Without Consequence

by Victoria L. James

  No one was going to stop me from doing what was in my blood and in my heart.

  Curling both hands around the handles, I let my head fall down and flashed Jedd a sarcastic smile before I raised my arm and gave him the middle finger I knew he didn’t really deserve.

  Then I rode away.

  I rode for hours on end, not knowing where the hell I was going or caring who thought it was a bad idea. On the open road, the ghosts couldn’t keep up. On the open road, I always moved faster than they did. Every thought in my mind drifted away into nothing until all that I was left with was a clear head and the world off my shoulders. It didn’t matter that it was a temporary reprieve. It didn’t matter that I knew it would have to end at some point and that all those demons would eventually come swarming around me, pushing down on my body until I was cowering in a corner and gripping the sides of my skull in anger and panic.

  None of it mattered because the only thing that existed in those moments, when the wind was blowing my clothes further into me and the sunlight was burning against the stubble on my jaw and the bridge of my nose, was me.

  I was allowed to be free out here.

  I was allowed to be the Drew Tucker that nobody else knew about.

  And if I was honest, that was the Drew Tucker I didn’t really know myself.

  I could only hope that the more I escaped and allowed myself to do this, the sooner the two of us would meet again and get to know one another better than we already did.

  Time lost all meaning. It was only when I rode down the street the yard sat on, and saw a group of teenage, bad boy wannabes trying to sneak in through the gate, that I seemed to snap out of my tunnel vision and re-enter reality, once again. Even from my far off approach, I could see the four of them trying to creep under the security cameras and slide through the opened gates of the yard. The sun was dwindling and it was no longer light enough for me to justify wearing my shades, so I pulled them off, tucked them back into my pocket and started to roll slowly towards the boys. That was the one bad thing about these motors. There was no way to approach quietly.

  The tallest one snapped his head back around to look at me, his eyes popping wide open before he yelled out to his brothers and told them all to get the fuck out of there fast. At most, they were fifteen. The youngest didn’t even look twelve. Snotty nosed little bastards. I couldn’t help but smirk as I watched them run like lightning to get away from me. It wasn’t unusual for us to get this kind of attention. To some kids, we were what they wanted to be when they grew up. We were feared and we were idolized. In a society where survival of the fittest was the only way to live, these boys wanted to be on top, like we were.

  It was only when I began to turn into the yard and slide through the gates that my eyes fell to a grey car parked out on the street. The car I knew belonged to Ayda. The car that now had two freshly slashed tires resting on the curb side of the road.

  “Shit.” I laughed as I shook my head and guided my ride back into place. My body was alive with a pulsating feeling that I had never been able to explain to anyone. Every finger ached from being wrapped around the handles for so long and not being used to it. My thighs burned and my heart was pounding in a way that was more welcome than a Maisey Sutton blowy. If I never got laid again, I wouldn’t care so long as I had this.

  When I took my helmet off again and rolled my shoulders inside my hoodie, I looked back up at the club and ran a hand through my flat hair. The demons were circling above my head again as soon as I saw the patch of my pack sat proudly above the door, but I knew this was where I belonged, no matter how much shit I had to wrap my head around to get used to it again.

  “Had a good ride?” I heard from behind me.

  Half turning my body, I looked over my shoulder to the other side of the yard and saw Harry locking up the office, which was connected to the pawn shop. He’d obviously spent all day in there doing the books, because even the fading sunlight had him squinting and reaching up to rub his eyes as he secured the place.

  “It was long overdue,” I answered slowly, watching as he began to make his way over to me with that unbalanced wobble swagger of his. “Is this the part where you give me shit for going out alone?”

  “Despite what you think, I only want what’s best for you, son.”

  Son. There it was. Harry never called me son. Not unless he was worried and trying to make up for the loss of the father figure in my life. It was also his way of showing me that he was on my side and warning me to drop the snark before I even started with it. He wasn’t about that today, and I had to admit, I was really fucking relieved.

  “I know that,” I said quietly, turning back to the hut and looking at the front door.

  “Do you? Because I’ve kinda been getting the impression that we aren’t communicating on the same level at the minute.” The sound of his boots creeping up behind me told me he was close enough now to see my reactions and not just hear my words.

  “We’re good.”

  “I sure hope so,” he replied softly, his hand landing to slap my shoulder from behind before he let out a weighted sigh and started to move towards the hut. “You coming in?”

  “Is Ayda in there?” I asked quickly, my eyes flickering from the door to him then back again.

  “Somewhere. She’s not stopped all day. The girl can work, that’s for sure.”

  “She been any trouble?” I started to move forward to keep close enough to him that I wouldn’t have to be heard asking about the girl by anyone else.

  “Not that I know of, although, I’d keep Kenny at a distance if I were you. Otherwise she’ll soon be fucking in the toilets rather than scrubbing. Seems he’s been singing quite a few melodies about her around the place today.” Harry hit the stairs, his body bending and struggling with his own height and weight imbalance as he huffed up the things.

  My face suddenly tensed with anger at what he’d just said and I hated it with all that I had. More than anything, I instantly hated that I hated it. “She’s here to work,” I snapped at him. “If I need to remind Kenny of that, it won’t be politely.”

  Harry laughed, landing on the porch before walking further towards the door and shaking his head. “Boys and their toys.”

  “She ain’t his toy.”

  Looking back over his shoulder, he raised a brow right at me and smirked. “She ain’t yours either, son. Just remember that. She’s here to work.”

  Before I could even answer him with the insult that was about to drop off the tip of my tongue, his body had disappeared inside the club and mine was soon following closely behind. The first person I saw walking towards me when I passed over that threshold was Ayda. Her blonde hair was scraped back into a tight ball on top of her head now, like she’d been sweating so much it was the only way she could keep it under control and out of her face. Her eyes looked heavy and tired as she clung onto the bag over her shoulder and fished around for her keys inside it, not even looking up or noticing me at all. Not until she slammed straight into my chest and her eyes rose up to meet mine. All the anger Harry had injected into me was being poured down onto her as we stared at one another. She was so close, there was barely any air between us.

  Not until she took a shaky step back and started to fumble around in her head for even more apologies.

  “Save it,” I said roughly. “We need to talk.”

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Ayda

  I hadn’t stopped working all day. After spending all morning hung-over, I was about dead on my feet when someone finally walked past the laundry room and muttered I should go home. I almost cried in relief.

  After I’d washed all the towels, I’d done the bedding and then their clothes. I’d remade every bed in the place and emptied their trash, gagging as I wielded a wad of tissues to pick up used condoms that had missed their target. I was also getting apt at ignoring the content of the magazines I stacked as I worked.

  These men were slobs, in every sense of the word. This wasn’t a
place of residence. It was a hovel. Drew’s room had probably been the neatest, but as I’d been reminded several times, he’d just been released from prison and he hadn’t spent much time there.

  For the most part, I felt safe in the place with these guys. They were messy, crude and morbid, but they had respect and they left me alone to get on with what I was doing. The only two people I’d spoken to all day were Deeks and Kenny. One, I enjoyed the company of, the other, I felt like I was prey being tracked through the place.

  “You done for the day?” Deeks asked, swaggering down a corridor with two beers in each fist.

  “Mercifully, yes.”

  He held one of the bottles out to me and although it seemed like a good idea, I shook my head. I had to go and clean my own house, feed my brother and figure out how the hell I was going to keep the roof over our heads for another month. I also had to get up early and go to my real job, with real people, and actually get paid for it.

  Shaking my head, I held up a hand and smiled genuinely at him. “I appreciate it, Deeks, but I have to get going. I got a brat at home who has to keep up a 3.0 GPA in order to play football.”

  “Damn, schools are getting particular about that.”

  “It’s not the school. It’s me. I don’t want him to be the stereotypical jock. He’s a smart kid and we both know it. He wants to play, he’s got to work for it.”

  “Good for you, kid. You’ll do good as a mom when it’s your time.”

  “If ever,” I said, smiling sadly at him. “Anyway, I gotta hit the road. You enjoy your night and keep your room clean.”

  “Now where would be the fun in that?”

  Laughing, I shook my head, pulled my bag up over my shoulder and headed toward the main room, when my shadow popped out of his room ahead of me.

  “Making new friends?”

  I offered him a smile and kept walking, stopping only as he slipped out of his room. He obviously wanted to talk to me. He was a sweet kid, but the attention he seemed intent on giving me wasn’t something I was seeking and I wasn’t entirely sure how to convey that without insulting him.

  “It never hurts. I just want to get through with work and get home. You have a good night, Kenny.”

  “Hold up a minute,” he said, his hand shooting out to the other side of the corridor and barring me from walking forward. “Can I get you a free beer? Whiskey? Bourbon?”

  “I appreciate it, Kenny, I really do, but I have to get home. Maybe some other time?”

  “You’re breaking my heart here, Ayda.”

  “Oh, I think you’ll survive,” I replied lightly, patting his chest with my hand, and nodding at his arm. He dropped it from my path, and smiled at me, a small nod of acknowledgement.

  “I’ll hold you to that rain check then.”

  I was already past him at that point, so I kept my head down and my jaw tight as I marched out from the maze of residential corridors and into the main room of the hut, where it seemed the party was slowly kicking into gear. I’d barely made it three or four steps in when I was shoulder checked by a strawberry blonde in painted on jeans and a leather corset. She made absolutely no apology as she glared down at me, her eyes full of fire as her body glided to a halt and turned like it was on rails.

  “You’re out of your depth here, sweetheart. Don’t get comfortable.”

  “You look like that and you’re that insecure?”

  Her eyes narrowed at me. I don’t think she’d expected me to talk back to her and, if I was being honest, I hadn’t expected her attitude. I was mostly ignored in the place, which had worked out well for me. This little altercation wasn’t something I needed or expected.

  “You better watch yourself, blondie.”

  “Or what? You’ll suffocate me with your plastic tits?”

  A body appeared behind mine before she could respond, but her eyes went wide as she caught sight of them. I couldn’t bring myself to look. Whoever it was, the power rolled from them in waves and made dread pool in the pit of my stomach.

  “Don’t you got somewhere to be, Lisa?”

  Her nod came quickly, her head bobbing with such enthusiasm her hair fell from its little clip as she turned to leave, while I stood frozen in place, my jaw tight and fists balled at my sides.

  “And you’re here to work. So I’ll ask you not to insult our girls and get on with it.”

  “You got it,” I whispered and took off without being dismissed. He was right. I was there to do a job. I was there to clean and scrub their shit and then get the fuck out of there. I was finished for the day so there was no reason I should have hung around for as long as I had.

  I was so intent on getting out of there, I didn’t see the body in my path, and the moment my chest collided with his, I knew who it was. The ringing in my ears was so loud by that point, I just stared at him with as much contempt as he was staring at me with. The sudden flash of heat down my front was what told me I was too close, and I jumped back as though he’d burned me. I was about to excuse myself when he cut me off, his request to talk sounding more like an execution order than a request.

  Hoisting my bag up on my shoulder, I moved my eyes to my feet. “It’s going to have to wait, I’m afraid. I have to get home.”

  For a moment, I actually thought he was going to stop me. The darkness in his eyes was focused directly at me, while mine were desperately trained on the door behind him. I was now desperate to get the hell out of there. It was going from a good day to a bad one in just a few interactions.

  “The bitch has got to go home, put her moo moo on and watch some Golden Girls reruns,” a female voice said from the darkness of the bar.

  As far as insults went, it wasn’t that dire, but it provided me with an escape as it pulled Drew’s attention away from me. Those green blue pools darted into the darkness, the anger now aimed at the disembodied voice.

  I moved quickly, weaving around another guy who was standing by the door, before breaking out into the fresh evening air and the fading light. I hadn’t seen the sun all day and as I rushed toward the gate and my freedom, I actually mourned it. I needed my vitamin D. I wanted to feel the sweat on my skin dry in its rays. But all that was left was the insufferable humidity closing in around me, teasing beads of sweat from my top lip and forehead as I rushed toward the gate.

  I knew something was wrong the moment I made my way through it. My car, generally well balanced, was now leaning to one side, looking sadly pathetic and forlorn. It wasn’t some amazing car or even a rusted out classic. It was a generic Japanese model that worked well and didn’t drink gas like it was going out of style. It was, however, mine.

  “You have got to be fucking kidding me?” I ground out, throwing my purse to the floor and covering my face with my hands. Like I could afford two goddamn tires on top of everything else.

  My body dropped into a crouch as I stared at the rubber melting into the concrete below it, my hands now gripping my knees like it was going to save me or something. It was just never ending. This day just wouldn’t stop, and that was all the more relevant when I felt Drew’s presence behind me. The ‘well it looks like you’re gonna have to talk’ went unsaid as he stared at the back of my head and his shadow blocked out the last of the light.

  What was I supposed to say to that? How on earth could I convey how unappealing talking about anything with this man was in this moment? I couldn’t seem to say anything right. Every subject was off limits and I just seemed to piss him off by breathing in his direction. What good could possibly come of that?

  It couldn’t.

  “I just want to go home,” I said, peering up and over my shoulder at him. He couldn’t possibly subject me to anymore could he?

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  Drew

  “I can take you home,” I muttered quietly. The words just sort of escaped me without thought. I could feel the sadness rolling off her in waves as she crouched down on the floor, and I knew that the last thing I needed was a crying woman on my hands.


  At least that’s what I told myself.

  The stones beneath my feet crunched as I took two steps towards her before stopping in my tracks and crossing my arms over my chest. “I can take you home.”

  Her hands pushed down on her knees, her body straightening as she swiped for her purse on the way up. She didn’t look at me. Her eyes stayed on her feet and for a moment, I didn’t think she was going to respond at all. In the end, it came out as a whisper. “Thank you.”

  There wasn’t much more for me to say after that. I could have stood there and questioned her as to how she was going to get around. I could have gone down the cocksure root of making her feel like an idiot, but I didn’t want to. She looked how I felt in that moment: a little broken and a lot lost. The fact that I could relate to it made me want to help her rather than be a hindrance.

  All of which was brand spanking fucking new to me.

  Nodding slowly, I watched her quietly before I turned away and dropped my chin to my chest. The keys to my bike were still in my hand as I made my way back over to it and waited for her to follow. The sounds of my own thoughts were drowning most things out, so I wasn’t even sure she was behind me until I made it to the side of my wheels and finally took a glance up through narrowed eyes.

  Ayda’s small feet were sliding across the ground like it was taking more effort than she really wanted to show. It was obvious this girl was a survivor. The only question was how long could she survive around me and this life of ours? We had a way of bringing the strongest men to their knees without trying. My head fell to one side as I studied her some more. The sun was setting on the horizon behind me and the colors it threw out onto her face made her look more attractive than I’d noticed before, even if she definitely needed three days’ sleep and a few hot baths to wipe all the club’s toilet shit away.