Taught (Cypress Springs Trilogy Book 1)

by Tarilyn Sparks

  I blinked slowly. I was stalling.

  I crept into the master bathroom where I’d stashed the test the night before.

  Still stalling, or just making sure I didn’t make a mistake, I wasn’t sure which at that point, I re-read the instructions. It said I had to wait five minutes for the result.

  No way was I going to sit on the edge of the toilet and simply wait.

  The guys’ shower was even nicer than mine, if that was possible. I turned the knob and tested the water until it hit the perfect temperature. The bathroom filled with steam and I noted the time on the wall clock and stepped into the thick spray.

  Something about standing under warm water, something about being in water, was good for the soul, and this morning was no different.

  I washed my hair with Jack’s shampoo and sudsed myself with their soap. I smiled to myself. I’d smell like them all day.

  The clock ticked, and when my time was up I climbed out and wrapped up in two of the extra fluffy towels they kept in the bathroom cupboard. One as a turban on my head and one wrapped around my middle. If I was going to meet my demise, I’d find out about it in terry cloth comfort.

  I padded over to the test, which I’d left sitting on the bathroom counter. Holding my breath, I picked it up and looked at the results window.

  Negative. Not pregnant. I sat down on the closed toilet lid with a thump, relief flooding through me. Not pregnant. No surprise problems. No baby, no complications.

  No permanent connection to Jack and Teddy. No baby inside me.

  I squeezed my temples with my fingers. It’s not that I wanted to be pregnant, I just felt weirdly…sad.

  Like my mind had started to think there was a baby, and now that there wasn’t, I began mourning something that never was.

  It’s just the letdown of adrenaline—the endpoint of a roller coaster. It’s not that I want to be suspended upside down or rolling around a terrifying track, it’s just the feeling of… shit. Back to mundane life.

  I padded out into the bedroom, to find Jack and Teddy cuddling in bed. They both turned and looked at me with twin expressions of what looked like worry and…maybe expectation?

  I pasted a smile on and attempted to sound upbeat but ended up sounding strained. “False alarm, it’s negative. Back to our regularly scheduled lives, right?”

  Jack looked immediately relieved, but Teddy’s face was unreadable. His expression like stone, he said, “Yeah, for the best, I suppose.”

  My cue to leave. I’ve created enough complications and drama as it is. “Okay, well, I gotta go get ready for my day. Taking the day off yesterday put us all behind, I’m sure.”

  I zoomed out of the bedroom like a jaywalker avoiding a traffic cop, and tucked myself into my guest bedroom, locking the door behind me. I pressed my back against the door and struggled to regain normal breath.

  Jack and Teddy’s reactions told me all I needed to know. They didn’t love me. Which, I mean, no shit, but this morning really smacked me in the face with it.

  I had been stupid to catch feelings.

  Oh shit—I’ve caught feelings.

  I got dressed and rode to school with Teddy. All business. He didn’t say much and I didn’t either. Was he mad at me? Annoyed at the complications I’d brought? I thought I’d been getting to know him, but during this car ride, he was totally unreadable.

  This just proved how little I must have known him all along.

  Later that day, I’d been in his office for about an hour—taking phone calls and grading papers—when a call came in from Teddy's’ friend Debby.

  Teddy was just walking in as she called, and he stopped what he was doing and took the call right at my desk.

  He grabbed a notepad and a pen, made a few notes, and told Debby, “I’ll send her right over.”

  After he got off the phone, he turned and stared me down. “An RA position has opened up, if you still want it. I wrote down Debby’s info right here.”

  My stomach dropped, but I couldn’t think of anything to say. He handed me the note pad and the pen. “She said stop by between eleven and one if you’re interested.”

  I swallowed and found my voice. “Should I be?”

  Teddy shrugged and pushed his fingers down on the surface of my desk. “If it’s what you feel like you want to do, then go for it. It’s a good opportunity, and hard to get. I did this for you, but you don’t have to take it. It’s yours to do or not do.”

  I blinked at him. He could take me or leave me and seemed to be strongly hinting that he was leaning toward the leave me side.

  I won’t let him see me cry. I won’t let him know how silly I am.

  “Thanks for the opportunity,” I said, and choked back a hitch in my throat. Just like that, our time together was over.

  I met with Debby that day and made arrangements to move immediately. That night, even. It was Friday, and I could start right away.

  The RA position was great, close to everything I needed, and such a blessing for someone like me who had nowhere else to go.

  It was just in time too, because I couldn’t bear the idea of spending another moment being a freeloading burden in the house with the guys. Waiting until Monday would have been torture.

  I’d been neglecting my friends, but I called them as soon as I left the meeting with Debby.

  As soon as I got home with Dr. Whitman, I’d pack. I didn’t have that much, so it wouldn’t take long. Sydney would come get me and my stuff and give me a ride back to campus.

  The car ride home with Teddy was just as impersonal as any ride you’d take with a teacher you barely knew. I glanced at Teddy, who kept grinding his jaw, and tried to focus on the scenery all the way home. It wasn’t my problem if he was pissed off.

  As soon as we pulled in, I bolted from the car and ran inside. Jack greeted me at the door, arms open, wanting to give me a hug and a kiss. I shook my head.

  “I need to pack. That RA position I’ve been waiting for opened up and I'm leaving tonight.”

  Jack opened his mouth to reply, but I evaded his grasp as I pounded up the stairs and pulled clothes out of the closet and dresser.

  Time to start a new chapter.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Jack

  I never realized how much Kara filled the house until she was gone. Her absence was palpable. The rooms seemed smaller, emptier.

  Was this what it had always been like before she ran into our life, in front of a wrecking ball, wearing nothing but a thin pair of pajamas and some bunny slippers?

  The pajama choice aside, Kara was a grown woman, and could make her own decisions. If she’d decided she was done with me and Teddy, if she decided that she wanted to move on, and move out, I had to accept that.

  It just seemed so sudden. One day she thought she was pregnant, and the next she was gone.

  The scare probably spooked the shit out of her and she realized the last thing she wanted was to be tied down to two old guys.

  If that’s what she wanted—to move on—I’d support her. Hell, if she hadn’t left already I would have helped her move. Not because I wanted her gone, but because I’m an adult and I’m not about to force anyone to do anything they don’t want to do. I’d support her right to decide her own destiny.

  This was all very well and good, and high minded, but damn if our house didn’t feel empty and sad without her.

  Friday night she charged in, packed her stuff, and before I knew what was happening, she was gone.

  Teddy didn’t have much to say about any of it. He’d withdrawn, shut down, unable to articulate how he felt about any of it.

  And there I was feeling blindsided. Sure, I’d accept it, but that didn’t mean I understood it.

  Friday night I was too stunned to even react.

  Saturday, we both decided we had work to do. Work was a great way to fill the time, to avoid the feelings, to turn the present into the past.

  And work always needed to get done, so it felt productive. It felt li
ke action. It felt like doing something. Even if it didn’t feel like we were doing anything about Kara.

  Sunday rolled around and we both lazed in bed for far too long. Teddy was as depressed as I was.

  “Do you want to go get brunch?” I asked.

  We were both still in the bed, mindlessly scrolling on our phones and napping—obviously in denial and drained of energy. Teddy shrugged.

  “I don’t care,” he said. “Whatever you want.” And closed his eyes. Going to sleep, or pretending to sleep?

  I threw my hands in the air in frustration and stalked off to the bathroom. I needed to take a shower and clear my head. We couldn’t go on like this.

  After my shower, I was so irritated, I decided to go look for projects in the yard. I kept meaning to redo a section of rock wall we had containing one of the garden terraces by the hot tub. It was a big job, but I could on one of the sections.

  I got out the cement mixer and hefted a bag of concrete from the garage. Hauling the weight around woke my muscles up and I lost myself in my project as much as I could.

  I spent the afternoon fitting rocks together and sculpting concrete. This spot by the hot tub was so beautiful, and I wanted to keep it that way.

  Speaking of beautiful, while I worked, my mind wandered back to the night we’d had Kara naked for the first time, in the hot tub I was now working next to. The way the moonlight shone on her smooth curvy body, and how adorable and shy she was—at first.

  We’d never welcomed a woman into our lives for more than a few hours, and she’d made a lasting imprint. And now suddenly we had to live without her?

  The back door slid open and Teddy appeared. He carried two beers between the fingers of one hand. He crossed the lawn and stood over me, surveying my work. Teddy considered heavier construction projects to be some kind of sorcery, even though he was handy enough. He just left things requiring machinery, like cement mixers, to me.

  “That looks really great,” he said. He sank into one of the patio chairs with a sigh and pulled a bottle opener from his pocket.

  I left my project and lowered myself into the chair next to him. “Thanks,” I said. “I was going crazy doing nothing.”

  Teddy nodded and flipped the top off his bottle before handing the opener to me. “I tried to grade some papers but I couldn’t concentrate.”

  “That’s why I’m doing something physical,” I said. “Different kind of concentration required.”

  This felt dangerously close to small talk, and the only person who hated small talk more than me was Teddy. What in the hell was going on?

  “I can’t believe she just left like that,” I said, breaking the silence we’d been keeping about Kara.

  Teddy stared down at his bottle and ran his long fingers across the cold beads of condensation collecting around the sides.

  Oh shit. What did he do? “She didn’t just leave?” I leaned forward, searching his downcast face.

  Teddy shrugged. “She did. I didn’t want her to feel trapped.”

  “You didn’t want her to feel trapped? What did you do?” I gripped the bottle hard and pressed my fingertips against the unyielding cold glass.

  Teddy took a swig and recounted what happened in his office on Friday.

  “You made an appointment for her to talk to Debby about moving out, and then told her basically that you didn’t care what she did?”

  Teddy looked at me in anguish. “I didn’t mean…”

  “You basically told her to get lost,” I whispered, shaking my head at just how obtuse Teddy could be sometimes. His awkwardness was what I loved about him, but sometimes, like right now, it was not my favorite trait.

  “I didn’t want her to feel trapped. She’s so young, she has her whole life ahead of her…”

  “I understand, but you just made her feel unwanted, especially on the heels of that pregnancy scare. Something like that probably made her feel so insecure, and immediately after she sees you trying to get rid of her,” I said.

  Teddy put his beer down and put his head in his hands, elbows on his knees. “I fucked up,” he said. “I was so excited about…” he trailed off, not finishing his sentence.

  I scooted over and put my arm around him. “You wanted that test to be positive, didn’t you?”

  Teddy looked up at me in shock. “How did you…?”

  I shook my head. “Me too. I know I shouldn’t have been, but I just kept thinking what if? What if?”

  Teddy leaned against me. “I didn’t know how much I liked the idea until she said it wasn’t happening.”

  I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration and jumped out of my chair. I couldn’t sit still any longer. “We handled that like shit—that day, I mean. When she told us.”

  Teddy watched me pace back and forth. “What were we supposed to do?”

  “Communicate!” I said. “She had no idea we felt that way. We had no idea we both felt that way. Shit, Teddy… we didn’t even tell each other. If a couple can’t work without good communication, a triad definitely won’t. No wonder she’s gone.”

  Teddy blinked. “Triad? You want to make this permanent?”

  I stopped, realizing what I’d just said. Did I want a triad? My gut and my heart both said, yes. “Don’t you?”

  Ever the logical one, Teddy leaned back in his chair, took a swig of his beer, and narrowed his eyes at me—thinking.

  “Yes,” he finally said, and my grin almost split my face. Teddy waved his bottle. “But first, we have to talk to her.”

  I waved my bottle back, a plan hatching inside me already. “No, first we have to take her out to dinner and treat her like she matters more than a convenient or temporary third in our bedroom. Let’s plan a perfect date.”

  Teddy grinned. “Now, we have something to do. Let’s get her back.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Teddy

  Jack and I spent the rest of the evening formulating a plan. I’d been dreading going into the office on Monday and facing Kara. Now that Jack and I had a plan, I was looking forward to it.

  But as soon as I arrived at the office, I knew something was off. The room wasn’t set up the way Kara usually did it, the coffee wasn’t made, and my intuition told me something was wrong.

  Sure enough, someone else was sitting behind Kara’s desk.

  “Who are you?” I asked, more bluntly than I meant to.

  The girl—the woman—sitting in Kara’s seat looked startled. And scared. Oh yeah, they were all afraid of me. I wasn’t in the mood to coddle terrified students. I gestured that I was still waiting for an answer.

  “She’s not here today. Something about moving? I’m filling in for her. I’m Sarah.” To the poor girl’s credit, she stood up and offered her hand.

  I wanted to just walk past her, to stomp away, to go look for Kara, but what would Kara want me to do?

  I took a breath, and calmed myself, and shook Sarah’s hand. “Nice to meet you Sarah. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have something important to attend to.”

  I hurled myself into my office and sat down at my desk. First order of business: text Jack.

  He replied almost instantly, he’d been waiting for an update from me. No time to lose. We had to track her down.

  Where would she be? How could I find her? Obviously texting her wasn’t going to get me anywhere. I had to track her down, indirectly, but without being a creepy stalker.

  A tall order.

  I swiveled back and forth in my chair, thinking. Had Kara said anything in our time together to give me a clue how I could get a message to her?

  Didn’t she once mention that her friend worked as a secretary for Dean Pierce? It was worth a shot.

  I pulled up the faculty directory and made the call. A young woman answered the phone.

  “Dean Austin Pierce’s office. Lauren speaking.”

  Lauren! That was Kara’s friend. See, I listen. I can pay attention.

  But Kara had never said I didn’t. I was just inept with m
y communication. No matter how smart I thought I was, no matter how many degrees I had, I was not very bright when it came to communicating my feelings.

  In order to win Kara back, and keep her, I’d have to change that.

  I’d do anything. I just needed to learn how. But first I had to get her to talk to me.

  “Hello?” Lauren’s voice came through the campus landline. So clear, so organic, so weirdly intimate.

  Here I was thinking about how I needed to improve my communication sitting silent on the phone like a prank caller.

  “Hello,” I amped my voice up, trying not to say everything at once. “This is Dr. Whitman. I’m wondering if you could get a message to Kara for me.”

  Lauren’s response was cold silence.

  I tried again. “Hello?”

  “Yeah, um, she told us all about your…situation.”

  “Meaning what?”

  Lauren breathed out loudly, like she was dealing with a moron. And maybe she was, but this moron wasn’t going to give up. “Look. I shouldn’t even be talking to you. I think enough has been said, honestly.”

  I was a drowning man begging for a rope. “I’m not sure what was said. You have to help me out.”

  “For real? You are done with her, you don’t want her anymore. Why can’t you leave her alone?”

  Lauren’s words kicked all the air out of my chest. “We… don’t want her?”

  “You got her a new place, told her to go. Can’t you just leave her alone? You don’t need to talk to her. She got you a new TA, no harm, no foul.”

  “I…I…that’s not what I meant,” I said, feeling the magnitude of desperation in my voice.

  “Look, I don’t know what you’re playing at, but she needs time to heal, to get her head together. She’s just started over, and she needs to find a new equilibrium without you two messing with her anymore.”

  I dropped my forehead into my hand and squeezed my temple. I shook my head, even though I knew Lauren couldn’t see me. “She misunderstood. Or, we did. I’m an idiot.”