There were no words, no clever insults or no angry outbursts that came to mind. I just turned and walked away. Carl quickly dressed himself and chased after me. I stepped into the elevator and turned to see Carl walking quickly, his lips already moving as if to explain, “Penny, I...please let me...” The doors began to close and as I watched them come together, I heard Carl slam his fist into the outer door as the car began to move. The symbolism wasn’t lost on me, the door closing not only on Carl but on my marriage to him.
>>O<<
How things had changed since that night. Carl and I divorced and thanks to his guilt, not to mention my lawyer, I was able to stay in our 3000 square foot house with the pool in the gated community. Small conciliation but at least the kid’s lives weren’t completely uprooted. I was single suddenly at almost forty and left to raise my two kids mostly alone. Carl, on the other hand, was living it up with his perfect, redheaded intern.
My kids even called her mom. It bothered me even though it was a joke. She was only eight years older than my son and my kids found it funny. I was the only one who didn’t see the humor. I played nice for my kid’s sake, mine too honestly. I tried the whole bitter ex-wife thing for a while but it wasn’t me, not to mention pathetic and desperate. All that didn’t mean I was happy about the situation, however.
I loved Carl, or at least I used to, and I thought he loved me. He gave me some bullshit story about the affair being his problem, his lack of self-control, the pressure of his job and his depression over turning forty. Please! One look at Crystal, his redheaded intern turned girlfriend, and any idiot could see the plain truth. She was young and hot and I was old and fat. I was last year’s model and Carl had traded me in for a newer, sleeker model.
And boy was Crystal sleeker! She probably weighted a hundred pounds with the longest, shapeliest legs I’d ever seen, shapely hips and D-cups that were full, perky and natural. Her alabaster skin was perfect except for the cute freckles on the bridge of her tiny little nose. Her eyes were a bright green and her long, bouncy hair was a fiery red, also natural if the strip of pubic hair above her pink pussy was any indication. Yes, I had the pleasure of having seen her goods the night I caught Carl fucking her. Neat!
I got it. I was almost forty and even though I thought – hoped – I carried the extra thirty – OK, forty – pounds in the right places there was no doubt I wasn’t the same girl Carl married almost twenty years ago. I tried to look my best, working with what God, time and a love of fatty foods gave me, but there was no way I’d ever compete with Crystal no matter what I did. I had almost twenty years on her and that was never going to change.
Worse yet was the fact Carl and Crystal were having a ball while I was raising his kids. Sure he took them every other weekend and for a couple of weeks every summer but that was all fun and games. I had to discipline the kids, take them to soccer, baseball, piano lessons and on and on. I had to cook their dinners, do their laundry and check their homework. I didn’t mind, I loved my kids, but seeing Carl have all the fun and then get all the glory on top of it was annoying.
I found myself alone finally on yet another night is a series of seemingly endless nights. I cherished the precious little me time I had after I’d finally got all the work done and got the kids into bed. I knew I was depressed but honestly, I didn’t mind. What did I have to be happy about? I wrapped myself in the depression like a warm blanket. It was comforting somehow, a feeling that matched my circumstances perfectly and I didn’t see any sign that things might change.
I dragged myself to bed, tossing on the ratty t-shirt I’d come to favor over the satin sleep shirts and lacy nightgowns that were relegated to the back of my drawers. Who was I going to impress, the empty space on the other side of the bed? Not only didn’t I look or feel sexy, my little friend had taken off along with my husband. I don’t remember the judge giving Carl my orgasms in the divorce but they were gone, nevertheless. Too bad my sex drive didn’t go with them.
Six months on and I still stubbornly tried to find them once in a while. It had proven futile so far but I was ready for another try. I reached down and felt the tuft downy hair – fine the untrimmed jungle I hadn’t tended since the divorce – as my fingers began to explore. As usual, it felt good, it felt right. Soon I was breathing hard and even moaning quietly and this is where things always went wrong. Maybe tonight was the night though.
I indulged my need, a single finger tormenting my swollen nub, and felt the sensations build and gather strength. Just a little longer. Hold it together, Penny. Usually it was work or the kids that intruded, some random thought that destroyed my focus and my climax along with it. Tonight, it was worse though. I saw Carl fucking Crystal in his office again. She was radiant and if any other man was hammering away at her perfect body, I probably would have enjoyed the fantasy.
However, it wasn’t any other man, it was Carl and I lost it. One minute my orgasm was almost in sight and then the next it was running away, probably laughing at me. “Fuck!” I said sharply but quietly. I knew what I needed. I needed a good fucking. I needed penis and the bigger the better. I rolled over and punched my pillow before laying my head on it and closing my eyes. Two hours and a shopping list I wouldn’t remember in the morning later, I finally fell asleep.
>>O<<
In the weeks that followed, I came to a decision. I used to care about how I looked but since the divorce, I’d given up. Looking my best might not cure my poor mood but it couldn’t hurt. Secretly, I hoped caring about my looks again might enable me to catch the eye of a man, though I wouldn’t allow myself to even complete the thought. I didn’t want to get my hopes up. It was a long shot as far as I was concerned. Even so, I knew I’d let myself go and that just wasn’t me.
When my sister went through a divorce, she lost ten pounds. I wasn’t so lucky but at least I didn’t gain any weight. All my clothes still fit which was good since I couldn’t afford to buy new ones. I might have lived in a fancy neighborhood thanks to my ex-husband, but that didn’t make me wealthy. Since my clothes fit, that gave me an excuse to put off exercising and losing weight just a little longer, not that I was actually planning on doing it. I just said I was...eventually...maybe.
I set aside a little money and got my hair cut and styled along with a manicure and pedicure. I was going to get waxed and get rid of the jungle I’d let grow between my legs but the car needed new tires so I just trimmed the mess instead. Even so, I felt better. The depression lightened just a little bit and for the first time since the divorce I had hope. My little friend was still nowhere to be found, however. Oh well, you can’t have everything, right?
“Uh...mom? Why do you look like that?” my daughter, Audrey, asked when she saw me.
“Is it bad?” I wondered.
“No, you look pretty. You look like you did before,” she told me and I knew what she meant. She meant before Carl cheated on me and I stopped caring.
“Thanks, sweetie,” I replied and Josh, my son, came to see what his sister was talking about.
“Whoa, who’s the hot babe?” he asked. He had the same sense of humor as his dad which was both a good thing and bad one. Nothing like your ex-husband’s Mini-Me walking around reminding me of Carl all the time.
“Very funny, Josh,” I replied and he laughed, obviously pleased with himself.
“You got a hot date?” Josh asked in the forward manner of a teenaged boy.
“No, I’m just trying to feel normal again. You probably wouldn’t understand,” I said. Josh didn’t and I could see it in his eyes.
“I understand, mom,” Audrey told me. She didn’t either but she wanted Josh to think she did.
“No you don’t!” Josh said calling her on it and I sensed a fight brewing. I’d found tires on sale so I had a few bucks burning a hole in my pocket. “How about pizza?” I asked and the fight was averted. Bright, young eyes turned to me and in unison the kids shouted they did, in fact, want pizza. Big surprise! I guess a good waxing could wait until
next month.
It was only pizza but I still dressed up. Designer jeans that made my butt look perkier than it really was, a pretty red blouse and matching flats might have been a bit much for the pizza joint but it felt good. We ordered a half Hawaiian, half all meat, poured our sodas and found a table. After I gave the kids the quarters I’d found in the car’s ashtray, they left me alone to go play video games. “No arguing,” I called after them as they ran off.
I sat enjoying the relative peace and quiet. Ah, the life of a divorcee. Hanging out at little league games, pizza joints and movie theaters with her kids. How chic. Hey, I was making fun of myself. That was a good sign. I looked good and I was beginning to feel better. Now if only I could attain an orgasm life would be, if not perfect at least tolerable. Then my orgasm walked in the door right behind a tall, young stud. Holy fuck!
This guy was amazing. Easily six-foot-four with broad shoulders, short blonde hair, a slim waist and a square jaw covered in a sexy fuzz. He grabbed a to-go order, paid and turned to leave. I was so busy salivating over his tight ass that I didn’t even look away when he caught me staring. Not right away at least. No, I kept staring until I met his amused gaze. Then, like the mature, confident woman I was, I looked away blushing like a schoolgirl.
The guy continued on his way and I dared to take one last look at his magnificent behind. Damn! I bet he was hung like a horse too. He would be in my torrid fantasy later that night anyway. I’d never see him again anyway so I could imagine he was as big as I wanted, right? Ten, yeah. Ten. Huh? Oh shit, they were calling my order number, ten. I shook my head and got up to go round up the kids and grab our pizza as the snotty girl shouted my number for fourth time.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m coming,” I said under my breath. The double meaning of my whispered reply wasn’t lost on me. I hoped I’d be whispering those words again in bed later that evening.
>>O<<
I called on my friend, Deb, the next day. I was bursting at the seams and I needed to tell someone. Who else was I going confide something like this too? Deb would understand and she already knew about my missing friend. Being Saturday, Deb was sunning on her back deck by her pool. As was the custom, I just walked into her house and found her. I plopped into the cushioned chair next to her lounge.
“It’s back,” I exclaimed. Deb opened one eye and turned her head to regard me.
“What’s back?” she asked.
“My little friend. She’s back,” I replied. Deb squinted not getting what I was saying. “I had an orgasm. Three, actually,” I stated. Deb sat up and grabbed her bikini top to keep it from falling off.
“Good for you!” she said as she tied the string around her neck and then turned and gestured she needed my help retying the top behind her back. “What prompted that?” she asked as I tied her bikini top.
“I saw a guy at the Pizza Shack last night. He was fucking amazing,” I said. Deb turned and motioned us back into her house. I followed her and took a seat at her dining room table.
“Iced tea?” she asked.
“Sure,” I replied.
“So, who is he?” Deb asked as she poured us tea.
“I haven’t the slightest idea. He walked in, got his pizza and left. He even caught me checking him out,” I said. Deb set down my tea glass and joined me.
“You mean you didn’t sleep with him?” she asked. I guess I hadn’t made that clear.
“No. I just saw him. I took care of the rest,” I told Deb. She didn’t look impressed.
“Boring! Look, I’m glad you found your friend but this isn’t exactly earth-shattering news. Hell, I’ve masturbated three times since I woke up this morning,” Deb said and I couldn’t help but laugh at what I hoped was a joke. Deb and I were good friends but we didn’t have much in common besides the fact we were both divorced and lived next door to each other. She was a bit of a free-spirit and quite odd at times.
“Well, I thought it was pretty exciting,” I replied.
“No, I’m glad for you. Really,” she told me and then her head lolled back and she pretended to snore. I rolled my eyes.
“Fine. You’re right. It’s pathetic,” I admitted.
“That’s what I’m saying. You should find a man and fuck him silly. Your ex is fucking that sweet young thing. You should find yourself a hot, young stud and do the same. Too bad you don’t know who that guy was,” Deb said.
“Easier said than done, Deb. If I had your body, maybe. But...,” I began to explain but I had a clear view out of Deb’s front window from her dining room table and a person walking by in front of Deb’s house caught my attention. “Oh shit! It’s him,” I exclaimed.
“Huh?” Deb asked as she looked around the kitchen as if he was in her house.
“He just walked by,” I told her. Deb looked over her shoulder and not seeing anyone, she got up and went to the front door. I watched as she looked one way, then another and left me alone in her house. I got up myself and went to the door. Deb had caught the guy at the end of her drive. She was in only her tiny bikini. Deb was a lot of things but modest or shy weren’t among them.
They talked as I stood back and peaked through the door. At one point, Deb pointed back at her open front door and the guy looked over in my direction. Fuck, what was she doing? They were having a discussion that I couldn’t hear, nodding and even laughing at one point. Then they hugged and the guy from the pizza joint went on his way. Deb came back to the house and I tried not to look like I’d been watching her.
“He remembered you,” she told me as she came back to the house.
“What?” I asked.
“He remembered you staring at him. He was staring at you too,” Deb said. She was joking. Of course, she was joking.
“Very funny. What did you really say to him,” I asked but somehow I knew she wasn’t joking.
“That’s what we talked about. And then I asked him if he wanted to go out with you. He does. He said he’d stop by your house later after he sees his trainer,” Deb told me as if the idea of that young stud wanting to date the old, fat divorcee in the neighborhood was the most normal thing in the world, not to mention actually possible.
“No you didn’t! Deb, I...Deb?” I stammered. I almost said I didn’t want to go out with him but that wasn’t true. I wasn’t ready to go out with him and I was having a hard time believing he wanted to go out with me. I mean I wanted to but the idea was terrifying. Then her words hit me and I asked, “Trainer?”
“Steve plays baseball. He’s a pitcher but he hurt his shoulder. He has to go see his trainer for rehab. You’d know that if you got out more often,” Deb explained.
“You know him?” I asked.
“He’s lived around the corner for almost a year since he got traded. I know him in passing,” Deb said.
“Deb, I can’t’ go out with him. He’s like what, thirty, and way out of my league. I’m not ready,” I said but Deb just stared at me blankly.
“Pussy!” was all she said. I sighed and rolled my eyes.
“I’m not a pussy. Look at me. I’m forty pounds overweight and I’m turning thirty-nine this summer. He’s a Greek-fucking-god. I can’t do this,” I said hoping Deb would take pity. I should have known better.
“You know what, Penny? You’re right. You’re a cow. Look at that big round ass and those humongous boobs. Guys hate stuff like that. Jesus! You’re not fat, you’re curvy. You’re not old, you’re...experienced. You know some guys like that. A single MILF like you should be getting laid by studs like Steve all the time. That is if she wasn’t feeling so sorry for herself,” Deb told me and then added before I could respond, “And if you don’t want to go out with him, go tell him yourself.”
I started to respond but I stopped myself. I wasn’t going to admit she was right. Her overly optimistic assessment of my sexual charms aside, she had a point. Sexy wasn’t about looks, it was about attitude. Even Crystal, Carl’s redheaded sex pixie, wouldn’t be sexy - OK she wouldn’t be as sexy - if she didn’t
dress and act the part. Same with Deb. She was thin with a nice body but she wasn’t a runway model. She dressed and acted the part, however, though in a new age hippie kind of way.
Wasn’t that what I was attempting to do? I decided to stop dressing like a bag lady, I got my hair and nails done and I was planning on getting waxed...shit! I never did get waxed and it wasn’t in the budget either. I mean, did it really cost a hundred bucks to slather my naughty bits with that sticky stuff and rip my pubic hair out? What a scam.
“Are you sure, Deb?” I asked looking for another shot of reassurance, hopefully without the side of sarcasm this time.
“Say you go out, have a nice dinner and then nothing goes down. That’s what’s happening now, but you’re not getting a free dinner. It’s time, Penny, for you to stop playing the jilted lover and get back in the game,” she said. I sighed and put my hands on her shoulders.
“I couldn’t afford to get waxed,” I said. I didn’t think it would matter, I wasn’t going to end up in bed with that guy anyway, but better safe than sorry.
“Follow me,” Deb told me and winked.
>>O<<
“Just take them off,” Deb told me. I turned around and slipped out of my panties.
“Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” I asked.
“Lay down. I do this to myself all the time. I’m not paying those hucksters to get waxed. It’s robbery, I tell you!” Deb announced dramatically. I giggled nervously at her assessment and did as she asked. This was kind of strange. I don’t know why. I used to do it all the time but Deb wasn’t some anonymous beautician. I knew her and the fact she was about to slather wax all over me was unnerving. Deb must have seen it.
“Sheesh, relax. I’m not going to go lezbo on you or anything. Damn. Maybe I should. You need to get laid, girl,” Deb said joking - I hoped she was joking anyway.
“Sorry, this is weird,” I said but Deb looked up from her work and licked her teeth and then bit her lower lip.
Big Girls & Bad Boys: 8 Scorching Hot BBW Alpha Male Romance Novellas Box Set Page 10