doesn’t sound boring at all. What could be better than watching a movie with a man who loves you, eating a big bowl of popcorn? That’s as delicious as it gets as far as I’m concerned.”
She looked up at Penny in surprise. “Who said anything about love? I can’t stand the very sight of Harry. I’m sick to death of seeing his face every single day. It’s just too damn expensive to get a divorce.”
Penny was astonished. All she could manage was a weak, “Oh.”
“I do love the popcorn though,” she said with a twinkle in her eye. “And Harry always accepts my orange slices.”
Penny looked down at Mrs Steller with narrowed eyes. “Are you pulling my leg?”
“Maybe a little,” she answered with a hearty laugh.
“Look you little jokester,” she replied as she put both hands on her hips, “I think I’ve had enough surprises for one day.”
Mrs Steller laughed again and handed Penny another slice of orange, which she most graciously accepted.
Chapter 25
Aunt Bess accompanied her on that shopping spree, and Penny felt flushed with happiness over her purchases. She’d gone down two sizes and was astounded at how small her waist was. She marveled at how flat her stomach had become.
She loved her new pair of jeans and it was so much fun to pick out a belt to go with them. She and Aunt Bess giggled together like schoolgirls.
“Look at you,” her aunt exclaimed, holding her hand to Penny’s cheek. “You are one hot mama, let me tell you.”
“Get out of here!” She waved her hand, but her face was beaming.
“And you have a date this week to boot,” said Aunt Bess. “What night is it with this James fellow?”
Smiling broadly, she answered, “Thursday. We’re going to this really nice Italian restaurant I’ve always wanted to try.” Putting a hand on her Aunt’s arm she said earnestly, “I really hope he’s not a jerk.”
“So what if he is? Enjoy your free dinner and move on.”
Looking at her aunt, Penny felt a profound sadness. “Why can’t I spend time with my Mom like this? I wish you weren’t going back to Florida so soon.”
Aunt Bess picked up a red silk scarf and wrapped it contemplatively around her fingers. “One day, when you’re able to accept her as she is, you’ll be able to hang with her. But it will be on your terms, not hers.”
“Aunt Bess,” Penny protested, “I think you have it backwards. Don’t you mean she has to accept me as I am?”
Smiling Aunt Bess shook her head, “No, Penny, but you’ll know what I’m talking about when that happens. Seeing her perplexed look, she patted Penny’s rear and smiled wryly. “You need to do some floor lunges or something. Since you’ve lost weight, your butt got a little flat.”
“Aunt Bess! What a thing to say.”
“It’s the truth,” she replied with a huge grin. “Hey, look, you can’t be perfect you know. But you’re almost there.” She lightly kissed Penny on the cheek. “Damn, I have to go Penny. I’m going to be late for a hair appointment.”
She left Penny alone with pleasant thoughts. Thoughts that were interrupted the moment she entered the department store adjacent to the mall. Her sister-in-law Theo was standing by the cosmetics counter trying on lipsticks. Penny made a beeline toward the coat department. praying that she could make a quick enough getaway.
“Oh my God Penny, is that you?”
She cringed: so much for the quick getaway. She stopped walking and turned around, trying her best to look surprised. “Oh, hi Theo, how are you?”
Jamming her bags under her arm, Theo strode toward her. “Ooh, you look fantastic,” she praised, and added in an unsure voice, “And you’ve lost even more weight.”
“Yes, well I may have lost a few more pounds.”
“I think more than a few. Try like a whole, huge, truck load.” Her strident voice echoed off the department store’s high ceiling.
With well practised precision, her heart sent the meek “Retreat!” signal with a feeling of shame and resignation: she knew full well that she was being critized. But this is the new Penny. She won’t stand for it: she launches the counterattack. Leaning to the side with her hand on her hip, she asked, “Are you implying that I use
d to be huge?” Her heart was pounding. What she said was simple, and perfect, but she wasn’t used to standing up for herself. This was alien territory.
Theo unconsciously fiddled with her bag handles, a look of discomfort on her face. For a moment, she had trouble finding the right words for a comeback. She finally managed to sputter, “Oh, no, of course not. I didn’t mean, ah, no, I would never imply that.”
“I didn’t think so.”
An awkward silence followed as Theo tried to scramble for control of the conversation. Looking Penny square in the eye, she stated coldly, “I must say, I’m a little shocked that you blew off your nephew’s Communion luncheon. I mean, it’s so unlike you to do something like that.” She rudely pointed her finger at Penny. “You didn’t even show up for a quick drink.” She added smugly, “Are you even aware that your brother had to pay for your lunch? Is something going on with you that you’re not telling us about?”
Penny swallowed hard. “Only good things are going on with me, Theo.” She laughed lightly to cover up her nervousness. “But no wonder you’re shocked. Come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever missed any family occasion in my entire life, even when I didn’t want to go. I don’t think the world will end because I missed one.” Then she blurted out with a sharp laugh, “I left Theo because my mother attacked me. Of course, that’s nothing new. My mother has two awful habits: smoking, and belittling me. I think I can break her of at least one of those vices.”
Theo looked as if she was blinking sawdust out of her eyes. Several seconds later, Penny realised that she was wearing a huge smile. She had finally told Theo how she felt. This feels wonderful, she thought with enormous glee. I must make this a habit.
Theo was silent. She continued to stare, and took a step back as if a wall of flames had sprung up between them.
Feeling nervous and lightheaded, Penny decided to walk away. When she was far enough away she turned around and called out, “Don’t tell my family anything. If they don’t know that they’ve treated me badly, then how can you tell them? My mother especially needs to come to this realization all on her own.” Regaining a bit of her composure, she added, “Please tell my brother I’ll send him a check for the twenty dollars. I wouldn’t want to put him out.”
She raced down the escalator toward the rug department. She didn’t need to look at rugs, but anywhere would do. She felt as if she no longer had a family, and soon there might be no-one in her life. This despairing thought brought on a fresh, deep cut in her heart.
I need to go home now, she thought. I need to sit down with Bob and Winston and give them a hug.
The patterns on the oriental rugs blurred as she fought back tears. I’m all alone, Aunt Bess is leaving and that is why I’m crying, she thought. I’m also throwing away the only people I can count on, dysfunctional as they may be. I don’t want to be alone and I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I should run home to Dolores and beg for her forgiveness. I should be trying desperately to get back into the folds of my family instead of irritating the hell out of them. Fear gripped her heart at the thought of never seeing her Mom or Dad again.
I can’t do this, she told herself. I can’t let go of them even if they are no damn good for me.
“Can I help you?”
Whirling around, she found a rather pleasant-looking man staring at her with a look of concern on his face. “No,” she stammered. “No thank-you, I’m fine.”
Peering at her a bit longer, he said, “I get the feeling that you have absolutely no interest in our rugs.”
Throwing back her head, she laughed and quickly tried to wipe away her tears. “It’s that obvious?” There was something about the man… he wasn’t conventionally handsome, nor particularly tall, but his bright blue eyes held warmth; and that kind smile… he was the sort of man a person could really talk to. “I was running away from someone I no longer wanted to converse with.”
He mulled this over and then replied, “The rug department is as good a refuge as any.”
She patted the rug hanging next to her, and stepped back with a surprised grin when it quivered. “I thought the same thing. Anyway, I really must be going, but the next time I’m in this department I promise I’ll be a serious rug shopper.”
Those endearing blue eyes twinkled at her. “I’ll look forward to doing business with you.”
Walking toward the escalator, she turned back, but the rug salesman had disappeared. So okay, she thought, admit it—there was something about him that sparked your interest. She felt as if she knew him, and tried to place where from. Nope, she decided, she’d never laid eyes on him before. Her arms were aching from holding all her purchases, and all she wanted was to go home.
She practically ran into the parking lot. Thinking of Theo, she realized that she had severed another thread that connected her to family. Once the poison grapevine had relayed their conversation back to her parents, she would be further cut off.
She wondered if the damage might be irreversible; but it was too late to turn back now. She would never go back to her family with the old dynamic ever again. The interactions with them must change: she could no longer be on the sideline of her family’s life. She needed to be treated with the same reverence and respect that her parents gave her brothers.
She turned the ignition and waited for the old engine to spark into life. Heading out, Penny gave the parking attendant two dollars, and thought: Hell with all of them, because I am worth so much more than that.
Chapter 26
Striding down the hospital corridor with her new pumpkin colored sweater under her uniform, Penny ran her tongue lightly over new coral lip gloss. She lightly touched the top of her hair. She had just gotten a haircut and highlights the night before, and she could not believe how great her hair looked. She loved the way it moved, and styling it was a cinch. The soft waves flattered her features and made her feel like a million bucks.
Standing by the front desk, Dr Bruck was looking over a patient’s records. He looked up and whistled softly. “Well, look at you,” he crowed. “A more gorgeous creature I have yet to see.” He walked around her predatorially. “Okay, what’s different? I never knew a woman who could top perfect, but here you are standing before me.”
She was torn between snorting derisively and swooning. Sex appeal oozed from this man and she couldn’t help but respond to him. She blushed from his compliment. Through her peripheral vision she caught the other nurses smirk sidelong at each other: look at Dr Bruck getting over on this chick.
She hoped her thoughts weren’t transparent when she replied, “I bet you say that to all the girls.”
He placed his hand on the small of her back. “To some more than others.”
She felt as if warm butter had been placed where his hand rested, and that warmth traveled all the way down her legs. She was astounded at the effect he had on her, even after Alyssa’s warnings.
With his hand still in place, Dr Bruck steered her away from the nurses’ inquisitive stares. “Let’s go out for a drink after work, say next Thursday?”
Penny gulped hard. She knew she shouldn’t, and the mental picture she conjured up of the two of them together was too much to bear.
Just as she was pondering all of this, Alyssa passed by. She put her middle finger up behind Bruck’s back, wiggled it and smiled. Penny finally had her answer. “Can I get back to you on that? I have to check my calendar.”
“Uh, yeah, sure.” His surprised expression was priceless.
She added briskly, “I just need to make sure I’m free. I’d hate to disappoint you.” Her gills fluttered with embarrassment as she realized how arrogant she must have sounded.
Dr Bruck quickly recovered. “I wouldn’t want you to disappoint me, and from now on please call me Jay. I’ll be waiting to hear from you.” He patted her shoulder gently and marched toward the elevator. Hang on just a minute, Penny thought hotly. Dr Bruck… whoops, Jay, never called her by her name. She wondered if he even knew what i
t was. Yup, she no longer needed to check her calendar. Alyssa may have been right about him after all.
“Are you a masochist?”
She whirled around to find Alyssa standing behind her. “Were you standing around the corner eavesdropping?”
Alyssa gave a wicked smile that Penny loved. “Absolutely I was, but I couldn’t hear a damn thing you were saying. All I could hear was Mr Grubb screaming bloody murder. Carly is giving him an enema, lucky her.” She laughed and added, “Lucky him.”
She replayed her conversation with the Good Doctor, while Alyssa’s eyes widened in disbelief. “Would I be the laughing stock of the hospital if I went out with him?”
Alyssa gave Penny’s shoulder a quick squeeze. “Probably, but don’t let that stop you. You should do what you want to do. I don’t care if… you know… people talk about me all the time and I knew they would have a gossip-fest when I went out with Bradley, but if I worried about these things, I wouldn’t do anything but sit in my house and twiddle my thumbs.”
“I wish I could be fearless like you Alyssa. I twiddle my thumbs a whole lot.”
Alyssa nodded, grinning. “I understand. You don’t strike me as a daring sort of person, but I’m working on you.”
“Yeah, I think I have to accept the fact that I’m just an old stick in the mud.”
“Well let’s not go that far. Hey, I have a great idea. Forget the coffee, let’s go out for a drink after work and have a few laughs. I’ll bet the shirt off my back that you’re a lot more fun than you let on.”
Penny thought about her new sweater, jeans and hair, and decided that drinks would be a perfect ending to an almost perfect day.
“Are you girls on a coffee-break this early in the morning?” Reins asked, glaring sternly at them both. Penny didn’t know how long nurse Reins had been standing there, but she knew they had been chatting longer than they should have.
“I’m on my way to see Karen Cartwright,” Penny announced, snapping back into professional mode while Alyssa resumed her errand and zipped away.