Love Bear Nun

by Ava Hunt

  “Hello Henson, how are you today?” The lobby attendant at Jacinda’s office asked in her sweet, enthusiastic tone of voice as he walked in.

  “I’m… doin'… I’m alive so I’m doing good.” Henson asked before looking over to the lobby area; there were less people there that time so it didn’t make him feel so weird when he was booted to first call despite however long the others had been there, “Is Ms. Liberty in an appointment right now?”

  “Yes; she’ll come out and call you when she’s ready.” The lobby attendant replied.

  Henson walked over to the lobby and sat in a nice comfortable chair across the room from where he sat the day before. A man was sitting across from him from the way the seats were set up. At first Henson thought the man had asked him something but the realized the man was talking to himself and just leaned back in his chair. He had nearly answered the man and wondered how embarrassed he would have been had he replied and the other man noticed.

  “Mr. Phillips?” Jacinda’s voice called out. Henson got up and headed over towards her and tried his best to avoid the stares he was getting from nearly everyone in the room before the two of them headed into her office, “Thanks for coming in today, it’s good to see you. I’m glad to see you’re here and working towards that normal life you want.”

  “Yeah, well, not being able to work tends to put a lot of free time in a day.” Henson said.

  “Tell me what’s been bothering you lately.” Jacinda asked, sitting back in her chair and looking over at Henson through her black rimmed glasses. Henson noticed that they were a different pair than the ones she wore the day before, as subtle of a difference as it was.

  “Have any flashbacks been bothering you lately?”

  “This one has been going through my mind since I stood up… can I smoke in here?” Henson asked, getting a casual nod from Jacinda in response; he felt relieved and lit up a cigarette, feeling even more relieved as the smoke starting to trail into his lungs. “I keep seeing myself throwing bodies at a mass grave… I just kept throwing more and more and more…”

  “You were doing what you were told. That’s not what you would have done on your own is it?” Jacinda asked, making notes in his file. Henson walked around and happened to notice that Jacinda was wearing a burgundy colored skirt down to her knees, “Is there any more?”

  “This one guy… I stuck him in his gut… He opened his eyes, he was wide eyed staring straight into mine…” Henson said before he took a drag off of his cigarette and breathed it out a line of smoke. “I’ll never forget watching his eyes roll in the back of his head.”

  “Was that the same instance?” Jacinda asked, as Henson stood there smoking his cigarette. He fought off flashbacks of himself killing other people, just swatting their heads clean off, “How many people do you think you’ve killed?”

  “No, it was a different time.” Henson said as he looked over at Jacinda; he couldn’t help but notice her busty frame. Ms. Liberty was a very attractive woman now that he took a moment to actually see her, “And I always avoided keeping count, but a rough estimate would be… I don’t know… four… maybe five hundred?”

  “Whoa…” Jacinda said, doing her best to keep a straight face despite the urge to widen her eyes. “Is there any more flashbacks that are bothering you?”

  “No, not really.” Henson said, trying to play it off like that was it as he pulled out his release forms and sat them on Jacinda’s desk, “The mass grave is the worst thing I’ve ever done…. Sometimes… sometimes I can hear them scream. I know they’re not real, I know they couldn’t have been alive but I still hear them.”

  “Well, I still think you need some more sessions so I don’t think I’ll be signing that today either.” Jacinda said in a soothing voice, as soothing as possible and leaned up to push the papers back to Henson. With the action, Henson couldn’t help but look down her shirt a little, catching a glimpse of her cleavage before she sat back into her chair. “Your session here isn’t really through, you’ve still got about a half hour left.”

  “I take it I’ve gotta be here for every minute of that hour every day, huh?” Henson said as he pulled up his release papers and pocketed them before he let out a deep sigh.

  “Yup and the quicker you realize I’m here to help you the sooner you’ll get those release papers signed.” Jacinda said as Henson walked over to the window and lit up another cigarette, “Tell me what you plan on doing when you get your release papers? What is a normal life to you? Or a normal job?”

  “A nine-to-five.” He replied, looking off in the distance with a zoned out expression in his eyes, “Something… something that helps people. Maybe work at a store or something like that. Why?”

  “It’s just good to have goals.” Jacinda replied as Henson took a drag off his new cigarette. “How long have you been back? Are you being sociable?”

  “I talked to the bartender last night, until some jackass sat down next to me and started talkin’ smack about the muscle heads the military turns out.” Henson said, feeling his anger building up again.

  “And what happened?” Jacinda asked.

  “Actually, we just had a little heated debate and the bartender ended it. He told him to show some respect for returning soldiers and the guy went away.” Henson said before he sighed, feeling relieved somehow about the situation just by telling someone about it but didn’t have the nerve to admit it.

  “Alright, I’m glad that you handled it without violence.” Jacinda said before she looked at the clock, “Looks like we’re five minutes over. I’ll see you tomorrow, ok?”

  “Yeah, see you tomorrow.” Henson replied, gritting his teeth on the way out as he thought to himself, “I wonder how many days I’m gonna be coming in here before she decides I’m fit for a job… What the Hell gives her that right? To hold my future in her hands rather than giving me a chance.”

  Henson headed out of the counselor's office and lit up another cigarette even though he knew it really didn’t help his anxiety. He headed off for the bar, hoping that Darren wouldn’t be there and even if he was he planned on just ignoring him like he did his flashbacks. He saw a flash of him biting down on some man’s neck and squeezed his eyes shut. He breathed out and walked down the street, focusing on his cigarette and walking a straight line; just simple small things that would keep his mind occupied. He tossed his cigarette down at the ground in front of the bar and walked inside.

  As he walked in he immediately noticed that Darren was not only there but had every stool at the bar filled up with his buddies. Henson didn’t mind, he actually pitied the guy for having to go to such a length just to be a dick. He walked up and shook his head to the sides, laughing it off as the bartender walked over to him.

  “What’ll it be?” The bartender asked Henson, having to speak between two heavier set patrons there loudly cackling at each others jokes, “Another beer?”

  “Yeah! Sure!” One of the loud patrons in front of Henson replied as if the bartender was talking to him but, the bartender just ignored him.

  Henson nodded and looked around, checking to see if there were any open tables around. He spotted one off in the distance, a small table fit snug up with the chairs and once the bartender got him his beer he headed right off for it. He tried to relax and be there in ‘the now’ but couldn’t shake off flashbacks of what he’d done. He looked down at his hand and saw a claw covered in blood.

  “Help!” A voice called out, making Henson pop his head up and look around.

  Henson didn’t see anything amiss, all the patrons were just sitting there quietly or talking with who they were there with. He sighed as he looked over at the waitress that was walking over towards him.

  He wondered if she was heading to him or not but really hoped she wasn’t; he didn’t feel like talking to anyone at the moment, not even a pretty woman like her. She walked right passed him and went to the next table with patrons before asking them if they’d like refills. Refills brought right to his table w
as the only thing Henson was looking forward to and decided that he would sit back there from then on. It took him away from the crowded bar and away from possible confrontations. He sighed as he sat there with his cold beer and listened to the music that came from the jukebox.

  “… wolf shifters around here?” Henson overheard a patron say and started using his enhanced hearing to listen in on the conversation; normally he wouldn’t do something like that but wolf shifters in the area was a bad deal. “No, no kiddin’ they’re supposedly just outside of town in the woods.”

  “How cliché.” The other patron replied with a laugh but Henson knew all too well how much wolf shifters liked the wooded areas, it was home to them.

  If there were wolf shifters around Henson needed to find and stop them. He knew they could be a threat if they snuck into town or some city. People would die before anybody could stop them and he couldn’t let that happen.

  Chapter Three

  The next day Henson woke up with the same headache he usually had. After a shower and breakfast it went away like normal, but the flashbacks didn’t. Those seemed to be there to stay, forever. He tried not letting it bother him and just continued about his day, enjoying it despite the dark visions he was seeing. Clawing and biting people, throwing their bodies into a mass grave… just decimating whoever he was sent after. His workouts didn’t seem to do anything to help get his mind off of things. Lifting large amounts of weight reminded his body of throwing enemies into the air, seeing the flashbacks happen as he did it and it forced him to quit his workout regimen. He had just started it anyway. He sighed and thought about what he might do throughout the day until his session.

  He sat down and watched some television for a while, hoping against hope that it would help his flashbacks, at least for a moment. He had only been awake for a few hours by that point and had had several flashbacks he couldn’t control. Sometimes he could feel them coming on and sometimes he could control those ones, but not all the time. He sighed as he started getting frustrated about not being able to go to work, seeing Jacinda as the single person standing in his way. He didn’t understand how making him incapable of getting a job was supposed to help him get back to being normal, to him it seemed like the exact opposite of what they should do. He decided to go out for a walk to kill some time until his session, feeling like possibly trying to talk to his old superiors about getting out of it.

  He walked outside into the warm breeze and just took in the sights and sounds. People clamoring all about walking every which way and going about their days. He just tried to feel normal and did as they did, he walked around. He knew most people there probably had a destination and he did too, it just wasn’t a physical destination. As he walked he lit up a cigarette just to keep with feeling normal. As he walked passed a convenient store he looked over and noticed Darren walking out. Darren wasn’t alone this time and had a group of guys with him, giving Henson a bad feeling immediately.

  “Well, lookie here!” Darren said, reinforcing that bad feeling Henson was getting, “If it isn’t the old war dog out for a stroll… careful boys, this one barks.”

  “Ugh…” Henson sighed as he tried to just keep walking but one of Darren’s boys stepped in the way and stopped him.

  “Where do you think you’re goin? I’m talkin’ to you!” Darren said in as degrading as a tone as he could.

  “You wanna…” One of Darren’s boys suggested, insinuating attacking Henson.

  Internally Henson wanted them to attack him, pummeling them would be self-defense but he was still scared he would end up killing them and he didn't need to add to his already high body count.

  “Nah, this punk bitch isn’t worth the bloody knuckles.” Darren said, glaring at Henson, who just chuckled and kept walking.

  He couldn’t let Darren get the best of him. He knew it would cost him that regular life. Darren didn’t have much of a life either so Henson figured he was just trying to make sure nobody else’s was worth anything either. He continued his walk and headed out of town, looking for any signs of wolf shifters in the area. He looked for scat or tracks that would suggest they were there but couldn’t find anything. As he walked through the field outside of town he thought about letting his inner bear out and running as fast as he could but knew that was a bad idea.

  He remembered one of the last things his superior told him before thy released him, "Remember, we didn't contain all the wolves. You may come in contact with rogue packs out there in civilian life. If so, remember your training. We can't have them. It's why you were injected with bear DNA. It's why you were bred to be a shifter and an assassin."

  He headed back for the town, feeling like he had been on a wild-goose chase and wondered why he ever put any stock into a drunk’s rumor. As he headed into town he spotted something white that caught his eye. When he looked he was shocked and somewhat scared of what he seen; wolf fur. He wasn’t fearful for his safety but the safety of other people there in the town. By the looks of the wolf fur they were in the town. He started looking for tracks inside the town, trying to pick up their track to follow them. As he searched he checked the time and realized he was a few minutes from being late so he hurried up to Jacinda’s office. He didn’t even like calling it the counselor's office in his mind.

  “You look… sweaty… Are you alright?” The attendant at Jacinda’s office said as Henson walked in.

  “Yeah, I’ve just been… working out. Went for a run outside of town before my session; lost track of time.” Henson said before casually walking over to the lobby area. He actually did feel relieved from his jog despite coughing a lot from smoking. Gonna have to give that up eventually, he thought.

  “Mr. Phillips?” Jacinda said as she walked out into the lobby. Henson got up and followed her into her office, unable to keep himself from looking at the way the fabric clung to every curve on her as she walked ahead of him. “So how is your day going?”

  “Pretty good. I think I found something I can do to feel better. I went for a jog before this session and it has me feeling a lot more at peace. I feel alive.” Henson said; not lying, but at the same time he wasn’t telling the whole truth either. He knew he couldn’t tell Jacinda about finding the wolf shifter hair or else she would send the authorities, making it impossible for him to look into it and at the same time he knew she would use it as an excuse as to why he wasn’t fit for a job somehow. “Yeah, it was great; I jogged from just outside of the city into the city. It wasn’t a far jog, but it got my blood pumping.”

  “It got endorphins flowing through your body, that’s why you’re feeling ‘alive’ right now.” Jacinda replied as she leaned back in her chair. She was wearing a little tighter shirt than she had worn either of the two days before and Henson didn’t know if she was doing it on purpose to taunt him or not. “How are your flashbacks going?”

  “They’re flashing.” He replied with a chuckle, trying to make himself smile. “I keep seeing different kills over and over. Different ways I killed them. Different piles I stacked of corpses. Ugh… the voices… they kept me up last night despite the booze. I guess you could say the booze didn’t mask them as well as they normally do.”

  “Did the voices start at the same time as the flashbacks or after?” Jacinda asked as she leaned forward in her seat and started writing something on a piece of paper.

  “After.” He replied, unintentionally letting her know that his symptoms were getting worse, “No, wait… no… I think actually they were around the same time. Or… not… I’m not sure.”

  “Well, you’ve just got to recognize that they’re not real and you’ve already told me that you know they aren’t. You said you know they aren’t alive so how can dead people speak?” She asked.

  “Through flashbacks.” He replied while squeezing his eyes shut.

  “What are you seeing now?” Jacinda asked but Henson didn’t want to answer and clinched his jaws together. “Henson, what are you seeing now?”

  “Dead people talking
. They have no eyes and their skin is shriveled.” Henson said, walking over to the window before he lit up a cigarette. He took a drag off his cigarette and felt a bit of relief. “That I know isn’t real. Why am I seeing that?”

  “It’s a false memory Henson, it’s a delusion caused by Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.” Jacinda explained as Henson tried calming his anxiety by smoking his cigarette. “I’m sorry, I… I didn’t mean to cause anything.”

  “It’s alright…” Henson said, feeling his body shaking a bit. “You had no idea that would happen?”

  “No. Well, it’s possible, but rare.” Jacinda explained, “But I didn’t expect anything to happen. So you say exercising has been helping you feel better?”

  “Not lifting weights anymore; it started to remind me of throwing bodies earlier and I had to stop.” Henson replied before taking a drag off his cigarette.

  “So you jog and smoke?” Jacinda asked, looking down at the cigarette in his hand. “Those things aren’t healthy for you; they’re actually deadly.”