Where Life Takes You

by Claudia Burgoa

  With his words, my entire world collapsed.

  Chapter 17

  The secret I’d harbored for so long had become public knowledge within seconds. Now my friends knew what I had known for years: I was worthless. I sat against the door, blocking it so I could let everything out.

  “You set the whole thing in motion, Connor,” I said through the door. “I had planned a new life after I turned eighteen. I would never look back at Ian, Lisa, or anyone else from my past. But you had to play hero and confront him. She believed I had offered myself to him, and held us at gunpoint. He had to rape me in front of her, or she’d pull the trigger. ‘Make it hurt, then she can cry rape.’ Lisa laughed. I still wake up at night to the sound of her laugh and the memory of his deformed face looking at me. The green bloodshot eyes, his stinky breath, and his body crushing me while he assaulted me one more time. As sick as it sounds, she enjoyed every minute.” I sighed. This confession hurt more than they did to me. “They destroyed me.”

  Yesterday was further away than that day.

  It was late December of that same year. Mom and Greg had come back from their trip to Barbados the day before. They had decided to spend Christmas by themselves, leaving Lisa to take over the house while I avoided her and her never-ending list of visitors, while I avoided Ian.

  I was cleaning up my room when the door slammed opened, revealing Lisa with her father’s semi-automatic pointed at me, and Ian behind her. They stank of alcohol, and one glance at them told me this wasn’t going to end well.

  They were both trashed, but Ian more so. There were dark purple bruises scattered around his face, and his lower lip was split and swollen. Stitches held him together under his left eyebrow, and dried blood crusted the tape on his nose. His right ear and part of his blond hair was caked in it too. The rumor going around the neighborhood for the last few days was that Ian had been mugged by a drug dealer. He’d obviously meant business, and almost killed Ian in the process.

  Lisa and Ian were arguing as she rushed into my room. He was on the defensive as he grabbed her arm to draw her away from me.

  “Lisa, this is stupid. Fucked up.” His voice faltered a bit as he released her. “Let’s go. She has nothing to do with it.”

  “I don’t think so,” she sneered, snapping her head back to me. “I’ve been putting up with your shit since day one, and now you’ve fucking crossed the line. You’re going to pay.”

  “W-what?” I blanched, and fought to keep myself as calm as possible, despite the gun pointed at my face. “What did I do?”

  Lisa adjusted her grip on the gun. “Don’t play innocent. You got Ian beaten to a pulp.”

  “She’s lying, Becca,” Ian insisted from behind her. He grabbed Lisa by the shoulders and carefully turned her to face him. “It was just a drug dealer trying to scam more money off us, and everything got out of hand. She’s delusional and drunk, and we’re leaving.”

  “No!” she shouted and whipped around to glare at me. “It’s the fucking whore’s fault.” Lisa fired a shot in my direction.

  I cowered and covered my head, but, thankfully, her aim was terrible—or she hadn’t truly intended to shoot me—and the bullet ricocheted off my desk chair and into the wall.

  From my crouched position, she stepped closer. “He’s mine, I told you,” she hissed, and kicked me twice in the ribs. “You begged him, stop lying to the whole fucking world about him raping you? What kind of insane whore are you?”

  Lisa’s mood didn’t lighten with pinning the blame for Ian’s injuries on me. She turned to him, jamming her dad’s gun into his chest. “Do it, Ian. Make it hurt.” I begged him not to do it with my eyes, but he didn’t seem to notice—or care. “So she can call rape, slut.”

  “Lisa, you can’t be serious.” Ian shook his head softly.

  The look in her eyes went from authoritative to pure hatred. “Do it,” she screeched, “or I kill her, and then you.”

  Unlike the first time, he wasn’t into it. I didn’t struggle as much this time, but removed myself from the moment to avoid further pain. Not that it helped. At first, I squirmed under him after he took all our clothes off, for show so she wouldn’t kill us. But I stopped as soon as we were both naked. I had gone through this ordeal once already. I refused to indulge her sadistic nature by putting on more of a display. Also, I didn’t want to make things worse for myself by fighting and contributing to my own pain and discomfort when he inevitably retaliated out of spite. That never occurred, though.

  “Lay her on her back,” she shouted over her shoulder as she closed my door. As if closing it would have made a difference—we all knew my mother could hear everything from the kitchen, and chose to ignore us for the sake of her favorite “daughter.” “I want her to see how much she revolts you.”

  I closed my eyes to avoid his stare. “Don’t just sit there, idiot,” Lisa ordered. “Fuck her, and fuck her ‘til she bleeds.”

  Stupidly I opened my eyes, encountering Ian’s gaze. All I could see in his eyes was grief and regret. Ian felt sorry for me this time, at least. I was so worthless, he found a way to pity the girl he had evicted brutally from his life and then demanded repossession of it. I felt abhorrence for myself. I was dilapidated and insignificant, and I couldn’t keep myself safe when it mattered. His breath reeked of alcohol, making me cough uncontrollably.

  She slumped gracelessly down into my swivel chair. “Oh, and pound her in the ass. We don’t want her getting a little bastard then mooching off us for child support.” She snorted.

  Ian pushed himself inside of me, but with hesitancy. Was he toying with me like last time? Was he planning on doing something worse to me?

  The penetration hurt more than before.

  “I’ve got an idea,” Lisa chirped gleefully, “why not do a slam for a slam? Ian, you pull out all the way, and then give her all you’ve got. And I’ll do the same, I’ll rape her mind. Ready?”

  “Lisa….” he whined.

  My stomach churned as bile climbed up the back of my throat. It was bad enough that this was what Lisa had made me into, but she had ruined everything that was Ian.

  “And begin,” the blonde demanded.

  He pulled out and slammed himself making me cringe.

  “You’re a pathetic excuse for a social reject. Donna’s not keeping you from parties. She just knows you’re so unpopular that she likes to rub it in your shit-looking face that you can’t act normal enough to know how to get wasted or have fun.”

  Ian pulled out, then forced himself into me even harder. I bit my tongue and squinted my eyes to avoid looking at either one.

  “People ask at least once a week if you’re retarded because you’re stuck in this fucking fairy tale where everyone gets a good ending. No one gets to be happy, you dumb bitch—especially not a freak like you. Ian, continue.”

  He did it again.

  “No one buys that goody-two-shoes shit you try to pull. Adults think you’re a worm. Everyone your age knows how much of a cunt you are.”

  And again

  “People don’t ‘abandon’ you, you victimizing, self-entitled child. They get so sick of putting up with your miserable ass that one day they decide that they want to be happy and realize they have to dump the eternally emo burden known as Rebecca Trent.”

  Again

  “Your own grandmother hated you so much she died just to get away from you.”

  Ian came inside me, and I wailed.

  “Well.” Lisa brushed imaginary dust off her shoulder. “I think we’re done here.”

  Ian finally stopped, and then climbed off the bed. I finally opened my eyes, to look at his slumped body trying to get dressed as he stared cautiously at his psychotic girlfriend. “You had your fun, Lisa. Let’s get the fuck out. We’re done here.”

  She mulled this over briefly, and then wrinkled her nose at him. “Nah, I don’t think we are.”

  His shoulders sagged in defeat. “I did what you asked. I fucking raped my best friend. What more
could you want?” Ian barked.

  “Oh, don’t be so uptight,” Lisa admonished him playfully. “C’mon, Ian, let me shoot her a couple of times.”

  She raised the gun and pointed it at my bare chest. “We can bury her in the backyard. I bet Donna will help us.” Her smirk widened into a full-blown cackle. “She’s been trying to bone me for months. More in love with me than her own husband. It’s hilarious.”

  Caught up in her own self-indulgence, Lisa easily lost possession of the gun when Ian snatched it from her. Without hesitation, he pulled the trigger. The bullet went straight through her mouth and out the back of her neck. She collapsed and spilled on the floor, dead.

  He turned to look down at me. Ian’s eyes were sad, but he had a tiny smile on his face. “If I had to choose between you and her, it’ll always be you.”

  For the first time in years, I could see the little boy that lived next door. The one that used to take my heart with him every time he left my tree house with plenty of promises to bring it back tomorrow and forever. I think he was trying to give it back one last time, for both our sakes.

  “I’ve got to go, Becky,” he said slowly, “or they’ll put me in jail.” Ian turned toward Lisa’s lifeless body. “I can’t keep going like this anyway. You deserved more than me. Promise me you’ll start over too, okay?”

  One second, I was about to ask where he was going, the next, he was on the floor, toppled over Lisa with a bullet through his forehead. I didn’t stop him. I couldn’t. He left too fast for me to talk him out of it.

  After I fixed my clothes, I called 911. I didn’t talk to anyone when the cops and the ambulance arrived. I was quiet as they took their bodies out in bags. Mom more than made up for my silence.

  “My baby!” she shrieked as the EMTs carried Lisa’s body out on a stretcher.

  I was in the front doorway when she pointed at me and cried out, “She killed my baby! She’s a murderer! Take her!”

  The police handcuffed me and took me with them, but it didn’t take long for me to leave the station. Henry, Dan’s lawyer, saved me. They tested me for gunshot residue and didn’t find anything. Case dismissed.

  “Why did they find it on Lisa if she didn’t kill herself?” Ty’s calm voice came from the other side of the door after I narrated the way Lisa died.

  He doubted me, of course. I was nobody, and his little sister had been killed because of me. “Before… she asked Ian to rape me, Lisa shot at me, but she either missed or hadn’t planned to kill me yet.” There was long pause behind the door, but eventually Ty spoke, and his voice was pained and hesitant. “Becca, I—” I couldn’t stand hearing him condemn me. “Don’t, Ty. I know. I didn’t pulled the trigger, but I killed her all the same. It was my fault. Mom’s right, I destroy everything that matters. I’m―”

  Resting my head against the bathroom door, I pondered my next move. Suicide didn’t sound bad at this point―finish what Lisa began years ago. My new friends found out what Lisa, Mom and Ian had known all along—I was insignificant.

  “Becca, love, open the door for me.” Dan’s gentle voice cut me off. He jiggled the handle, but I’d locked the door. “Rebecca, I can call Doctor MacKenzie. Let me help you.” He mumbled something I couldn’t make out. “You’re either going to open the door, or we’re taking it down, but I am going to care for you.”

  “I don’t need your pity, Dan.” I said. My shaky legs barely supported me, but I stood up, gathering the last bit of strength and pride I had left. I opened the bathroom door and walked toward the master bedroom. “You shouldn’t mix with someone like me.”

  “Becca.” Connor called after me. Hadn’t he done enough? “You were a child, a victim. I’m sorry for blurting everything out. But Daniel already knew.”

  I froze. I hadn’t told anyone. Not even my therapist.

  “You’re on a roll, Patrick,” Ty said. “Your child will be in good hands after Dan murders you. We stopped him once, but you aren’t worth the effort to do so again. I might even help, for hurting my sister.”

  “I didn’t do anything to Lisa. I promise.” True. Connor had ignored Lisa since she’d moved in to the house.

  “I’m not talking about her. I meant Becca.”

  Huh? I didn’t pay attention to them, I went back to the part where Connor mentioned Dan knew, but how?

  I hadn’t reported it to the police. Never said it. Unless I—

  Afraid to see his face, but wanting to know the truth, I stopped and turned to look at Dan. He scratched the back of his neck and lowered his eyes. Another secret kept from me. But who was I to talk, when I had deceived him?

  “How long, Daniel? When did I lose my filters and spill it?”

  “Aspen,” he whispered, and his saddened gaze confirmed what I feared. He thought less of me now.

  Not him, my heart whispered as it shrank two sizes. Anyone but him.

  But I knew the truth. I had lost my best friend.

  Dan took a step forward in my direction, but I raised my hand to stop him. “Can we talk about it, rationally and away from everyone, please?”

  I shook my head. What was there to talk about? I had seen his rage when someone didn’t do his bidding. Why would I put myself in that position? There was nothing to stop me, and it was time to flee. I have a college degree, and I was totally capable of restarting a life. No one’s gonna be stuck with me because I was a pathetic nutcase.

  The tears I held in stung as much as the truth I’d blurted out. I continued on to Dan’s room, and went into the closet to search for my suitcases—or at least a duffel bag—but everything was gone. What else could go wrong? The strength left inside me threatened to disappear, so I hurried. I only had a few minutes before I would break down completely. Opening the top drawer, I pulled out enough undies to last for at least a couple of days, grabbed a pair of jeans from the middle drawer, and the sweater hanging on the back of the door. Everything else could be replaced later. I opened the door and encountered a wall of muscles. Dan.

  “I fucked up,” he said, and the scene I’d been trying to avoid caught up with me. “Don’t go. Don’t leave me, princess. When we talked… you asked me not to bring it up, ever—unless you did. I don’t think less of you. To me, you’re the bravest, most wonderful person I’ve ever known.”

  “Please, Dan, how can you say that? I’m a fake, an empty vessel whose value is less than nothing.” I stepped back and focused on my shoes. “You’ll be better off without me. I’m a big complication. Imagine how simple things will be after I disappear from your life.”

  My heart broke a little at the idea of Dan living happily without me. The pain of missing holidays, movie nights, and quite evenings together rushed through my body. Another part of me I would have to numb for the rest of my life. It had been hard enough when he’d left me because I was hiding a secret, because—

  Lightning struck. I got it.

  He’d done it because he’d learned the truth. He couldn’t stomach being close to a dirty whore, a murderer. All those tears I’d held in flooded out of me. Dan wrapped me in his arms, and I couldn’t fight it. I held completely still, drinking in the last moments of us being together. He sat on the floor, pulling me on to his lap.

  He stroked my hair. “Don’t cry, baby, you’re breaking my heart.” Dan whispered in my ear, keeping me secure in his strong arms.

  Time passed and I couldn’t move. “I need to go.” When I was finally able to talk, I noticed his shirt was soaking and my eyes were swollen.

  “Bex, baby, you can’t leave me.” He adjusted me until we were face to face. His eyes reflected vulnerability, sadness, and something else—that mysterious something I’d seen before. Pity, perhaps. “You’re a dense girl.” He chuckled and ran a hand through his hair. “Not that it matters right now. What’s important is that I don’t judge you for what happened to you. If Ian were alive, I’d be killing him with my bare hands for touching you. The first time you should’ve told me, Becca. I would’ve taken care of him and…
. No, I should stop.” He took a deep breath.

  I tilted my head and looked at him for the first time. “Stop?” I frowned.

  “Since I learned about what he did to you, I keep thinking about all the ways I could’ve prevented the entire episode. If I’d paid more attention to you…. Lisa was bullying you, and no one—”

  “Don’t do that to yourself.” I touched his cheek, interrupting him.

  Knowing Dan, I didn’t doubt he had a team of scientists working on a time machine to save me from myself. Not that it would make a difference. To save me he’d have to travel all the way to the time my parents conceived me, and stop them from doing it. That was Dan though, always taking care of his own.

  “I don’t deserve you.” I kissed his jaw and placed my head over his chest, defeated and unable to think about my next move. Leaving him would be ideal, but my strength had disappeared—he’d taken it away.

  “It’s the other way around, love.” He kissed the top of my head. “I’m aware you had a troubled childhood, and your teenage years… to say that they sucked is an understatement. But I couldn’t bear losing you.”

  His fingers tilted my chin up and he gradually lowered his face. His eyes darkened a little. Dan met my lips with a light tender touch, sending shocks of electricity through my entire body. I closed my eyes and hid my face into his chest, not knowing how to react. Ian’s story wouldn’t be repeated, I wouldn’t fall in love with my best friend. One more minute, I told myself. I needed to collect myself before my next move. Abscond.

  “Sorry,” he whispered in my ear.

  I quivered when he feathered my hair with kisses, ending with my cheek.

  Get out! My self-preservation instincts screamed.

  Back when I was in college, I’d developed small crushes on Dan, but controlled them after he left town or I left for school. When I moved to Massachusetts, I learned to live with the hot guy next door. There was no way in hell he would have any interest in me. The guy dated supermodels and actresses. Someone like me couldn’t compare to them; I was damaged goods. Plus, I couldn’t ruin our friendship—he was home to me. The only family I had.