Without Consequence

by Victoria L. James

  “The hell you gonna do with that?” I swung it and Deeks shook his head, almost in humor. “Put it down.”

  He reached for it and had barely propped it against the wall when there was a scratching below us. One of the men outside had obviously managed to get into the crawl space under the house. The small piece of courage I’d found bled from me as I stared down at the hardwood floor in consternation. That was what the scratching had been. They’d been pulling away the siding to get under the house. It was probably the most vulnerable part of the structure.

  “Ayda? You ready to run?” Deeks whispered.

  “Now?”

  He nodded and offered me a hand, which I took gratefully. He led us both into the bathroom and looked out. Apparently the guy outside this window was the one that had been nominated to go under the house, and the only reason I could see anyone going there would be to get to the gas line. Maybe that was why Deeks had chosen the room as a hideout for us.

  Pulling the string of the blinds as quietly as he could, he unlocked the window and worked it open. He made several hand gestures in my direction and as much as I paid attention, half of it seemed to get lost in the flashing spots that had taken over my vision. I nodded anyway, the gist of it being he was going first, but the moment his feet hit, they’d hear him and I needed to get out and just jump because he’d catch me. At least that’s what I deducted.

  I knew I wasn’t ready for this; maybe I never would be, but I didn’t have much of a choice in the matter. I was neck deep in shit and the only way out of it was to put on my big girl panties and face it like only a woman could. Deeks was already halfway out of the window, when I heard the window smash behind me.

  We were out of time.

  “Dude, I’m still fucking under here!” Someone shouted from under the house. The sound was muffled, but I could make out the words clearly enough.

  Then all hell broke loose.

  I heard the growl of the flames before I smelled the smoke, and I’d barely looked over my shoulder when I saw the orange glow in the hall light up the whole house. Someone hollered and whistled on the other side beyond the flames, thankfully drowning out the sound of Deeks hitting the ground. Whether by design or accident, it masked the sound of his landing. I didn’t have time for any goodbyes to the memories that filled those four walls around me, and I had no time to mourn. I had to escape. If the gas line had been cut, the whole thing was going to go up in a ball of flames.

  Swinging my body over the ledge of the window, the shout of alarm came mid-leap. As promised, Deeks caught me and gave me no time to catch my breath. His hand was in mine, pulling me across the yard in an all out sprint. I stumbled only once when I looked back to see the flames eating at the white painted house. The orange licked out of the windows as it claimed the last twenty-five years of my life, and every memory we had of our parents, in its gnarled and twisting grip.

  “Ayda.”

  Deeks didn’t need to say more than that. He had my full attention. My feet pounded the earth as I moved myself as fast as I could, hoping it was enough to get away. The sound of an engine came from the back of the field. The growl of the V8 and the kick of the dust washed over us as it slid ahead and fishtailed, before the brake lights lit up the night like it was fucking Christmas. The dark van was only visible because of the fire’s reflection, and the sudden wash of light as the back doors flew open revealed Tate hanging out, his arm wrapped around a rope as the other grabbed at Deeks.

  Deeks didn’t blink. He pushed his legs harder, grabbed Tate’s hand and made a jump I didn’t think someone his size was capable of. He landed hard on his back, but didn’t stay down long before he was on his knees, one hand holding a rail at the back of the van, the other mirroring Tate’s and reaching out for me.

  I’d never been much of a runner, but when your life was on the line and you felt the devil on your heels, you somehow managed to dig into the very depths of you and find a strength you didn’t know you had. I found mine when my eyes met Tate’s and I saw what it would cost him if I didn’t try. I’d promised him after our parents died that I wasn’t going anywhere, and I meant it as much then as I did now.

  The growl that came from my lips pushed me the distance, my arms stretching as far ahead of me as they could as I felt myself speed up to the point that I wasn’t sure I could keep it up much longer. My fingers met Tate’s first, locking in as Deeks grabbed my wrist. Both of them pulled at the same time, and for a moment, I felt like I was flying as my feet left the ground and I was propelled into the van, rolling and hitting the back of the passenger’s seat with a grunt. Elegant, it was not, but it got me where I needed to be.

  I didn’t bother doing a mental inventory, mainly because it didn’t matter and it wouldn’t make any difference. If I had a limb snapped into two, I couldn’t feel it through the adrenaline that had me bouncing between the seats and slipping into the one next to Kenny as we jolted over empty fields, the hissing of tall grass hitting the bottom of the van making the scene all the more eerie.

  “Shut the fucking–” A gunshot cut off the command to close the door, but it was done anyway, the sound of bodies hitting the side of the van as Kenny swerved a hard right to avoid a tree stump. The bullets sounded too close.

  “Tate? Deeks?”

  “Good,” Tate shouted back. “Deeks is good, too. He’s drinking from his flask so he can’t answer.”

  “Thanks, kid.”

  “What? I– Shit! We have company.”

  The silence after the flurry of expletives was almost deafening, making it easy to hear the roar of the motorcycle gaining on us. Kenny swerved, left and then right, breaking through a fence and onto the main road, the tires screaming and the van almost tipping as he straightened us out on the blacktop. I could barely breathe as it was, but I knew we were fucked when the bike opened up and shot forward, slowing only when it was level with my window. Kenny was trying to pull me out of the seat and shove me into the back and I would have let him if I hadn’t met the eyes of the biker beside me.

  Drew looked homicidal. His jaw was locked in place, his scowl enough to make Kenny swear under his breath. He gave me a look, asking if I was okay, and all I could do was nod in return, still unsure if it was the truth because the ringing in my ears and rush of my blood were blotting out everything around me. The only thing I knew with any clarity in that moment was the safety I felt with Drew’s presence.

  His bike roared to life again and he pulled ahead, sliding easily in front of the van like the leader he was born to be.

  CHAPTER FORTY-SIX

  Drew

  There were no thoughts. Just colors.

  Black, mainly.

  The odd flash of blinding red would hit me right between the eyes and it felt like I was riding on top of an erupting volcano.

  Every part of my body was working without awaiting instruction. My mind was empty. The only thing talking at this point was the fire in my gut and the long forgotten demon that was now flowing through my blood once again.

  With my fingers curling and twisting around the throttle, I somehow managed to navigate us down every winding street and road we needed to take, constantly checking my mirrors to make sure they were close behind. The muscles along my jaw were flexing back and forth as I tried to see through the dark fog that had taken over, but it was pointless. For now, I had to let go and ride. I had to get them to where they needed to be – where we all needed to be.

  The safe house.

  I led them for the last fifteen miles of the journey. The bright lights of Babylon always began to fade when you got to the edge of the town, and as soon as the turns became tighter and the trees along the side of the streets became heavier, I picked up the pace and rode harder. The van struggled to keep up with me at times. Every corner that was too much made it creak and screech from being overworked, and even though I hated the idea of any of them suffering anymore inside that thing, we were out of time and options.

  This was the road t
o survival.

  As soon as the front tire of my motor hit the gravel pathway that led up to the house, hidden another half a mile away into the trees, I began to swallow compulsively, desperate to hold onto the last shred of control I had. For the first time in my life, I parked my Harley with no thought for it whatsoever. Even though it wasn’t designed to be ridden that way, I slammed it to a halt and felt the wheels slide around beneath me. I’d barely blinked before I leaped off my seat, threw my helmet to the floor and started to walk forward.

  The van crawled up the small hill soon after. Where the bright lights would normally have had my face scrunching up or turning away, in that moment, nothing else mattered but seeing her again. Bullets could have been flying straight towards me and I wouldn’t have blinked.

  It was only when the back doors flew open and Deeks jumped out that I began to wake up. Then it was instant. My steps turned from a march to a jog within seconds, and before I knew it, my hand was holding onto the door and I was swinging myself around in a blind panic to see everyone. Tate stood in front of me, but like the selfish bastard that I was, I didn’t care for anyone that wasn’t Ayda. Looking past him, I saw Deeks and the low growl of frustration that left me was heard by every single fucking one of them, forcing them to move their asses that little bit quicker.

  When she came into my line of sight, I just stood there, completely immobile, taking her in as her eyes met mine and I saw the tiredness and uncertainty that tainted them.

  “Ayda…”

  She shuffled under the scrutiny of my stare and approached me like I was a wild animal, her trembling hands reaching out for mine. “I’m okay.”

  I didn’t just grab one part of her; it wasn’t enough after what had just happened. My hands reached out for her waist, lifting her out as carefully as I could before landing her on her feet. Deeks, Kenny and Tate were all gathered in a circle behind her, and I could hear them checking if the young kid was alright, but all I could do was stare down at Ayda and try to swallow down the need for revenge on her attackers.

  Flaring my nostrils, every muscle in my face flexed back and forth as my hands slid to her neck and I held her in place.

  Her eyes searched mine with an intensity I hadn’t expected after what she’d just been through. She was scared, terrified actually, but the tension eased the moment I touched her. “Are… are you okay, Drew?”

  There wasn’t a single way to answer that. The more I saw her, the angrier I got. The more I soaked up all the warmth from her body, the colder my blood ran at the thought of her being killed because of me. Every breath I took in suddenly felt like it weighed a ton and it fucking hurt to let them back out. The way she looked at me as I struggled to hold on to her had me swallowing that awful lump in my throat and taking a step away.

  Resting a hand on my waist, I dipped my head and pinched the bridge of my nose to try and stop the darkness taking over again, but it was useless. The outline of her face was imprinted onto the back of my eyelids, taunting me for being so reckless and careless, antagonizing me into a rage I wasn’t sure I could contain.

  “I’m sorry,” I muttered under my breath.

  “Drew?”

  Snapping my head up towards Deeks, I avoided Ayda’s face again at all costs.

  “Is anyone else hurt?” I asked them all.

  “All clear,” Deeks spoke up quickly.

  “Deeks, take her inside. Take them all inside.”

  “You okay?”

  “Just do it!” I snapped back at him, my feet moving backwards as the anger and the hatred began to make my limbs shake. This was like being back inside again – biding my time, holding onto my sanity by a thread, not wanting to hurt anyone unless I had to. I couldn’t hurt them now. I’d done enough damage as it was.

  Deeks didn’t argue. His arm circled around Ayda’s wrists as he tried to pull her away, even when she resisted and attempted to shrug him off. No part of me wanted to hurt her, and I knew there was a chance that that’s exactly what I was doing in that moment, but it was the only option that was left to me.

  “Just leave him be. Give him a minute,” Deeks whispered roughly in her ear.

  Almost as though she understood, Ayda glanced my way before nodding in agreement and allowing herself to be steered away, her eyes not moving from me.

  Holding back, I kept my distance and tried to count in my breaths. The soles of their shoes crunched along the gravel path, and only when I was sure they’d made enough headway in front of me did I allow myself to spin around and let my head fall back between my shoulders.

  The sky looked as black as I felt. Not one single thing was up there to remind me that this moment right here wasn’t as soul destroying as it felt. I could have lost her. Another person could have died because of me.

  That’s when it all became too much. Swiveling around on the spot, I gritted my teeth together in a blind rage, grabbed hold of the van doors and slammed those fuckers shut with as much power as I could muster. The sound of them crashing together rang out in the middle of nowhere like it was a goddamn bomb going off, and I knew that the guys up ahead would have heard it.

  But I was stupid to think that that would be enough.

  I was stupid to think I was ready to go inside.

  They were inside by the time I got to the front of the van, and I could hear Kenny and Deeks trying to distract them and turn their attention away from me. That’s when I should have taken a right into the pathway of the trees instead of charging after them, grabbing hold of Ayda’s waist and pulling her back towards me. One hand slid roughly into her hair while the other gripped her hip, and I held her as close as I could get her. My fingers were digging into her skin, but I couldn’t ease the tension and I couldn’t let her go, not even when I let my lips fall to the back of her head and kissed her, despite knowing she was as scared as I was.

  “She’s okay, Tucker. We got her out,” Kenny said quietly in front of me.

  I ignored that one.

  “Yeah, man, we’re alive. It’s all good,” Tate spoke up from beside his sister, his voice shaking as he tried to clear it and make his assurances sound more convincing.

  I somehow ignored that one, too.

  Closing my eyes, I prayed for Deeks not to speak at all, but when he did, the murderous look I shot out from behind Ayda was aimed right in his direction.

  “Go to town, Drew. Get it out now before you lose your shit later on and we all end up paying for it. Kitchen’s through there,” he muttered through a heavy breath.

  I wanted to argue with him and tell him that I had this under control, but even I knew that was a lie, and I couldn’t have hated my lack of self-discipline any more than I did in that moment.

  It didn’t take long for me to let her go, and I both felt and heard the air getting lodged in her throat as she watched me walk away. Staring at Deeks when I walked past him, I eventually made my way into the kitchen and closed the door behind me.

  The rage rose to the surface like it was ready to come out and play. My feet walked in a slow circle as my head turned and glanced around the room, assessing everything that was in front of me quietly. My chest began to expand so much that I felt I was about ready to choke on all the air I was trying to suck in through my nose.

  Only when I heard Ayda speaking quietly beyond the door did it all finally become too much. There was a soundtrack of destruction playing in my mind, allowing me to roar free. And then I lost it. All control slipped away and in its place was the pent up animal that was finally being allowed to hunt. My arms slid across every surface, bringing everything on them crashing to the floor in a clatter of chaos. Hair was falling forward over my eyes as I ripped off cupboard doors, the sounds of desperation and frustration growling out of my throat when I rammed my fist into the wall.

  Tables were turned over, chairs were thrown at the window, and with every single thing that I broke, I felt a piece of myself begin to heal. There was survival in death. There was a feeling of taking control whe
n insignificant things were shattered by your hands.

  I was feral again. Even in that moment of pure, blazing but pointless carnage, it all seemed to be helping my cause. The tension was pouring out of me. I was the Drew Tucker of five years ago, and I loved every fucking second of it.

  Until the door creaked open behind me.

  CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN

  Ayda

  The place was a mess, but I’d expected no less. The sheer noise coming from the room had made Deeks sigh and Kenny curse up a storm under his breath. Tate was leaning against the wall, looking pale and completely drained, while I paced like a caged animal.

  I’d shrugged off reassurances from both Kenny and Deeks, both of them feeling the need to defend Drew’s actions to me of all people. All the while, the noise in the kitchen raged on, sounding like a tornado had been set loose in the room.

  I finally managed to get Deeks to leave and find a place for Tate to sleep, while Kenny stepped out to make a call, check the van and lock it up. It was only when the silence became piercing that I ventured inside, my hand on the door as I stared at the skeleton on Drew’s back that almost looked like it was breathing with the breaths he was heaving in and out.

  I trusted Drew with my life. I knew it the moment I saw it was him on that bike, and though he was volatile and unpredictable, I approached him anyway, not caring what happened to me. I saw this formidable man with so much strength in him, and I knew what I had to do. I knew that I had to show what I couldn’t say with words, because what did you say to someone after something like that anyway?

  I knocked a pan with the tip of my toe as I reached him, ignoring the metal scream as it coasted over the tile, and pressed my front against his back, my arms sliding around his waist and my cheek resting against the cool leather. I needed him to understand that I wasn’t upset, that I wasn’t judging him for what had happened in that room, that I understood because I’d tasted that rage myself.

  As his breaths slowed, my courage grew, my hand pushing up over his abs to where my palm rested against the hammering muscle in his chest, waiting for it to slow to somewhere closer to normal. Fear and anger were borderline emotions. They ran the line of our consciousness and manifested in different ways. Drew’s came in the form of destruction. He needed to see his rage, watch as it became palpable and tear apart anything that stood in his way. That night, there wasn’t anything to receive his wrath, but he needed an outlet and Deeks had given it to him, no matter how much he loathed himself for having needed it.