Texas Roses (The Devil's Horn Ranch Series)

by Samantha Christy

  Chapter Thirty-five

  Quinn

  I held Amber in my arms until she fell asleep. I followed shortly after, exhausted from the most mentally draining day of my life. I hear Josie stir, and my heart is heavy knowing it’s the last time I’ll wake up to baby noises.

  I turn over. Amber’s side of the bed is empty. I wouldn’t be surprised if she watched Josie sleep all night. As hard as this is on me, it’s a hundred times worse for Amber.

  But when I get to Josie’s room, Amber isn’t there. “Amber?” I stick my head into the hall. She doesn’t answer. Josie cries. I get her up and change her. Amber must not have heard me. Maybe she’s in the kitchen getting a bottle ready.

  We go to the kitchen. Amber’s not here either. I carry Josie back to the bedroom. Could be she’s in the shower. No. Not there. “Amber?”

  I stroll through the house. When I get to the guest room, I stop and peer at the empty desk. The desk where her laptop always sits. Since the day we moved to the guest house, it’s been there; this has been her office. But now the laptop is gone. I go out into the living room. Her purse, which is normally on the entry table, is missing too. I race to the closet, confused because her suitcases are still here. I get my phone and call her. It rolls to voicemail.

  “Where are you? I know how hard this is, and if you don’t want to come to the lawyer’s office, and then after, I get it. You don’t have to. Just call me.”

  I feed Josie, staring at the bags we packed with her things yesterday. I burp her. I make coffee. We play. I look at the clock. It’s almost nine.

  I call Amber again. Again, I get her voicemail. “Amber, call me. This is hard on me too, but I need to know you’re okay. Please.” Ten minutes go by, and I leave a third message.

  Then, after I’ve put Josie in the car seat and am packing her things into the truck, my phone rings. It’s her. “Where are you?”

  “Somewhere in Arkansas.”

  “What the hell are you doing in Arkansas?”

  “I rented a car. I’m going home.”

  “But you didn’t take your clothes.”

  “I brought a few outfits with me. I didn’t want to wake you.”

  “You mean you didn’t want me to know you were running away in the middle of the night.”

  “Don’t you think I’m torn up over this? I couldn’t sit back and watch you hand her over to complete strangers for the second time in her life.” She sniffs and her voice is shaky. She’s crying. “Listen, I can’t have this conversation when I’m driving.”

  “Then pull over.”

  “Don’t you have somewhere to be?”

  “I’ll be late.”

  “Quinn, I have to go.”

  “So that’s it? I’m losing both of you?”

  “I told you before. Nothing lasts forever. One way or another, every relationship ends.”

  “That’s a bullshit copout. You were with me before Josie was in the picture. What makes you think we can’t be together after she’s gone? Did you only stay for her?”

  “No.”

  “You love me, Amber. You fucking love me. Why can’t you admit it? I need you right now. Turn the car around. Please.”

  More sniffing. “I can’t, Quinn. I’m sorry.”

  The call ends. I throw my phone in the dirt. “Fuck!”

  Devyn, Aaron, Andie, and Maddox all appear. Maddox picks up my phone and hands it to me.

  “She left,” I say. “Amber took off. She’s driving back to New York.”

  “Considering her past, you have to understand how hard this is for her,” Aaron says.

  “Like this isn’t hard for me?”

  He gives my back a brotherly pat. “We’re all here for you. Whatever you need.”

  Everyone says goodbye to Josie before we leave. “Goddamn it,” I say to the rearview mirror, watching them watch me leave. She better get placed with a good family.

  It doesn’t take long to get to Angela Nessman’s office. I pull out Josie’s car seat from the back and sling the diaper bag over my shoulder.

  “Thanks for working me in on short notice,” I tell my attorney.

  “I had a cancellation. What can I do for you?”

  “Got the test back.” I clear my throat to keep my voice from cracking. “She’s not mine.”

  “You seem disappointed.”

  “Yeah, well, there’s not much I can do about it.”

  Josie squirms, then cries. “She’s hungry. Do you mind?”

  Ms. Nessman smiles. “Go right ahead. I have a son who’s only a few years older.”

  I get out her bottle, measure out some formula, and mix it. Then I feed her while my lawyer takes a call.

  She hangs up. “I assume you need to know the process of getting your name off her birth certificate.”

  I nod and balance Josie on my knee to burp her.

  “And the mother? Does she know the results?”

  “Her mother is dead. She killed herself a week after she dropped Josie off at the ranch.”

  “Well, that’s unfortunate. And the father?”

  “She was raped. Doesn’t know by whom.”

  She shakes her head and studies Josie. “Poor thing.”

  “My truck is packed with her stuff. We’re heading to the Department of Family and Protective Services after we’re done here.”

  “With the mother deceased, there’s no one to press charges against for falsifying the document, so we simply need to file the petition to have your name taken off the birth certificate. Do you have the paternity results with you?”

  “Shoot. I forgot them. Can I bring them by later today? I just want this all to be over so I can move on with my life.” Josie cries. Harder now. “I’m sorry. She normally doesn’t cry like this after eating.”

  “You look tense. She could be picking up on it.”

  I get up and walk around the office, bouncing Josie in the way that I know calms her. “You’re good, JoJo. Everything’s going to be okay.” I turn to my lawyer. “Do you know of anything I can do to make sure she goes to a good family? She’s been with me for almost six weeks. I know everything about her. Can I help pick the people who get her?”

  “That’s not how it works, I’m afraid. She’ll be placed in an emergency foster care home for a few days while they find her a more permanent place to stay until she gets adopted. It might take a bit until she can be adopted, however. They’ll have to exhaust all means to find the father and any family.”

  “She has no family. I hired a PI at the beginning of all this. Are you telling me she could be put into as many as three new places after all this?”

  “Maybe more, if she’s shifted between foster homes. It’s hard to say.”

  “That’s not okay. She’s been through so much already.”

  Josie squirms again. “What’s wrong, sweetie?” I reach into the bag for her pink pacifier. “Here you go. It’s your favorite.”

  “You could adopt her,” she says. “It wouldn’t be immediate. You’d have to surrender her while you go through a background check and home studies.”

  I laugh. “Nobody is going to trust me with a baby with my family’s history. I assume you’re familiar with my grandfather and my uncle?”

  “You may have a point.” She chews on a pencil. “Do you love her?”

  I look down at Josie, who has settled into the crook of my shoulder and is toying with my shirt button. “If anyone had told me a month ago that I’d be head over heels in love with a kid, I’d have called them crazy.” I become overwhelmed with emotion. “I wanted the test to show I was her father.”

  More chewing. “There’s another option here.”

  “There is?”

  “I could get disbarred for this, so I’d appreciate it if my suggestion could remain between the two of us.”

  “Yeah. Anything. What’s your idea?”

  “Do nothing.”

  “How do you mean?”

  “Mr. Thompson, your name is on the birth ce
rtificate. She was surrendered to you by her mother. She’s got your last name. Throw away the paternity results. Pretend the test never happened.”

  My heart races. “I can… do that?”

  “Technically, no. But who would be any the wiser? No one will question you. You have the legal papers.”

  “But—”

  “I’ve been sitting here watching you for the last half hour. You’re already her father. Do you know how many men put their names on birth certificates of children who aren’t theirs? Wives or girlfriends end up pregnant by an affair, then the couple reconciles and the man raises the child as his own. Sometimes we do what’s best for our children, no matter the consequences. If Josie doesn’t have any relatives, do you really think handing her over to the state is what’s best for her?”

  “Why are you telling me this if it could get you into trouble?”

  She turns around a photo on her desk. It’s of her, a man, and a child. “This is Christian. He’s my son. He’s adopted. I can’t imagine my life without him. We adopted him when he was nine months old, after he’d lost his mother. Even at nine months, I could tell something was off. He’d been in a few foster homes before we took him in. It took months before he bonded with us.” She nods to Josie. “She already has a father who loves her and who she clearly loves, and who, as you said, knows everything about her. So, yes, my highly illegal advice is: do nothing.”

  “I… I…” I’m at a loss for words as I stare at Josie. Suddenly, Amber’s words come back to me: It’s not blood, or even a piece of paper, that bonds people together. It’s how you are with each other. I look up. “She could be mine?”

  “She is yours, Quinn. Now get out of here. You won’t see a bill from me. As far as I’m concerned, we never met.”

  “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Say you’ll take care of her and give her the best life you can.”

  “Yes, of course.” I have a hard time not breaking down in tears. Josie can be mine!

  I get up to leave. Halfway to the door, she stops me. “You’ll have to tell her one day. You can’t keep this from her.”

  I think of Amber. “I know.”

  “Just make sure that when you do, she knows she’s been loved as much as any child could be.”

  I nod. “You can bet on it.”

  I may be a grown-ass man, six-foot-one and two hundred pounds, but I’m crying like a fucking girl before I even make it back to my truck.

  “Come on, Josie,” I say. “Let’s go home.” I secure the car seat in the back, then I take a minute to look at my surroundings in downtown Fort Worth. It’s like I’m seeing the world with new eyes. I pop my head into the back. “No, JoJo, we’re going someplace better than home.”

  Chapter Thirty-six

  Amber

  Three days of driving. Two sleepless nights. One pitiful woman.

  Quinn tried to call me fifteen times on Tuesday. Then… nothing. Not a voicemail, email, or text. Part of me didn’t think he’d give up so soon, but we really weren’t together all that long. A few months. I suppose that should make it easier to get over.

  Should.

  Doesn’t.

  Not for me, anyway. I had to go and ruin another relationship that could have turned into something. Not that I’ve ever had one with a man before now. But I could have had one with Piper.

  I see a sign for New York City. Calloway Creek is to the north. I’m almost home. My bed is calling after such a long, painful journey. I want to crawl into it and stay there until the hurt goes away. But I make a split-second decision when I see the third exit for the city. I get off the interstate and change my destination.

  An hour later, I’m exhausted and knocking on a red door. I’ve never knocked on this particular door before. Piper answers. She sighs when she sees me. “I’ve been so worried. Aaron called a few days ago and told me what happened. I tried to call you. I’m sorry, Amber. Nobody should have to go through that.”

  “You did,” I say. “You went through it.”

  “Sadly, I guess it’s one thing we have in common now.” She opens the door wide and lets me in. “Come on, I’ll make us some coffee.”

  “Do you have anything stronger?”

  “I do. What’ll you have?”

  I shrug. “Wine?”

  “I’ll open a bottle. Are you hungry?”

  “No.” I glance around at the quiet house. “Where are Griff and Charlie?”

  “Spending the night at Hailey’s. They love her loft apartment over by Central Park.”

  “And Mason?”

  “Out with friends. Were you hoping to see them?”

  I shake my head. “No. It’s for the best. I’m a wreck.”

  “You’re beautiful,” she says. “Your eyes are a little puffy. Nothing a good night’s sleep can’t fix. We’ll drink this, then I’ll make up the guest bed. You must be tired.”

  “I don’t want to impose.”

  “Are you kidding? You’re never an imposition.” She pours the wine. “And while I hate the reason that brought you here, I’m not ashamed to tell you how long I’ve waited for the day when you’d seek me out for, you know…”

  “Motherly advice?”

  She nods.

  “I could use a little of that right now.”

  “Shoot.”

  I thought I was all cried out, but just thinking about Josie again has the waterworks starting. I laugh pathetically. “This is crazy. I only knew her for a short time. Why am I like this?”

  “Because you fell in love with her.”

  “I didn’t mean to. It just happened. But somehow, I think I’ll love her my whole life.”

  “You will.”

  “How do you know?”

  Her eyes get misty. “Because I’ve loved you all of mine.”

  “You have?”

  “Of course I have. Amber, you were her mother for almost six weeks. It doesn’t matter if you’re a mom for six decades or sixty minutes; once you’re a mother, you’re always a mother.”

  “I’ll never know what happened to her. There will be no adoption registry I can use in eighteen years. I’ll have no way of knowing anything.”

  “Sometimes it helps to make things up. I did. Not right away, because I was a teenager and had to figure myself out first. But later, after Mason and I found each other, I’d lie awake at night and talk to him about you. I’d make up stories about your life. I knew your parents were in the medical field, so I’d dream of you going to Harvard and becoming a world-renowned doctor. Or I’d pretend you took after me and got the acting bug and was the star in your community theater. Sometimes I’d dream you went on to become an actress on TV who I could watch every week. Or a mother who had ten kids she loved fiercely. Or the CEO of your own company who was breaking glass ceilings.”

  “How long did you do that?”

  “Until the day we met.”

  “You never had dreams for me after?”

  “Only one.” She takes a long drink. “That you and I would be close someday.”

  Guilt eats at me. I’m the one who’s kept us apart. “I’m sorry that hasn’t happened.”

  “Hey now, I don’t know when you think someday is, but who’s to say it’s not today? Then again… I don’t want to push.”

  “Maybe I could use a little pushing.”

  She smiles. “Well then, I hope you don’t mind if I hug you. Because I really want to hug you right now.”

  “I don’t mind.”

  She puts down her wine and wraps me in her arms. It’s the first time we’ve ever hugged. It feels nice. Comfortable. It feels like coming home.

  “Josie’s mother was raped.”

  She hugs a little tighter. “I know.”

  “And her mom is dead.”

  “There are a lot of parallels. I can see why you connected with her so deeply.” Piper wipes a tear and pours us another glass.

  “She’s going to have a hard time. She’ll question who she is and why she�
�s here.”

  Piper moves aside my hair and looks at my tattoo. “She’ll feel lost, like you.”

  “I didn’t know you knew.”

  “You were twenty-two. You had finally agreed to come to Sunday brunch and meet the family. Charlie was four. She spilled her juice, and when you leaned down to wipe it up, your hair fell to the side. I couldn’t believe you had a tattoo behind your ear like I did. I snapped a picture without you knowing.”

  “How come you’ve never brought it up before?”

  “Because I never felt like you were ready to talk about it.”

  “I saw yours the day we met. Maybe that’s why I got mine where I did.”

  “It’s interesting, don’t you think? You were the reason for mine, and in many ways, I’m the reason for yours.”

  “I never wanted you to feel guilty about what you did. You did the right thing. It’s the men who hurt you that are at fault.”

  “Rationally, I know that. But practically…” She traces the rim of her glass with a finger. “As mothers, we tend to hold on to a lot of guilt. Goes with the territory. Do you still feel lost, even now?”

  “Especially now,” I say.

  “Maybe I can help.”

  “How?”

  She goes over to a cabinet and pulls out photo albums. She places one in front of me. “It’s selfish of me to want you to think of me as your mother, but there’s nothing that says these guys can’t be your brother and sisters.”

  Selfish of her? She wants me to think of her as my mother?

  “Look here,” she says, opening one. “Charlie looked like you as a baby. Then again, sometimes I think I was imagining things. I never had a picture of you to compare it to. All I had was my memory of holding you. It could be that having another little girl just brought back all those feelings.”

  I touch the picture. “You didn’t imagine it. She does look like me. I’ll have to show you my photo albums. You can see for yourself.”

  “I would love that more than anything.”

  I turn the page and see Piper holding baby Charlie. The look on Piper’s face in the picture says it all.

  “It must be hard for you to see this,” she says. She puts a hand on mine. “I looked at you the same way, you know. And I promise you I love you just as fiercely as I love the three of them.” She sees my eyes well with tears and closes the album. “I apologize. You probably don’t want to hear about all this.”