Blue Anesthesia

by Daniel Lidman

  Humphrey is going to play his mad game, then kill me. There’s nothing I can do but accept the pain. Goodnight, Axel Gardner.

  Still, that didn’t lessen the frightening dismay. Axel’s mind kept denying what was about to happen. It didn’t seem real; it seemed like something that couldn’t occur in a human’s life. It was like watching a video that claimed it had footage of extraterrestrials and seeing some creature with the back of your mind shouting: NOT REAL! That’s a puppet or some kind of effect. But what if the video was real? How would the human mind react to that information? Even if countless evidence suggested that the video was indeed real, a part of the human would still deny it out of fear. This was the predicament Axel found himself in. Except, the camera was his own eyes, and the extraterrestrial turned out to be a person; an actual fellow human who was giddy about beetles snacking on the gums of another person. And this other person was not someone he had any kind of hatred for; in fact, Humphrey actually seemed to act friendly with Axel, at least when it came to conversation.

  How does that even work?

  Before Axel could make assumptions, his thoughts turned to Humphrey, who pushed his finger gently down on the needles of the toothbrush.

  “Double-checking that the needles are sharp enough,” Humphrey said, and Axel didn’t know if he was talking to himself or his experiment. After a moment of silent misery, Humphrey exclaimed: “We’re all set!”

  He took a few steps closer to Axel, toothbrush in hand. Axel felt their thighs touch. “Lean your head backward for me.” Axel did. “Open your mouth. No, wider. That’s a good boy.”

  Axel started shaking. His head twitched as if he was being electrocuted. “If I were you, I’d keep still.” Axel tried with all his might to breathe slower. He performed the breathing exercises he had learned on the topic of stage fright. His breathing slowed down, but his heart still rocked out in his chest. Axel smelled the rubber from Humphrey’s blue gloves. He closed his eyes, pressing his eyelids down hard, almost to the point of pain.

  “Now,” Humphrey whispered. “This will only hurt a little.”

  Axel opened his eyes. The toothbrush, and the hand holding it, came down on him. Together, they covered the light from the lamp as they approached Axel’s face, a large shadow. He thought of it as his last sunset. No longer will the sun rise. The thing that kept Axel’s world from falling into a spell of complete darkness would no longer rise and protect him. From this moment on, no matter what happened afterward, the light inside of him would never rise again.

  Humphrey grabbed Axel’s cheek in a grip of two fingers: one outside of the cheek, and one inside, where it was wet. He pulled, exposing pink meat. The tips of the needles were cool against his gums. He felt all of the needles at once, standing still on his bottom gums, awaiting a signal from the hand commanding them.

  Humphrey leaned forward, moving his head in different directions for the best possible angle. He found it. He nodded.

  Axel felt the needles pierce through his pink flesh.

  He screamed, piercing Humphrey’s ears in return. Humphrey didn’t mind; he seemed to enjoy it. With thrilling amusement, Humphrey watched Axel’s uvula bounce around. To him, it looked like a fish washed up on shore, hopping around and struggling to stay alive, dancing on the last seconds of life.

  “Bite down!” Humphrey shouted in the excited tone of a child who’s about to go on his favorite rollercoaster. When Axel didn’t seem to hear, Humphrey placed a hand beneath his chin and snapped his mouth shut.

  The needles were deep in Axel’s gums, scraping against the roots of his teeth, leaving specks of white bone fragments in his mouth that crunched between his teeth like sand. Some of them slid down Axel’s throat. They felt like pieces of sharp glass. When the needles ran over his gums, they produced a moist, soft sound. Axel heard strips of flesh rip in a sound similar to someone zipping up their jacket. Blood started to build in his mouth, layering over his white teeth, giving them a red paintjob.

  “Swallow,” Humphrey commanded.

  Axel swallowed. At first, he thought that he was going to choke. He did not expect an entire mouthful of blood. Axel’s head moved around in various directions now, unable to handle more pain; unable to listen to more of the squishy sounds. A determined Humphrey reached for Axel’s hair, grabbed it and pulled it downward with the strength of someone drugged on adrenaline. Axel tried to resist but to no avail.

  Humphrey continued to brush Axel’s teeth with increased haste. Sweat appeared on Humphrey’s forehead. He started to feel warm as his rapid breathing became trapped, and built inside of his surgical mask.

  Axel almost passed out. Humphrey finished brushing with concentrated haste. He slapped Axel back into the world. Humphrey grabbed a white towel from the wagon and wiped in and out of Axel’s mouth. Axel felt the cloth sting against his new wounds. Parts of the cloth glued to the wounds. Humphrey had to rip it off.

  “There! You’re all done. That wasn’t so bad, was it?” Axel responded to this by spurting out blood from his mouth. “Alright, who’s up for round two?” With his patient unable to respond, Humphrey raised his own hand in favor. “Me!”

  He threw the now red towel to the side. Humphrey picked up the box of wax, dipped a plastic knife inside, and rolled it around. When he finished covering the knife in wax, he tapped it against the side of the box. Axel’s eyes had rolled over white. His body swayed, lolling in and out of consciousness. Humphrey pinched Axel’s skin. His body reacted. He could still feel pain. That was good.

  Humphrey buttered the wax onto the wounds. He was careful not to put too much. To Humphrey, Axel’s mouth resembled a battlefield where tiny grenades had exploded, sending pieces of wet flesh onto the inner cheeks. Cavities leaking blood were all over the place, adding red waterfalls. Humphrey thought that the beetles would appreciate that. Satisfied, he turned back to the wagon. He grabbed the jar of beetles with both hands, watching them for a few seconds before opening the lid. The beetles threw themselves against the glass wall of the jar. Humphrey grabbed a pair of tweezers and reached inside, grabbing one. The beetle ran on air with tiny black legs in protest. With caution, Humphrey placed the beetle inside of Axel’s mouth through a tiny opening of the lips. Axel didn’t react; he had fainted. Humphrey held Axel’s mouth open with both hands, watching the beetle. At first, the beetle acted confused, circling the wet, bloody surface of Axel’s tongue. Humphrey pushed the beetle toward Axel’s gums. The beetle, which was about half the size of a tooth, started to feast on a wound. Humphrey observed in excited awe as the beetle burrowed itself through. “Go get it, boy!” Humphrey shouted in that dog-talking-voice. “That’s it! Go get it! Yes, OH YES, such a good boy.”

  He had calculated that he would need a little over a dozen beetles inside of Axel’s face, and decided on eleven. Any number below that would take too long, and any number above that risked major damage. Using the same caution he had used with the first beetle, Humphrey put ten more inside of Axel’s mouth. When the last of them burrowed through the flesh, Humphrey sprinted across the room in a cheer, and then hurried back, reminding himself that he still had to keep watch. He could celebrate later. And he would. Once he had The Valuables, he would celebrate for the rest of his life.

  As Humphrey went in for a closer look, he heard insect legs scratch against flesh and blood in a wonderful melody. He started to tap his finger against Axel’s bottom lip, syncing the sounds, making up a song in his head as he waited for his faithful minions to return with the grand prize. Axel’s arms twitched, and his legs kicked upward a few times during the process. He looked to be asleep. Humphrey assumed that in whatever nightmare Axel dreamt, he felt the physical pain. His brain would carry the pain into his dream. Except, Humphrey thought with a tickling sensation, the beetles in his dream would probably be as big as skyscrapers. They would surround his tiny body, as humans do with ants.

  A few insect legs poked out here and there across the gums, waving. Humphrey waved back. “Who’s a go
od boy? Yes, you! You’re a good boy.”

  After what felt like twenty minutes, the beetles came out of Axel’s wounds. Humphrey counted them. The earlier beetles struggled out, for their bodies were now much larger than before.

  That makes five. That’s eight, nine, and ten.

  Humphrey brought out a small flashlight, beaming the artificial sun around, looking for the last beetle. There was no sign of it; only blood and meat. Flesh hung from the roof of Axel’s mouth, like wet clothing over a clothing line.

  Once he searched Axel’s mouth three times, Humphrey made kissing sounds in hopes that it would return the beetle to its master. Again—there was no sign. If it took this long, then it had obviously found The Valuables. Golden ideas are not meant to rushed, or stressed. What had the bear-fish said?

  “They may appear the minute you leave this room, or they may appear tomorrow, or in ten years.”

  A skin beetle can survive several days without food or water. Soon enough, it would come back out, carrying The Valuables. It wouldn’t eat any live tissue, and it’s too small to do any damage alone. Would it be a problem for crabby to have a beetle stuck inside of his face? Humphrey didn’t think so; crabby would have some friendly company. Maybe he’d even want to keep it as a pet afterward. Humphrey would let him; he had plenty to spare. And, after all, Humphrey was a kind man.

  2

  Humphrey threw water in Axel’s face. His body erupted in violent shakes. In the blackened dawn of his eyes, a barrier of confusion appeared. Axel screamed. He had forgotten where he was, and who he was with. A metallic taste swept across the surface of his tongue. Strings of flesh hung from his mouth. He investigated them with his tongue. It was like running your tongue over multiple aired out, shrunken balloons. His entire face throbbed.

  “Hey, you did great! It feels much better now that it’s over, right?”

  Axel only stared.

  “Here’s a lollipop.” Humphrey shoved it in Axel’s mouth, and then patted him on the cheek. With dramatic effect, Humphrey added that the flavor was strawberry. The lollipop sat on Axel’s mouth, not moving.

  “Well then, I thank you for your participation. It’s getting late and I’m heading to bed. You should probably get some sleep, as well; you deserve it.”

  Axel had to pee but said nothing. Humphrey started toward the door, wagon following his tail. He turned off the light. The lamp gave a bright grin, mocking Axel before it faded. Darkness crept in. Axel tried to shout for Humphrey to come back and kill him, but his mouth made a slippery mess of words. It sounded like someone stirring mashed potatoes, wet with milk and butter.

  The door closed. Axel gave a weak struggle with the chains. They rattled in the dark like some kind of a cheap scare. He started sobbing in guttural sobs. He had to elevate his tongue and keep it in the middle of his mouth, preventing it from touching the roof, the bottom, or either of the cheeks. Awareness returned with the closing of the door. Pain started to build. It became worse and worse, never peaking. Axel thought that the pain would reach a certain level and then stay there, but it kept building. His mental exhaustion aided the physical suffering. Axel uttered a cry, and his entire face clenched together. His tongue jumped around in his mouth. It burned wherever it touched. An image of his tongue engulfed in flames of cataclysm, scalding off skin and turning flesh crisp shot into his thought-canal. The blood in his body from the neck down turned cold, but the blood sailing in his facial area felt warm. It felt decorated with sharp, coarse sticks from decaying trees; thousands of them, scratching and cutting into his skin. Axel tried to shed some positive light into his brain. He struggled to spawn images of his family. He knew that love and happiness were the stronger emotions, but hatred has always been the loudest, making it easier to hear, easier to listen to. Hatred and anger were the emotions one fell under in moments of pain and suffering. Axel tried not to blame himself.

  Would it even be possible to love in a moment like this one?

  Axel shook his head and murmured that it was. Red bubbles of blood popped with his words. With his tongue struggling to stay still in the middle of his mouth, avoiding any contact with caution, Axel began to glance around the room. The darkness felt thicker than before, almost too heavy to breathe. It felt like he swallowed concrete. Not knowing what to do, Axel shut his eyes and prayed that sleep would come soon. When his inner layer of darkness applied to the outer one, his thoughts and emotions became more concentrated. With closed eyes, they were clearer, and they hit harder. In his discomfort, his erect tongue grew tired. Axel had no choice but to relax his tongue. It dropped to the bottom of his mouth, where it absorbed all the flavors of his mouth, like how a sponge absorbs water. Axel’s entire mouth steamed with burning agony. His mind pulled his tongue up again out of reflex, where it stayed safe for a few seconds before it grew too tired again.

  After hours of burning torment, it was no longer painful for him to keep his tongue at the bottom of his mouth. Axel was now able to take deep, steady breaths; something he made sure to take advantage of. His heart changed from the musical genre of heavy metal to a slower, more soothing genre like jazz. Axel felt himself slip into a stage of calm. He couldn’t help but smile out of relief. He revealed his bloody teeth to the darkness. His mouth had turned into a slaughterhouse of flesh, which hung everywhere.

  If there’s any form of evil from another world in this place, besides Humphrey, my smile would’ve scared them off.

  Once he reached a new depth of attention in his semi-calm state, Axel noticed something; felt something. At first, he thought it was just his imagination. But when it happened again, he prayed that it was just his imagination.

  Please, oh please, tell me that I’ve just gone insane and that I’m not really experiencing this.

  But Axel did feel it. He felt every element of it. Something moved beneath his skin. He felt tiny toothpicks scamper around, a dozen of them, adding another tier of pain as their sharp tips ran over wounds.

  The beetle…

  When it moved inside of him, he not only felt it—he also heard it. A scratching sound went out of both of his ears in unsteady waves. When the beetle moved around toward the left side of his face, the scratching sound coming out of his left ear was louder than the sound coming out of his right. He could still hear the sound from his right ear, only more subtle. Axel felt positive that this unbalanced fuse of sounds would eventually cause him to lose his mind. His instinct wanted no more than to raise his hands to cover his ears. The sounds were so loud, as if Axel had an anthill growing inside of his skull. They were loud enough to diminish logical thinking, and Axel no longer became aware of every detail of his situation. He first thought it possible to cover his ears. When he remembered that his hands were tied behind him, the disappointment hurt more than anything else.

  It was like having a dozen tiny fingers inside of his eardrums, with nails scratching and digging with vicious tendencies as if looking for a treasure. The sound turned constant, never ending. It also tickled. Axel pulled a muscle in his neck from moving his head around too much, too fast. His body pulled in awkward directions as he tried to get rid of the itch. The grip from the chains tightened against his wrists. As Axel’s head continued to wave around in abnormal movement, teeth scrapped off strings of flesh from his mouth. The sound increased in volume. Axel bit down on his cheek by accident, rupturing a wound. He made a gurgling sound, and blood shout out from cracks in between his upper teeth. He felt the beetle dash beneath his gums. Axel placed his tongue above his two front teeth. A hard bump raced across. He was quick enough to pin it down with his tongue, pressing down on the bump with force. He felt tiny, sharp legs panic. They scratched away at flesh, and the root of a tooth. Axel had not expected that. He drew back his tongue, feeling the beetle run upward, situating itself just below his nostrils. He tasted it on the tip of his tongue—moldy bark.

  Axel sucked dry air into his nostrils and commanded himself to try and follow it with his tongue to try and pull it out. He wa
s close to fainting again. His tongue moved slowly upward, a snake stalking prey. Air blew cool against this part of his face, where so much flesh was missing. His tongue ran over trenches. When it bumped into something hard, Axel’s first thought was that he had hit bone. But the bone started to panic, dodging past his tongue. Axel knew that he licked the back of an insect. His eyes widened. This time, his mouth didn’t react to the horror, but his mind did, with thoughts of disgust. A wave of anxiety went over him, boiling his brain, drowning it.

  Many moments later, Axel managed to steady his nerves and was painted with a small pen of relaxation. He became aware that he no longer felt or heard any movement. His paranoia, however, got the best of him; some wounds were starting to itch in their first healing cycle. Every itch startled him, for he always suspected that the beetle had come out to play.

  That little bastard is probably hiding somewhere.

  Yes. And the thought of an insect hiding in one of the many tunnels inside of his mouth would probably keep him awake all night. Axel would have to sit here, chained to a chair, and accept the fact that an insect had now built a home inside of his face.

  For the rest of the night, the two living creatures sat still, neither of them wanting to bother the other. Axel slept. The insect did not. Its entire body was covered with skin dotted with pink meat, except for the head. With black eyes, it stared at nothing.

  Humphrey didn’t sleep, either, for that matter. His head peeked through the door, watching. Like the beetle, Humphrey’s eyes were black in the dark.