“Hey guys you okay? You both look miserable as sin.” They looked at me with despondency.
“Sit down Ella there’s something we need to tell you.”
“Jeez guys you’re freaking me out, who’s died….Oh my God is my Nanna ok? Is that it, has my Nan....”
“No, your Nan is fine, it’s nothing like that Elle.” Robyn said grabbing my knee as I plonked myself down into the armchair close by.
“What is it then, you both look distraught.”
“Chris I think you need to start this off.” Robyn said. Chris shook his head and looked across at me, a wretched grimace on his face.
“Jeez Chris, just spill it.” I urged.
“Fine, but remember I’m just the messenger. We don’t shoot the messenger do we ladies?” I ignored him using my hands to urge him to speak up and cut the crap.
“Okay, okay.” He winced. “Do you remember ages ago, in the office, when we googled Joe?”
“Yes I remember and we found nothing. What is this Chris?”
“Well, I was talking to Colin yesterday after you left. He said something that got me thinking.”
“What? What did Colin say that got you thinking? Come on dude just spit it out.”
Chris took a big breath in then continued, “We searched Joseph and Joe didn’t we?”
“Yes… keep going.”
“So Colin asked me if we’d ever googled Joey.”
I laughed, “Err no! Because no one in the world would ever call him Joey. Is there a point to all of this?”
“See that’s what I thought, until I saw this…” Robyn sank back into the sofa and put her head in her hands as Chris twisted the laptop on the coffee table round to face me and said, “I’m so sorry Ella.”
What I saw shattered my whole world into a million pieces and broke my heart completely. There in front of me was a sick, disgusting, horrible website, the title across the top read, ‘Joey M putting the fuck into fucking fit’. It made my skin crawl but that was nothing compared to what the pictures did to me. He looked younger than he was now, but there was no doubt it was my Joe there in all his glory, with women, a lot of different women, each picture showing some perverse or depraved sex act.
The first was Joe receiving a blow job from some older blonde plastic bimbo, the next a picture of Joe fucking some woman over a pool table, her fake tits on show. I felt sick to my stomach but I couldn’t stop myself scrolling down to the next picture, Joe and two women this time, one brunette one red head. The brunette was sitting astride him obviously riding his cock whilst he was fingering the red head.
I hadn’t realised I was crying till Robyn passed me a tissue. I ignored her and scrolled down further and almost passed out as a video instantly started to play. It was Joe and another guy roasting some woman. The guy was doing the video and receiving a blow job from the woman as Joe fucked her from behind and they high fived each other over her back for the camera.
“Make it stop, please stop it, I can’t watch that.” I cried. I thought seeing Adam’s infidelity was heart-breaking, but this was so so much worse.
“Stop the video Chris for Christ sakes.” Robyn shouted.
“It’s not my fault it’s on automatic replay” He snapped as he scrawled down to try and stop it as another video started playing and Joe’s voice echoed off the walls making sex noises and calling out “Fuck yeah suck me good sweet heart, fuck you’re so good at that.”
I lost it completely and went to jump up from the sofa feeling like I was going to throw up. I couldn’t make it to the bathroom upstairs so I headed for the kitchen and retched into the sink. Chris and Robyn followed me, Robyn held my hair as Chris said, “We didn’t know what to do. We couldn’t not tell you though babe, you needed to know.” I nodded as I grabbed a tissue and wiped my mouth.
“So he’s some porn king or something?”
“From what we’ve found out it’s not porn. Well it is but not like you’d think. He was a personal trainer in L.A but his services went beyond just the standard exercises if you get what I mean.”
“An escort then.”
“Not even an escort, they hired him for his fitness training but he fucked them too. From what we’ve found there were no ‘dates’”
“Even worse then. A bloody prostitute.” I felt dirty right now.
“If you want to put a label on it then yeah I suppose. He has got another label though. One the L.A gossip press gave him.”
“Stop speaking in riddles Chris and just tell me what you’re talking about.”
“He had some pretty high profile ‘clients’ on his list. From other websites and gossip columns from back in the day we’ve seen that he was named in quite a few divorce papers.”
“What do you mean high profile?”
“Wives of studio executives, directors, producers, and one was even a pretty well-known actor.”
“I don’t think I want to know the details.” I replied feeling utterly appalled.
“Quite a few husbands found out about him, he destroyed a lot of Hollywood marriages so they labelled him the ‘homewrecker’. There’s articles about him from back then, stories about his ‘conquests’. He upset quite a lot of power men, made a lot of enemies. There were TV shows debating his choice of career apparently, and the affect it was having in the rich Hollywood circles, but we couldn’t find any of those.”
“I think there’s enough video footage already.” I sniped. “Is there anything else?”
“Lawsuits, paternity lawsuits and lots of them.”
“Oh my god” I doubled over clutching my stomach, “So not only has he fucked or fucked over most of Hollywood, but there’s probably hundreds of little Joe’s running around too. I can’t take anymore.” I went to walk out of the kitchen in a daze.
“What are you gonna do Elle?” Robyn asked.
“I don’t know… get on with my life I guess? Spend the next twenty years trying to get over this then try to find myself a decent guy if there actually is such a thing.”
I hiccupped as I tried and failed to take in the enormity of what was happening right now.
“I know one thing though …I never want to see him ever again as long as I live. All…that… makes me feel sick.” I gestured to the laptop to highlight what ‘that’ was when the doorbell rang. My heart jumped into my throat. My head pounded as my body started shaking and sweating. Oh no, he was here. I turned to look at Robyn and Chris pleading.
“He’s here, oh shit, he’s here. I forgot he was picking me up at midday. We were supposed to go away for the weekend.” I was panicking now.
“What do you want us to do?” Robyn asked.
“Get rid of him. I don’t want to see him. Just get rid of him. Please.” I begged and ran up to my room to hide.
Chapter Twenty-Four
I heard the front door open and Chris announce, “Hey Robyn look, if it isn’t Joey M!”
“What the fuck did you just call me?” Joe spat out.
“Joey M.” Chris repeated confidently, “That is you right, you know the one that puts the fuck into fitness.”
I heard the door bang against the wall as Joe obviously forced his way past my two friends and into our house.
“You better explain what the fuck you are on about mate, before I completely lose my shit.” Joe shouted.
Chris must have picked up the laptop as he said, “This is what I’m talking about, this shit right here.”
“No!” He called out as if he was in physical pain. “Has she seen this?”
“Yes she’s seen it and she doesn’t want anything more to do with you, so I suggest you leave my house right now.” Robyn stated harshly.
“I’m not going anywhere!” I knew Joe wouldn’t just leave, he always had to put up a fight whether he was right or not.
“Where is she? I need to talk to her. This isn’t what you think it is. I can explain.”
Chris laughed, “How can you explain this? It all seems pretty straight forward to u
s, you’re a dirty hoe bag.”
“You don’t know shit, and I’m not wasting my time with you, I need to talk to Ella. She’ll understand. I just need to explain”
“I doubt that mate she was quite clear when she told us to get rid of you. She’s done with you. Just go. Get out!”
From the sounds of movement and footsteps coming from downstairs Joe was flexing his muscles now and pushing past them to get up the stairs. I had no lock on my bedroom door but I did on my bathroom, so I walked in and locked it.
I sat on the floor against the door in a feeble attempt to stop him forcing his way in, and waited for the ensuing bangs and yelling to start. My bedroom door slammed into the plaster as he stalked into my room and went straight for the bathroom.
“Ella, Ella open this door now.”
Fuck him I wasn’t coming out of here for anything.
“Go away Joe, I don’t want to see you and I’m not coming out.”
“I can stand here all day sweetheart, I’m not going anywhere. Come out and talk to me, I can explain everything.”
“I don’t want to hear it. What the fuck is there to explain? You’re disgusting, and I hate you.”
“It’s not what you think Ella. It’s not black and white.”
“No Joe it’s not, it’s in fucking glorious technicolour for me and everyone else on the internet to watch. You’re a complete fucking whore. Leave me alone, I’m done. We are over.”
“No we’re not!”
“Yes we are, you’re disgusting, you disgust me. I feel dirty for ever going near you!”
“This is stupid, just open the door and we can sort this out.”
“Stupid? Stupid!!” I lost it completely, I stood up and flung the door open in a rage, my eyes bulging with hatred and fixed onto his beautiful tainted face.
“I’m stupid? I’m not the one who was fucking some whore, having a threesome and high fiving some other guy over her back. You’re vile Joe, you even make Adam look like an angel.”
“I am nothing like that fucker.”
“No you’re not! He knows what he is, he is a weak guy who cheated on me a few times and admits it. You! You’re the bloody king of cheats. A liar of the worst kind. You knew what Adam had done to me but you still wouldn’t leave me alone would you? You had to keep on and on chasing me, lying to me, pretending you were a good guy, better than Adam when all along you were a million times worse. I’d rather go back to Adam than get back with you.”
He winced at this.
“Nothing you say can make any of this better. You’re a fuck boy, a user, a dirty prostitute who whores himself around to any woman who’ll have him. I hope it was worth it, because I don’t want you. Not anymore. You make my skin crawl.”
“You said the past was in the past. You said you didn’t care what I’d done. You said you love me.”
I laughed in disbelief, “Not for something like this, this can’t be hidden in the past, it’s who you are, how can you think something like this is inconsequential?”
“It is! I haven’t cheated on you Ella, I’m not a cheat. It was over ten fucking years ago. What does it matter now?”
“It matters because it shows me who you are. I can’t love someone who thinks that’s okay. It’s not okay it’s depraved. You’re depraved. Just leave Joe please.”
“I can’t” He went to walk towards me but I put my hands up and stepped way back away from him.
“Don’t come anywhere near me. I don’t want you near me.”
“I can’t walk away Ella, I love you.”
“You don’t know the meaning of the word. Anyway it was easy enough for you to walk away from all those children you’ve probably fathered. How low can you go Joe?”
“I don’t have any children, I fought every one of those lawsuits and won. I always used a condom. That fucking website should never have been up and running. My lawyers will kill it. I’ll see to it that whoever made that go live is destroyed.”
“You like destroying people don’t you Joe.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You destroy people. It’s what you do. You destroy marriages, women, husbands, children… and me Joe, you’ve destroyed me.”
He hung his head down and sighed, “I never wanted to destroy you Ella, all I want is to make you happy.”
“Well you’ve done a shitty job. You’ve broken my heart Joe and I’m not going to give you the chance to do any more damage. We are finished. Don’t text me, message me, call or try to see me because I will call the police and I will file a restraining order if you keep pestering me. Now leave before I call them this very minute and have you removed from our house.”
He looked heart broken and a small part of me felt bad for turning him away, but I couldn’t let him play on my feelings of guilt. Like Colin said I had to put myself and my feelings first. He shook his head in despair.
“It’s all just bull shit Ella, please don’t do this.”
“You did it Joe, not me.”
I saw Max come into the bedroom from the corner of my eye and I breathed a sigh of relief. Robyn must have called or texted him for his help. At last someone to talk some sense into Joe.
“Joe buddy, let’s go get a drink, come on. You’re not doing yourself any favours staying here and arguing. Let Ella have some space.”
Max’s voice was calm but it had the opposite effect on Joe.
“Fuck it, fuck the lot of you. You can all go to hell.” Joe spat as he stomped out of my room, down the stairs and out of the house. The force with which he banged the front door made us all jump. I doubted the door would be in one piece when we went back downstairs.
“I’m so sorry Ella.” Max said looking forlorn, “I tried telling him he should talk to you about that time but he didn’t want to bring it up. You were his one good thing, his angel he said. He didn’t want the past tainting anything he had with you.”
“Too late Max, I’ve seen it all.”
I sank down onto my bed and the flood gates opened. I sobbed into my hands before throwing myself onto my pillow to bury my face and soak up my tears.
“What am I gonna do?” I whispered. I looked up at Max. Robyn and Chris had left us, it was just me and Joe’s best friend now.
“I still love him Max I can’t turn that off but I can’t forget what I’ve seen, I can’t ever get over that.”
“You might one day, never say never.” Max smiled sadly. “I know Joe will never give up on you.”
Hearing that broke my heart even more. I felt like running away and never coming back to my life.
“A few hours ago we were planning a weekend away. I was going to move in with him Max. I could have given him my whole life and never known any of this, my whole life would’ve been a lie.”
Tears rolled down my cheeks as I lay stunned looking at Max as if he could conjure up some magical solution.
“I’ll keep an eye on him, make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid.” Max said, and my heart lurched at the thought of what something stupid might be. I couldn’t just turn my feelings off like a tap.
“Can I keep in touch with you Ella? Come and see you sometimes?” Max asked.
“Please do.” I begged, “I’d still like to see you Max, and I need to know he’s ok.”
He nodded and went to leave then stopped in the doorway and turned to me.
“I’ll give you time to cry and rant, get all your feelings out, then when things settle down a bit will you let me explain what happened back then? I have a pretty good picture I can paint for you of what that time was like for Joe and why it happened. It might help you get some things straight in your head, to try and understand it all better.”
“Okay” I answered warily, not exactly sure what kind of explanations they both seemed to think I needed to hear, but right now all I wanted to do was to crawl under my duvet and mourn what I’d lost today.
Max closed my door and I settled back down into my bed and sobbed until my eyes we
re sore and my pillow was soaked through. Chris and Robyn popped in to hug me and bring in drinks and snacks but they stayed untouched on my bedside table. My life felt like it was over. I’d found the love of my life only to have it fall apart in the worst way possible. I didn’t know how I was going to pick myself up and move on from this. I always joked that Joe had ruined me for any other man but it was true. The happy ever after I had foolishly wished for was now dead in the water and here I was alone, again. Let down by another cheater and back in the gutter of life.
I felt like a china doll that had been smashed into a million pieces. Glue might stick some pieces back together but I’d never be the same again. There would always be cracks, holes no one could fill. Maybe I’d never find happiness, and my few months with Joe were all I would ever have. I’d keep my memories and live off those for the rest of my life, trying not to let the seedy ending spoil them.
I knew that a part of me had died today. He was my soul mate, my other half but that was gone now and life would go on, but the smiles would be forced. The laughs temporary. I’d always love him, my Joe. But I couldn’t live with what he’d done, who he really was.
I fell into a broken sleep of tender kisses and warm cuddles. Of a beautiful stubbled face falling away from me, out of my reach and turning into the arms of another woman, their names on his lips and not mine. Their bodies twisting around his and grabbing at him, pulling him away from me and out of my sight. I cried out for him, but he didn’t come back to me. I was left in a pit of despair. Alone in the darkness of my life, alone and broken hearted.
Epilogue
I watched avidly from the warmth of my car as he stormed out of her house and flew down the path to disappear out of sight. Joey Madden, the one and only fuck boy of Hollywood. He couldn’t run and hide from me forever no matter what he liked to tell himself. He’d never be safe, never be free of the wrath I would unload on him. He was the devil in a designer suit and I had to put him down for all of our sakes. He’d crossed my path one too many times and now it was my turn to have all the fun. He was going to play my games now, by my rules.
Obsessively Yours Page 19