by S. H. Kolee
“Palladium that reflects shadows,” I said in a hushed tone.
Ryan grimaced as he spoke. “No one knows exactly what the origins of it are. A few pieces were rumored to have been found decades ago in the home of a seer that was mysteriously killed. It was said that this seer found a source in the Navajo Mountains in Utah. The fellow seers who found the palladium at his home didn’t know what it was, but they could feel that it held energy. They dispersed the few pieces amongst themselves, but no one to date has figured out the identity of those seers. It’s become even more urgent recently, now that we know the powers of palladium hurt seers instead of helping us. We’re trying to destroy any we can find, but it’s been an uphill battle finding all the pieces.”
My mind went immediately to the piece of palladium that was still in my dresser, the piece I had found at the scene of my mother’s car accident. The words were on my lips, to tell Ryan that I had a piece of palladium, but I stopped myself. Although I knew how dangerous palladium was, I wasn’t prepared to give it up so quickly. There was so much we didn’t know about it that I wasn’t convinced that it was entirely bad. I also had to make sure not to disclose too much information to Ryan. I could tell him about it later if it was necessary, but for now I decided it was better to keep it from him.
Ryan was studying me, and I reasoned with myself that he had no idea what I was thinking. Nevertheless, I felt like I was transparent and he could tell I was hiding something from him. Instead of prying, he just gave me a faint smile and leaned back in his chair.
I looked away from him and studied my hands clasped in front of me. I lifted my head quickly when I heard him standing up.
“I’m going to get some sleep,” he said softly. “Wake me up in a couple of hours so we can switch.”
I nodded, holding my breath when he paused in front of me, looking at me like he wanted to say something more, but he just gave me a small smile before walking out of the bedroom and closing the door behind him.
I took a deep breath after he had left. I didn’t know why I felt so guilty about not telling him about my palladium coin. In reality, I had no obligation to tell him anything. But I reminded myself that he had traveled all this way to help me defeat my father. I reasoned that it was as much for his own motives as mine, that he wanted to destroy my father not just to help me but for the greater cause, yet I still couldn’t completely push away the niggling feeling of guilt.
I was still debating internally about what the right thing to do was when the doorknob turned. I tensed in anticipation, but was surprised when I saw Simon’s face instead of Ryan’s. He walked softly over to me and I automatically made room for him in my chair.
“Why didn’t you wake me?” he admonished quietly when he had settled in.
“You need as much sleep as I do,” I said. “And you were just a few feet away if I needed you.”
I was relieved when he didn’t argue. It was comforting to have Simon’s arm around me as I leaned into him, but I couldn’t take my mind off Ryan. I wondered if I could truly trust him and what my dream had been trying to tell me.
Chapter Seven
The next day was pretty much like the day before. Ryan and I went with Grant to his classes, although we had to skip one since the class size was too small for us to go unnoticed, and Simon accompanied Sarah everywhere. I was just happy that it was Friday, although the impending weekend would give me no relief in worrying. I was also looking forward to having Marcus and Jenny over for dinner tonight. I had missed their company and felt guilty for having avoided them, even if it was for their own safety.
Our apartment was feeling a little crowded since we had five people staying there, but I didn’t see any other solution. I was busy making dinner while everyone else was in the living room. I had refused offers for help because I found cooking soothing and I enjoyed having some time to myself. I was just finishing up when I heard the doorbell ring and I went to join the others in the living room.
Marcus and Jenny arrived in a flurry of activity, mostly due to Jenny and her enthusiasm. She hugged each of us with a wide smile and I felt a pang of regret at having neglected our friendship throughout all this.
“Caitlin!” she exclaimed as she enveloped me in a hug. “I feel like it’s been forever since I’ve seen you!”
“Sorry about that,” I said weakly but I returned her hug enthusiastically. I reminded myself of the excuse of being sick. “Things were a little crazy and it didn’t help that we all caught a nasty virus.”
“I’m so happy you’re feeling better,” she said sympathetically, and I tried to not feel like the worst friend in the world.
“I’m not surprised that you caught it too,” Marcus joked as he looked at Grant. “You practically live here.”
Grant shrugged, looking a little embarrassed. “What can I do? The old lady has me on a short leash.”
“Hey!” Sarah looked affronted as she smacked Grant on the arm. Grant’s joke seem to break the tension and it felt like old times, back when we were just a group of friends enjoying the last year of college. Jenny looked curiously at Ryan, who had been standing back just watching while we greeted each other.
“This is Ryan,” I said, continuing the introduction with the lie we had already agreed upon. “He’s a friend of the family that’s staying with me for a little bit.”
I figured the fewer details told the better, and I was relieved when Jenny and Marcus seemed to readily accept my lie, although they would have no reason not to.
“You guys came right on time. Dinner’s ready. We’re having chicken parmigiana tonight.”
“Awesome!” Marcus said with a cheerful smile. I hadn’t had much chance to see Marcus and Jenny as a couple, and it was surprising but endearing to see him with his arm around her shoulders. He also looked much happier than I had ever seen him.
Once we had settled into our seats in the living room, each with a plate piled high with food, I could almost convince myself that this was a normal night where I could relax and enjoy myself. The food caught in my throat when Jenny started to ask Ryan questions about himself.
“What brings you to Rochester, Ryan?”
I listened to Ryan’s excuse about having a job interview in the area, and wanting to check out the town in case he got offered the job. I was amazed at how easily he lied, giving just the right amount of detail to be convincing, but not too much to be conspicuous. He handled all of Jenny’s questions with ease, and I found myself a little unsettled by how convincing he was with his lies. If I didn’t know better, I would have believed everything he was saying.
I was relieved when Jenny seemed satisfied with his answers and switched the topic.
“When are you guys playing at the East End again? Joel has been contacting Marcus non-stop because he says you guys never call him back.” She looked accusingly at Grant and Simon, but it was with no rancor.
“We’ve been getting over the virus,” Grant said with a cheerful smile that looked forced. If Ryan was a consummate liar, Grant was an utter failure at it.
“But you’re not sick anymore,” Marcus said, more a statement than a question. “How about tomorrow?”
“How about next weekend?” Grant looked at Simon helplessly as he answered, unsure if he was making the right decision. Simon seemed to sense his panic and spoke up.
“I think next weekend is a good idea. We’re still getting our energy up, and the last thing we want to do is put on a crappy performance. We haven’t practiced in a while.”
Marcus accepted Simon’s answer, and Grant looked relieved when the topic shifted to how everyone’s Thanksgiving was. I almost choked when I had to say that Thanksgiving had been great, trying to blot out all the awful things that had happened in Connecticut.
The dinner I had so been looking forward to was becoming more of a chore as I realized how hard it was to juggle all the lies. I had been foolish to think that we could just be a regular group of friends enjoying a night in. Too many things h
ad happened for me to ever feel normal again. Even Sarah, normally bright and cheerful, was subdued, as if she were afraid of saying the wrong thing.
Jenny and Marcus seemed to sense the tension since they left much earlier than they normally would have. We all gave a collective sigh of relief when they were gone.
“That was awful,” Sarah groaned.
“It was,” I agreed with a frown. “It’s too hard because there’re so many things we can’t tell them.”
“It’s for their own good,” Ryan said. “The less they know the better.”
Ryan’s statement made me even more glum, and the mood seemed to permeate the group. We all looked up when Grant stood.
“I need to get some more clothes from my apartment.”
“I’ll go with you,” Ryan said as he stood as well.
Grant frowned. “Is that really necessary? I’ll be just downstairs for a few minutes. Marcus already thinks I’m acting weird. I don’t need a chaperone to make him think I’m acting any weirder.”
“Please,” I said before Ryan could answer. “It’s for your own good. We just want to keep you safe. Besides, they said they were headed to Jenny’s dorm.”
Grant sighed but nodded and they both left to go downstairs to his apartment.
“I’m exhausted,” Sarah announced as she leaned back against the couch. “I never knew it could be so tiring just waiting for something to happen.”
“I know what you mean,” I said sympathetically. “This must be so hard on you. I’m sorry.”
“What are you apologizing for?”
I shrugged. “I feel like this is all my fault. My father is the one behind all of this, and if it wasn’t for me, you guys wouldn’t be in danger.”
Sarah frowned deeply. “Don’t say that, Caitlin. You’re as much a victim in this as anyone else.”
“She’s right,” Simon said. “The worst thing to do is blame yourself.”
I didn’t speak as he slowly started rubbing the back of my neck, trying to relieve some of the tension that had gathered there. I kept quiet but I didn’t agree with them. It was my fault. But I wasn’t a victim. I would be the one to resolve all of this if it killed me.
Suddenly, there was a yell from outside. We all bolted towards the door, but Simon was the first one to reach it. He flung it open and we saw Ryan standing in the driveway, looking frazzled.
“Grant ran off! I don’t know where he is!”
“Shit,” Simon bit out as he ran down the stairs with Sarah and I following close behind him. His expression was ominous as he spoke when he reached Ryan. “How the hell did you lose him?”
“We were in the apartment and he said he had to go to the bathroom. He asked me to put some clothes in his bag for him while he was gone. When I was done, I went out to check on him and the bathroom door was open and he was nowhere to be found.”
Ryan looked pissed, but I wasn’t sure if he was angry at himself or Grant.
“Why would he do that?” Sarah cried out, fear making her voice break.
“He might not be in control of his body,” I said, not mincing any words. “We have to find him before it’s too late.”
“He’s definitely not in the apartment,” Ryan said. He glanced at the woods behind the apartment building. “He has to be out there somewhere since he didn’t take a car.”
“He’ll be okay, though,” Sarah said, her voice tinged with hysteria. “You said you saw him being shot with a gun. Where would he get a gun?”
For the first time since I had met him, Ryan looked nervous. “I keep a gun locked in my glove compartment. I didn’t think it was a problem since I have the only key. But I checked my car after I couldn’t find him and the glove compartment is open. The gun is missing.”
“Fuck!” Simon said fiercely. He glared at Ryan. “If anything happens to Grant, it’s on you. And I won’t let it go.” He quickly scanned the woods before speaking again. “We need to start looking for him now but we can’t separate. That’s the worst thing we can do.”
Fear was clawing at me, but I tried to keep myself in control. We would get to Grant in time. We had to.
We followed Simon as he navigated his way through the woods, none of us even feeling the cold even though we weren’t wearing jackets in the frigid temperature. Adrenaline was enough to keep me warm as blood furiously pumped through my veins. Unfortunately, because of the cold weather the ground was firmly solid, so there were no footprints to follow. The woods behind the apartment building were dense and it was difficult to see in the dark. Simon made his way through with ease, but it wasn’t as easy for the rest of us, especially Sarah. More than once I had to catch her before she fell, but she continued on with determination, nothing stopping her from finding Grant.
“Wait,” Simon whispered, abruptly stopping. “Listen.”
We all strained our ears, and then suddenly I heard it. I could hear the crunching of twigs from a distance, as if someone was walking quietly, trying not to be heard.
“This way,” Simon said softly. “The worst thing we can do now is let him know we’re trailing him.”
Seconds seemed liked hours as we tracked the noise. We were getting closer and closer when Grant, or who I hoped was Grant, suddenly seemed to realize he was being followed. The footsteps became quicker as he crashed through the woods, not trying to be quiet anymore. Soon, it became obvious that he was running.
“Dammit!” Simon quickened his pace, and we all broke out into a run, but Simon swiftly outpaced us.
“Go!” I yelled out breathlessly, the cold night air painful in my lungs. I was desperate to catch Grant and I didn’t want Simon to wait up for us “Get him!”
Simon’s figure became distant, but we could still follow him. The sounds of our heavy breathing filled the woods as we struggled to keep up. Sweat was pouring down my face and back even though the cold was turning my hands to icicles.
We all heard it at the same time. Ryan, Sarah and I swiveled our heads to the right when we heard a noise that sounded like someone gasping in pain.
“Grant! It’s Grant!” Sarah cried out, abruptly changing direction and running to where the sound was coming from.
“Sarah, wait!” I yelled, but it fell on deaf ears as she ran frantically to where she thought she had heard Grant. “Follow her!” I panted to Ryan. I didn’t know if we had actually heard Grant, but the last thing I needed was for Sarah to go off on her own.
I was relieved when Ryan followed my plea and ran after Sarah. “Simon!” I yelled. My heart sank when I realized I couldn’t see him anymore. I didn’t know whether I should try to find him or follow Ryan and Sarah. The noise we had heard sounded distinctly like a person, and the most important thing was to find Grant. So I started off in the direction that Sarah and Ryan had gone. Unfortunately, they were long gone from my sight and I soon realized I was completely alone with no idea where anyone was.
I slowed down since I had no idea if I was going in the right direction. “Ryan?” I whispered loudly, my breath coming out in white puffs in the cold air. “Sarah?” I didn’t want to yell in case it would tip off Grant that we were tracking him, so I kept walking, hoping that I was getting close to them. I prayed that Sarah and Ryan had found Grant and were waiting for me. I was distinctly aware of how dark and desolate the woods were now that I was alone. My footsteps crunching dry leaves and twigs, paired with my heavy breathing, were the only sounds in the night air. I came to a small clearing and paused, unsure of what to do next.
“Caitlin.” The sound was barely a whisper, and I whirled around since it seemed to come from behind me.
“Simon?” I called out, cursing my tremulous voice. “Is that you?”
Terror struck me when I saw a figure step out of the shadows. It was shorter and stockier than Simon and I knew it wasn’t him. As the figure walked closer, Grant’s face came into clear view, but it wasn’t just his face I saw. There was a shadow shimmering next to him, connected but still its own entity. Grant’s fac
e was slack, his eyes glassy as if he didn’t really see me. But the shadow’s face, a mirror of his own, smiled at me malevolently. I didn’t miss the glint of the gun in Grant’s hand.
“Grant,” I said urgently. “Put the gun down. You don’t want to do this.”
As I spoke, I concentrated on funneling my energy, but instead of the familiar thrumming of my forces gathering together, there was a terrifying emptiness inside me. Grant moved closer, his face still expressionless, but his vardoger’s face was leering in delight. I frantically reached up to make sure I still had the iridium charm around my neck, confusion clouding my mind when I felt it’s cold surface against my hand. I didn’t understand why my powers were failing me.
“Grant!” I yelled, trying to shake him out of his daze. I tried funneling my energy again, and panic exploded in me when there was no answering gathering of power. I stumbled back as Grant’s shadow moved closer, detaching itself from Grant. Its face was a mask of horrific glee, the teeth bared in a feral grin.
“Simon!” I screamed as I scrambled further away from the vardoger’s approach. I desperately tried to draw on my energy again, but there was nothing but fear coursing through my body. I glanced at Grant who was still rooted to his spot, staring at the vardoger as if it was a mildly curious sight. His lack of reaction made the situation even more terrifying. I was truly alone and my powers were failing me.
The vardoger lifted up a hand towards me and I moved back quickly until I slammed into a tree trunk. I wanted to turn around and run, to escape, but I knew leaving would be sealing Grant’s fate. As terrified as I was, I could never abandon him.
“Grant!” I pleaded, not knowing what else to do except try to wake him from his trance. Grant was unresponsive to my calls, simply staring at us.
Pain exploded in me when the vardoger’s hand made contact with my chest. I looked down and watched in horror as its hand disappeared inside of me, sinking deep into me. Pain was radiating through every inch of my body and I pushed against it, trying to force the vardoger out, but it simply sank its arm in deeper. My body shook as if I was having a seizure and the vardoger looked at me with an expression of surprise. The surprise was replaced by malicious glee as I felt its energy invading my body, trying to push me out. Despite my attempts to fight against the pain, I felt myself growing weaker, making it harder to fight against the invasion. I could barely turn my head when I heard someone yell my name.