An Unforgettable Man

by Penny Jordan

  ‘I see. Decided you’d make richer pickings apart, did you? Or did the pair of you just become too notorious together?’

  Courage stared at him. The sick feeling that had invaded the pit of her stomach as she listened to him was growing steadily more crippling, fogging her brain and her thought processes to the point where she could scarcely believe she was hearing what Gideon was saying. Surely it all had to be part of some horrible nightmare? It couldn’t possibly be real.

  ‘What…what are you trying to say?’ she stammered shakily. ‘I didn’t… You must understand… I had no idea…’

  ‘Don’t lie to me,’ Gideon told her. ‘You knew, all right. Your stepfather told me all about you after you’d gone. The games you liked to play, the problems he’d had with you, the complaints from your school about your promiscuous behaviour… the embarrassment you’d caused him.’

  ‘That’s not true… none of it…’ Courage cried out, white to the lips as she stared at him in shocked pain. ‘You can’t believe it is. I—’

  ‘Can’t I? Why not? You came on to me strongly enough that night. You were all over me, practically begging for it, and to judge from your behaviour the other night nothing’s changed…’

  Courage could hear his cruel words, and she knew that later she would feel the pain of them, but right now something—shock, perhaps?—had blessedly anaesthe tised her against them, allowing her to stand her ground instead of running away, allowing her to ask huskily, ‘Well, if you knew who I was—if you recognised me, as you say—why did you give me a job? Why did you lend me money? Why—?’

  ‘Why do you think?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ she responded honestly. But Gideon obviously did not believe her. There was an ugliness in the sound of the laughter that followed her response which at any other time would not just have repelled her but almost frightened her as well.

  ‘Oh, come on, you aren’t that naive. Far from it. Oh, I grant you, it must have come as a shock to. you to realise who I was… You must have thought you’d fallen well and truly on your feet… found yourself another easy victim. But this time the roles are reversed, and you are the one who is the victim.’

  ‘Victim…? What was he talking about? What did he mean? Courage could feel the sweat starting to prickle through her skin as her anxiety increased. She had never felt less worthy of living up to her name.

  ‘Nothing to say for yourself?’ Gideon taunted her. ‘You’ve still got one very powerful weapon left, haven’t you, Courage…? That sexy, eager little body of yours. How many times have you used it to get what you want, I wonder? Can you even remember?

  ‘How easily and greedily you fell into the trap I baited for you. Accepting my job… accepting my loan; so very foolishly giving me control over your life, giving me the power to make you do as I wish, to punish you as I see fit.

  ‘Can you remember how your stepfather punished me for my presumption in touching his precious stepdaughter?’ Gideon demanded bitterly.

  Courage shivered, her skin as chilled now as it had been overheated before. Beyond the bedroom windows the sky was still sulphur-coloured as the thunderstorm drew closer, but, threatening though it was, it held far less terror for her than the man standing in front of her.

  ‘You—you employed me out of revenge,’ she managed to stammer shakily, trying to inject as much disdain and disapproval into her voice as she could.

  ‘You might call it revenge. I call it justice,’ Gideon told her. ‘Oh, don’t run away with the idea that I’ve spent the last decade and more of my life thinking about you: I haven’t. But because of you your stepfather damn nearly ruined my life, and I promised myself then that if I ever got the opportunity to make you pay for what you’d put me through I’d damn well do it. And when you turned up here for an interview and I recognised you, I remembered that promise—that promise I’d made to myself. You made it easier for me, of course, with your greed…’

  ‘If by my “greed” you mean the money you loaned me, that was for my grandmother,’ Courage reminded him. ‘I can’t believe you’re doing this,’ she added, as she fought to swallow back the tears of shock and pain threatening to flood her eyes.

  Didn’t he realise what he was doing? What he was saying? Didn’t he know how wrong he was about her? Couldn’t he see…? Hadn’t he been able to tell just how inexperienced she really was…? Hadn’t he felt her love for him when she touched him, when she welcomed his hands, his body with hers?

  ‘Why not? Have you any idea how much you cost me? My pride… my job… my whole life. Oh, I can understand why your stepfather got me the sack—I don’t suppose he wanted me spreading the word about what his precious daughters were really like. He even saw to it that I couldn’t get work anywhere else. The firm I worked for refused to give me any references. When my landlady discovered I couldn’t pay the rent she threw me out. It was just as well it was a hot summer. It isn’t much fun living on the streets…’

  He saw the way Courage’s face changed colour.

  ‘What’s wrong?’ he demanded. ‘Finally beginning to realise what you did, are you? Well, it’s too late for remorse now… Not that I suspect you’re capable of feeling such an emotion.’

  ‘But you did eventually get another job?’ Courage asked him, ignoring the pain his cruel remarks caused her.

  ‘A job?’ He gave a mirthless laugh. ‘I got work, if that’s what you mean. There are always people who’ll employ the vulnerable—they don’t have to pay them properly, you see, or follow any health or safety codes. It’s all part of the so-called black economy.’

  ‘But you’ve become successful…rich…’ Courage protested, shivering with reaction to what he had told her.

  ‘No thanks to you. I had to work damned hard to get where I am today… Long hard days of backbreaking physical work and equally long nights spent studying. I was lucky… One of the lecturers at the college I attended took an interest in me and got me a part-time job labouring at a local research institute where they were working on some experiments with various grasses for use in semi-desert conditions. I got involved with a lot of the fieldwork they were doing. I was offered a full-time job there, and the opportunity to study for the necessary qualifications to enable me to progress in environmental landscaping and the rest, as they say, is history.

  ‘I must say I was surprised to discover that you actually worked. Your father was a wealthy man…’

  ‘My stepfather,’ Courage reminded him quietly. How could she tell this man the truth about her upbringing? He obviously wouldn’t believe her.

  She could understand how he might have formed the wrong opinion of her from what her stepfather had obviously told him about her, even though he must surely have sensed from that brief time which she had spent in his arms just how inexperienced and young she really was, but for him to continue to make the kind of cruel and wholly unfounded remarks about her which he had just made was something she found hard to comprehend. His cruelty had hurt her very deeply, but fortunately the shock of what was happening was so intense that it had almost numbed her, blunting the ferocity of the blow he had dealt her.

  Was it for this that she had so carefully cherished her memories of him? Clinging to them for comfort, using them as a measuring-stick against which no other man had ever been able to compare.

  ‘So what is it you intend to do now?’ she asked him tonelessly, forcing herself to look directly at him without betraying how much it hurt her to do so. Was that really the face she had caressed so recently? The mouth she had kissed and been kissed by? The eyes which had looked into hers with what she had been so sure was need and desire? ‘Sack me…?’

  ‘Sack you?’ The sound of his laughter made her cringe. ‘Oh, no. You aren’t going to escape as easily as all that. Not that it wouldn’t be tempting… To throw you out, refuse you a reference, and then sit back and watch you suffer the way I had to. But of course you possess a saleable asset I didn’t have…’

  A frown crinkled Courage
’s forehead as she looked at him. ‘My training, do you mean?’ she guessed. ‘But—’

  ‘Your training. Oh, come on! You know damn well that wasn’t what I meant. I was talking about your body…your sexuality—a commodity which I’m sure you’ve found very valuable in the past. There are, after all, always men who are willing to pay for the pleasure of having a woman like you. Young…very attractive and highly sexed…’

  He ignored the involuntary sound of distress Courage made as she listened to him.

  ‘I expect you’ve lost count of the number of men who’ve paid you for the use of those assets. The difference is that this time you will be the one doing the paying. Or rather, you will be the one reimbursing me with your body.’

  Dry-mouthed, Courage demanded in a cracked, disbelieving voice, ‘You expect me to have sex with you…?’

  ‘Why not? I didn’t notice you doing any objecting the other night. Far from it. In fact—’

  ‘That was different,’ Courage interrupted him angrily. ‘That was when—’

  ‘When you thought I didn’t know the truth about you…?’

  ‘You can’t possibly mean this,’ Courage protested. ‘It’s archaic… It’s…it’s inhuman…immoral. You can’t possibly really want me…’

  ‘Not cerebrally or emotionally,’ he agreed unkindly. ‘But as for the rest…’ He gave a brief shrug. ‘I’m a man, with all the normal man’s needs, and right now you’re like an irritating little itch that I need to scratch. Fortunately such irritations aren’t long-lived, but while they do exist they tend to be extremely demanding and intense…’ He had started to pull off his jacket as he spoke and, as Courage stared at him in appalled disbelief, he started to unfasten his shirt.

  This couldn’t be happening. Gideon couldn’t be standing there calmly telling her that he intended to have sex with her as a means of punishing her and humiliating her for something over which she had had no control.

  ‘I noticed from your medical records that you regularly give blood—most commendable—and at least I know that I’m not taking any risks with my health in bedding you. But then I suppose a woman of your experience knows very well how to guard herself against such things.’

  ‘That’s a vile, horrible thing to say,’ Courage burst out, her face betraying her shock and revulsion.

  ‘Is it? On the contrary. These days anyone—man or woman—with the least degree of responsibility and self- preservation needs to ensure that they are not taking risks with their sexual health and—’

  ‘There are…there is another risk that we… that you would be taking…’ Courage told him, stammering slightly over the words and praying that they would act as a deterrent to his cynical threats.

  ‘Another risk?’ Gideon was frowning at her, his eyebrows lifting slightly in mocking contempt as he realised what she was trying to say.

  ‘A child, you mean? Oh, come on. We both know that you…’ His frown suddenly deepened, his mouth hardening. ‘But, yes, you are right. It is a risk, and one that would be far more to my detriment than yours. I have no wish to be sued for child support, or to provide you with a meal-ticket for life via an unplanned conception. That could be a tempting prospect to a woman like you…’

  Courage couldn’t believe her ears. Her face flushed hotly with angry colour.

  ‘How dare you?’ she breathed furiously. ‘The last thing—the very last thing I would ever want is to conceive your child. I am not the one who is planning to force you to have sex with me. And, as far as I am concerned, the one who would suffer most from such a conception would not be you, it would not even be me… It would be the child… I would never, never want to bring into the world a child who was not wanted or loved by both its parents.’

  Tears started to fill her eyes as her emotions overwhelmed her, and she was so busy blinking them away that she did not see the tiny, frowning look Gideon gave her, as though something about her passionate speech confused him slightly.

  ‘Your acting talents are very impressive, but in this instance completely wasted,’ he told her grimly after a few seconds’ pause. ‘But, now that you have reminded me of the danger, I can promise you that I shall take whatever steps are necessary to ensure that there is no risk whatsoever of your conceiving my child. As I just said, in such circumstances I would be the one who stood the greater risk, and I should perhaps be grateful to you for unwittingly reminding me of it. Women—some women,’ he amended, ‘are notorious for becoming “forgetful” over their birth-control precautions when it suits them. But if you were planning—’

  ‘I was not planning anything,’ Courage interrupted him hotly. ‘You are the one… I can’t do this. You can’t make me… I won’t let you…’ she told him, her voice starting to rise semi-hysterically.

  ‘Very well, then,’ Gideon told her silkily, lifting his hand away from his half-unfastened shirt. ‘In that case, I want full repayment of the loan I made you, plus interest. Immediately…’

  ‘You can’t do that…’ Courage protested, white-lipped.

  ‘You should have read the contract,’ Gideon taunted her. ‘If you had, you’d know that I can.’

  Courage wet her over-dry lips. ‘I can’t repay you… I don’t have that kind of money…’

  ‘Very well, then. I shall just have to apply to your grandmother for it,’ Gideon told her carelessly.

  ‘No… No, you can’t do that…’

  ‘You can’t repay me, and you don’t want me to approach your grandmother. That doesn’t leave you with many other alternatives, does it?’ Gideon asked her softly.

  ‘I will repay you… I just need more time,’ Courage protested.

  ‘Which I’m not prepared to give you… No, my dear Courage, I fear you really have no option but to give in and—’

  ‘Why are you doing this?’ Courage whispered, white-faced. ‘Why are you demeaning us both in this way? You can’t possibly really want me, and I certainly don’t want you…’

  ‘No? That wasn’t what you said the other night,’ he reminded her mockingly. ‘Then, you said—’

  ‘No… No…’ Trembling in despair, Courage clapped her hands over her ears. ‘Please don’t do this,’ she begged him as his hand went back to his shirt, flicking open the last few buttons before reaching for the fastening on his trousers. ‘I can’t…’

  ‘You can’t, what?’ Gideon taunted her. ‘You can’t accept me as your lover? But you already have, remember…? And you seemed happy enough to do so. More than happy… In fact, as I remember it…’

  Frantically Courage looked past him towards the bedroom door.

  ‘Run if you like,’ Gideon told her carelessly. ‘But if you do, don’t forget what I said, Courage… One way or another I intend to obtain repayment of the money you owe me. Either through the use of your extremely desirable and experienced little body or through your grandmother… The choice is yours.’

  Choice—what choice? Courage wanted to demand, but she couldn’t trust herself to speak without completely breaking down. Was this really the man she had believed she had loved? Now she hated him—loathed him. The very thought of him coming anywhere near her, never mind touching her, filled her with furious rage and loathing.

  ‘Well? Made your mind up yet?’ Gideon asked her softly.

  Courage glared at him; she wasn’t going to plead with him, to beg and further humiliate herself for his enjoyment, but, despite knowing how much he would enjoy watching her demean herself in such a way, she still couldn’t stop herself denying shakily, ‘I don’t want to go to bed with you—to make love with you…’

  ‘We won’t be making love. We’ll be having sex,’ Gideon told her curtly.

  Having sex. Courage could feel the shudder threatening to grip her body and completely destroy her composure.

  ‘Now,’ she heard Gideon saying softly, as she turned away from him to conceal her expression from him. ‘Are you going to get undressed or do you want me to do it for you…?’

  Courage had had
enough. She had only two options open to her now: either she gave in to her fear and let Gideon see how much he was hurting her—let him guess the love she had felt for him which he was now destroying—or she fought what she was feeling and let him see that while she could do nothing to stop him using her body he would never be able to humiliate or hurt her emotionally or mentally.

  Turning round to face him, she drew herself up to her full height and told him dispassionately, ‘I really don’t see that there’s any need for me to undress. I can have sex with you just as easily with my clothes on as with them off and, to be honest, as far as I’m concerned the less physical contact I have to have with you the better. To me, skin to skin contact is like kissing…something special and intimate that should only be shared with a lover…’

  It was the hardest speech she had ever had to make, and in many ways the most shaming and hurtful, implying as it did that she had the experience to back up her clinically detached statements, but at least she had the satisfaction of seeing in Gideon’s eyes—before he quickly hid his expression from her—that she had caught him off-guard, that he had not expected that kind of retaliation from her.

  ‘I see. Tell me, then, how do you explain away your behaviour the other night? As I recall, you were far from averse on that occasion—not just to the removal of your clothes, but to…er…”skin to skin contact” as well. In fact, unless my memory is playing tricks on me, I seem to remember hearing you whisper certain hot little pleas in my ear concerning your need to have even more intimate “skin to skin contact” with my body.’

  Courage could feel her face turning red and then white.

  ‘That…that was different,’ she whispered.

  ‘Why, because then you believed I didn’t know who you were…? Because then you thought you were free to play your clever little game of eager excitement and faked innocence…? Right down to that extremely effective clenching of your muscles, just at the right moment to fake virginity… Most impressive… Although I doubt that many men these days would expect to find a woman of your age still intact. However, I suppose there are one or two about still gullible and vulnerable enough to fall for that kind of trick.’