Here to Stay

by Catherine Anderson

  “Sweet Christ.” Zach put his hand on Luke’s shoulder. “Don’t blame yourself for that. It was just your survival instinct kicking in.”

  “But I cared more about me than I did her. I should have been praying she’d run away. Instead I prayed she’d stay and keep taking it. It was really bad shit he did to her, not just slapping her around, but using his fists and even kicking her sometimes.”

  Zach truly did feel sick now. The hot dog had settled in his stomach like a rock. “Ah, Luke. Think about what you’re saying. She faced that, night after night, and didn’t run. There’s only one thing I can think of that stopped her. She couldn’t run away and leave you. So what makes you afraid she’d consider doing that now?”

  “We talked, and she promised she wouldn’t leave. But she might. Even with my dad out of the picture, I’m still afraid to be all alone.”

  Zach took off his hat and rested it over his knee. Finger-combed his hair. Inhaled, exhaled. “All of us are afraid to be alone, I think. I’ve got a huge family, so it’s not that big a worry for me. I can always count on somebody to be there when the chips are down. But all you have is Mandy. It’s understandable that you panic sometimes.”

  “Exactly, and if she takes a powder, what’ll I do?”

  Zach considered. “The first thing I’d do is take action before that ever happens.”

  “What kind of action?”

  “Try to become more self-sufficient. The stronger and more independent you are, the less afraid you’ll feel. By doing that, you’ll lighten her load so she won’t want to take a powder. You get what I’m saying? Make yourself a more appealing package. She’s stuck it out with you all this time when you weren’t trying to do that. Do you really believe she’ll leave if you take over some of the work?”

  Luke tightened his hand over Rosebud’s neck. “I don’t know where to start.”

  “Start by finding the bathroom by yourself and take it from there. One little thing at a time. You can do it.”

  Luke nodded. “There are lots of things I pretend I can’t do.”

  “Then stop pretending and do them. Sounds simple enough to me.”

  “Maybe it does to you. You can see. I’m just so scared.”

  “Yeah, well, life is scary for all of us sometimes, whether we can see or not. If you get in a pinch, you have my cell phone number. Give me a call.” Zach wondered if he’d lost his mind, but he felt compelled to add, “I’ve got a big house, an even bigger ranch, and a mini to guide you. If you need a place to bunk, call me, and I’ll come get you.”

  “Really?”

  Zach reached over and patted Luke’s shoulder. “Harrigan law. We never say anything we won’t back up. If Mandy takes a powder, call me. You can room with me and Rosebud until you get it figured out.” Zach let that sink in. “But I seriously doubt your sister could be pried away from you with a crowbar. She loves you. Give her some credit. Hell, if you shape up, she’ll think it’s a walk in the park compared to the way it is now. Why would she decide to dump you then?”

  Luke released a shaky breath. “If I go home and start doing stuff by myself, she won’t know what to think.”

  Zach chuckled. “I’m fairly certain it will come as a welcome surprise to her.”

  “Once I start, I won’t be able to stop. She’ll know then what a big fake I am.”

  “Once you start, will you want to stop?” Zach countered. “You have a life to live. There are so many things you haven’t done. Don’t you want to experience at least some of them?”

  Luke sniffed and swallowed. “I’d like to have a girlfriend. What are my chances, though? No sighted girl will want anything to do with me.”

  “Why? You’re a good-looking guy.”

  “I’m blind, man. Big turnoff.”

  “I don’t think that’s true. The biggest issue is that you’re presently so limited in what you can do. A girl would not want to go on a date with you if your sister had to come, too.”

  Luke grinned, his eyes still bright with tears. “I really am a mess, aren’t I?”

  “You’re fixable,” Zach replied. “Problem is, only you can do the fixing.”

  “So what if I fix myself and Mandy decides to get married? She says she doesn’t want a husband, but if she got one, he might not like me. Then I’d be all alone.”

  Zach knew he needed to stay focused on Luke’s problems, but he couldn’t help but ask, “Why doesn’t she want a husband?”

  “Hey, man. With a father like ours, would you ever want one?”

  “No,” Zach admitted. “I guess I wouldn’t. Does she even have a social life?”

  Luke shook his head. “I nixed that. She went out on dates a couple of times, but I—” He stopped talking and gulped. “You’ll think I’m really awful if I tell you this.”

  “I won’t think you’re awful. Everyone does things they regret later. Spill it.”

  “I ruined her dates. On purpose, I mean. Stupid stuff, like pretending I fell and hurt myself, or that I was sick. Another time, I sneaked into the kitchen when the sitter was in the bathroom and put a towel on the stove burner, turned it on, and almost made it back to the sofa before the lady came out. Nailed. She called Mandy and refused to watch me ever again. She said I was a pyromaniac.”

  “Well, I can sort of see her point. Did you set the kitchen on fire?”

  “No, just the towel. The lady managed to put it out.”

  “That was a dangerous stunt to pull.” Zach sensed there was more. “So what else did you do to ruin Mandy’s dates?”

  “When she went on the third one, I took a swing at the sitter. Mandy gave up after that. She never went out again.”

  Zach tugged hard on his ear. “You truly were a little shit, weren’t you? It’s not okay for a guy to smack women, Luke. You need to get that cemented in your brain.”

  Luke nodded. “I know.”

  Zach wanted to drive that point home even more but decided to save it for later. “So your sister has been on only three dates, and she’s how old?”

  “Twenty-eight.”

  “Damn, Luke. She’s not a nun.”

  “Yeah, well, I’m not a monk, either, and it’s her fault I don’t have a life. Why should I let her have one?”

  Zach said nothing. He let that hang in the air between them until Luke finally broke down and whispered, “I’m doing it again, aren’t I? Blaming her for everything.”

  “Yes, and that’s wrong. We all make mistakes. You’ve just admitted that you’ve made your fair share of them. A mark of maturity is when we realize that no one is perfect, including ourselves, and we’re able to forgive others, not because we’re noble, but because we know that, sooner or later, we’ll screw up and need forgiveness, too.”

  Luke ran a hand through his hair, leaving rooster tails atop his head. “It’s hard to change the way I’ve been thinking most of my life. It may take some practice.”

  “Probably so. Old habits can be hard to break. But it’s not impossible.”

  “I’d really, really like to have a girlfriend.”

  Zach laughed. “Well, then, shape up and find one.”

  When Mandy got home, she saw Zach’s SUV parked at the curb and wondered what he was doing there. She entered the house with one hand laden with heavy plastic bags to find the living room empty. “Luke? Mrs. Peabody? Yoo-hoo, I’m home!”

  No one answered. She hurried to the kitchen, checking every surface for a note to explain why Luke and the sitter weren’t there, but she found nothing. Her heart started to pound with fright. Abandoning her mission to get the groceries unloaded and put away, she put the bags on the counter and raced for the phone. Mrs. Peabody didn’t answer until the eighth ring, and by then Mandy was in a full-blown panic.

  “Hello,” the older woman said.

  “Mrs. Peabody, this is Miranda Pajeck. Where on earth is my brother?”

  “At some park, best I know. A man with a little horse came and got him.”

  Mandy’s pulse sl
owed a bit. “What park?” she asked tautly.

  “How should I know? I was informed that Luke is legally an adult. I told both of them I wanted no part of it, that Luke didn’t have your permission to leave. They paid me no mind. I hung around to finish out the hour, and then I came home.”

  “Couldn’t you have at least left me a note?” Mandy cried. “When I came home to an empty house, I was scared half to death.”

  “If you had a cell phone like a normal person, I could have called you when Luke told me he was leaving. You owe me for the whole five hours, by the way. I turned down another job to be at your place. It’s only fair I get paid.”

  Mandy’s temples throbbed with anger. She’d never liked Mrs. Peabody, but until now she hadn’t realized the woman had an irresponsible streak a mile wide. “You’ll be paid only for the time you were here and not a penny more.”

  “Fine. You just lost a sitter, missy.”

  “Like I care? You could have at least asked them what park they were going to and left me a note!” Mandy was so upset, she hung up on the woman.

  Her anger mounted. There were three parks within walking distance of the house. Speaking of an irresponsible streak, why hadn’t Zach or Luke left her a note? That was only common courtesy. She had no idea what time they’d left, no clue where they were. What if something happened—an accident or something?

  Trying to calm down, Mandy paced in tight circles. Then she went to get the rest of her purchases out of the car, looking up and down the sidewalk, hoping to see her brother as she collected the bags. Nothing. Fury welled within her. When she returned to the house, she didn’t bother to put away the food. Instead she tried Zach’s cell and got no answer. Then she called St. Matthew’s hospital to see if her brother had been taken in for emergency treatment.

  Mandy was home by the time Luke and Zach returned. She stood on the front porch, arms tight around her waist, right foot tapping the concrete, eyes shooting daggers. How she managed to look beautiful when she obviously wanted to rip his head off, Zach didn’t know. In the sunlight, her hair glistened like polished brass. Her tidy figure was shown off to perfection by dark blue slacks and a silky blouse the color of an orange. In the breeze, the supple cloth clung to her breasts.

  “The shit’s about to hit the fan,” Zach murmured to Luke. “Your sister is on the porch, and if she had a gun, I think she’d shoot me.”

  Luke’s head came up. “Why’s she pissed at you? The walk was my idea.”

  Zach fell in behind Luke and the horse as the pair made their way up the narrow walk to the house.

  “Where have you been?” Mandy cried when they were about fifteen feet from the steps. “I hire a sitter, and you just take off? She wants to charge me for the whole five hours. That’s fifteen bucks an hour, Mr. Pajeck. After you left, she finished out the hour, and apparently all she did during that time was eat! The leftovers I hoped to serve for dinner are gone. Maybe you’d like to cook tonight, Luke. I’m behind on my work!”

  To Zach’s surprise, Luke straightened his shoulders. “Maybe I would. Like to cook, I mean. You’ll have to teach me how first, so you’re stuck for tonight. But I’ll get there.”

  Mandy’s lips parted as if she meant to say something else, but nothing came out. She stared incredulously at her brother for a long moment. Then, with crisp authority, she said, “Get into this house, now.”

  Luke thrust out the harness handle. “Here, Zach. Thanks a lot for the walk.”

  “You’re more than welcome,” Zach replied. “Call me anytime. It was good training for Rosebud.”

  “Hello?” Mandy descended the steps to grab her brother’s arm. “There will be no more walks unless I give the okay, and I do not feel so inclined.”

  “I can go for a walk any damned time I want!” Luke objected. “You’re not my boss!”

  Mandy shot a cutting glare at Zach. “Two hours alone with you, and just listen to him! I was afraid this would happen—that you’d fill his head with crap.”

  “He didn’t fill my head with crap! Damn it, Mands, calm down. It was just a walk.”

  “In the house. Now!” Mandy cried. “I’ll deal with you later.” She drew her brother toward the steps. Looking over her slender shoulder, she met Zach’s gaze. “I’d like a word with you. Let me get him settled, and I’ll come back out.”

  Zach didn’t look forward to having a word with her, but he’d never been one to run from a confrontation. And in this particular instance, he had a few things to say himself.

  Mandy was gone only a few seconds. When she stepped back onto the porch, she slammed the door so hard the window frames shuddered. Glorious hair drifting in the breeze, she marched past Zach toward his SUV. Then she turned and waited for him.

  Zach put Rosebud in the vehicle. When he swung around, Mandy wagged a slender finger under his nose. “Don’t you ever take my brother anywhere again without my permission. You’re lucky I didn’t call the police and file charges!”

  “You’d have looked pretty silly trying to file charges. He called me, not the other way around. If he wants to take a walk, he’s an adult, and that’s his decision to make. He’s not a baby, Miranda. Isn’t it about time to let your brother grow up?”

  Her lips went white. “I know my brother far better than you do, sir.”

  “Really? Are you aware that Luke blames you for blinding him and that he’s been playing you for years, pretending to be helpless to punish you?”

  Her eyes filled with tears, and her mouth began to quiver. “Yes,” she admitted. “Luke blames me for the accident. Why shouldn’t he? It was my fault.”

  Zach had been immersed in the Pajeck family dynamics for more than two hours, and his patience was wearing thin. “That is such a load of crap. You need to see a shrink almost as much as your brother does.”

  “What?”

  “That canning accident wasn’t your fault. You were only fifteen, barely old enough to be looking after yourself. Home canning is dangerous. Not only jars can explode. Pressure cookers can, too. Your father was wrong to blame you for Luke’s accident. It was his fault, not yours.”

  She jutted her chin. “What do you know about it? You weren’t there. And it’s none of your business, anyway!”

  “I’m making it my business.”

  “By whose invitation?”

  “Luke’s! He’s not a child anymore, and he understands a lot more than you give him credit for. This afternoon, he talked to me about turning over a new leaf. Question is, will you allow it? Or do your feelings of guilt have you so messed up emotionally that you want Luke to depend on you for every damned thing? Great way to do penance, right, Mandy? Devote the rest of your life to him, give up everything for him. Well, news flash. You’re not just screwing up your life. You’re screwing up his.”

  She jerked as if Zach had slapped her, and he immediately wished he could call back the words.

  “You don’t know anything about us!” she cried. “I don’t want my brother to be helpless! If that were the case, why would I have inquired about Rosebud? I want him to lead as normal a life as possible, but Luke has always refused to cooperate! Do you think this is fun for me? That I enjoy having no freedom? Every time I leave him, except to do grocery shopping and run errands, something horrific happens. It’s true that my entire life revolves around Luke, but if you think I choose for it to be this way, you’re out of your ever-loving mind!”

  Zach felt as if he’d just stepped off into a hole, that awful, bottomless sensation that always came over him when he expected to find solid ground and met with empty air instead. He really, really wished he’d had the good sense to keep his mouth shut.

  She whirled to return to the house. “To think I meant to phone you this afternoon and apologize for my bad behavior at the barbecue! Ha! On my worst day, I’ve never come close to being as obnoxious as you just were. I think we’re even!”

  “Mandy, wait. Please.”

  “Go to hell,” she tossed over her shoulder.<
br />
  “I’m sorry,” he called after her. “I had no right to say those things to you. I’m sorry.”

  She stopped and spun to face him. Tears glistened on her cheeks. “Penance?”

  Zach swept off his hat and slapped it against his leg. “That was a rotten thing to say. It’s not your fault that Luke has insisted on being mollycoddled, and I can’t blame you for giving in. When you love people, you’re there for them. He needs you, probably more than we realize. He tried to talk with me about that, and I gave him the best advice I could. But I’m not qualified to counsel him. He needs to see a professional.”

  Her eyes blazed like firelight reflecting off water. “How dare you take him away from this house without even leaving me a note! He’s nineteen. I’ll give you that. But he’s also my brother, my blind brother. I didn’t know what park you went to—or if you even went to a park. I had no idea how long he’d be gone, if he was safe, nothing.” She splayed a hand over her heart. “I was scared to death! I tried to ring your cell. No answer. I even called the hospital!”

  Zach had turned off his phone during the walk, not wanting any calls to interrupt his time with Luke. “Surely the sitter explained to you where Luke and I had gone.”

  “She said she wasn’t sure which park you’d gone to, and she was so angry about Luke leaving while he was in her care that all she wanted was her money.”

  Zach felt awful. Being of age didn’t give anyone the right to make someone else worry. “Ah, Mandy, you’re right. I’m sorry. I should have left a note.”

  If she heard his apology, she zoomed right past it. “As for taking him to a counselor? I’ve taken him to see professionals so many times I’ve lost count! Thousands of dollars down the drain. Thousands.”

  “I know. He mentioned that, too.”

  She wiped her cheeks with the back of her wrist. Zach saw some of the tension ease from her body. “I can’t believe he talked to you about any of this. He never does with me.”

  “Sometimes it’s easier to unload on someone you don’t know very well. Less risky.”