by Ruby Dixon
She notices I am walking at her side and gives me a side glance. When I do not leave, she frowns. “Can I help you with something?”
Her words are polite, but it is strange; her tone does not indicate she wishes to help at all. “I have questions for you.”
“You assume I want to talk to your blue ass.”
“Not my ass,” I correct her. “You can talk to my face.”
Chail gives herself a little shake, her brows scrunching down. “Are you fucking with me?”
“No. I wish to ask you questions about Ell-ee.”
“And if I don’t feel like talking to you?”
It is my turn to frown. Why will she not speak with me? “I only wish to learn more about my mate. You know her better than I do.”
“Yeah, I do,” Chail says slowly, shrugging her fur wraps tighter around her small body. “And I’m sure that she’s not happy to be your mate.”
I look up ahead, at the stiff-backed figure of the one who is my mate. She seems so fragile and alone, even though Leezh and Harrec flank her. “Why does she not speak?”
“Maybe she doesn’t want to talk to you.”
I turn to her. “So she talks to you?” I am relieved. If this is true, it means I can win over her affections. In time, she will speak to me.
But Chail purses her lips. After a moment, she shakes her head slowly. “No, she doesn’t talk to me. She doesn’t talk to anyone. But I know she can speak.” She glances up at me. “I’ve heard her say things in her nightmares. And they weren’t good nightmares, just FYI.”
The urge to protect my mate rushes through me, and I clench my fist on my spear, resisting the need to rush to her side and pull her close to me, to comfort her for past memories. “So she chooses not to talk.” She is strong-willed, my mate. I feel fierce pride at that, even if I am frustrated by her silence. “Did something happen that makes her afraid to speak?”
“You’ll have to ask her.”
I will. Perhaps she will even answer me. But not today. I look down at Chail again. “Can you tell me anything else about her?”
She does not seem happy at my questions. “Why do you want to know?”
Did I not make that obvious? “I wish to learn more about my mate. I want to know what pleases her. I want to make her happy.”
Chail gives a little snort. “What would make her happy is not resonating to you, but I guess that’s off the table. Is it true that it’s unbreakable? Resonance?”
I confirm this with a nod. “Many were initially displeased with their mates before they realized their khui had truly chosen the right person. Resonance always wins.”
Chail hums over this. “And what happens if you try to ignore it? If you fight it?”
Humans always ask this. Always, the answer is the same. “Resonance chooses. It is foolish to fight it.”
“Yeah, well, I’m not asking if it’s smart. I’m asking what happens.”
“The need to mate grows greater with every day. It will make you weak and miserable until you accept it.” I rub my chest, where even now, my khui is singing low, waiting for another glimpse of its chosen mate. “But resonance is what everyone hopes for. It brings mates together and brings new life to the tribe. It is a good thing. As her mate, I will take care of Ell-ee and see that she is happy.”
Chail ignores my proud words. “So basically this cootie thing is going to force her to have your babies.” She shoots a skeptical look at me. “And here I thought you guys said we weren’t slaves.”
I scowl. “You belong to no one. Why would you think that?”
“The cootie’s making her be your wife. How is that her choice?” She glares up at me. “How do I know the moment our backs are turned you’re not going to grab her and rape her? Hold her down until she ‘accepts’ your mating?” She wiggles her fingers in the air.
I watch them, confused. “What is that?”
“What is what?”
“This?” I wiggle my fingers at her. “Is it like this?” I show her my middle finger, a gesture that Leezh has made a lot of use of in the past few seasons.
“Been flipped off a few times, have you?” Chail has a strange look on her expressive face. “Those are air quotes, and don’t change the subject. Are you going to rape her?”
I am offended she would think such a thing. Ell-ee is mine to cherish, mine to protect. I would never harm her or force myself upon her. “It angers me that you even ask that.”
“Put yourself in my place. You think how safe you’d feel if you were in my position? I’ve seen you with her.”
And that makes me silent, because I did grab her near the sa-kohtsk when she tried to run. I think of the marks on her thin, dirty arm and feel shame. And I think of the collar that Trakan put on her, and my gut twists. Chail is right not to trust. “I do not wish to hurt her. I wish to…” I choke on the words, overcome all at once by the joy and frustration and emotion of having a mate after all this time. “I wish to…love her. I want nothing more than her happiness.”
“Well, then you would be the first,” Chail says drily. “Let me tell you what I know about Elly, then. I know that her last master used to keep her collared like a dog and made her crawl around on all fours, naked, just to humiliate her. He didn’t think humans were smart or feeling, so he left a shock collar on her all the time. I know that she doesn’t trust anyone, even me. I know she won’t eat if she doesn’t trust the food given to her. I know she has nightmares. I know she’s terrified of being touched, and when she’s scared, she retreats to small, tight spaces to hide. That tells me she’s been abused in the past, quite a bit.”
Each word she speaks feels like a knife. She is telling me such horrors…about my mate. I cannot bear it. “Stop,” I say hoarsely. “These cannot be.”
“Why not? You think everyone’s all happy and Brady Bunch-like your tribe? You bought slaves, my friend. You know who buys slaves from a slave market? Depraved, sick sons of bitches that don’t have an ounce of compassion. To them, we’re not people. We’re currency.”
Some of her words make no sense to me, but there is a vehemence in her tone that tells me everything. “I only asked for females to be brought to our tribe so our unmated hunters could have families.”
“You. Bought. Slaves. Don’t think anyone’s going to forget that anytime soon.” Chail’s voice is sharp. “I’ve been a slave for eighteen months now, and let me tell you, it’s hell. I’ve been beaten, whipped, slapped, fed garbage, sold to strangers, and treated like an animal. And that was only eighteen months. I feel like I’ve aged eighteen years in the time I’ve been captured.” She gives a slow shake of her head. “Elly’s never said, but I can tell in her eyes—that girl’s been in this system for years. Maybe even longer. Who knows what it’s done to her.”
I cannot think. All I can do is stare at the small, straight back of my female. My dirty, silent female.
My female who hates to be touched.
“I will not touch her unless she asks me to,” I tell Chail. “You have my word.”
“Honey,” she says with a small, bitter little laugh. “I don’t trust your word for shit.”
“A shunning,” Vektal announces when we return to the village.
I was surprised when the entire village met us as we returned from the sa-kohtsk hunt. A celebration is being held in the long-house, as the humans call it, and I can smell food roasting, and Farli has already started decorating her mate with her painted symbols. The humans are embraced and welcomed into the tribe.
All except for Ell-ee, of course, who does not want to be touched.
News of our resonance trickles through the tribe, and my chief strides forward, his mate at his side. Everyone waits, watching us. And that is when he pronounces his decision.
A decision I am not sure I understand.
“Eh?” A shunning? This is something I have not heard. I look at Vektal’s mate, the still-angry-at-me Shorshie. Her arms are crossed over her chest, and the look on her face is r
esolute. This is her idea, then. “What is that?”
“It’s clear that you don’t have the tribe’s best interests at heart,” Shorshie begins.
Do not have the tribe’s best interests at heart? Did I not ask for enough humans for all of the unmated hunters? How is that selfish? I scowl in her direction.
She continues, her mate nodding approval. “So because you decide you don’t need the tribe’s laws,” Shorshie continues, “We have decided that we don’t need you. You’re officially shunned from the tribe. No one will acknowledge that you are here. You are not welcome in the long-house. You’re not welcome in any of the tribe’s huts or at any fire. You will be ignored by any and everyone in the tribe as if you don’t exist.”
This is…the most foolish thing I have ever heard. Ignored? Ridiculous. “I am a hunter. You will need me to hunt.”
“We will make do without you,” Vektal says. “You may get your things from the hut you share with the other hunters, but then you are shunned. I am sorry to have to do this, but I hope you will learn your lesson.”
This shunning seems a silly punishment. “And my mate?”
“She’s not shunned,” Shorshie says in sweet voice. “She is more than welcome to stay unless she wants to go with you.”
I look over at Ell-ee, hope in my eyes. I know it is early and we have only just resonated, but perhaps…
But no. She shrinks back, averting her gaze, and ignores me. Very well. She needs more time. I have waited many, many seasons for my mate. I can wait a few days longer. I devour the sight of her, unable to look away. “Who will take care of her?” My voice is hoarse with need. “May I hunt for her?”
“If you like,” Vektal says. “But if she wants you to leave her alone, you should.”
“How long is this ‘shunning’ to last?” I ask, annoyed.
“Until you realize what it is you’ve done,” Shorshie says firmly. “And judging from your reaction, we’ve got a long way to go.”
“Your shunning officially begins now,” Vektal says, crossing his arms over his chest. “As of this moment, you do not exist to this tribe.”
I snort. Somewhere off to one side, Harrec guffaws.
Vektal shoots him an angry look and then gestures to the others. “Come. Let us celebrate the new members of our tribe in the long-house.”
I scan the faces of my tribesmates as they turn and leave. A few of the hunters—my friends—seem confused, but they follow the chief reluctantly. There is hurt and betrayal on Claire’s expressive face as she holds little Erevair in her arms and turns to leave. The hurt on her face wounds me. She acts as if I have done something wrong. Does she not see I had no choice? “Claire,” I begin.
She ignores me, walking a little closer to her mate.
“Ell-ee,” I call out, hoping she will turn.
She does not.
I am well and truly shunned…and I do not know what to think.
7
ELLY
“He’s still hanging around the damn village,” Tiffany says, shaking her head as she braids long strands of leather into a thick woven mat. “I don’t think he grasps the concept of ‘shunning.’”
“Oh, I think he does. He just doesn’t care. Bek’s stubborn like that.” Claire works on the other end of the mat, pleating her strands.
We’re all inside the long-house on this day, the weather nice and sunny. The leather roof of the building is rolled back so the potted plants Tiffany nurtures here can get some sunlight. A few of the pregnant women are talking to Brooke and Kate by the fire, and off to one side, Gail is making trail rations into cakes and letting little Lukti, Erevair, and Zalene help her. I can hear their laughter, and it makes me smile. Gail is so happy to have children around. She loves them and loves helping out.
Claire picks up another strand to weave into the rug and shrugs her shoulders. “You know Bek. I’m pretty sure part of the reason is to remind us that he’s there, and part of it is because he doesn’t know what to do with himself. And well, let’s be honest—part of it is Elly.”
From the corner of the room where I’m standing with a waterskin, I can feel my cheeks heating. It doesn’t matter how many times Bek comes up in the conversation on a daily basis, my name is linked with his. It’s a small tribe, Georgie has told me when she caught me looking embarrassed. They gossip. And since we’ve resonated, we’re everyone’s favorite topic. New people would be fodder for months as it is. New people that resonated in such a fascinating way? I’m screwed if I think no one’s going to be talking about it.
And Claire and Tiffany are both nice. They’re calm, easy-going personalities—unlike the bossy Liz or the boisterous Maddie or endlessly chatting Josie—and they’re fine with my silences. I fill my waterskin with warm water from the spring and go back to watering the little fruit trees. It’s one of the few tasks I can do around here, and I’m happy to do it. The roots and soil are covered with thick dvisti hides, uncovered to be watered, and then covered again to protect them. I’ve watched Tiffany grab the pots and move them into the sunlight as the suns travel overhead and the shadows grow long, so I do that, too. It’s a full-time job just taking care of these trees, but there are little buds of fruit growing on them and everyone’s quite excited to have them to eat soon.
“You’ll make Elly uncomfortable,” Tiffany chides her with an apologetic glance over at me. “She knows he’s coming around to see her. No reason to bring it up and make things awkward.”
I give her a faint smile of thanks and move away to water the trees on the far side of the long-house, closer to Gail and the children. I don’t know if I want to hear more of the conversation, just because Claire was good friends with Bek and likes to talk about him. Hearing his name makes me feel funny, like I can’t decide if I want to run away screaming or if I want to squeeze in next to her so I can hear every gory detail. I know that Claire’s his ex-girlfriend. I feel weird about that, too, even though it’s clear that Claire’s wildly in love with her sweet husband, Ereven.
It’s been a week since the sa-kohtsk hunt, and everyone’s still adjusting and finding their place. Kate and Liz connected well, and now Liz and her mate Raahosh are showing Kate how to hunt, because she wants to learn. Brooke tends to linger by the fire to hang out with whoever is there, and spends her time braiding hair and trimming ends. It seems that Brooke was a hairdresser back on Earth and wants to save everyone’s hair here. Most of the women are happy to let her beautify them, and I notice that she chats a lot with Stacy and Nora, who take over a lot of the cooking duties and are thus around the fire a lot as well. Gail watches many of the children and helps Ariana with classes and teaching. Josie and Lila are teaching Summer how to sew, and their laughter can be heard in the small village often.
Everyone seems to be finding their spot except for me. Of course, that’s not unexpected. I’ve set myself apart from the others. I still haven’t bathed. I still haven’t spoken, though I’ve wanted to a few times. I still wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat.
I’m just…waiting for the other shoe to drop, I guess. I’m waiting for something to happen that will turn this place from a wintry paradise into another nightmare. Until I truly feel safe, I’m going to keep on as I am. If that means I don’t have the friends that the other girls do or blend in like they do…it’s just safer. I won’t get hurt that way, not if I’m expecting bad things to happen. It’s when you let your guard down that the awful comes.
“Look everyone, it’s Miss Elly. Wave to Elly,” Gail says cheerfully, and gives me a happy wave.
The three children seated in front of her wave also, their hands dirty with fat and seed mixture.
“We’re making trail rations,” Gail says. “It’s important for everyone to know how to do it, isn’t that right?”
Lukti, a quiet little boy with blue skin and a head full of tight curls, smiles at Gail and holds a cake out to her. “I made this one for you.”
“Oh, I’m not hungry.” She holds he
r hands up, smiling, and then nods at me. “But I bet Miss Elly’s hungry. Why don’t you ask her if she wants it?”
Lukti looks over at me shyly, and then scoots closer to Gail. “She doesn’t talk,” he says, worried.
“Elly smells bad,” Zalene declares, patting her cakes laid out in front of her. “She’s stinky.”
The children giggle, and Gail just shakes her head. “Miss Elly can wash when she wants to, because she’s a grown-up. She has her reasons, and it’s not for us to be mean and say she’s stinky. Apologize, Miss Zalene.”
“I think Elly is nice,” Erevair declares, and gets to his feet and runs over toward me. He holds out a sticky, mangled-looking patty of something that’s supposed to be food. “I made this for you.”
I take it awkwardly. My stomach growls, because I’m still not getting enough food. In the last week, huts have been set up for the humans, and I’m currently rooming with Gail. We’ve been given piles of supplies and some food for our hut, but I can’t bring myself to eat it. I don’t know who it’s come from. I don’t know if someone’s slipped something awful into it. And I know that these people are nice and kind and won’t do that, but I still can’t bring myself to take a bite out of it.
So I only eat when there’s a community stew, which means I get about one real meal a day. I’m ravenous all the time, and even the sight of this well-handled little cake is making my stomach churn with hunger and anxiety. I don’t know what to do. I want to eat it…but my brain wars with my worries.
I hold it, frozen in place.
As if she can read my mind, Gail leans forward and takes another one of Erevair’s cakes and nibbles on it. “Mmm, these are so good, Mr. Erevair! You have a gift, little man.”
He beams at her, all pride, and I shove the cake into my mouth, chewing furiously. I’m so hungry.