“No,” I whispered when panic set in. “Not today, please. Not today.” I squeezed my eyes closed and prayed. Prayed for my sanity to be complete when all I had left was hours. I wouldn’t allow the tumour to twist and morph my final moments. It wasn’t fair.
“Hey.” Daniel’s voice broke my concentration. I opened my eyes to him. He was stood with a towel around his hips, water dripping from his hair and down his delicious body. He couldn’t have showered that quickly. He’d only been in the room a matter of seconds. “Are you okay?”
I nodded and forced a smile, knowing I’d lost precious moments of time. “Yeah.”
He eyed me warily, suspicious of my false smile. He knew. I could read it in his eyes. “Is it getting worse?” His voice was tight, uncontrolled as pain closed his eyes.
“I’m fine,” I said as I took a deep breath and climbed from the bed.
Tears unexpectedly formed and I covered my mouth with my hand to try and contain the sob that wanted to be free. My chest stuttered and I stared at him in a panic. “Hey,” he whispered as he hurried over to me. “It’s okay. It’s okay.”
I nodded briskly and literally dived for him, needing him to just hold me and make everything alright. “I’m so scared.”
“I know, lamb. But I’m here and I’ll be here right through to the end. I promise I won’t let you feel pain. I promise.”
I nodded and let him hold me. Life suddenly seemed so cruel. It had taken everything from me and when I had finally touched something good, something right, it viciously took it away again.
I blew out a breath, telling myself to be strong as I looked up at him. “I’m so sorry.”
He frowned and cocked his head. “What for?”
“For doing this to you. This is not something you’ll ever… forget and yet you’re willing to do it for me.”
He scoffed bitterly and shook his head. “Oh, lamb.” He brushed a thumb over my tears and rolled his lips. “Why the hell didn’t I just leave you? Tell Franco I couldn’t find you?”
“We do what we have to, Daniel.” He stared at me and I could practically taste his guilt. “I don’t hold grudges. I forgive you.”
“But how? How can you do that?”
I shrugged. “It’s just how I am. What’s the point in regrets? It never changes things, it just makes them worse. Life is dealt like a pack of cards. What your hand holds is what you have to play with. It’s how it is and I refuse to cheat. I won’t steal someone else’s hand, nor will I take what I am not given. So I accept it, accept my fate like the five cards dealt. It’s just my time to fold now.”
He smiled sadly and brushed a kiss over my forehead. “And I can promise this game will stay with me for the rest of my life, Mae. Those five cards are the ones that will stay up my sleeve forever. I won’t ever forget. And I won’t let our daughter forget.”
He tilted my face towards him and kissed me softly, every emotion running through his veins was directed into me.
We both blew out a breath and nodded. “Come on.” He tapped my backside and smiled. “We’re off out for a while.”
“Oh, okay.” I smiled, grateful for the change in direction.
I swallowed back the ache in my chest and the need to tell him I loved him once more. He knew and it wouldn’t help anything to repeat things. I knew he cared for me, and after years of loneliness, the way he looked at me and touched me told me everything I needed to know.
~~~
I laughed loudly as he ran after me, the kite thrashing in the air behind me and the string wrapping itself around my wrist. “My God, you can run fast!” he exclaimed when he finally caught up with me, whipping me up into his arms and swinging me round. The kite twirled in the air as Daniel tackled me onto the sand.
I laughed even louder when he buried his face in my breasts and growled loudly. “It’s these long legs.”
Daniel scoffed and slid a hand up the length of my legs until his fingers tickled the hem on my shorts. “Lamb, come on. Even millipedes have longer legs than you.”
I slapped him playfully and pouted. “I’ll have you know these legs won the eight hundred metre race at school… In record time I might add.”
He grinned at me, mischief twinkling in his eyes. “I bet you were a right little terror in school.”
I placed a hand on my chest and gaped at him. “Who? Me? Never!”
“Mm-hmm.” He twirled his tongue up the side of my neck and started to nibble on my ear lobe generating a shiver and an inner throb.
“What were you like? I bet you were a right randy hormonal teenager.”
He laughed and nipped the skin on my neck with the edge of his teeth. “You know me so well.”
I giggled and slapped him. “I’m hungry.”
“Mmm, me too.” He rested his hands beside my head and looked at me with a warm smile. “And what does her ladyship fancy?”
“Apart from you?” I wiggled my eyebrows and smirked. “We’re at the seaside, Daniel.”
He smiled and nodded as he pulled me up from the sand. “Fish and chips it is.”
We passed a young boy digging in the sand beside his parents. I gestured to them with the kite and they smiled and nodded allowing me to hand it to the little boy. “Don’t get it caught in the clouds,” I whispered to him.
He grinned and giggled before he pulled his dad off his deckchair and dragged him onto an open part of the beach.
Daniel looked at me with a curious expression. “Come to think of it, you were quite the expert with the kite.”
“Yeah, my dad taught me.” Pain crippled my heart when I thought of my father and how the discovery of his lies had ruined my happy memories.
Daniel slipped his arm around me and pulled me close. “Whatever your father did or didn’t do, he’s still your father and he loved you very much.”
“Did you know him?” I asked.
“No, not really. I’d seen him around the house a couple of times but I was only young so I didn’t take much notice.”
“I thought he was a good man.”
Daniel sighed. “We all think that of our parents, lamb. And I suppose in their own way, they are. They still love us, no matter what they do in life. We have a daughter, we haven’t participated in her life whatsoever but yet we still love her.”
I gazed at him and smiled. “Yes.”
He returned my smile then turned to the kiosk we came across and ordered our food. We found a bench on the pier and ate in silence as we watched children run and play on the sand, their laughter loud in the air around us. The little boy with the kite had the loudest, happiest chuckle I had ever heard and the way his dad swung him and tickled him gave me such a happy feeling.
“Promise you’ll bring Annabelle here.”
Daniel looked at me. His eyes filled with tears but as soon as they appeared, they vanished. “I promise,” he said with a small smile.
I blinked when a blue butterfly fluttered its wings around my head. The small flap of its wings in front of my face made me gasp. It hovered around me, its beautiful elegance reminding me that it was nearly time.
“Holly Blue,” Daniel whispered as we watched it quiver in the breeze.
It shimmered, its tiny hairs rippling as it appeared to stare at me. “It’s time to go.”
Daniel didn’t argue. He took my food from me, placed it in a nearby bin, and held out his hand to me. He curled his fingers around mine and I shivered when something tickled my arm. We both gazed in awe as the butterfly brushed over our hands then flew away.
It was time.
~~~
I stared in silence at the mass of fairy lights decorating the room when we stepped inside the cottage. Each tiny white light lit a section of the room, making it appear serene and romantic. Numerous large candles dotted the space, their flickering creating rhythmic movement over the cream walls, making the paintwork appear to dance. Flowers of every single description and scent covered the furniture. My eyes fell on the ginormous fluffy rug in
front of the open log fire. Flames high and low jumped almost angrily in the fireplace, heating the chill in the room.
“Oh my…”
I struggled for breath, emotion clogging my pores and my throat.
“You need to go change,” Daniel whispered in my ear. “You’ll find everything you need in the bedroom.”
I nodded. I couldn’t speak. He brought my knuckles to his lips and kissed me gently. His soft smile echoed his thoughts, his eyes sad but full of some other emotion.
“It will be okay, Daniel. I’m ready now.”
He sank his teeth into his lip and winced but determination took over and he nodded. “Go.”
I nodded and climbed the stairs.
My legs finally gave way when I saw the dress that hung from a hanger in the bedroom. A sob curled its way up my throat and my body shook with both heartache and happiness.
The soft cream lace of the dress shimmered in the lamplight, the tiny diamante butterflies nestled into the fabric reaching for me as if delighted they were with me.
I stood and walked over to it, my hand on my mouth as I tried to quieten my weeping. How Daniel even knew about my love of this dress, never mind purchasing it and bringing it here was too much to take. “Oh, dear God,” I whispered as I blew out a breath and tried to control myself. My eyes then landed on the bed where exquisite cream underwear sat waiting for me to slide into. Cream heels perched on the floor beside the bed.
I ran a finger over the material and smiled. I wasn’t sure my heart could accommodate anymore love for a man that had taken so much from me, but right then, I thought death would come too quickly as it beat frantically and violently.
I pulled off my shorts and t-shirt and walked into the shower.
~~~
My breath stunted when I stepped off the last step and saw Daniel waiting for me. He was wearing the suit that had been on display with the dress in the shop window. The material covered his fine body as though it had been specifically made for him and I’m not too proud to say I drooled. Soft music played in the background, the sultry sounds of a slow track serenely comforting.
He stared at me, his eyes running up and down my body. “My God,” he muttered. “You are… wow.”
I smiled and looked down at myself. “Thank you… for this. How did you know?”
He smiled. “Remember, I watched you. Every day you passed that window you would stop and stare.” He smiled sheepishly and I stepped towards him and took his hand in mine.
“Well, thank you. You have no idea how much this means.”
He slid his hand into his inside jacket pocket and pulled out a long, thin velvet box. I stared at it. I knew what it was before I even opened it. “Daniel…”
“Sshhh.” He shook his head and opened the box. The blue diamond that sat on the end of the platinum chain took my breath. Daniel didn’t wait; he slipped it from the box and gestured for me to turn around. I did as he asked, my body tingling in awareness when he lifted my long hair and encouraged me to hold it out of his way. He positioned the diamond around my neck and fastened the clasp, then placed a soft kiss on the nape of my neck. “You look beautiful.”
He shook himself off and tugged me over to a small round table at the edge of the room. He lifted silver domes from the plates before he pulled out a chair for me. I smiled happily and sat, allowing him to tuck me in before he poured glasses of wine for both of us.
The dinner looked amazing, different colours of gorgeous but light foods that held delicate and tempting aromas.
Daniel held up his glass and I lifted mine too. “To new friendships and,” he paused, his eyes locked on mine, “and to doing what’s right.”
I echoed him and took a sip. “What will you do now?” I asked when we started to eat.
“What is right.”
“And that is?” I probed as I chewed on the most exquisite honeyed prawn I had ever tasted.
“Find my daughter. Put the past where it belongs and teach her what is right.”
“Thank you,” I whispered to him. He nodded. “You’ll find all you need to find her in my apartment. There’s a box in the bottom of my wardrobe, all the paperwork is in there.”
“Anything else you need me to do?”
“No, not really. Just take care of Annabelle.”
We ate in silence, both of us struggling to swallow with what was before us. It was becoming harder to stop thinking about what was to come. He flicked his gaze to me frequently, as I did him.
“Oh,” I suddenly said. “What is it with Frank? How come he lost his stutter?”
He smiled guiltily. “It’s all part of the game. He gains your trust and relates back to me the things you confide in him.” I tutted and rolled my eyes. “But he genuinely likes you, Mae. He was rather angry with me over you. He told me how you stuck up for him when Demi was her usual self towards him.”
“And the whore?”
“The whore?” he questioned with high eyebrows.
“Demi.”
“Ahh. Yes, Demi is somewhat… Demi.”
“Mmm,” I mumbled.
He smirked, his eyes glistening in the candlelight. “Are you jealous, lamb?”
I laughed. “Yes, I’m not too proud to tell you that. But, Daniel.” He nodded, urging me to continue. “I don’t want her near Annabelle.”
He smiled arrogantly. “You needn’t worry about that.”
“Oh?”
He peered at his watch. “Well round about now, my father and his minions are in the company of Tony.”
My eyes widened. “What?”
He regarded me as he bit a green bean off his fork. “For the sake of Annabelle, I did a deal with Tony. Because of your connection with him, I gave him details of everything if he allowed me to bring up my daughter. Of course with an opportunity like that, he granted me grace.”
My heart swelled with pride. “You have no idea how happy that makes me. I need to know that Annabelle will be okay before I go and you just granted me that.”
He shrugged. “You taught me many things, Mae. One of which is that it’s okay to take the hard way. That the struggle makes it all the more worth it. Raising Annabelle will be the toughest thing I ever have to do but you have shown me that love is far superior to hatred, and I want that. I want to wake in the morning and not feel this damn bitterness that consumes me. I want to look at the morning sun and feel its warmth instead of noticing the bite of ice on the grass, or the single cloud that darkens the sky. I need to look for the good things, and I need to show them to Annabelle instead of allowing her to focus on that grey cloud. I want to share happy times with her and I want us to be there for one another after you’re gone.”
“You have given me so much, Daniel.”
He frowned at me, confused by my sudden words.
“You gave me the ability to feel. After… well after the first time I met you, life was such a struggle. Especially when I found out I was pregnant. And then when I had her, handing her over was ultimately the hardest thing I’ve ever faced.” I gestured to the slice on my face. “I swore that no man would ever come near me again. That way I couldn’t be broken anymore. So I cut my face and made myself repulsive.”
Daniel sighed but shook his head. “But you see, Mae, I never see it. I see you, what’s buried deep inside you. The goodness and the strength that leaves me in awe with every damn breath I take.”
“And you gave me something else.” I carried on. “You gave me the ability to love and…” I watched as his eyes watered. “…And feel loved.”
He swallowed but didn’t give me what I wanted to hear. Instead he stood and walked around the table to me. He slid his arms around me and lifted me from the chair and carried me over to the rug in front of the fire. He stood me up, dropping my feet carefully to the ground.
He circled me, his hand sliding over the soft fabric of my dress on his route. “I’ve been desperate to peel you out of this as soon as I saw you in it.”
I blew out a brea
th and closed my eyes when he slid the zip down that had taken me ages to do up. He pushed the fabric over my shoulders and I watched it sink to the floor around my ankles.
“Much better,” he mumbled behind me as he ran a finger down the length of my spine. Birdy’s Skinny Love started to play as Daniel unhooked my bra. His hands moved around me until he was cupping my breasts gently. “You have beautiful breasts, lamb. The most exquisite soft flesh and perfect pink nipples.”
I moaned faintly when he ran the tip of his finger around a nipple, making it swell instantly and pucker for him. He splayed a hand on my stomach as he moved his mouth down every ridge of my backbone, his tongue wetting my skin on his journey until he came to a kneeling position behind me.
He dragged my knickers down my legs and urged me to step out of them when they reached my ankles. He chuckled when he flung them onto the fire and they spat angrily. “I always knew your underwear was hot, lamb.”
“Well they are now.” I laughed. I didn’t laugh for long when he slid his finger between my thighs and ran it over my sex, tormenting my clit teasingly as he lightly brushed over it. I circled my hips, trying to get the stimulation I needed. I groaned in frustration when he slid his tongue between my buttocks, probing at my anus as he slipped a finger deep into my pussy. “Always so wet for me, lamb.”
My body was strung so tightly it was almost painful. Arousal caused my head to throb and I urged it away, denying it, refusing to let it take this moment away from me.
“Okay?” Daniel asked when he felt me tense.
“Uh-huh,” I lied when another fire of pain struck my forehead. I blew out a breath and concentrated on the pleasure riding me higher instead of the agony.
Daniel turned me around so I was facing him. He looked up at me from where he knelt. “When did you undress?” I asked when I stared at his long cock stood proudly against his stomach. The head glistened with pre-cum, tempting me.
His eyes widened when I fell to my knees before him and immediately wrapped my hand around his shaft. “Shit,” he hissed when I bent forward and took him into my mouth. His hand fisted my hair as my tongue devoured the moisture that was just for me. His taste made my taste buds tingle, making me greedy for more. He groaned loudly as I started stroking the underside of his cock with each bob of my head. “Jesus Christ, darling.”
The Decimation of Mae (The Blue Butterfly) Page 20