More Than Words

by Judith Miller

  “Ach!” With a dismissive wave, my father shook his head. “I do not know why the three of you think this Älterschule is such a gut idea. Mount Pleasant is not such a bad place.”

  “How do you know, Vater? You’ve never even been there. I heard one of the outsiders say they don’t treat people so gut in places like that. Besides, to remain among us is better for everyone.” I hadn’t meant to react in such a forceful manner, but I wanted him to see that Mount Pleasant wasn’t the answer for Oma or any other older person in the colonies.

  My father leaned back in his chair and stared at me. “I can see why Mina wanted you to attend the meeting with her.”

  Mina grinned. “Ja. She has gut ideas, like having the Älterschule near the Kinderschule so the older people can be around the little ones and even help when they are feeling gut.”

  “And they can help teach the older ones how to knit and crochet,” I added. “It would be a gut thing for everyone.”

  My father leaned forward and rested his arms across his legs. “Ja, you are making gut sense with this idea. I know your grand-mother likes to help with children. Maybe this would be a place where she could stay during the daytime.”

  I nodded. “And then she could come home and be with us in the evening.”

  His large hands came together in one loud, simple clap. “When she is not in her right mind, we wouldn’t have to worry. There would be—” He stopped and looked at Mina. “Who is going to care for them? Did the two of you think of an answer for that question? I am thinking the elders will want to know your plan for that.”

  The question didn’t alarm Mina. We had discussed the matter at length before I’d written out the plan. “There are more than enough women and older girls to help. There are extra women in some of the Küches. And I’m sure there are some, like me, who would rather help care for our older people than work at the Küche every day.”

  My father arched his brows. “I thought all of you women liked being in the Küche. I know Gretchen misses being there with all of you.”

  “Ja. The Küche is fine for a while. But I’ve worked there since I was a young girl, Brother George. It is the only place I have worked. To have something different would be a challenge for me.”

  My father smacked his palm on his knee. “Well, you have convinced me, so I hope you will do as well with the Grossebruderrat.”

  The transformation in my father’s way of thinking surprised and pleased me. Had we been alone, I would have given him a giant hug, but I knew such behavior would embarrass him in front of company. Instead, I patted his hand. “I am pleased by the change in your thinking. We must pray that the elders will decide this is the Lord’s work and what is best for the colonies.”

  Whenever the Grossebruderrat arrived at a colony for meetings, the Küchebaas and all of her workers made every effort to serve the perfect meal. And today was no exception. The food we were served at the noonday meal outshone even our holiday meals. My appetite had taken flight long before we entered the dining room, but it didn’t impair my remembrance of the days when I had helped prepare meals in Sister Marguerite’s Küche.

  Back then, the Küchebaas had told me that serving exceptional food was a way of thanking the Grossebruderrat. She said these men served our colonies and the Lord in a special way. I didn’t disagree with her assessment of the work they performed, but sometimes I wondered if all of the preparation and excellent foods were truly a way of thanking the Grossebruderrat, or if serving a better meal than the other kitchens was more a matter of pride for the Küchebaas. Of course, who was I to worry about the pride of others? I would have my own issues of pride to explain in only a short time.

  I chased the food around my plate, not daring to eat. Already a lump that weighed like a heavy stone rested in the pit of my stomach. When we stood for our prayer at the completion of the meal, I was glad to leave the smell of ham and roasted potatoes. My father was standing with the members of the Grossebruderrat when I stepped outside. There was nothing significant about the appearance of the men—they looked like all the other men who lived in the colonies. But this small group had the authority to make a decision that could cause me great pain and embarrassment.

  “We are to wait outside the meeting hall,” Father said. “We will be called inside when it is our time to speak.” He turned to look over his shoulder. “You told Sister Veda we might be gone for most of the afternoon?”

  “Ja. She said to take as long as we need.” I hadn’t told Veda we were meeting with the Grossebruderrat, only that Vater and I both needed to be gone from the store this afternoon. She’d been pleased by my request, and I’d been thankful she didn’t ask any questions. There would be enough chatter about the magazine once more outsiders arrived in the colonies. I swiped my sweaty palms down the front of my dress. This could be a long afternoon.

  Father and I took up our positions outside the meeting hall. We managed to find a spot beneath one of the trees that provided some shade to protect us from the afternoon sun. Before long, the heat and a full stomach lulled my father to sleep. I envied his ability to push aside all worries and enjoy a time of rest. Then again, the worries were more mine than his. He’d come to take up my cause, but I was the one who would need to speak to the elders.

  The Grossebruderrat would first speak with Mina and Conrad. After that, Mr. Harper was scheduled to appear and discuss the changes in his stud fees. So we would be last. I couldn’t decide if it was better to be first or last. I hoped they might be weary of all their talking by the end of the day, but I doubted that would happen.

  While my father dozed against the tree, I watched the door to the meetinghouse, eager to hear how the elders had received Mina’s proposal for the Älterschule. She and Conrad were still inside when Mr. Harper arrived. Instead of a fancy buggy, he sat astride one of his beautiful riding horses. He claimed, and everyone in the area agreed, that his stock was the finest in all of Iowa. We had little way of proving the right or wrong of what he said, but Father said Mr. Harper maintained a ledger of the horses and their owners; his list reflected he spoke the truth. From what my father had explained, Mr. Harper had made lots of money from those fancy horses. And now he was going to make even more.

  I nudged my father. “Mr. Harper has arrived. Maybe you should tell the Grossebruderrat before he barges in and interrupts Mina.”

  “I must have fallen asleep.” Father rubbed his eyes and, using the tree trunk for support, struggled to his feet. “You stay here.”

  He didn’t need to tell me to remain. I wasn’t eager to go into the meetinghouse anytime soon. In fact, I wasn’t eager to go in at all. Mr. Harper tipped his hat at me as he strode toward the men’s door of the meetinghouse. I offered a slight wave in return. The lanky, beak-nosed man often came into our store to conduct business. He said we carried the best supplies at the fairest price. Too bad he wasn’t willing to maintain fair prices for us, as well.

  Moments later Mina exited through the women’s door while my father and Conrad stopped for a moment to exchange greetings with Mr. Harper. I jumped to my feet and gestured to Mina, my excitement mounting when I saw her smile.

  Unable to contain myself, I hurried to her side. “It is gut news, isn’t it?”

  “For the most part, it is gut. They liked the idea and said what you had written was very helpful and clear, but they want to have more time for the members to discuss the idea with the Bruderrat in each village.”

  “Why? They have the final say, and this is a gut thing you have proposed to them.”

  “They thought the idea was a gut one, for sure, but they don’t think we have enough older people to have an Älterschule in each village. If not, they would have them in only a few of the villages. This means some of the older members might need to move away from their families, and there would need to be a home where they would go to spend their evenings.”

  “Couldn’t the entire family move?”

  I followed Mina’s gaze toward the meetinghou
se. Mr. Harper had already entered, but my father and Conrad were standing a short distance from the entrance, deep in conversation.

  Mina turned around and adjusted the brim of her bonnet against the sun. “Those are the things that need to be decided. If a skilled worker is important to his village, he can’t just pack up his family and move. They don’t want all the clockmakers in one colony and all the tinsmiths in another. Think of Oma and your family. Your Vater couldn’t leave the store and go to High or Middle and operate the store. Those positions are already filled.” She arched her brows and stared at me.

  I bobbed my head. “Ja, I see. Still, I had hoped for a definite answer today.”

  Mina’s features relaxed once I replied. Even though I had spent many hours writing out the plan, I hadn’t thought about the needs within each village and how they would be met if someone was required to move elsewhere. The ability of the Grossebruderrat to quickly identify such problems impressed me. No wonder these men were charged with finding solutions for the members of our communities.

  “Do not be discouraged, Gretchen. If it is God’s will, these difficulties will be solved. The elders said they would discuss the idea with each Bruderrat and then bring their ideas together. They will have an answer for me when they next meet, and that is not so far away.”

  Not so far away unless you were attempting to keep your grandmother from running off to the Gypsy camp or climbing apple trees. “I will try to be patient awhile longer, but I do wish you would have gone to speak to the elders when you first had your idea. What did they think was the best part of the plan?”

  Mina tapped her chin and looked as if deep in thought. “For sure they liked the idea of having a place that would be close to the Kinderschule. They thought it was a wise idea to have the old and the young close together. One of the men said the young could learn from the old, and the young would make the old feel young again. I think he is right about that, don’t you?”

  I had mentioned that fact in the written plan, but I didn’t remind Mina. Instead, I gave her a quick nod. “Ja. I know Oma likes to have Sister Veda’s little girl come and visit. And she took a real liking to Lalah when she was out of her head down at the Gypsy camp.”

  Mina slapped one hand to her forehead. “Ach! I hope she hasn’t been back there again.”

  “Nein. At least if she has been there, I didn’t find out.” I forced a weak grin. “It is hard to keep a constant watch over her.”

  “And that is why we are here today.” She hesitated. “At least part of the reason. I will be praying that your meeting goes as well as mine. Let us hope that Mr. Harper’s demands don’t displease the Grossebruderrat too much. It would be better if they were still in good humor when you spoke to them.”

  No doubt Mina hadn’t meant for her comment to create more concern, but it did. Unlike Mina, I hadn’t considered the possibility that their meeting with Mr. Harper could influence their disposition when they met with me.

  Mina pointed toward the meetinghouse. “Look! Already Mr. Harper is leaving. That talk didn’t take long.”

  My stomach lurched when I spotted the gangly horseman stride past my father and Conrad without even a tip of the hat. His earlier friendliness had disappeared. I feared Mina’s prediction had come true. After a quick embrace I bid Mina farewell, hiked my skirt, and hurried to my father’s side. I didn’t want to keep the elders waiting, especially if they were in a bad mood. Conrad waved as I approached.

  I greeted him before searching my father’s face. “Are they ready for us?”

  “I think so. You should go to the women’s door. I will signal you when they call for us.”

  Conrad stepped close and bent his head. “I will be praying for you.”

  “Thank you, Conrad.” At that moment I wanted to wrap my arms around his neck and cling to him, but I pushed the foolish thought from my head. Instead, I ran the short distance to the women’s door. After a final wave Conrad strode toward the wooden sidewalk and my father pointed for me to enter the women’s door. My heart thumped in my chest, and though I’d eaten hardly anything at mealtime, my stomach clenched until bile rose in my throat. I swallowed hard as I walked to the front of the room with my father by my side.

  Before either of us could speak, Brother Stresemann pinned me with a hard stare. “So you have come to talk to us about the article in the magazine, Sister Gretchen.” I glanced at my father. He shrugged one shoulder and gave a slight shake of his head. Apparently he hadn’t given the elders prior notice. Seeming to note my surprise, Brother Stresemann waved toward the other men. “We know about the story. I have read it.”

  “You have?” The words sounded as if they’d been croaked by a frog. I cleared my throat. “How did you happen to see the magazine, Brother Stresemann?” The old man’s bushy white eyebrows rose high on his forehead. He obviously considered my question quite bold.

  “The wife of a local farmer brought a copy to High. She thought I might be interested in what was being published about the colonies.” His eyebrows dropped into a tight line that matched the creases of his forehead. “I open this magazine, and what do I see?” He glanced down the line of brothers who were staring at me. “I see it is written by one of us—by Sister Gretchen Kohler, the daughter of our Homestead storekeeper.” He pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped the beads of perspiration from his creased brow. “Imagine my surprise.”

  “I am certain you were all astonished. Please believe that I was horrified, as well.”

  Brother Stresemann jerked to attention. “Are you saying you did not write those stories, Sister Gretchen?”

  “Nein. I wrote them, but I did not ask for them to be in that magazine. And I did not give my permission, either.” I inhaled a deep breath, and while the men sat straight-faced, I explained.

  “I received a copy of the magazine from Mr. Finley. That is the first I knew of what he’d done.”

  Brother Stresemann held up one hand. “You will wait outside while we discuss this matter in private.”

  “But—”

  They shook their heads in unison, and I knew further explanation would not be heard—at least not now.

  CHAPTER 23

  I paced back and forth until my father pointed to the ground. “Sit down before you wear out your shoes.” His lips tipped into a lopsided grin.

  “If only they would have let me finish all I had to say. I was going to show them Mr. Finley’s letter.”

  My father dropped down beside me. “I think they heard all they wanted to for right now. Maybe after they talk awhile, they will give you a chance to say more. It has been a long day for them with the traveling and all these meetings.”

  I understood that, but it had been a long day for me, as well. And I’d had to cope with fear and anxiety during that time. I shoved my hand into my skirt pocket to make certain the envelope remained inside and leaned back against the tree. There was nothing more to say to my father. Now we must wait.

  A short time later Brother Stresemann exited the door. He motioned for us to stay by the tree. After lighting his pipe, he ambled toward us and came to halt a short distance from my father’s feet. He took a deep draw on his pipe, and soon the scent of cherry tobacco mingled with the breeze. Moments later the rest of the elders exited the meetinghouse. My heart hammered in my chest. Surely they weren’t going to leave without calling me back to speak with them again. I wanted to nudge my father, but Brother Stresemann would likely notice and disapprove. Hoping to prod Father to action, I cleared my throat.

  “We need some time to refresh ourselves.” Brother Stresemann lowered his eyes and turned toward me. “When you see us returning inside, you may enter the women’s door and rejoin us.” He glanced at my father. “You are welcome to come inside, as well, Brother George.”

  Their time of refreshment took longer than I’d expected because Sister Marguerite and Mina appeared with jars of iced lemonade and thick slices of buttery pound cake. While Sister Marguerite served the e
lders, Mina hurried over to speak with Father and me.

  “You have not gone in yet?” She handed my father a jar of the lemonade and a tin cup.

  “Ja, but they dismissed me before I finished all of what I had to tell them.” My father handed me the cup of lemonade and took another empty cup from Mina. “We will go back inside after they have rested a short time.” I shook my head when Mina offered a piece of cake, but my father didn’t refuse.

  “They showed no reaction to anything you said?”

  My father pointed to the basket. “I’ll take Gretchen’s piece of cake if she doesn’t want it, Sister Mina.” After she handed him the basket, he wasted no time removing the cake.

  “They already knew.” I leaned a little closer. “A farmer’s wife had given a copy of the magazine to Brother Stresemann.”

  “I know you don’t want to hear this, but I warned you that Mr. Finley was trouble. You should have listened.” When I nodded in agreement, her features softened, and she grasped my hand. “I’m sorry, Gretchen. You don’t need me waving an I-told-you-so flag in front of you.”

  “But you’re right. I should have listened. I wish I knew how many times I’ve told myself that, but it changes nothing. Now I can only hope that the Grossebruderrat will listen.” One of the elders motioned for Mina to bring more lemonade, and she scuttled away.

  I watched the men down their refreshments and chat among themselves. Silently I promised God that no matter what happened when I went before the elders, my gift of writing would be used only to compose poems or prayers of praise to Him and record thoughts about my life in Amana. Never again would I permit an outsider to look at my journal, and never again would I send my writing to anyone without permission from the elders. I made sure I told God I wasn’t trying to bargain with Him, for even if the elders severely punished me, I would keep my pledge.

  The elders stood and wiped the crumbs from their pant legs. Brother Stresemann glanced in our direction—my cue that I should join them. “I must go back inside, Mina,” I said when she returned to my side. “Please continue to pray.”