Choices

by Sara Marion

  “Nothing.”

  “Liar,” he softly said as he pulled her in closer. “I missed you so much.”

  Paxton laid there letting his words sink in. She didn’t know what to think of their little rendezvous. She didn’t know if this was just grief.

  “Pax, what’s wrong?”

  “It’s nothing. I probably should get going, Ryan will be worried. You should fix your mother some breakfast and tend to her.”

  She rolled out of bed deciding there was no point in continuing their little fantasy world. She didn’t want to cause any drama with Nancy. She didn’t need any extra at the moment.

  “Tiger, don’t. Please just stay.” Jack sat up in bed.

  Paxton grabbed her thong and bra. She put them on and grabbed her dress.

  “Pax? Come on, just stay. I need you,” Jack pleaded.

  Paxton put her dress on and zipped it up the side. “No Jack, last night shouldn’t have happened. You’re grieving and I’m sure if I showed up any other time you wouldn’t have seen me.”

  “Pax-”

  “Jack, you’re with Kenleigh.” She cut him off. “As much as I wish things were different, she loves you and you built something here in this last couple of months. I don’t want you waking up one day and thinking this was a mistake. I was a mistake.”

  “Isn’t it obvious that I want you? Isn’t it clear that I wanted last night to happen?” Jack raised his voice.

  Paxton put on her heels. She knew that it shouldn’t have happened and now her heart would be broken because this morning she thought for one moment they could be together again. “I’m going. You need time to grieve and really think about this.”

  She grabbed her clutch and headed out. She went down the stairs and saw Nancy round the corner.

  “Paxton?”

  “Good morning Nancy. I’m so sorry for your loss.” Paxton gave a sympathetic smile.

  Nancy did something Paxton would never expect. She pulled Paxton into a hug. Paxton stood there for a few seconds not knowing what to do and then she wrapped her arms around her ex-mother-in-law.

  “Thank you. When did you get here this morning? I woke up early but didn’t hear the bell.”

  “She stayed over last night, mother,” Jack’s quiet voice sounded behind her.

  Paxton didn’t turn around at Jack’s voice. She saw Nancy looking between her and Jack trying to figure out what was going on.

  “You two are good for each other, as much as I fought against you two, life is too precious.” Paxton saw Nancy turn and stare straight at her. “As much as I want Kenleigh to be with Jack, you complete my son in ways Kenleigh can’t. Just don’t give up on him yet.”

  Paxton stilled. That was one thing she didn’t expect Nancy to say. She didn’t want to leave giving Nancy the wrong impression. “I know that what we had was special Nancy, but I only came here last night because it was Kenleigh who asked me to come check on him. She loves your son, just as he loves her,” she paused and looked back at Jack. “I have a flight to catch.” She lied through her teeth but she needed an excuse to leave.

  Paxton gave another small, polite smile towards Nancy. Nancy nodded and looked around her to Jack with an unspoken message to her son. Paxton side-stepped her and walked around her.

  Each step she took away from Jack, she felt horrible. She questioned her judgment last night. She shouldn’t have let things go so far.

  “Paxton, wait!” She heard Jack’s voice behind her as she reached for the door handle. She turned to see racing towards her.

  He reached her as she turned around to face him. “Please, please just come to the funeral with me today, I can reschedule your flight for you. I will pay for it in fact. Just please. I need you.”

  “No you don’t Jack.”

  “I do, Paxton, please…”

  Paxton knew she should leave. She needed to walk out but the look in Jack’s eyes tugged at her. Her head told her to turn around and march out the door, head back to where she was supposed to be. She searched Jack’s eyes once more and looked beyond him at the house. She didn’t know how to answer him.

  Jack leaned in and pulled her close to him. Kissing her on the forehead he begged, “Please.”

  Paxton pulled away, “Only for the funeral, then I need to go back to The Pierre, back to my life.”

  “Thank you.” He led her back into the house and Paxton prayed she was making the right choice. Her head was still screaming at her to walk out of the house but her footsteps followed Jack’s.

  SIXTEEN

  The limo pulled in front of the church. As promised earlier, Jack stated there would be reporters. He said they were vultures when it came to his father. Paxton was thankful she was still dressed the same as the night before. The black dress proved to be a good choice although she never dreamed of attending a funeral in it. Jack was in black suit. His mother in black dress as well. Nancy threw on her sunglasses and Paxton took her cue from that. Nancy suggested she borrow a pair to help hide grief. Paxton put them on hoping that it would hide her uncertainty.

  The door of the limo opened and Nancy stepped out with the aide of the driver. Paxton saw the flashes start and reporters trying to get a statement. Jack was next out and then he held out his hand to her. Paxton took it, anxious to see what really awaited her in the church. When she stepped out the cameras went wild. It was the first time they had been seen in public in two years.

  Paxton threw up her hand to block the few news crews and their cameras as Jack did the same, leading them into the church. This is the one thing she didn’t miss about New York, about the status of Jack’s family. Once the door was closed, she and Nancy took off their sunglasses. Nancy went into the sanctuary and up to the casket. Paxton and Jack waited in the lobby area, giving her some privacy. She noticed Jack staring at the picture of his father posted outside the sanctuary.

  Paxton stood there out of place. She felt like she didn’t belong in this picture. She didn’t really have a relationship with Jack’s parents. They were civil towards each other but made no attempt at a real connection. There was no grief on her part, just sympathy towards Jack and Nancy.

  “Ready to go inside?” Jack startled her out of her thoughts.

  “Yeah.” She smiled pleasantly as she started walking in to take her seat.

  She felt Jack put his hand in the small of her back to help guide her to their seats. A small crowd of people that passed her in the lobby area and were now seated in the chapel. She felt prying eyes stare at them as they walked down the aisle to their seats. She saw people start to whisper as they caught sight of her and Jack. She slowed a bit. She knew the rumor mill about her and Jack was starting.

  She slid passed Nancy and allowed Jack to sit by his mother. She heard the whispers continue behind her. It took all of Paxton’s strength to sit there with her gaze forward and not say anything to the old ladies who seemed intent on trying to figure out what was going on between her and Jack. She knew that it would be rude and impolite of her to turn around and give them a piece of her mind. Paxton stared at the casket trying to block out the whispers of the old ladies.

  Paxton slightly jumped when Jack reached out for her hand and held it. She finally gazed over at him and he smiled down at her. She knew in that moment, Jack had reeled her back in. There was so much love and regret behind his gaze. He squeezed her hand as the preacher stood at the podium clearing his throat. The whispers flurried behind her but she didn’t care. The only thing she was concentrating on was the sensation of Jack’s hand around hers.

  ***

  Paxton was moved by the service. She threw on her sunglasses as she, Jack and Nancy stepped out of the chapel. Again, the cameras were flashing but Paxton was ready. All three hurried into the limo as they were ready to go to the graveside ceremony. It would be private and Paxton already felt like she was intruding.

  “Thank you,” a quiet voice said beside her.

  Paxton turned not sure of what he was thanking her for. She realize
d there is no other place she would rather be. She looked in his eyes searching for his feelings. He smiled and leaned over and kissed her temple. She felt flutters in the pit of her stomach. She turned and stared out the window, needing to distract herself from the feelings that were bubbling up again.

  The limo pulled up to the cemetery and the driver opened the door. Nancy stepped out first. The driver helped her out. Jack then stepped out and held out his hand towards Paxton. Paxton took it and stepped out. No cameras were flashing this time. She gazed at Jack a little longer as there was no one around. She gave him a slight smile, then he led her to the graveside.

  They sat side by side along with his mother. The ceremony was short and they watched as Jacob was lowered into the ground. Jack was holding onto his mother. She let Jack comfort Nancy. Paxton could tell Nancy was struggling to hold it together. There was something defiant in the woman and Paxton respected that. Nancy would not let her grief overtake her today. Paxton wish she had that resolve after Ella passed.

  When they all arrived back at the Mercier household, Nancy excused herself to her bedroom. Jack let her be. With it just the two of them in the living room, Paxton was nervous. She didn’t know if she should stay or go but she wanted to stay. She wanted to be there for Jack in ways that he wasn’t there for her. Paxton walked over to Jack and felt the stubble on his chin as she looked at him.

  “Please don’t leave yet. I don’t want you to,” he quietly confessed.

  “I’m right where I need to be. I’m not going anywhere.” Paxton didn’t know what would happen now. What happened when she went home? Would Jack follow her and what is she going to do about Duke? She couldn’t break his heart, she just couldn’t. She stepped away and turned from Jack as she thought about where Duke would be at the end of this.

  “Don’t over think this Paxton, every move is up to you. I am waiting for you.”

  She turned and faced away from him. Paxton didn’t want to let him see her confusion on what she should do. She felt Jack squeeze her shoulders. He then pulled her against him and wrapped his arms around her. Paxton felt comforted. It felt easy with Jack. There were no secrets between them that would crush any chance of them being together. Sure they have had their dark times, they both had their faults but Jack was willing to let go of everything. He wanted a fresh start with her. Paxton leaned into Jack.

  She laid her head back against his chest and closed her eyes. This moment wouldn’t last forever and she knew that. She was on borrowed time. Their bubble will burst when they have to face the fact that Jack was with Kenleigh and Duke was waiting on her. They both started moving on but here they stood, together. Would she be disappointed or relieved if Jack doesn’t follow her? Duke came back to her thoughts. She was falling in love with Duke but the secret of the baby weighed her down. She would always be waiting for the other shoe to drop. What would happen if he ever found out?

  She felt Jack’s lips press against her head. She tilted it further in a natural response. Jack turned her around and kissed her neck. She ran a hand through his hair as his lips traveled down her shoulder. Paxton opened her eyes and stared in the room behind Jack. His face came into focus. She saw the need, the hunger. It was something that she hadn’t seen a long time from him. Something fluttered in her stomach. The feelings she shoved away came to the forefront and there was a tightening in her stomach.

  “Come with me…” he took her hand and led her up the stairs.

  Paxton mindlessly followed him. She was no longer thinking of anything besides where Jack was leading her. She wasn’t sure if it was a good idea in the long run, but it’s been a long, emotional day and right now she can use a little careless thinking.

  Jack led her into his room. He led her to the bed but stopped within a few feet of it. He turned and faced her. No words spoken but Paxton felt the sexual tension between them. She felt his emotions roll around her. She saw the sense of loss in his eyes, the love he felt for her, his hunger, the tension between them, the anger, everything. She just wanted to make it better.

  Paxton stepped closer and started to unbutton his shirt for him. He stopped after the third button and let her do the rest. She slipped his shirt off and started to undo his belt. She went slow, taking her time. She knew this was about to change everything between them. She felt it stir in the air. She slid the belt out of the loops, then let it drop to the floor. She stared down at his stomach.

  She followed the muscular lines that disappeared below his pant line. She let her trembling fingers undo his pants. She squatted down as she pushed his pants to the ground. Paxton looked up at him then back to that line still disappearing down into his boxers. She licked her lips as she let her mind remember what he was like completely naked in front of her. She smiled.

  She felt Jack lift her up. He kissed her with such a ferocity that she felt like she was the dwindling source of life that kept him alive. He held onto her as if she were slipping away from him, like she would disappear at any moment right in front of him. The desperation in his kiss continued as he unzipped her dress.

  “Tell me to stop and I will,” he continued to kiss her. Jack was giving her an out.

  It took Paxton all of a split-second to decide she didn’t want this to stop. It would be like someone stealing all the air out of the room, she wouldn’t survive if this didn’t continue. Regrets can come later, if there were any at all.

  He let her dress fall to the ground. Paxton stepped out of it and they headed towards the bed. He undid her bra as they walked. He turned her as they reached the bed. He laid her back. Paxton watched him as he slowly slid her panties off. It drove her insane with each slight touch of his fingers maneuvering them down her legs. She watched him drink in the sight of her.

  Jack slid his boxers off then leaned over her. She scooted back allowing him on the bed. He climbed over her and planted a soft kiss on her forehead, her cheek, her neck, then he came back and claimed her lips.

  Paxton never felt anything like this. The need that surrounded her. The pure love that was coming from him, it was overwhelming. She felt him nudge her legs, opening them wider. He pulled away from her and sat back. Paxton felt so vulnerable and helpless beneath his stare. Every fiber of her being wanted him, needed him. She felt like she was going to explode if he didn’t touch her soon. Paxton bit her bottom lip.

  He growled and claimed her mouth once more as he plunged deep inside her. Ferocity came over them and they quickened their pace. Heavy breathing escaped past her lips and he broke it. He stared down at her as the rhythm of their hips sped up. The eye contact alone would send her over the edge. The raw passion that was passing between them could not be touched by anything else.

  Jack grunted and closed his eyes and tossed his head back. She watched him as he was about to fill her. The sight of him in that state sent her over the edge. Paxton threw her head back as well, screaming as their releases came.

  Paxton slowly came down from her high. Her breathing heavy. It matched Jack’s as he had collapsed on her. He was still there. She ran her hand through his hair. It was a sweaty mess, but then again so was she. There was nothing slow about the sex between them. It was raw passion and Paxton had never felt so good.

  SEVENTEEN

  Paxton threw herself on her bed. She and Ryan had just arrived back in Kansas. She was exhausted from the trip and the last few days. She left Jack the morning after the funeral and the wonderful night they spent together. She didn’t want to face what would happen in the morning when they both woke up. She made sure she was gone before he got up. Paxton didn’t even leave him a note. She didn’t know what to say.

  The last couple of days Ryan occupied her time. They went shopping, sight-seeing and for New Year’s Eve, they spent it in Times Square. She ignored the calls and texts from Jack. She didn’t want to hear regrets, she wanted to remember the emotions from the night. She knew that Jack still loved her. He made it clear to her after the funeral. The problem was she felt guilty. Guilty because she
left Ryan for two days and because Duke was waiting for her thinking they had a future together. Duke truly held a part of her heart. She knew she couldn’t let Duke know what happened between her and Jack in New York, yet another secret to keep.

  She heard the doorbell ring. Paxton groaned as she lifted herself off her bed to see who it was. As she got to the stairs, the door opened. Link came bounding in and up the stairs, followed by Duke. Paxton felt a pang of guilt hit her again.

  “Link!” she said as the puppy clumsily made his way up the stairs.

  His tail was in full swing. His whole body shook with excitement. Although they literally spent about two days together, she missed Link and from the looks of it, he missed her as well. “How are you boy?” She scratched his head.

  “He’s excited to see Momma, that’s for sure,” Duke said as he reached the second floor landing. “So am I.”

  Paxton stood up and stared at him. He leaned in and kissed her. She could barely return it. How was she going to get through this?

  “So how was the trip? Do anything fun?”

  Besides sleeping with my ex-husband? She thought to herself. “Uh, yeah. Ryan and I went shopping and he took me to an awesome art museum. We spent New Year’s Eve in Times Square. I wasn’t fond of the crowds, but it’s was fun seeing the ball drop in real life,” she tried smiling but it felt fake. She wasn’t lying to him but she was omitting certain things, which could be considered the same thing. She wondered if Duke really knew about Jack’s father, if that was the reason he was acting strange the day before she left.

  “Link and I watched the apple drop in Aggieville. Probably not the same as in New York, but it was fun.”

  There was that smile, the one that brought ladies to their knees. She needed to swallow the guilt and just deal with it. He doesn’t need to know about Jack. She only got one text today. He was giving up on her. Paxton smiled.

  “Listen I know you are probably tired from traveling and what not, but I thought you might like Link back. I was just dropping by. Maybe tomorrow we can go to breakfast and catch up?”