Hard Love

by Meredith Wild

  My mouth went dry, but I wanted to know right away. I didn’t want the torture of hearing her dance around it.

  “Are you going to leave me?”

  Her eyes misted. “Blake…”

  An unseen force punched me in the gut. I rubbed my hands against my knees, preparing myself to do whatever I needed to do in this moment. “You were right. I made you a promise and I broke it. I’m not perfect, and I know that’s not an excuse, but you have to believe that I love you, Erica. More than anything, and I’ll do whatever I need to do to keep you—”

  “You don’t have to worry about keeping me, Blake, but…”

  A glimmer of hope took the edge off my fear. But… “But what?”

  “Blake…”

  Her lip trembled and she tugged anxiously at the rip in her jeans. I started to worry again that something was terribly wrong. I wanted to have her close again, to assure her that whatever it was we could get through. We’d been through enough hell together already.

  “Blake, I’m pregnant.”

  All the air left the room. Everything went black and white, blurry around the edges, except for the woman sitting beside me. Erica. My wife. In color, in focus, the words that she’d just spoken echoing clear as a bell.

  Pregnant.

  Several empty seconds passed as I tried to wrap my head around what she’d just told me. I sucked in a breath that brought much-needed air to my lungs and oxygen to my stuttering brain.

  “How long have you known?”

  “I just found out. I took a pregnancy test when I was in Texas. Well, Alli made me take a few, but they were all positive.”

  I shook my head, hoping to shake some clarity into it. “Wait, Texas?”

  New sadness met her eyes. “I went to talk to Michael. I was hoping that he would help us.”

  Inwardly, I cursed myself up and down for making her believe she had to do that. “Baby… why would you do that?”

  “Because I knew you wouldn’t.”

  I closed my eyes. She was right, but none of that mattered now. I opened them and pulled her to me. We didn’t need this distance. She came willingly, straddling my lap.

  I touched her cheek and held her, dragging my mouth from hers, along the curve of her jaw, to her pulse rushing under my lips. I wanted to touch her everywhere, as if somehow that would make this all seem real. This crazy thing that we couldn’t see. Nothing was different on the outside, but the words she’d uttered had suddenly changed everything. Everything.

  “You’re really pregnant?”

  I needed to hear the words again. She worried her lip until I thumbed it loose.

  “I wanted to wait to tell you…”

  “Why?”

  She glanced down, fidgeting with the collar of my shirt. “I don’t know. Just in case, you know, it didn’t last. I figured it would be better if you didn’t have to go through that too.”

  My determination flared, and I shoved the possibility of a failed pregnancy out of my mind. The fact that she was pregnant was too new, too amazing, to dim with those fears. I tipped her chin, lifting her gaze to mine.

  “Everything is going to be okay. I promise. And whatever happens, I’m here. I want to feel all of it right beside you.”

  Her lip started trembling vigorously again. “I need you with me, Blake. That’s what you don’t understand. I can’t do this alone. I don’t want to raise a child alone, without a father. I know what it’s like to have that piece of your life missing, and I won’t sit by and let them take you from us.”

  The way she said us sent my heart speeding.

  “I won’t let that happen. We’re going to be a family.” The words were foreign in my mouth, but instinctively I knew they were true. In the blink of an eye, our future meant more than it ever had.

  “We can’t leave this to chance. We have to find Trevor and end this. Promise me.”

  “I promise.” I said it before I could think twice. The fact that I’d ever fought Erica over this suddenly seemed absurd. What the fuck was I doing?

  Her eyes lit up, glowing with the tears that glistened. “Do you mean it?”

  “I’ve never meant anything more.”

  “Then how do we find him? If Michael can’t help us, I don’t know who else we can go to.”

  Even though I’d had no intention of following through with the plan, I’d already mapped one out. “I need the code that was used to the rig the machines. Trevor does shoddy work. He’s bound to have left something behind, something that points back to him.”

  “Don’t you think the feds would have found something by now if he did?”

  “Not necessarily. It’s my code. It’s been a decade, but I know it inside and out. And they’re the good guys. They’re not looking for tricky shit the way I will. Trevor is a hacker. Takes one to know one, I guess.”

  “How can we get it?”

  I rubbed my hands up and down her legs, wishing I had the power to do more. “They’ve all got eyes on me, Erica. Otherwise I have no doubt I could get it.”

  “What about Sid?”

  I shrugged. “Maybe. Depends on whether that’s a risk he would take.”

  “He’s done some creative research for me before.”

  I smiled, the sensation oddly strange. Had it been so long since I’d smiled? It had been days since she’d left. “Creative research? Is that what we’re calling it now?”

  “I don’t judge you for what you do, Blake. I may not always agree with it, but I know that your heart is in the right place. Sid’s is too. His ethical baseline is probably a little more in line with what I’m comfortable with, though.”

  “Okay. We’ll see what he says.” I took a lock of her blond hair and rolled the silky strands between my fingers. Would our baby have blond hair? Blue eyes that mesmerized me like hers did every day?

  “Does Gove know about Trevor?”

  I shook my head, torn from happier musings. Guilt settled over me all over again.

  “Will you at least tell him and see what he thinks? Evans may not believe you, but it could be enough to get him to back off a little.”

  That tightness in my stomach returned, but faded just as quickly. I wasn’t positive, but I was pretty sure that was the feeling of learning my lesson.

  “I’ll talk to him tomorrow.”

  Her lips curved into a smile and the worry in the endless oceans of her eyes lifted. “I missed you,” she whispered, kissing me softly.

  I circled my arms around her torso and held her to me as if she might disappear. Her tongue slipped past my lips, delving and teasing. She was sweet. So soft. I met her passion, reveling in the singular pleasure that was her taste, her touch, her exquisite aroma in my lungs.

  I could tell from her body language and the sensual way she moved over me that she was waiting. Waiting for me to take what was mine—her body, her pleasure. God, did I want to, but something held me back. The woman I held in my arms wasn’t the same.

  * * *

  ERICA

  The sound of the shower door closing stirred me from my nap. I twisted in the sheets. The fatigue from earlier lifted gradually as I got my bearings. The clock read 10:00, which meant I’d crashed for only a few hours. I lay back on the pillow and stared at the ceiling. More importantly, Blake had finally come to his senses, and for the first time in days, I felt relief.

  I was grateful to be home too. Back in the bed we shared and back in Blake’s arms. Except that’s all Blake had allowed. Ever since I’d told him about the pregnancy, he’d seemed guarded, like I might break if he let the slightest bit of passion slip into his touch.

  Maybe the hormones had taken hold. Maybe I simply wanted that closeness with my husband, no differently than I ever had. Maybe the way I loved Blake had transformed, knowing that I was carrying our child, knowing that we’d made a life between us. Whatever it was, I wanted him badly, and I wasn’t going to let him deprive himself, or me.

  The water stopped and a second later Blake emerged, a towe
l around his waist. His chest was gloriously bare, save the tiny lines of water trailing down from his still wet hair. The man had the body of a god. The fact was doing little to tame my now raging libido. I lifted up on my elbows to boldly drink him in.

  “Did I wake you up?”

  I shook my head, lifting the corner of my mouth in a suggestive smile. “Come to bed.”

  “You’ve been traveling all day. You should rest.”

  “I’m all rested up. Come here.” I bent my knee. The friction between my thighs and the vision of him creating more of it there sent my temperature rising.

  His tongue passed slowly over his lower lip. “I will in a bit. I’m going to do some work.”

  Bullshit.

  I rose from the bed and walked to him. I didn’t wait for an invitation. I slowed in front of him, gazing up into his beautiful eyes, now a heart-melting shade of green.

  I glided my hands down the broad planes of his chest. “I love you.”

  “I love you too.” His eyes were shadowed with emotion. “I wish words were enough to show you how I feel, Erica. I’ve said it a hundred times, but every day I love you more, and the words stay the same.”

  Something in my heart twisted. I hated that he’d been hurting so badly. He was clean and shaven now, fresh and alert, but he’d been a wreck when I came home. I’d never seen him so devastated.

  I shouldn’t have left him so coldly. I knew he’d forgiven me, but a part of me wanted to atone for it. I wanted us together. I ached for our bodies together.

  “I shouldn’t have left you the way I did. I was angry and so scared.”

  “I know,” he said quietly.

  After leaving Blake with a reminder of the commitments we’d made, I’d thought a lot about our vows and what they meant—their symbolism and the words themselves. They were promises to build on, not laws waiting to be broken. We were human. Imperfect. Still young in many ways even though we’d been well acquainted with the ways of the world.

  We’d hurt each other. We’d landed some powerful blows and somehow found our way back to understanding and love. We’d changed. We’d grown. And every hard lesson had woven us closer together through the journey.

  Nothing could shake my love for Blake, and tonight my vow was to fight for that love. I tangled my fingers in his hair with one hand and drew a line down his chiseled jaw with the other. My beautiful lover.

  “Even if we fight and fuck up, we’ll always find a way through things. I promise.”

  “You have no idea how badly I wanted to believe that was true.” He tucked my hair behind my ear. “It would have been easier to believe if you’d returned my calls though.”

  I closed my eyes. “I’m sorry.”

  His hurt echoed inside me.

  I’d said the words, but now I needed to show him. And the magnitude of what I felt couldn’t be said with a gentle touch. Love and lust were two highly combustible ingredients, stoking the small inferno already burning inside me.

  I pressed my lips to his chest. Tracing my fingers down over the hard ridges of his abs, I found the knot of his towel and tugged.

  “Erica…”

  I hushed him and let the towel fall to the floor. I flicked my tongue over the silky disk of his nipple until it pebbled under a puff of air. I gave the other the same treatment. I kissed my way along his collarbone. Then his neck, where I sucked him boldly until he let out a tortured groan. He palmed my ass, forcing us tightly together. His arousal was unmistakable, hot against my skin.

  Pure female satisfaction roared through me. I wanted to please him. I wanted to give him everything tonight.

  I tugged off my shirt and he reached for me, caressing me until I shivered. Gazing into his eyes, I slowly lowered to my knees.

  I slid my hands down his firm legs, worshipping the lines of his impressively toned body. From his etched lips to his feet, he was a remarkable physical specimen. Lucky for me that his heart was just as beautiful as every other part of him.

  I dropped my hands to my thighs. I closed my eyes and leaned forward, letting my forehead rest against him. I sighed, never so content to be here, now. Outside of the thrill and the pleasure that always followed, a part of me had always riled a little bit in this pose. But something was different tonight.

  I never believed that I was naturally submissive, despite what Blake might have wanted or needed me to be for him. I would always be there when there was a fight worth fighting.

  I wasn’t submissive… but I was in love. Deeply and irrevocably in love. And I was Blake’s now in a way I never had been before. And he was mine. I had no doubt of that.

  Now all I wanted was the strength of his hands on me, his strong body giving me the pleasure that only he could. I wanted to feel the dominance in his touch, and with my submission, to give him what he needed and what I craved.

  “Not tonight, Erica.”

  I lifted my head, peering up at him. “I put you through hell, remember?”

  He dropped down, his knees hitting the floor in front of me. His gaze riveted to mine. “It doesn’t matter. I’ve already forgiven you. You deserved more than me walking away from you the other day.” He kissed me tenderly. “Forgive me.”

  “Only if you make love to me,” I whispered.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  BLAKE

  Goddamn, I wanted her. I wanted everything she was offering to me. I claimed her mouth now with deep strokes, the way I wanted to claim the depths of her body, so unapologetically deep she’d feel me there tomorrow. Our hands roamed. Our mouths melded hotly together. I rose to my feet and carried her to the bed. Taking the space between her thighs, I climbed over her.

  Our limbs wove around each other, holding and demanding. I closed my eyes and felt her all around me. Her soft touch became impatient. My hips snapped bluntly against hers at the sensation of her nails dragging down my back.

  “Fucking hell.” I dropped my forehead to the pillow beside her.

  “What’s wrong?”

  What the hell was wrong? I couldn’t get the fact that she was pregnant out of my head. That’s what was wrong. Visually nothing had changed, but knowing she was pregnant, carrying what might be our only chance for a child together, brought all my fervent desires to a screeching halt. Suddenly nothing was as important as that, and fucking her like a feral beast wasn’t something I was going to risk if it could hurt her in any way.

  She stared at me expectantly. “What is it?”

  “I’m afraid I’m going to hurt you,” I finally admitted.

  She winced. “Hurt me?”

  “Fuck you too hard. I don’t know… hurt the baby, I guess.”

  She smiled. “You’re well-endowed, Blake, and it’s glorious, but I promise, you’re not going to hurt the baby.”

  I stared down at her, wishing I could believe it. “I take nothing for granted.”

  “You’ve been making love to me for weeks, and I’ve been fine.”

  “I can’t control myself. You know that as well as I do.”

  My thoughts wandered as I skimmed down her chest, around the curve of her breast. When I imagined wrapping my teeth around that tight rosy nub, a rush of blood surged to my already throbbing cock.

  She pressured me to my back and straddled me. As appealing as the vantage was, I still wasn’t in the right headspace. My focus and hands went to her luscious tits. If only I could take her the way I wanted to…

  She swiveled her hips over me, dragging the damp cotton of her panties over me. A frustrated groan escaped me. The panties had to go…

  “That’s seriously not helping.” All I wanted to do was slam her down on my dick.

  Her eyes twinkled as her lower lip disappeared into her mouth. “Why do I get the feeling you want to fuck me like a wild animal right now?”

  Those were tame words for what I wanted to do her. I wanted to bend her over my knee and slap her ass until she screamed. I wanted to drag my teeth over her skin and feel her shudder under the edge of pain. I
wanted to spread her wide and fuck her deep. Her mouth, her sweet little pussy, and anyplace else she’d let me in. Wild animals weren’t nearly as depraved as I was.

  “That’s exactly the problem. I don’t trust myself, and you shouldn’t either.”

  She lowered over me, bringing us chest to chest. Soft, sweet, heavenly skin.

  “I trust you to give me exactly what I need. You know my heart and my body better than anyone else. That’s what makes you my husband and not some wild beast.”

  I held my breath, repeating what she’d said in my mind. Blood thundered loudly in my ears, firing heat and desire straight from my heart down every limb.

  She laced our fingers together and brushed her lips against mine. “I like you a little wild too. I know what you need, Blake. Now, give me what I want.”

  I’d wanted to make love to her the second I saw her again. Damn, this was a hopeless fight.

  Without another thought, I flipped her to her back again and didn’t waste a second tugging her panties down. I focused on the tuft of curls above her smooth pussy. My mouth watered, and I imagined running my tongue all over that soft skin, delving into the luscious honey just beyond. As much as I wanted that…

  My hungry gaze flickered to hers. Her chest rose under labored breaths. She moved restlessly, and I knew exactly what she wanted.

  I caught her hip and positioned her beneath me. I couldn’t wait to be inside her. I pressed my cock against the mouth of her pussy and sank into her.

  She dug her fingernails into my forearm and arched with a gasp. I clenched my jaw tightly. A far away voice told me to be gentle when I wanted to slam her up the bed. I obeyed, determined to treasure her tonight and lock up the animal that wanted things hard and rough. I’d let him loose another day.

  When she came back down, I captured her lips.

  “Perfect,” I whispered against her.

  She trembled slightly, her eyes hazy and liquid. I loved the abandon that swept her features when the last barriers between us disappeared—when I was a part of her, and when she’d taken hold of me. I withdrew only to reclaim her, slowly, taking my time, dragging my cock over the sensitive bundle of nerves just inside. The firm way her body clutched me told me she’d been right. I knew her body. I knew all its secrets.