An Unforgettable Man

by Penny Jordan

  ‘Like I’ve already said, there’s something about you that makes me ache… itch in a way that demands immediate and intense satisfaction…’

  In the early hours of the morning, when Courage cried out in her sleep, tormented even in her dreams by the contrast between the fiction of her idealised imaginings of the man who would be her one and only lover and the reality, although neither she herself nor Gideon was aware of it the arm he had wrapped possessively around her body tightened, drawing her into the warmth of his body, and a deep frown drew his eyebrows together, as though somehow in his own sleep he was aware of her misery, her tears, and sought to comfort her.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  ‘COURAGE, you’ve got a visitor.’

  Wan-faced, Courage paused, turning round to acknowledge Jenny’s comment as she made her way across the hall en route for her office.

  She had just returned from visiting her grandmother, who was now out of bed and apparently thoroughly enjoying her period of recuperation. The specialist was certainly extremely pleased with her progress, according to what he had told Courage.

  Everyone, it seemed to Courage, was happy. Everyone bar herself.

  She knew that in normal circumstances her grand-mother would have been the first to notice how pale and ill she was looking, and to demand to know what was wrong.

  It was just as well she had not noticed. How could she have told her the truth? What would she have said to her? Courage wondered mirthlessly. That she was having to satisfy Gideon’s sexual needs as a means of repaying the money she had borrowed from him to pay for the operation?

  Wasn’t it illegal for a woman to sell her body to a man for money? Tears burned hotly behind her eyes. Quickly she blinked them away. She was proud of the fact that she hadn’t cried once—not once since that dreadful night when Gideon had confronted her with his diabolical demands.

  ‘He said he was a friend so I took him over to your apartment,’ Jenny was explaining.

  A friend? Courage frowned.

  ‘I—’

  ‘Oh, and Gideon rang. He said to tell you that he was going to be delayed in London with Princess Maryam, but that that didn’t change his plans for tonight. He said you would know what he meant.’

  Courage couldn’t help it. She could feel her face starting to sting with hot colour.

  Gideon had laughed at her for her insistence on returning to her own bed every night—or rather, every morning.

  Shockingly, to her at least, it seemed that Gideon wasn’t content with taking her to bed each and every single night he was at home; his desire for her was still just as strong in the early hours of the day, leaving Courage with no alternative but to remain in his bed until he deigned to let her go.

  ‘Who is it you are trying to deceive with this pathetic insistence on returning to your own bed?’ he had demanded one morning as she had crept, still trembling, from his bed to snatch up her discarded clothes while he watched her tauntingly.

  ‘I don’t want Jenny to know that… I don’t want her to know what’s happening,’ she had told him.

  But it wasn’t just at night that he had insisted on calling in her ‘repayments’ on her debt. The other day he had returned early from a business trip to Cornwall, walking into his office while she was placing some papers on his desk.

  When he had seen her he had turned back and with deliberation locked the door and started to remove his jacket, all the time maintaining an eye-contact with her which had made her feel like a terrified, mesmerised rabbit.

  The swiftness and intensity with which he had then possessed her should have been something she recoiled from in disdain and disgust; something which surely she should have immediately and totally expunged from her memory. Instead…

  ‘Your visitor…’ Jenny reminded her.

  Tiredly Courage turned round. She certainly wasn’t expecting a visit from anyone. It was probably someone who knew her grandmother and wanted to know how she was.

  However, as she crossed the gravel courtyard in front of the stable-block and saw the car parked there with its Swiss plates, she realised that she had been wrong.

  Jenny had used the pass-keys Courage had left with her to let Courage’s visitor into her apartment, and as Courage herself entered the sitting-room a man got up from the sofa where he had been seated reading a newspaper and came towards her, smiling affectionately as he held out his arms to her.

  ‘Gunther,’ Courage exclaimed shakily as she returned her ex-employer’s warm smile and moved into them to be firmly embraced. ‘What are you doing here? How did you—?’

  ‘I’m here on a family-cum-business visit to my grand-mother’s English relations. My father insisted that I call on you to see if I could persuade you to change your mind and return to work for us.’

  ‘I can’t, I’m afraid,’ Courage told him.

  Gunther was the eldest son of the Swiss family who owned the chain of hotels Courage had worked for; he had never made any secret of his fondness for her. They had gone out on a couple of dates together when Courage had first gone to work for his family, but once she had recognised how much more serious his feelings were than her own Courage had quickly, gently made it clear to him that, much as she liked him, liking was all she did feel for him.

  They had remained good friends and Gunther had been the first person Courage had confided in when she had decided to give up her career and return home to her grandmother.

  ‘Your grandmother isn’t any better?’ Gunther asked her frowningly now. ‘I thought you said that after a rest…’

  ‘Her condition turned out to be more serious than even the specialist realised,’ Courage told him. ‘Gran had to have a very serious operation. She came through it very well but I doubt that she will be able to live alone for quite some time—if at all… I’d love to come back, Gunther, but I’m afraid it just isn’t possible.’

  ‘I rather suspected that would be your answer,’ Gunther told her wryly. ‘You’re very sorely missed, you know, and if at any time in the future you should change your mind…’

  Courage was already walking him to the door.

  ‘I couldn’t expect you to hold open my job indefinitely,’ she told him, shaking her head a little as they both stepped out into the late afternoon sunshine.

  ‘It isn’t just a job that would be waiting for you if you came back to us,’ Gunther told her softly as they walked towards his car.

  Out of the corner of her eye Courage saw Gideon’s car sweep round the corner and come to an abrupt halt, sending up a flurry of gravel.

  She stiffened immediately, tension running through her body like a fine electric current. Gunther frowned as he looked across at where Gideon was getting out of his car.

  ‘Have dinner with me tonight,’ he urged her. ‘We could—’

  Quickly Courage interrupted him.

  ‘I can’t… I…I… It was kind of you to come and see me, Gunther, and to…to offer me my job back. But…’

  She could feel her throat starting to close up. How could she even begin to explain to this patient, gentle, decent man just how much her life had changed? Just how much she had changed. If he knew the truth about her…about what she was…what she’d become…

  She could feel his concern as he reached out and touched her arm, his touch respectful and hesitant.

  ‘Courage…’

  Courage could feel the panic building up inside her as she saw Gideon walking towards them, his mouth compressed in anger.

  ‘Gunther… I have to go back to work… I…’

  It hurt so much being reminded of the life which had once been hers. All that was gone now, and she was chained here to a man who loathed her as much as she…

  As much as she, what? she asked herself shakily as Gunther obeyed her command and headed for his car.

  ‘Who was that?’ Gideon demanded peremptorily as he reached Courage’s side, just as Gunther started to drive away.

  ‘No one… An old friend…’ Courage told
him, her face suddenly flushing as she followed the line of Gideon’s narrowed gaze towards the open door to her apartment.

  ‘How long was he here for?’ Gideon demanded.

  Courage’s head was beginning to ache. She felt sick and dizzy. She had had nothing to eat since this morning, and then only half a slice of toast. She felt so tired at the moment that somehow eating just seemed to be another unpleasant chore she had to get through.

  ‘I…I don’t know… An hour…maybe more…’

  She had no idea what time Gunther had arrived, and now she realised guiltily that she hadn’t even offered him a drink.

  ‘An hour…maybe more…’ Gideon repeated silkily. ‘An hour, maybe more, of my time, that would be, I take it? Time for which I pay you. Time which you now owe me.’ His hand shot out, his fingers digging pain fully into the flesh of her upper arm as he held her fast. ‘So that’s another debt you owe me. Another—’

  He broke off, frowning, as his car-phone suddenly started to ring.

  For a moment Courage thought that he was going to ignore it…that he might actually drag her up the stairs to her apartment and exact payment for the time he believed she had stolen from him right there and then. But to her relief, he released her instead, and strode back to his car.

  Courage didn’t wait for him to continue tormenting her. She fled to the sanctuary of her apartment, locking and bolting the door behind her before going into her bedroom and collapsing on to the bed.

  She couldn’t go on like this. It was destroying her—Gideon was destroying her—and what made it worse was the fact that no matter how much she loathed and hated what he was doing to her with her mind and her emotions…how much she told herself she hated him physically… the moment he touched her her body responded to him as though…as though… as though it loved and adored him, craved and ached for him, yearned for him, needed him, loved him totally and completely and forever.

  With a low moan she buried her face in her pillow, trying to stifle the dry sobs that racked her body. Her head ached so much, her eyes felt dry and sore, her throat… She was shivering, even though in reality she felt too hot, and she was so tired that she felt she could never get enough sleep—she had neither eaten nor slept properly for days.

  She had known without Jenny telling her so that she had lost weight, that she looked not just fine-boned now but actually gaunt. She had felt the measuring quality of Gideon’s touch only the other night, as though he was silently assessing the meagreness of her flesh.

  Men didn’t like thin, bony women, did they…? Maybe her loss of weight would turn Gideon off her… Maybe. She could hear Gideon hammering on the apartment door, calling her name. Gritting her teeth, she pulled the pillow down tightly around her ears. She knew what would happen if she got up and let him in.

  A tiny tell-tale ache, a small, sickening surge of anticipatory pleasure made her tense her body in shamed self-disgust. How could she feel like this…? Want him so much when…?

  Her head was throbbing so painfully that she felt as though it might burst. There were some painkillers in the bathroom cabinet…

  Shakily she got up and went to get them. The knocking had ceased now. Gideon had obviously gone away to bide his time; he would no doubt punish her for her insubordination later.

  A deep shudder galvanised her body. She took two of the tablets and then another two, grimacing as she washed down the bitter taste with some water.

  She knew she really ought to have something to eat, to shower and wash away the signs of her tears and weariness and get back to work. That was the one good thing about her present state of nervous tension—her inability to sleep meant that her work was always completely up to date, despite the time she had off to visit her gran. She was far from owing Gideon time. If the truth were known, he was the one who was in debt to her.

  Muzzily she made her way back to her bedroom, half crawling, half collapsing on to her bed as the double dose of the strong painkillers took effect on her empty stomach.

  Courage cried out in her sleep, tormented by nightmare memories from the past. Images of her stepfather and her stepsister and the fear and pain they had brought into her life. Images of the first time she had met Gideon, the sweet, savage shock of being awakened by him to her own sensuality. Images of Gideon as he was now.

  As she cried out in pain, the tears pouring down her face, she felt someone take hold of her and shake her, bringing her out of her tortured sleep. Instinctively she stiffened her body as she started to wake up, already anticipating whose hand it was that had brought her back to reality. Only when she opened her eyes it wasn’t Gideon who was waking her, asking her what was wrong, but Jenny.

  ‘Jenny…’ Confused and shaken, Courage pressed her hands to her hot face. ‘What time is it…? What are you doing here…?’

  ‘It’s four o’clock in the morning,’ Jenny told her quietly. ‘I heard you crying, and you sounded so distressed that I decided to use the pass-keys you’d left with me and come in to see what was wrong…’

  ‘I was having a bad dream…’ Courage told her. ‘I…’

  ‘A bad dream?’ Jenny gave her a compassionate look. ‘This isn’t the first time I’ve heard you crying in the night, Courage. Something’s obviously very wrong. The man who came to see you today—was he—?’

  ‘No. No…this has nothing to do with Gunther,’ Courage assured her quickly. No matter how much she wanted to keep her shame and degradation private, she couldn’t allow Gunther to be blamed for her misery.

  ‘But it is a man, isn’t it?’ Jenny guessed, refusing to give up. ‘And if it isn’t your visitor, then it must be—’

  ‘Please, Jenny, don’t…’ Courage begged her. ‘I can’t…’ To her distress Courage felt fresh tears flooding from her eyes, her voice suspended by emotion.

  ‘I may not be young any more, but I do know how it feels to love a man who… Have you thought that it might be in your best interests to find another job?’ she counselled gently. ‘To leave while…’

  ‘Leave?’ Courage cried out in anguish. ‘If only I could.’ And then she bit her lip as she realised she had said too much.

  ‘My daughter is several years older than you, but it would break my heart if I thought she was going through the kind of emotional trauma I know you’re suffering without anyone to help her. Please let me help you, Courage. I promise you that what you say to me won’t go any further.’

  Tears trickled silently down Courage’s face as she fought the temptation to unburden herself, and lost. Slowly, haltingly, she started to tell Jenny what had happened—all of it—right from the first night she had met Gideon.

  Several times she had to stop when her emotions overwhelmed her, and gulp gratefully at the hot tea Jenny had made for them both.

  ‘He’s actually blackmailing you into having sex with him?’ Jenny repeated flatly. ‘That’s diabolical, de-moniacal, inhuman… It’s… it’s virtually a form of rape.. .’

  Courage hung her head.

  ‘No…no it isn’t that,’ she told Jenny quietly. ‘That’s what makes the whole thing so…so…so hurtful. I want him, you see, Jenny. Or rather, my body does…’ Her mouth twisted bitterly. ‘I know with my mind that he isn’t the lover I so foolishly dreamed of, but my body refuses to acknowledge that fact…’

  ‘You mustn’t pillory yourself,’ Jenny told her fiercely. ‘You’ve done nothing wrong. Nothing to deserve such cruelty and—’

  ‘I caused him to lose his job,’ Courage reminded her tonelessly, ‘and—’

  ‘You were a girl…a child, almost, and from what

  you’ve told me… How much money do you owe him, Courage?’

  ‘I’m not sure. The original loan was for ten thousand pounds, but then there’s the interest… I…’

  ‘I’ll lend you twelve thousand, that ought to cover it,’ Jenny told her briskly. ‘I’ll give you a cheque in the morning. You can pay it straight into your bank and draw against it to pay off Gideon.’

/>   ‘You’ll lend me the m-money…?’ Courage stammered. ‘But…‘

  ‘But, what…? No buts, Courage. My late husband left me very comfortably provided for. I don’t have to work to support myself—I do it as a means of keeping myself occupied, of not becoming a burden on my children. I’m too old to want to find another man, form another relationship, and too young to settle for retirement. I need to work, to give my life a sense of purpose, but I don’t, in all honesty, need the money…’

  ‘I…I don’t know how I’m going to pay you back. I won’t have a job…’

  ‘That will make two of us,’ Jenny told her grimly. ‘Because I certainly shan’t be staying on here now. Couldn’t you go back to your old job?’

  ‘Yes,’ Courage admitted. ‘That was why Gunther, my visitor, came to see me… to ask me to go back… But I can’t… Gran is going to need someone to look after her once she comes home and—’

  ‘I could do that.’

  Courage looked uncertainly at the older woman.

  ‘I couldn’t expect you to do that. No… It’s very kind of you, Jenny, but I can’t… I can’t let you lend me such a large sum of money.’

  ‘You mean, you’d rather go on owing it to Gideon?’

  ‘No, no of course I wouldn’t,’ Courage denied hotly. ‘Are you… are you really sure…?’

  ‘I’m really sure,’ Jenny confirmed quietly, reaching out and taking Courage in her arms and giving her a quick hug. ‘Men can be so stupid… I’ve only known you a matter of weeks, but it’s patently obvious to me that you could never be the kind of woman Gideon seems to assume. There is one thing, though.’ She paused and looked thoughtfully at Courage. ‘You say that he hates you, even though physically he desires you?’

  ‘That’s what he’s always telling me,’ Courage agreed, shivering.

  ‘Hatred and love can sometimes be so closely entwined that it’s hard to tell them apart,’ Jenny told her.

  ‘Yes,’ Courage agreed bitterly. ‘His hatred and my love. Are you really sure about this, Jenny, about lending me the money, I mean?’