Dismantling Evan

by Venessa Kimball

  A teacher is standing in the hallway close by us and he clears his throat, eyeing Asher and Nikki’s public display. “Mr. Vega I recommend you withhold all affections until after school,” the teacher says.

  Asher releases his hands from around Nikki, holding them out from his body while Nikki still clings to him a little longer, then slips from him. She turns around to the teacher, “Sorry Mr. Johnson.”

  He looks over his bifocals and closes his classroom door.

  “Where are you going?” I ask Asher.

  “I have to meet with the counselor. College application stuff,” he says.

  Asher hugs Nikki and kisses her on the head. “See you in a bit babe.”

  Asher backs away from us, smiling at Nikki. I can tell he is in love with her. It makes my heart swell just seeing them act the way they do together.

  “See you after school.” Nikki says as he turns and walks in the opposite direction.

  The cafeteria is predictably insane. All the lines are long and the tables are already filled with students by the time Nikki and I get there. Seeing most of the school’s population in one place gives me a clearer picture of how big it really is.

  Nikki grabs a fruit cup, container of French fries, and a Coke. I grab the same thing and a few packets of ketchup. Yeah, not the healthiest of lunches but it is about all we can grab without having to get in the long hot lunch line.

  Nikki sees two seats across from each other open up and we snag them.

  I take a long drink of my coke before I ask, “Okay, so what happened to Gavin?”

  She puts a fry in her mouth and chews quickly. Nikki shakes her head as she explains, “Gavin and Brody’s dad. He was stationed in Afghanistan three years ago.” She pops another French fry in her mouth. “Brody had told Asher and me that he was coming home last year.”

  “But he didn’t,” I say.

  Nikki shakes her head. “Gavin has always idolized his dad.” Nikki smiles. “Mr. Ferguson was always so good with Gavin... all of us really. He would set up games of street hockey in the middle of the road when we were little. He would referee. Gavin wasn’t too thrilled playing.” She looks at me directly, “The contact thing.”

  I know instantly what she is talking about. “Yeah, I know about that.”

  “Anyway, Mr. Ferguson would hold Gavin up on his shoulders and let Gavin blow the whistle when the ball was out or a goal was scored.”

  Nikki looks down at the fry she is holding between her fingers. “We all live so close to each other so pickup games were always happening. When Mr. Ferguson left for Afghanistan, it’s like someone took away Gavin’s hero and a piece of him. He became really withdrawn, more than normal.”

  Nikki looks up at me. “Gavin is so proud of his father. He is a living hero for him, even if he isn’t here. I mean, if you ask, he will tell you stories of his father’s tour in Afghanistan. When he isn’t taking about Frodo, Hamlet, or Romeo and Juliet that is.” Nikki smiles, jokingly.

  I can’t imagine Gavin producing a chain of sentences, but I take Nikki’s word for it.

  “This past April, he was supposed to end his tour and come home. Gavin had been talking about it constantly leading up to February. His mom was planning a huge coming home party. She invited all the families that knew Mr. Ferguson; Celine’s, Spencer’s, Asher’s, my parents, we were all invited to welcome him home.”

  Nikki shakes her head then pops a grape from her fruit salad in her mouth. Her smoky lined, bright blue eyes turn grey, suddenly. “They said he disappeared. Just up and left the barracks. Leaving his unit in the middle of the night.”

  “Like he went AWOL?” I ask, trying to confirm what happened.

  Nikki nods, picking up a piece of pineapple on her fork and putting it in her mouth. “It’s like the Fergusons’ world came crashing down. Poor Asher was the one over at Brody’s when his mom got the call. He said it was terrible. Mrs. Ferguson broke down; Brody was crying; Gavin was screaming. Brody just told Asher to leave. Asher went home and told his parents and that started the chain of calls to us. I remember my mom and dad talking about it and assuming the party wasn’t going to take place. I texted Brody and told him I was sorry. His only response was thank you. He and Gavin were out of school for two weeks. I would look out my window across the street every day after school and it was so still and quiet, like no one was home. Mom and Dad wanted to go over so many times, me too, you know to check on them, but no one knew what to say once they got over there. Word spread quickly about Mr. Ferguson. Everyone had their own theories as to what happened to him. The stories got pretty bad.”

  Nikki takes pause. “Rumors here at school started too. He got taken... like abducted and he had joined Al Qaeda or some shit like that. The worst was he killed himself because the war became too much. I remember thanking God that Brody and Gavin weren’t at school, because if they were to hear what everyone was saying... it would hurt them so badly. Every class, someone was talking about a theory as to what happened to Mr. Ferguson, like it was a fill-in-the-blank as to who could make up the most gruesome or outrageous story. It was sick and Ash and I got so tired of it. Spencer and Celine were talking shit just like everyone else, which was the straw that broke the camel’s back for us. Ash and I talked to both of them and asked them to stop before Brody and Gavin came back. That it wasn’t right to talk about Mr. Ferguson, a man that took care of us when we were younger. ‘It is wrong. I was defending him. He was a good man. I would never say anything like that about Mr. Ferguson, blah, blah, blah.’ It was just lip service. I knew Celine and this type of rumor spreading was right up her alley. And Spencer, he had it in for Brody with the whole Celine thing and his dad hounding him to always be better than Brody. This was his way of getting back in a warped way. Anyway, our plea fell on empty ears and the day Brody and Gavin came back to school, the rumors didn’t stop. Them returning to school was like someone swatting at the beehive, stirring the rumors up again.”

  Nikki leans in closer. “The first couple of days, everyone kept low key with the rumors. I think they were kind of shocked they came back to school. By third day of them returning, they started up again. I didn’t see what happened, but Ash did. He was walking with Brody and Gavin in the halls. Ash kind of took it upon himself to be their bodyguard in a way, which I thought was really cool of him. Bottom line, Spencer couldn’t leave well enough alone and he walked up to Gavin and Brody, stopping them in the middle of the hall and said he was sorry their dad decided to run away from his duty, then he touched Gavin on the shoulder. Gavin immediately fell away from him and hit the ground. He started rocking and crying right there in the middle of the floor yelling, ‘No he didn’t! No he didn’t!’

  “Brody pinned Spencer against a locker and started pummeling him with his fist again and again. Spencer got a few punches in, but Brody was relentless. It took Ash, two administrators, and the school constable, Deputy Ralph, to peel Brody from him.”

  I can’t believe what I am hearing. It sounds like something out of a movie, but Nikki’s seriousness keeps me present as she continues and I swallow dryly.

  “Immediately, Brody was suspended and so was Spencer. Asher and I skipped class and took care of Gavin the best we could until Mrs. Ferguson could come get him.”

  Nikki closes her eyes and shakes her head like she doesn’t want to remember what taking care of Gavin having a breakdown was like.

  Nikki lowers her voice, “Gavin has seen a psychiatrist for years. Later that day, I texted Mrs. Ferguson about Brody and Gavin. I asked what was happening. She said Brody wasn’t going to return to school and Gavin was going to get some help at a facility nearby.”

  She places another French fry in her mouth. “About a month before you moved in, Asher and I saw Brody and Gavin together, out front, sitting in the yard. We hadn’t seen them in at least two months. We went over and talked to them making sure to steer clear of anything having to do with Mr. Ferguson. Even now, it is still too fresh a wound to discuss.”


  I can’t believe this happened just before I met them. It seems like their story should span years, not a few months. No wonder Gavin broke like he did. I couldn’t believe Spencer took it that far saying something so hurtful and cruel about Mr. Ferguson to his grieving sons. “What happened to Spencer? Did he get suspended too?”

  Nikki tightens her lip. “Mr. and Mrs. Morietti are big contributors to this community and to this school. Spencer got off with a week of in school suspension.”

  I am livid. “Seriously!”

  Two guys and three girls sitting next to us look at me because of my outburst then turn back to their conversation.

  I lower my voice. “That shouldn’t matter.”

  Nikki nods. “I know. People said it was because Spencer’s parents were like high school royalty; cheerleader and football shit from back in their day, hell, my mom, Brody’s and Gavin’s mom, and Ashes dad all attended Braxton Springs just like Spencer’s parents. That shouldn’t make any difference!”

  “No, it shouldn’t.”

  “But it does here,” Nikki says pushing her half eaten container of French fries away from her. “That is the story.”

  I’ve lost my appetite as well. I want to say that it was like this back home too, but that would open a whole new can of worms.

  “My mom went here,” I tell her. I wonder if she knew Spencer’s parents, Asher’s dad, or Brody’s and Gavin’s mom. I mean it isn’t THAT big a high school.

  She takes a long drink of her Coke and looks at me, like she is wondering what I am thinking. I fidget a little. I’m glad she doesn’t probe.

  “What is going on with Gavin exactly? I mean, I know the trauma from not knowing where his father is causing him to breakdown last April, but obviously he has always been... different.”

  Nikki nods and raises her eyebrows. “Yeah. He has always been different. I never asked Brody or Gavin or Mrs. Ferguson directly, but growing up we were always hanging around each other’s houses. Anyway, I heard things... we all did.” Nikki lowers her voice to a mumble as she guards her words with caution. I think so much of Nikki for being so guarded like she is for Gavin. “When we were little Mr. and Mrs. Ferguson would tell us Gavin didn’t like to be touched. They were really good about explaining it to us and all, but that is the first time I knew Gavin was in fact different, but not in a bad way. He just didn’t respond like everyone else. Even then Spencer would push a little too far with Gavin, but would back off knowing Mr. and Mrs. Ferguson were always watching closely.

  “Social anxiety disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, attention issues were mentioned over the years... I never asked directly... I just figured it would cause too much pain for Brody and his parents to talk about. They are good people. I didn’t want to do that to them. The latest diagnosis they had talked about was Autism Spectrum Disorder and bipolar, which sounds like some pretty intense shit.”

  Nikki shakes her head like she is trying to shake off the sadness she feels for talking about it. I wonder what she would think of me if she knew my mental state of affairs.

  She opens her eyes and smiles as she brushes her hair back out of her way. “He is a really good kid, Evan, no matter how different he is. Being different isn’t a bad thing, but here... now, he isn’t getting any breaks. It seems the more we learn about people like Gavin, the less tolerant we are of them.”

  My breath catches as I really listen to her words and I think, shit, this girl just hit the nail right on the head and she completely gets it. It’s sad, but so true. I level my eyes with her sympathetic ones. “I get it Nikki. I do.”

  I’m about to risk everything about me, make myself visible to her, really visible, when I notice Brody walk into the cafeteria with Gavin and a girl on the other side of him. I can’t pull my eyes from them as they walk into the cafeteria hall and pick up some food much like Nikki and I had. Nikki glances along my line of sight. She catches sight of them. “Hey, I’m going to tell them where we are sitting. I’ll be right back. Hold that thought?”

  I nod as she gets up and walks over to where Brody, Gavin, and the girl are standing. As she walks away, my bravery slips. I’m not ready to tell her.

  I glance around the cafeteria at the sea of people. At first it is just a sea as I skim over the top. As I look closer, I notice the divisions of the sea just like back home. One particular girl walks up to a group of girls and tries to make casual conversation. The girl she is speaking to smiles and shakes her head, placing her hand down on the seat next to her. The girl aiming to find a seat is transparently deflated, but shrugs it off. Just as she turns and leaves, the girl saving the seat looks across the table from her and her smile turns to a scowl of disgust. Suddenly, a whistle call echoes across the cafeteria, catching my attention. A guy in a football jersey is looking at the main door as a group of uniformed cheerleaders smile and bob, across the center aisle, toward their table; like the cafeteria is their runway. I think of my mom in this very cafeteria when she attended, waltzing down the same aisle in her own cheerleading uniform. When they get to the male dominated, jersey-clad table, they stand straighter and stick out their chests. One of the guys puts his arm around one of the cheerleaders and pulls her into the seat next to him.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I glance at the cluster of guys Nikki and I are sitting next to: t-shirts, flannels, torn jeans. One has a skateboard angled against the table. I listen to them talk about a video game. Some game they have networked on to where they all can interact, I guess. One guy in particular is really animated, explaining with expletives peppered throughout how to get out of the substation in the game. One of the guys looks over at me and nods, but says nothing. I smile lightly and turn my head to look out the window. The sea of students is the same here as it was in San Francisco: segmented... segregated; all hail the high school social caste system.

  “Morietti!” another guy form the jersey-filled table yells, drawing many eyes in the direction of the yeller who is looking at the main door. I see Celine first, and her two compadres, walking past Spencer, rolling her eyes at either Spencer or the guy that is making him a spectacle by yelling. Spencer looks at her, then looks back at what I suspect is his friends’ claimed table. Spencer smiles widely and boasts, with both hands in the air, like he is announcing his presence or something. Even though he is a complete jackass, he does have a great smile. What am I saying? He turns around and awkwardly maneuvers his tall and brawny body between much smaller un-brawny underclass men. They move... they actually move to let him by. My blood begins to boil because he is such an arrogant ass, but anxiety for Gavin, who is waiting in line, takes over. I lean back and scan for Nikki. I see her walking back toward our portion of the table with the girl that came in with Brody and Gavin earlier.

  She has long light brown hair that hangs down just below her shoulders. She is wearing little to no make-up, but she is still pretty without it. She looks young. I wonder what year she is.

  Nikki straddles the bench and the girl sits down across from me, timidly looking down at the table as she places the fruit cup and soda in front of her.

  Nikki looks behind her at the group of gamer guys. “Can you scoot over a bit?”

  The gamer guy that looked at me earlier acts kind of spooked then he scoots in closer to the guys next to them, elbowing them a little to get them to move down.

  “Evan, this is Lia. Lia this is Evan.” Nikki makes the introductions.

  Lia tucks her hair behind her ear, nervous habit. “Hi,” she says, quietly, as she cautiously glances up at me and smiles.

  Her voice is soft, but not the mousy soft that I despise.

  I smile at her and Nikki explains, “Lia is a sophomore like Gavin.”

  I’m a little confused, Gavin is in my English class. “Oh, I thought Gavin was a senior. I mean he is in my...”

  Nikki interrupts me, “He is in your English class because he is like super smart brilliant when it comes to all things English.”

  “Where are Gavin and
Brody?”

  Just as I look up toward the cafeteria line, Brody only has soda in his hand and Gavin clutches a lunch tray as they walk toward us. Spencer comes into view just behind Brody. He puts his hand on Brody’s shoulder, causing him to turn around defensively. Gavin is still walking toward us with his head partially down carrying his tray lunch, but I keep my focus on Brody as Spencer leans in and whispers something. Those at the tables close to them are craning their necks trying to get a look at what is going to happen between them; obviously the last time was a fight.

  “Hi Evan,” Gavin says in an impish high pitched voice.

  “Hi Gavin,” I say, barely looking at him.

  Brody walks away from Spence, leaving him with his tray in one hand and smiling, slyly. Brody’s face stiffens with anger, as he holds it in.

  As Brody gets closer, he looks at our section of the table and his eyes find me. His expression changes from anger to one of distaste; he isn’t happy to see me sitting here with his friends. I want to slip away from the table before he gets any closer, but before I can he is behind Gavin saying, “Gav, let’s eat outside all right?”

  Gavin stops eating and looks up at Brody questioningly. “Why?”

  My throat is closing. Is he really leaving the cafeteria because he can’t stand being around me or am I just over thinking this?

  Brody glances at me and quickly looks down at Gavin. “Because, it is too crowded in here.”

  It is me. He is leaving with Gavin because of me being here.

  Gavin starts to stand and Nikki chimes in, “Wait we can all go outside.”

  Brody responds to Nikki in a bothered tone, “No, you all stay here. Gav and I are going to hang out.”

  He doesn’t even say goodbye. Brody just walks toward the nearest exit with Gavin following behind him and they leave. I look at Nikki suspiciously, but mostly deflated. She shrugs her shoulders, not having any response.