Draculas
Page 56
2. Concentrate on tightening and fixing the prose that you wrote. We don't want to rewrite each other's scenes and mess up each other's style and voice.
3. If you find problems with someone else's writing, or story arcs, it would be cool to send a mass email to discuss how to fix it.
Having four sets of eyes on this should really make it bulletproof. But we don't want to lose the individual touches that make each of our scenes unique.
So basically, treat your edit like our editors treat us, fixing mistakes, but asking before making any big changes.
Finally, the acknowledgements are at the end. Feel free to thank whomever you want to thank.
Joe
* * *
I'll start this afternoon.
Paul
* * *
"We don't want to rewrite each other's scenes and mess up each other's style and voice."
Randall's speech patterns change a bit from author to author. I assume it's okay for me to go in and tweak dialogue throughout, right?
Jeff
* * *
I think I already asked you to do that in his scene with Clay, but if I've got any others, feel free.
Paul
* * *
For sure, and that brings up a good point...be on the lookout for scenes where others have written your characters, b/c that's where most of the inconsistencies may arise.
Blake
* * *
Absolutely. Also, the scenes I have Benny in might be a bit different from your Benny scenes, Jeff, so go ahead and tweak. Ditto for Dr. Lanz, Paul. You originally created his voice, then I stole him for the Jenny scenes. If you want to adjust him, go for it.
Joe
* * *
Also Paul - I assume you've been keeping tabs on this already, but if you see any medical terminology, etc. that we've screwed up, please feel free to just fix it.
Blake
* * *
Re: comments going thru Draculas 4.5...
Pajamas gone -- Mort needs pants on so Shanna can recognize the buckle
Moved Eastwood outgoing message up.
Oasis' -- Oasis is singular. I know you see otherwise, but where I come from, a singular possessive requires an 's -- as in Oasis's. Only plural possessive get a lone '. Agree? Disagree?
Red eyes or black eyes on the draculas?
Paul
* * *
Agree with the s's. Hate how it looks, but it's correct.
Draculas have huge black pupils. But the white of their eyes is bloodshot.
Joe
* * *
Got it.
Paul
* * *
"We need to get them safe so they can be sick and die in peace."
If this isn't my favorite line in the book, it's way up there.
Paul
* * *
"Is that...a flamingo?" asked the old woman.
Okay, this is up there too.
Paul
* * *
September 25, 2010
I just updated the Draculas Amazon pages to mention the deleted scenes and alternate endings.
Right now we've sold 101 preorders, and have had 702 downloads of the sample chapters. Not huge numbers, but they'll go up when we start getting reviews. They'll really go up when the book goes live. Readers aren't big on samples or preorders, but once the real thing is available, they'll pull the trigger. I have no doubt this will outsell all of my other ebooks, and I've got ebooks that have sold over 2500 copies in a month.
Paul and Jeff, makes sure you add Draculas to your Amazon pages. Blake and I already have.
There's a dracula skull sketch in the dropbox. The plan is to get 5 more similar drawings and put them in the ebook, Hardy Boys style.
The Draculas website should be up soon. It has a forum. You'll all be expected to make at least a token appearance there.
We're also going to do a 48 state, six month tour to support the book, starting on Christmas Eve. Break it to your wives now. I already spent $600 on the 1978 VW Van that we'll be touring in and living out of. It has a mini fridge and four cots. The van has a faint odor (it's either feet or cheese), but I think that will be masked by the Porta Potty I'm having installed.
During the tour, we'll each need to bring $35,000, for gas, food, and prostitutes. That dollar figure has been carefully worked out, and doesn't include narcotics. If you want narcotics, plan on bringing extra cash.
Since we'll be living in close quarters for half a year, we need to make sure we're up to date on our vaccinations. Also, I want to disclose that I have ringworm, but I've been told it isn't very contagious.
Joe
* * *
Guys, from the beginning, Joe and I wanted the end of this book to resonate, inversely, to Night of the Living Dead, where instead of the one good guy getting killed in the end, the one bad guy escapes. With that in mind, I'm writing a short little scene from the POV of a private who has been tasked with shooting anything that comes out of the hospital following the massive blast...I'll drop it in my folder, and if everyone likes it, maybe Jeff can add it in when he begins his review. It will occur between the scene where Clay gets blown out of the hospital and Shanna meets Dr. Cook. This sound OK?
Blake
* * *
Sounds good, Blake. Maybe stick it in (and fix those typos you found) when Paul finishes his pass, then it can go to Jeff. No reason to wait...
Joe
* * *
September 26, 2010
Finished my read through and I've gotta say, this thing moves like a sumbitch, but manages to build some real relationships along the way. It's by turns hilarious, horrific, and poignant, but the momentum it achieves toward the end is (to borrow from Mr. Jobs) insanely relentless. The four styles mesh smoothly. Almost seamless.
Adding to my previous comments:
Pg. 121 Moved the Wolkenstein explanation up because timing-wise it needs to be in hour two.
Speaking of hours, I think we should get rid of the "Hour" dividers. They interrupt the flow, they're inaccurate, and serve only to distract and cornfuse.
Pg 127: Randall -- what happened to the dracs following him in his previous section? They seem to have disappeared. Also, his leg doesn't seem to be bothering him as he's kicking the wheelchair back again and again.
I changed Lanz's amputation a teeny bit. No need to saw through bone in the glenohumeral joint -- it's a ball-and-socket joint; you need only cut away the tissues holding the ball in the socket.
Pg 146 -- Adam's backpack: "Adam took it, unzipped it, and dumped the contents--a change of clothes and some toiletries."
doesn't jibe with:
Pg 161: "Unshouldered his backpack, hands shaking so badly he could barely unzip it. He pulled out his iPad, powered it up."
Maybe he could pull it from a side compartment. That aside, an iPad seems like an expensive toy for a young minister. A netbook might be more his speed, and serve the same purpose.
I changed Sgt. Halford to a colonel. Can't see a non-com with that kind of authority and responsibility
pg 236 "I'm catching a cab out of here." Didn't sound right. I changed it to: "I'm arranging a ride into town."
Along the way I divided up a Clay scene and a Shanna scene to coincide with the timeline a little better.
Paul
* * *
I agree about removing the "Hour" dividers. That's something I was going to watch for in my read-through, but I think the combined action takes place in quite a bit less than four hours.
Jeff
* * *
Terrific points, Paul. Great catches, all.
Is it ready for Jeff to begin? If so...
Jeff, can Blake add his new scene and fix a few typos before Jeff takes it?
Blake, can you switch some content around? I think the TOC should go:
Joe
* * *
Sure. Blake, just let me know when you're done.
Jeff
* * *
Jeff, I haven't heard from Blake, so go ahead and take 4.6 and start your edit. Save it as 4.7, and try to get it to me by Tuesday night if you can. If not, Wednesday will work.
Blake, I see you're still working on the soldier scene. No rush. But if you want to forward the typo list to me or Jeff, feel free to shoot an email...
Joe
* * *
Nice, Paul!!! And very glad to hear your enthusiasm for the final product. Agree with all your comments...Instead of an iPad, would a Kindle give sufficient glow to barely light the way in a dark basement? Joe?
Jeff, go ahead and dive in. I'm still finalizing my brief soldier scene and Joe can put it in when he takes the next handoff.
BTW, we're up to 161 advance review commitments...
Blake
* * *
Kindles aren't backlit...
Paul
* * *
But Kindles do have detachable lights, and I love that he's use a Kindle. In fact, I really really really think this is the way to go, especially since Amazon has been so helpful.
The Kindle light I use, and love, is an XXXXXX.
I say, use that with the Kindle. Then I'll contact XXXXXX and see if they'll send us some swag in exchange for the plug.
Joe
* * *
Jeff, I figure you're just getting started on the manuscript I'm going to finish this scene today, and then let you know where you can to stick it (ok that didn't sound nice, but you know what I mean ;). I would like you to see how it integrates with the end scenes on your read...might need to have Shanna hearing the big .50 chugging.
Blake
* * *
34 pages in, just minor tweaks here and there. I cut the "Talk about a half-assed injury" joke because Lanz is a jerk who would not be thinking in amusing puns.
There's one piece with Lanz fleeing that might confuse readers:
"Out of the treatment room, into the ER proper. Ignore the terrified, questioning faces. Find a place to hide. A door--SUPPLIES. The handle won't turn. Locked. Of course. But he has a key. He fumbles it free, unlocks the steel door, ducks inside, closes and locks it behind him."
I think that putting this whole paragraph in italics will make it clear that the use of present tense is a stylistic choice. Any objections?
Jeff
* * *
None. I lapsed into present and left it.
Paul
* * *
No objections to italics. But the "half-assed injury" joke will make it into the final manuscript, if not by Lanz then by an observer that I invent specifically to say the joke.
In fact, I'm pretty close to renaming the book "Half-Assed Injury." Rather than the title looking like fangs, it will have different identifiable features.
Also, Jeff is off my Christmas list. This year I'm giving out hams to all of my friends. The hams will be delivered in brand new Camaros. Blake, you still wanted red, right?
Joe
* * *
I was thinking of you. I wouldn't want you to squander the "half-assed injury" joke on DRACULAS, where you might not get full credit for it.
Jeff
* * *
Don't lie. You weren't thinking of me at all. You were selfishly thinking about what's best for the book.
No Camaro for you. It would have been black, with a supercharger.
Instead, for Xmas I am sending you half a box of expired Minute Rice, and a rawhide bone my dog stopped chewing because it made her gums bleed. And you won't get them until December 28th.
Joe
* * *
"Talk about a half-assed injury!" said an onlooker, pointing at the softball player.
"Mr. McGlade, please," said the doctor, "if you don't hold your hand in place it's never going to reattach itself."
Then six or seven draculas burst into the room, and ate Harry in twelve or fourteen bites.
"I'm almost sad about that," said a patient. Then everybody popped open a cool refreshing beer and laughed for a while, just like the end of a Saturday morning cartoon.
Jeff
* * *
Doesn't McGlade get killed in the Choose your own adventure Draculas subplot?
Blake
* * *
Only twice, which isn't enough.
Jeff
* * *
You just lost your half box of Xmas Minute Rice, Mr. Sarcasm.
I'm leaning toward this:
Jack lowered the brim of his Boston Red Sox cap and sat down in the ER waiting room. He blended into the background, just another normal guy, an average face in the crowd. But the vibe was all wrong. This didn't seem like a run-of-the-mill fix-it job. He felt a chill--the Otherness that had become inseparable from his life since his near death encounter with the blue meanies.
(I'm still not sure where the "half-assed" joke will come in yet. I may have to write for this character for a few more chapters before I find the spot.)
BTW, Paul. Since you never mentioned Jack's last name, I'm just going to give him the surname "Snortkowski." Also, in this scene, he gets his pelvis chewed off. You're gonna have to retrofit that into your series.
Joe
* * *
Don't lie, Mr. Liar McLyingpants.
The Draculas scene from Banana Hammock by J.A. Konrath went like this:
Mortimer rolled on top of her, like a lover, blood and saliva dripping onto Jenny's face and neck. She reached up to push him away, but even as terror-stricken as she was, Jenny couldn't bring herself to touch him. It was like willingly sticking your hand into a box of angry rattlesnakes. Even as his jaws drew near, Jenny's revulsion wouldn't allow her to fight back. She stretched out her hand--her face imploring--to Dr. Lanz, who stood within reach. But he shrank away from her beckoning fingers, retreating into the safety of the nurse's station.
This is it, Jenny thought. I'm going to die.
"Cool," Crazy Knife Goon said.
Harry McGlade nodded. "Draculas is a real roller coaster ride. Soon the whole hospital is overrun, with a few remaining survivors fighting for their lives."
"Which parts did Jeff Strand write?" Andrew Mayhem asked.
McGlade gave CKG a knowing nod, and then they both shoved Mayhem at the creature, who tore into Mayhem's throat like a fatty ripping open a bag of potato chips, except blood came out, not chips, and it wasn't a fatty, it was a dracula. There was babyish squealing and some unmanly cries for help from Mayhem, who was probably a bed wetter, and then the dracula ate him all up and everyone gave each other high-fives.
Also, despite the very reasonable $2.99 Kindle price, Draculas never sold a single copy, so Strand never got any royalties.
Joe
* * *
I was too distracted by the desecration of Winnie the Pooh.
Jeff
* * *
That wasn't desecration. That was parody, which is protected by fair use, and I never mentioned that beloved childhood copyrighted character by name so it isn't infringement.
Joe
* * *
If McGlade shows up in this I fucking quit.
Blake
* * *
But I still get paid of course, it's a symbolic quitting.
Blake
* * *
You just lost yourself a Camaro, Mr. McCritical.
I think you're still sore because anytime someone mentions "Blake Crouch" in Banana Hammock, no one knows who you are.
Joe
* * *
I come home Sunday night to 15 freakin emails? And I thought it was us old guys who weren't supposed to have lives.
Paul
* * *
Jeff started it.
Joe