by S. H. Kolee
I felt Ryan relaxing almost imperceptibly beside me, and when he spoke again his tone was even-keeled. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get upset. The best I can do is try. I’ll try to work with Simon, but I’ll always be waiting for him to turn. And when he does, I’ll be ready.”
It was all I could really ask for so I just nodded. “Please, just try.”
We spent the rest of the time in silence, and I was relieved when Grant’s group meeting was finally over and he walked over to us.
“Well, I’m done for the day,” Grant said cheerfully, oblivious to the tension between me and Ryan. “We can head back.”
Grant kept up the majority of the conversation on the walk over to the apartment and I tried to keep up with it, but my mind was reeling with all the things Ryan had said to me, especially about my aunt. On one hand it comforted me to know she was watching over me, but on the other hand it just confirmed her death again which devastated me.
Sarah and Simon were already at the apartment when we arrived. Sarah was in good spirits, having been rejuvenated by a day spent outside the apartment, and she and Grant did most of the talking. I was exhausted, both mentally and physically, but I didn’t protest when Simon suggested going to the mall so that we could get new cell phones since it was imperative we were able to keep in constant contact. It was almost humorous, the way we traveled in a pack. We all shuffled into Sarah’s car and everyone waited while Simon and I get new cell phones. No one was in the mood to shop so we went home afterwards, only stopping to pick up a pizza for dinner. On the way home I called Colleen, the owner of the diner where I worked. I had completely forgotten about my job amidst all the craziness. I made an excuse that classes and homework were becoming overwhelming and I needed to take a break from working. I was relieved when she didn’t argue too much about it.
The conversation was light during dinner, but once we were finished eating, the topic turned more serious.
“Did you have a vision again last night?” Grant asked, unable to hide the trepidation in his voice.
“I did. It was the same one.” Ryan didn’t go into any further detail and no one asked. There was no need to rehash Grant being shot in death in his vision.
“Do you mind if I ask why you don’t just kill vardogers that have overtaken bodies?” Sarah asked cautiously. “I mean, if their bodies die, they die. That’s why Caitlin’s father is so obsessed with trying to find out how to jump from one body to another to become immortal. Why don’t you just kill the overtaken bodies? It’s not like the human souls are in there anymore.”
“It’s against the seers’ code,” Ryan said emphatically. “A human body is a life, regardless of whether or not a vardoger inhabits the body. And there have been too many instances of a soul being too strong to be pushed out. It usually happens in the cases of seers that have been overtaken, but there have been a few examples of regular humans being strong enough not to have their souls forced out.” Ryan grimaced. “It’s actually worse. You’re helpless to control your body and have to witness all the violent things the vardoger does. In those cases, our hope is to figure out how to push the vardoger out so that the human soul can take control again, but we’ve been unsuccessful so far. Our attempts have destroyed both the vardoger and the human soul.”
Sarah and Grant both looked at Simon after Ryan’s explanation, but he shook his head. “He’s not in here.”
Grant looked deflated by his response, and I was reminded that not only did Grant have to deal with his life being in danger, but also the death of his cousin.
I excused myself to make a phone call to Marie and went into my bedroom. I wanted to check in with her and give her my new phone number.
“Hello?” she answered warily.
“Marie, it’s Caitlin. I wanted to call to see if you had any new information.”
“Nothing so far. Have you met with Ryan?”
“Yes, he’s staying with me while we try to figure out how to defeat my father.”
“Good,” Marie said approvingly. “Ryan’s ability to track vardogers will give you enough time to prepare for your father’s attack.”
“Have you been able to get into contact with other seers? I’m still convinced hypnosis is the best way to get some answers on what to do to win against my father.”
“I’m not sure yet,” Marie replied grimly. “I’m being careful with who I trust. I’ll call you once I know for sure.”
“Okay,” I sighed. “This is my new cell phone number, so just call me on this.”
“All right.” Marie paused before ending the call. “Just remember that you can’t trust anyone completely, Caitlin.”
“Are you talking about Ryan? Or Simon?”
“Both. The only person you can trust completely is yourself. Just be careful.”
Marie’s words were far from comforting as I ended the call. I took the opportunity of being alone in my bedroom to think things through. Simon had warned me about Ryan, Ryan had warned me about Simon, and Marie had warned me about both of them. I trusted Simon because I loved him, and he had given me no reason to distrust him once he had confessed the truth. But I couldn’t deny that for a long period of time, everything had been a lie. Could I really believe that everything he said to me now was the truth, when he had spent the bulk of our relationship lying?
I trusted Ryan on an instinctual level, because he was a seer and I felt a connection to him. But in reality, he was a stranger. A stranger who could have his own motive for wanting to use my powers. I couldn’t completely trust that he didn’t have motives beyond what he had told me.
I sighed in frustration as I rubbed my forehead against a mounting headache. I wouldn’t solve anything by worrying about the same things over and over again. I just needed to focus on my main goal of becoming stronger to destroy my father. And I needed both Simon and Ryan for that. I decided I would be careful but would trust them both until they gave me a reason not to. Otherwise I would drive myself crazy.
Everyone was watching TV when I came back into the living room. Or rather, Sarah and Grant were watching TV while Ryan sat on the couch staring into space, looking engrossed in thought. Simon was staring at Ryan, and his thoughts were a little more transparent by the scowl on his face. His gaze shifted to me when I entered the room.
“Did Marie have any new information?” he asked.
“No. She’s still searching for a seer we can trust so that I can be put under hypnosis.” I put a hand up before he could protest. “It’s been a while since I’ve been put under, and by the time she actually finds someone she believes we can trust, I’ll be more than ready.”
Simon frowned but didn’t argue with me, and I was relieved. The lack of sleep last night was weighing heavily on me, and I felt I would collapse if I didn’t get any rest. I glanced at my watch and turned towards Ryan
“I’m going to get some sleep for a few hours. Can you keep watch until one a.m.?”
“Sure, no problem.”
Simon followed me back into my bedroom and was silent as I got ready for bed. When I came back from the bathroom after washing up, he had changed and was under the covers. I didn’t question him going to bed as well and simply climbed in next to him. His arm encircled my waist and I settled against him so that my back was against his chest. A shiver of satisfaction went through me as I felt the length of his body pressed against mine. I believed in this; in Simon’s warmth and love for me as he cradled me in his arms. For now, it had to be enough.
Chapter Six
Something was wrong. I could feel it in every fiber of my being and I struggled to open my eyes. Shafts of moonlight illuminated the room and I shifted so that I was facing Simon. His eyes were closed, his breathing deep and even, and I watched him for a few moments before turning back around. I quickly scanned the room, looking for anything out of place, but everything seemed normal. It was silent except for the soft sounds of Simon’s breathing and I checked the time on the alarm clock. It was almost two o’clo
ck in the morning and I wondered why Ryan hadn’t woken me up so that I could take my shift in watching Grant.
I sat up slowly, being careful not to jostle Simon so that he could get some much needed sleep. His eyes remained closed and his breathing even, so I slipped out of bed and quietly opened the bedroom door, closing it behind me. I softly padded to Sarah’s room and opened the door, surprised to find Ryan absent. Sarah and Grant were both fast asleep, and I felt a surge of anger towards Ryan for leaving them unprotected.
I kept her bedroom door open so that I could hear if anything happened and walked to the living room, expecting to see Ryan asleep on the couch. My stomach dropped when I saw him lying on the floor, his limbs at awkward angles with a pool of blood rapidly growing underneath him.
“Ryan!” I ran over and kneeled beside him, terror gripping me as his eyes fluttered open. His eyes looked glazed and bewildered, full of pain and confusion.
“What happened? Who did this to you?” I sobbed as I frantically tried to determine the source of the blood. It seemed to be coming from the back of his head and I made a movement to jump up so that I could get my phone to call an ambulance. I gasped when Ryan grabbed my arm, his grip much stronger than I thought he could manage in his condition.
“Wait,” he rasped, his voice barely audible.
“I have to call 9-1-1!” I exclaimed, trying to wriggle my arm free. “You need to go to the hospital!”
Ryan winced as he tried to lift his head, and to my horror I saw the pool of blood growing quickly, almost unnaturally so, and it soon surrounded me, soaking my pajama bottoms where I was kneeling. I had to force back a surge of nausea and suppress the instinct to scuttle back to avoid his blood. Now wasn’t the time to be squeamish.
“I have to tell you before it’s too late,” he persisted. He took a breath and I heard an ominous rattling sound from his airways. “It’s not where you think it is.”
“What are you talking about?” I frantically searched the room, praying that whoever had attacked him wasn’t lying in wait. Ryan’s hand was still around my arm in a manacle grip, not allowing me to do the one thing I was desperate to do: call an ambulance.
“The answers you need. It’s not where you think it is. It’s not with who you think it is. Don’t trust the untrustworthy, even if it’s you.”
“Ryan, I don’t know what you’re talking about!” I wondered if he was delusional because of his injuries, and I almost sobbed with relief when I was able to get my arm free from his grasp. I jumped up and ran to my bedroom to get my cell phone, trying to ignore the blood dropping from my sopping pants that left a crimson trail on the floor.
“Simon!” I yelled as I grabbed my phone from the nightstand. He was still fast asleep in bed. “I need your help! Ryan’s been hurt!”
I didn’t wait to see if Simon roused as I raced back into the living room. I skidded to a dead halt, my eyes frantically searching the floor, disbelief coursing through me when I saw that Ryan was nowhere to be found. Not only that, there was no blood in sight, nothing to indicate that I hadn’t just left him bloody and injured on the floor.
My heart started thudding against my ribcage as I looked down, expecting to see a mess where my pajama bottoms were soaked with blood, but they were pristine without a drop of crimson on them.
“It can’t be…” I whispered to myself. I glanced behind me but there was no trail of blood, nothing to indicate what I had just witnessed. From where I was standing, I could see straight into the open doorway of Sarah’s room, and I froze when I saw that her bed was empty. Had someone come in and abducted Ryan, along with Sarah and Grant, while I went to get my phone? How was that possible in a matter of seconds?
I ran back to my bedroom, desperate for Simon’s help. A terrified cry escaped me when I saw that my bed was also empty. I was all alone. Everyone had disappeared and I was all alone.
I gasped as I woke up, my heart beating erratically as I tried to get a hold of my surroundings. My quickened pulse began to calm when I realized it had only been a dream. I could feel the warmth of Simon’s body against my back and I glanced at the alarm clock, noting that it was almost two a.m. As the thought of why Ryan hadn’t woken me to take my shift crossed my mind, a chill ran through my body. I pushed aside the thought that reality was mirroring my dream and slowly slipped out of bed, careful not to wake Simon. There was no reason to wake him because of a dream, even though I was now fearful of seeing it play out in real life. It was paranoia, nothing else.
Nevertheless, a feeling of dread came over me as I mimicked the movements of my dream. I closed the bedroom door behind me before walking over to Sarah’s room. I held my breath as I slowly opened the door, trepidation making my heart beat so loudly that it was all I could hear.
Relief rushed through me when I saw Ryan look up from the chair he was sitting in by Sarah’s desk. I crept inside and shut the door behind me, glancing at Sarah and Grant who were asleep in bed.
“Why didn’t you wake me up?” I whispered as I walked closer to him, careful to keep my voice quiet to not disturb Sarah and Grant.
“I wasn’t tired,” he replied, matching the quietness of my voice. “You didn’t get any sleep last night, and I figured you needed as much rest as you could get.”
“Thanks, but I’m awake now. You can go to bed.” I sat down on the beanbag chair, settling in and getting comfortable since I would be there for a few hours.
Ryan shrugged. “Like I said, I’m not tired. I’ll stay with you for a while.”
I didn’t protest. The last thing I wanted after my dream was to be alone. It was comforting to have Ryan nearby; to know that he wasn’t lying in a pool of blood and that just because I had a horrible dream didn’t mean it was prophetic. My dreams of my mother had been a warning about the car accident Simon and I were in, not a prediction that I would see her corpse come to life. Likewise, I needed to stop thinking of my dream in such a literal sense.
We didn’t speak for a while and I was the one to first break the silence.
“I had a dream,” I said softly, glancing at the bed to make sure I wasn’t loud enough to disturb Grant and Sarah.
“Do you want to tell me about it?” Ryan asked gently. I appreciated him asking instead of just demanding that I tell him about it. I was surprised that I was even confiding in him, but he had been a pivotal part of my dream and maybe he could help me shed some light on it.
Ryan was silent while I told him the details of my dream, seemingly unfazed when I told him about finding him injured on the floor. It was nice to not have someone gasp in horror when I spoke about the gruesome things I saw in my sleep. Ryan took it in stride and I reminded myself that he was witness to the same kind of horrors at night.
“What do you think it means?” I asked when I was done recounting the dream.
“It’s hard to tell. Dreams tend to be so cryptic that it’s often hard to understand what they mean until after the fact.” Ryan thought for a few moments before continuing. “In the dream, I told you that the answers aren’t where you think they are. That they’re not with who you think they are. It’s warning you not to trust those that are untrustworthy.”
“Even if it’s me,” I said, parroting the words from my dream. Those words filled me with trepidation. What did it mean? If I couldn’t even trust myself, who could I trust?
“I wouldn’t take the words literally. I think it’s just a warning to not trust those around you without good reason. That you need to be careful.”
I know who Ryan was referencing as untrustworthy but I didn’t want to start an argument about Simon so I stayed silent. I was relieved when he didn’t push it. I kept mulling over my dream until I felt the beginnings of a headache. I looked up to find Ryan watching me, and for some reason it made me flush.
“Do you have dreams often too?” I asked, grasping for something to say.
Ryan shook his head. “No, only every once in a while. But I’ve heard of other seers having them more frequentl
y. They’re usually meant to convey a message but the difficulty is trying to decipher the message before it’s too late.”
I was distracted by a glint of metal at Ryan’s neck and leaned forward to get a closer look. A small medallion was hanging by a short chain around his neck.
“Is that iridium?” I asked.
He nodded as he reached up to touch it. “It was my mother’s.”
“Do your parents still live in Seattle?” I was curious about Ryan’s personal life but had been too consumed with everything going on around us to delve into it.
“No, my parents passed away a while ago.” He said it matter-of-factly, but I instantly felt remorse at my nosiness.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” he said. “It was a long time ago.”
He didn’t volunteer any more information and despite wanting to know how his parents had passed away, the last thing I was going to do was pry. Neither of us spoke for a while.
“How much do you know about palladium?” Ryan’s voice startled me, even though it was low and quiet.
“Not much, besides the fact that it makes iridium pretty much null and void, as well as seers’ powers. Vardogers are able to overtake seers while wearing it and pretty much makes them impossible to destroy.” I hesitated before continuing. “I don’t know if Marie told you that it works a little differently for me. I have to actually be touching the palladium for it to make me powerless. I’ve been able to destroy vardogers that have been wearing palladium.”
For some reason, telling Ryan this made me feel a little vulnerable. I wasn’t sure if I should hold my cards a little closer instead of telling him everything, but he just nodded as if he wasn’t surprised by what I had revealed. “Marie told me. It’s what convinced your father even more that you hold the key to their immortality.”
“Is there anything else I need to know about it?”
“I don’t know much more than you,” Ryan answered. “As you know, it’s not just any type of palladium, but a special type that holds these powers.”