The Truth of Yesterday

by Josh Aterovis

  And of course, there was also Amalie. As Adam had said, she wasn't helping the situation. I sighed deeply and resolved to talk to Steve soon. If he really was as upset about the ghost as Judy and Adam had said, then maybe I'd have to think a little more seriously about going back to the house with Judy. As much as I wanted to avoid doing just that, my family was more important than my fear, and I had to admit, I was afraid.

  My further contemplation of the subject was cut short by my arrival at the school campus. In my distracted state, I had apparently been driving quite a bit over the speed limit. I was lucky no cops had been out on the highway. I was now a bit early, but I decided to head to the meeting place anyway.

  I made my way to Wicomico Hall by way of the maze of brick walkways that criss-crossed the campus. As I approached the Hall, I noticed several people standing and talking in the illumination of the old fashioned light posts, one of which was Noah. So he'd arrived early too. He looked up and caught my eye as I approached. His face immediately broke into a smile. He said something to the guy he was talking to and broke away, walking towards me.

  “Hey, Killian,” he said warmly. “I didn't know if you would come or not.”

  “I came,” I said, showing off my amazing talent of stating the obvious.

  “Well good,” he said without a trace of sarcasm or teasing. “Let me introduce you to a couple people.” He led me back to the group of people he had been talking to. There were two guys and a girl. “Everybody, this is Killian,” he said and they all turned to face me wearing polite smiles. “This is Peter,” he said, indicating the short, pudgy guy he'd been talking to when I'd arrived. He had straight, mousy brown hair, almost no discernable lips, and dull brown eyes. All in all, he was pretty average, probably not someone you'd look at twice in a crowd. “Peter is the co-president of Haven. The other co-president is Val; she'll be here eventually. She's always late.” He pointed to the other guy. “This is Ray, he's the secretary, and that's Tanya.” Ray and Tanya waved cheerily. Ray looked like a tiny bundle of energy. He hadn't stopped moving since I'd arrived; he was constantly hopping and bouncing from one foot to the other, or dancing to music that only he could hear. He looked Hawaiian or Filipino: small, dark complexion, straight black hair, and huge dark eyes. Tanya was a little on the heavy side with pale blonde hair that she'd cut short with tufts dyed blue, to match her eyes I guess.

  “Come on,” Noah said, “I'll show you where we meet. See you guys, inside in a few minutes,” he said to the others before he set off for the doors, leaving me to trot along beside him.

  “I'm never going to remember everyone's names,” I said as we stepped inside.

  “Don't worry about it. We'll probably do one of those annoying introduction things tonight where everybody says their name, major and what shampoo they use or something like that. Peter seems unusually fond of them, but I guess they serve their purpose. You know, I just assumed from your necklace that you were gay, but I never really asked. Are you?”

  “Would I be here if I wasn't?”

  He shrugged. “I just figure it's never safe to assume anything. So you are?”

  “Yeah.”

  “And should I assume from the necklace that you're out?”

  “Pretty much. I mean, my family and friends all know and I don't make any effort to hide it. For the most part, I came out in high school. I had a boyfriend and practically everyone in the school knew we were a couple, even though we didn't make a big deal out of it.”

  “That's cool. So when you said you had a boyfriend did you mean that in the past tense, as in you no longer have a boyfriend?”

  I glanced over at him and saw him look at me from the corner of his eye. Was his interest merely polite conversation or was there something more behind it? I decided that clearing things up now might save us both trouble. “I dated the guy from high school for about two years, but we broke up at the beginning of last summer. I'm seeing someone else now.”

  “That's cool,” he said casually, but I thought I saw a flash of disappointment. It's just your imagination, I told myself; stop being so vain.

  While we were talking, he'd led me down the hall and into a rec room complete with pool tables and other distractions. At the back of the room there was a meeting room sectioned off by a glass wall. Tables, couches, and chairs had been set up inside and a wide-screen TV was set into the wall on one end. A few people were already inside chatting with each other.

  “This is where we meet,” Noah said, as he swung open the door.

  The conversations inside broke off upon our arrival. Two girls sat on one of the sofas, a slim black guy lay sprawled out on the floor, and a burly white guy sat in one of the chairs.

  “Hey, Noah,” the burly guy called and was echoed by the others.

  “Hey guys, this is Killian,” Noah introduced me. “That's Olivia and Felicia on the couch, Anthony on the floor and Everett in the chair.”

  I wasn't sure which of the girls was Olivia and which was Felicia, but they were similar enough in appearance that I doubted I could have told them apart anyway. They were both average-sized, with short dark brown hair, brown eyes, and not a hint of make-up. They both wore glasses and shapeless, oversized sweatshirts over faded jeans. They almost looked like twins, but something about the way they were sitting made me think they might be lovers.

  “You can call me Tony,” Anthony said from his reclined position. He had the thin, lithe body of a dancer and sharp, chiseled features that made him look like an ebony statue come to life. I gave him a wave.

  “Ooh, fresh meat,” Everett said with a smile that let me know he was only joking. Even sitting down it was easy to see that he was a giant, but a gentle one if my initial impressions were accurate-and they usually are. He dwarfed the chair he was sitting in. He had curly reddish brown hair with a matching goatee and greenish-blue eyes.

  “Careful, Ev,” Noah chuckled, “he's taken.”

  “Figures,” the big guys snorted, “All the good ones are either taken or straight.”

  I sat in the center of one of the other couches and Noah sat to one side of me as another group of students made their way across the rec room in our direction. The group I'd met outside had now grown with several additions. More introductions were made, the names no longer really getting connected to faces as more and more people arrived. A few I recognized from a couple of my classes, but I didn't know any of them by name. I was actually kind of surprised to learn that they were gay; but then I remembered that just because they came to these meetings didn't necessarily mean they were gay. It was a gay/straight alliance after all.

  Peter called the meeting to order and, as predicted, they played one of those annoying name games. Everyone had to say their name, major and what type of underwear they favored. In case you're wondering, the girls favored bikini style panties and boxers held a slight lead for the guys. As for the guy/girl ratio, it was fairly even. There was one person there who could have given the girls a narrow majority if I could have figured out whether they were male or female.

  Peter was just about ready to begin the meeting proper when a very pretty Hispanic girl burst into the meeting room. She was on the short side with long, glossy black hair, beautiful brown eyes, and pouty red lips. She was wearing a tight sweater and even tighter jeans that showed off her shapely figure, a small black leather backpack was slung across her back.

  “And Valora makes her grand entrance as always,” Ray mumbled under his breath as he made a note in the notebook he held in his lap. He had sat on the other side of me and if I hadn't been sitting next to him, I probably wouldn't have heard him.

  “Sorry. I'm late,” she said in a lightly accented voice.

  “It's ok, Val,” Peter said with a grin, “It's not like it's unusual. We were just getting ready to start.”

  “Cool, then I didn't miss anything?” she asked as she settled gracefully into a spot on the floor next to Tony.

  “Well, you missed the introductions. What ki
nd of underwear do you wear?”

  Val blinked in surprise for a second. “That question sounds funny coming from you, Petey,” she quipped and everyone laughed. “Shall I assume this was part of the introductions?”

  “Yep.”

  “Then, if you must know, I wear a thong,” she said with a small smile. There were a couple catcalls before she continued. “If we're having introductions, does that mean we have someone new?” She scanned the group-now about twenty-five or thirty strong-and quickly picked me out. “Ah-ha, I haven't seen you before, have I?”

  “Probably not,” I said, trying not to blush. “My name's Killian. This is my first time here.”

  She giggled. “You make it sound like an AA meeting. Hi, my name is Valora and I'm a lesbian.” She giggled again. “I'm only teasing; don't turn all red on me. You can call me Val.”

  “Val is the co-president,” Noah reminded me.

  “Can I move on now?” Peter asked impatiently. Val arched an eyebrow and leveled an icy glare in his direction that didn't seem to faze him in the least. I decided that Val was the people person while Peter was the administrator for the group. They probably made a good pair.

  “God forbid we should get off schedule. Yes, you may get on with your agenda now,” Val allowed. Peter stuck his tongue out at her and she reciprocated; then they both broke into wide grins.

  “They're always like this,” Noah leaned over and whispered. I tried not to shiver as his breath tickled my ear.

  The meeting itself was rather unremarkable. I was a little lost for most of it, as they were mainly discussing the success of their National Coming Out Day Celebration. They also talked about plans that they already had in the works, including a Halloween costume dance that didn't appeal to me since I had rather unpleasant memories of the last Halloween costume dance I'd attended a few years ago. At that particular dance, the windows of my car had ended up smashed out, a schoolmate had ended up dead in a creek, and I, as I learned later, had come perilously close to joining him.

  The meeting ended promptly at nine, when the TV was turned on and everyone tuned in to Will & Grace. Once the sitcom was over, the group began to break up. A few people stayed and chatted. Noah invited me to stay too and since I figured it was a good way to get to know them, I did. It ended up being about five people who stayed, not counting myself: Noah, Val, Peter, Tony, and Everett. Val moved to the couch next to me in the spot vacated by Ray.

  “Well, what did you think of your first meeting?” Val asked me.

  I shrugged. “It was ok.”

  “Only ok?” Noah asked.

  “Well, I didn't really know what you were talking about most of the time. It'll be better once I get more involved.”

  “Then you'll probably be back?” he asked. I thought I detected a note of hope in his voice.

  “Probably,” I said.

  “Can I ask a personal question?” Val interrupted.

  “Would saying no even slow you down?” Peter teased.

  “Nope,” she said with a grin. “So, are you Noah's new boy toy?”

  I didn't even realize she was talking to me until Noah said, “He's dating someone, Val.”

  “Oh, you meant me?” I asked, feeling very dense. “We just met in the bookstore earlier this week. Noah saw my pride necklace and invited me.”

  “The campus bookstore?” she clarified.

  “Yeah.”

  “You go to Stinky?” she asked with surprise in her voice. Stinky was the affectionate nickname given to Pemberton University due to its initials.

  “Yeah, I'm a freshman.”

  “Damn, I'm sorry. I thought you were like sixteen at the best and Noah was robbing the cradle or something.”

  I laughed. I was used to being mistaken for a lot younger than I was. Sixteen was actually an old estimate for me. Maybe I was finally starting to mature in my looks. “No, I'm eighteen,” I told her.

  “Still a baby,” she declared.

  “How old are you?”

  “Twenty-one.”

  “And you?” I asked Noah.

  “Twenty.”

  I looked to Peter.

  “Twenty-one,” he supplied.

  “Nineteen,” Everett volunteered.

  “Twenty,” Tony called from the floor, where he was now doing some sort of stretching exercise.

  “Oh, I guess I am the baby of the group then,” I conceded.

  “Just of us here now,” Peter amended. “I doubt you're the youngest in the whole group and I know there are other eighteen year olds.”

  “Besides,” Everett said, “You're probably more mature than most of us anyway.”

  “Speak for yourself,” Val shot back quickly.

  “I have a question,” I said, “How many of the people that attend the meetings are gay?”

  “Most of us,” Noah said. “There are maybe three or four straight girls; everybody else is at least bi.”

  “Most straight people are afraid to come because they think their friends are going to think they are gay too,” Peter explained.

  “And we all know how horrible that would be,” Val added sarcastically.

  “But that's one of the things we're trying to do,” Noah went on. “We're trying to change the way people look at being gay, so it's not such a negative thing.”

  “It's slow progress,” Val said.

  “But at least it's progress,” Everett pointed out. “Almost everybody knows I'm gay and the vast majority just don't give a shit.”

  “That's because you're a big ol' white boy,” Tony said, unwinding his body from the pretzel in which he'd twisted himself. “They're afraid you'll bash their skulls in if they say anything.” Everett opened his mouth to protest but Tony wasn't finished. “Not that you would, and I'm not saying that everybody has a problem with it secretly, but there is definitely still a lot of prejudice and bigotry on this campus. Try being gay and black. That's two strikes against you. And it was even worse back home. In the black community, the women don't have any problem with somebody being gay, but the brothers? Damn. You just might as well be in the Klan.”

  “The Latino community is probably even worse,” Val said. “I grew up in a mostly Puerto Rican neighborhood in Baltimore and I've seen lots of guys get the shit beat out of them just cuz they weren't macho enough. They get called names like faggot and cocksucker and most of the time they aren't even gay. Just think how the poor guys who really are gay feel. They gotta hide it or get out of there. I never let anyone know I liked girls until I got to college, not even my best friend. I dated guys all through school and just pretended I didn't put out cuz I was a really good little Catholic girl.” She shrugged. “I'm probably going to hell now. Think I should go to confession?”

  “Nah, you're too far gone for help now,” Peter teased.

  “What about you?” Val asked him. “You had any problems with people knowing you are gay?”

  “Outside of my family you mean? Not really. I'm not remarkable enough to draw much attention. No one cares which way I swing.”

  “Oh stop with the pity party,” she snapped, “What problems did you have with your family?”

  “Just the usual; Mom flipped out, Dad disowned me, my brother acts like I'm dying of AIDS.”

  “That's the usual?” Noah asked. “Then I'm glad I'm unusual. My parents were a little shaken at first, but they educated themselves and they're ok with it now. Or, if not ok, then at least they're trying.”

  “Then you're one of the lucky ones,” Peter said. “My parents are better now, though; they've had a few years to deal with it, but it was ugly at first.”

  “My mom still don't know,” Tony said.

  “My dad doesn't but I think my mom knows,” Val said. “At least she's stopped asking me if I'm dating any nice boys at college.”

  “I'm another one of the lucky ones, I guess,” Everett said. “My whole family had no problem with it at all, but then, we're a pretty liberal bunch and they've assumed I was gay since I was a li
ttle kid. What about you, Killian?”

  “My family? Well, my real dad freaked out, beat me up, and kicked me out of the house. This was right after a gay friend of mine was murdered and I was stabbed at the same time.” I almost laughed at the stunned expressions on everyone's faces. “The dad of the murdered kid took me in and I've lived with him and his partner ever since. My mom ended up divorcing my dad and moving to Pennsylvania. I stayed with Adam and Steve.”