Blue Anesthesia

by Daniel Lidman

  Ice cream, Axel thought again, clenching his laughter. He wasn’t just afraid of what Humphrey’s reaction might be to the laughter, but he felt positive that it would rupture his flesh, forcing him to drink blood in large gulps.

  “Ever since I learned about The Valuables from a bear-fish, they’ve been on my mind. I began to walk outside on my own, searching for them. I never found anything. I realized that The Valuables aren’t something physical that you stumble upon. They’re within you. And they’re within others. And then, I asked myself, but how can I find something within me? I realized that I couldn’t. You’re supposed to find them in others. Maybe that’s what love is to some people. When I found you, I was so happy.” Humphrey darted his stare onto Axel. His eyes were the color of coal.

  “I’m not happy anymore.”

  Axel’s temples pulsated with strong beats from a nervous heart. His thoughts were drowning, and he desperately tried to fish for some kind of solution. When Axel found nothing, he decided to deny everything Humphrey would lay upon him. He was desperate, after all.

  “What are you talking about?” His tone surfed on unsteady emotion. Axel felt anxious warmth rise with each second.

  “Where is the beetle?” Humphrey showed no facial sign of rage, or even sadness. The naked part of his face was bland, as it always had been. Axel found himself hoping for Humphrey to lose his mind in a fit of anger. There was something truly uncomfortable about watching a face that had discovered a terrible truth, absent of any emotion. It was impossible to determine the intentions of that face.

  He’s beyond any human intention. His mind is in a place where human emotions do not grow.

  Axel’s heart felt heavy. “The beetle is in my mouth. I don’t know what you’re—“

  “Why do you say such things? Before I used the saw, when I was inspecting your mouth, I noticed something. I didn’t mean to turn my attention toward the beetle. I know that I must have patience. But how could I not notice that your wounds were healing in a perfect haste? There were no signs of any burrows, or movement, beneath any part of your mouth. Also, when I leaned your head backward, you didn’t react to any movement within you.”

  “Just relax and we can talk about—“

  “Shut your mouth, crabby.” No emotions were attached to his tone. “I’m talking. And you better listen. A beetle cannot, and I repeat, cannot rest every hour of every day. They are driven by instinct. If there were to be a beetle in your mouth, it would still move around, regardless of how weak or starving it may be. It would still look for food. And if it were to move around beneath your gums and flesh, why are there no signs of that? Your scars would continue to bleed. They would not heal.

  “I didn’t think any of it when I saw the strings of flesh hanging from your mouth start to dry out. I didn’t think the beetle would make its way up to the roof of your mouth. But when I saw how well your gums had healed? Oh, crabby, you disappoint me.”

  “PLANT ANOTHER ONE THEN! DO THE SAME SHIT ALL OVER AGAIN. I DON’T CARE! JUST DON’T—“

  Axel paused, head downward. His hands worked a tight grip on the sheets of the hospital bed. They began to tremble, and the fabric let out a sound. Then they released, waiting for the momentary ache of his palms to pass before they gripped the sheets once more.

  Humphrey kneeled down on the side of the bed. His hands knotted together in a patient gesture on his stomach. “Don’t what?” Axel heard a hint of emotion in Humphrey’s tone now—amusement.

  “JUST DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN!” Axel screamed, sparking a burn in his throat. In the distance, a flock of birds fled at the sound.

  “There is only one thing worse than rushing a golden idea: trying to revive one.”

  Axel let out sounds of frustration. He moved against the chains, and they also let out sounds of frustration, creating a symphony of pain from all things.

  “I assume you spotted the road down there. Over the next few hours, you might want to continue looking at that road.” Axel grew tired of struggle, and let his body rest. Strained lungs announced their pain into the air.

  “In a few minutes, you’ll see me drive down that road, past the hill. Before dark, I will return in the same car.” Humphrey lifted his surgical mask, displaying a grin before he put the mask back down.

  “I will return with Susanne Gardner.”

  Chapter Seven

  Susanne

  1

  “Be careful! Those are mommy’s glasses, sweetheart. I can’t see well without them.”

  Emma gave a slight giggle and stopped poking her mother’s glasses. She pressed against Susanne’s chest and embraced herself in loving arms, which had sworn many nights that they would never turn cold or absent.

  Susanne put Emma down onto a carpet decorated with colors of the rainbow. Emma ran her fingers over the colors. In awe, she turned to her mother—now resting on a chair—and looked for answers from the person who had been around to answer everything.

  “Magic,” Susanne said as she met Emma’s look.

  “But how does it work?”

  Susanne was lost in Emma’s gleaming eyes, which carried interest for all the things surrounding her. When the phone rang, Susanne jumped. “One second, baby,” she said, walking toward the kitchen.

  Who in the world could that be?

  “Susanne Gardner speaking,” she said in a voice good enough to provide commentary over commercials. There was nothing but silence on the other end.

  A voice began to break through. “—hear me?”

  “Hi, honey. I can hear you”

  “I’m going out for an evening walk with the fellows from work. Peter just filed for a divorce, and we’re worried that his quiet walks won’t be, well, quiet—so we’re trailing along.”

  Susanne smiled. How had she been so lucky to find someone as caring as Samuel? “That’s fine,” she said and turned to Emma with the phone in hand. “Will you be home for dinner?”

  “No, probably not,” Samuel replied. “We’ll probably get some fast-food or something after the walk. I mean, the walking isn’t about losing calories, not for Peter, anyway. He just wants to forget about everything.”

  “Well, I’ll leave some dinner in the fridge for you, in case you get hungry. I thought about making spaghetti tonight.”

  “Spaghetti sounds great, dear. Oh, hey, have you received any news on Axel?”

  Susanne tightened her grip on the phone. She fell silent for a while, drowning in memories, sparking emotions. “No.”

  “It’s been four days, right?”

  “Uh-huh,” Susanne agreed. She felt her nose start to run and darted for a box of napkins on the kitchen counter. Emma offered a brief glance toward her mother, and then the rainbow carpet captured her interest once more. “God,” Susanne breathed in a slight whimper. “I mean, we usually hear from him once a week and it hasn’t even been a week yet, but…” She trailed off, blowing her nose into the napkin. “He was supposed to contact mom a few days ago, and she’s been trying to reach him, but he doesn’t answer his phone. Mom said that he seemed a bit off, more so than usual and that he probably just went camping to clear his head. We’ve all been talking to him about a vacation, and maybe he finally took one, but it’s weird to me that he wouldn’t answer his phone.”

  “Have you tried calling his manager?

  “I did, yes. Axel’s next performance is two months from now. He doesn’t have anything related to the press lined up, either. His manager told me that Axel is writing this week, and the next. And apparently they always have minimum contact during the writing.”

  “Well,” Samuel said. The generosity in his voice became stained by sounds of traffic. “Maybe he went on some kind of spiritual cleanse? I’ve heard about those. You go somewhere quiet and peaceful, turn off all electronics, and become one with nature or something like that. It makes sense to me if he’s also writing.”

  “I don’t think so. I guess it’s a possibility with how he’s been acting as of late, but I thin
k that would be too stretched, even for him.”

  Susanne caught a glimpse of Emma licking the rainbow carpet and marched over. “Emma, quit it! That’s not food, sweetheart.”

  “Is everything okay?” Samuel chuckled. Susanne heard a touch of sweetness in that chuckle, and again spawned thoughts of how lucky she was.

  “Emma just likes the new rainbow carpet a bit too much.”

  Simultaneous laughter on both ends of the phone occurred.

  “I’m sure he’s fine,” Samuel said. “He’s got the police looking for him. Man, I can’t wait to hear him talk about his reaction to his first ever encounter with the police. Knowing him, I’ll laugh my testicles off.”

  “Actually, the police aren’t looking for him.”

  “But I thought you filed a report, surely—“

  “We did, yes. The police didn’t find his absence strange since we informed them that we only hear from him once a week. And like I said: hasn’t been a week yet.”

  “That’s ridiculous! Like, geez, isn’t it better to be on the safe side?”

  “It sure is,” Susanne agreed. They both grew quiet. The only sound coming from the phone was the occasional electric crackle and the constant flow of traffic on Samuel’s end.

  “Well, I’m almost here, babe. Kiss Emma on the cheek for me, will you?”

  “You know I will.” Susanne was unaware of it, but natural makeup in the form of blushes made their appearance on her face. “I love you, Samuel.”

  “And I love you, Susanne. I’ll be home in a few hours. Bye-bye.”

  “Bye-bye,” Susanne said in mid-grin.

  An electric beep screamed in her ear. Susanne dropped the phone back into its stand. She started to plan tonight’s recipe in her head as she walked toward her daughter.

  2

  Emma’s smile seemed to stretch around the back of her head as Susanne approached. Although some of her teeth were crooked, Susanne saw nothing but beauty in Emma’s smile. Susanne sat down. Her legs were crossed, and now she pulled funny faces, like Uncle Axel liked to do. Emma bellowed laughter in the voice of a chipmunk.

  As an odd response to this, the doorbell rang. Emma covered her ears—she hated the loud sound of the doorbell. It rang once, pausing for a second before ringing again. It ran again, and again, and again. The pattern of time between each ring followed in perfect rhythm.

  Susanne walked to the door, hiding the slight annoyance in her lips caused by the constant ringing of the doorbell. Before opening the door, she stood on the tip of her toes to look through the peephole. Terror swept over her. Panicked, she opened the door, wanting to offer her assistance.

  “Dear God, are you—“

  “Please,” the man pleaded. He was covered in blood. And something white stuck to the blood. These white things glimmered in the light, and Susanne thought of pearls. “There’s been an accident,” the man continued. “Can I please use your phone and dial for help?”

  Susanne had trouble processing the image of a bloody man, who looked like a surgeon, standing in her doorway. He even had a surgical mask on. Susanne stood there, shocked, not knowing what to think or do.

  “I’m a doctor. My wife and I were on our way to the hospital when the accident occurred. I put on all of my gear and tried to stop her bleeding to the best of my ability, but by God, we need help!”

  Susanne didn’t have enough time to react. The man pushed her gently aside, walking inside of her home. He spotted the phone on the kitchen counter and went for it. She heard the press of buttons. The man placed the phone against his ear, waiting for the dial.

  “I’m sorry that I just barged in here, ma’am, but my wife means the world to me. I cannot lose her. I’ll be gone before you know it.”

  Susanne tried her best to paint a smile not clogged with fear. Of course, she wanted to help, and she was glad to. But…didn’t the blood on the man seem very dry? Had she heard a crash or something similar that would indicate an accident? Besides, where did this crash take place? She saw no accident in sight when she opened the door. And if the crash had taken place farther down the street, why had this man approached her house instead of the house closest to the crash?

  In a rush of realization, Susanne ran toward Emma, who still crawled around on the rainbow carpet, as if nothing at all had troubled her world. The man looked in the direction Susanne was running, saw a child, and grew a wide grin. He threw the phone. It hit Susanne in the back of her head with a hollow clunk. She stumbled, falling forward. Her glasses fell off, landing in front of her. In a fast motion, her hand grabbed them, and she put them back on. The world became clear again. In the midst of her struggle to get back on her feet, the man rushed across the room. He picked up a crying Emma. He held her in front of him, both hands around her throat. Susanne regretted her decision to put her glasses back on. This was an image no parent would want to see in high-definition.

  “Close the door,” the man commanded. Susanne looked more confused than ever. Strands of hair covered most of her face. The man tightened his grip around Emma’s throat. Her sobs turned into coughs, struggling for air. “I said: close the door.”

  With cracks in her heart, deepening with each second, Susanne closed the door. The man loosened his grip. Emma had another coughing episode.

  “…mommy.”

  Susanne began to weep. “GIVE ME BACK MY BABY!” Her words carried force, staggering the man’s stance for a second. The amount of raw emotion in those words almost overwhelmed him.

  “Hello,” the man said. “My name is Humphrey Windrill and I have—“

  “I don’t give a fuck! If you hurt her again, YOU’RE DEAD! NOW YOU GIVE HER BACK!”

  “Why would I give a child back to a cursing mother? Have you no respect?”

  Susanne started toward Humphrey. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” Susanne heard how Emma’s throat struggled for air once more. Her tiny arms waved in panicked protest.

  “Okay,” Susanne said, cautious. “Just tell me what you want. I’ll do anything, just please stop.”

  “That’s more like it. Take off your glasses.”

  Susanne cast a stare of enigma, but did as he said. Humphrey put down Emma behind him, brought out a scalpel, and took slow steps toward Susanne. “Don’t move.”

  He stood inches away from her. She felt the soft touch of his glove lift her eyelids. Susanne couldn’t see what he was doing, but she thought that she spotted a magnifying glass. Her eyes were wet with tears. The lightning provided by the overhead lamp in the room made her eyes sparkle like white diamonds.

  “Not my mommy,” Emma sobbed.

  “Okay,” Humphrey said. “You can put your glasses back on.” Susanne did. “Now, you and I are going to walk back out. If you show any signs of struggle, I will make it my personal mission to run back here and do awful things to your daughter. Do you understand?”

  Susanne nodded. Tears ran down her face with the nod’s movement.

  “That’s good. I’m parked just down the street. Come along now, duckling.”

  “PLEASE DON’T TAKE MY MOMMY!” Emma now wailed. She choked on her tears. MOMMY CAN’T LEAVE MEEEE!”

  Humphrey grabbed Susanne and walked outside. Before the door shut, Susanne looked back at Emma, who stared with crying eyes at her mother. She looked so lost and confused, sitting with her tiny body in the middle of the hallway. The door slammed.

  From inside, Emma screamed.

  3

  “Are you excited to see your brother?”

  The question came out of nowhere. Susanne turned away from the window, which displayed nothing but tall trees along a slim road.

  “How do you know my brother?”

  “He and I are well acquainted at this point. He’s been staying at my place. He helped me try to make the world a better place. Notice how I said helped; he’s no longer helping.”

  Tears were building in her eyes. “What have you done to him?”

  “Excuse me? Now, that’s very biased, wou
ldn’t you say? Way to assume things. What makes you think that I’m the bad guy here? I would have you know, duckling, that he is the bad guy in this scenario. Your brother may have doomed the world.”

  Susanne waved off his words as if they were an annoying mosquito.

  “Wait a minute,” Humphrey said. “I have a very important question to ask you.”

  “What?”

  “You look like a freshwater duckling to me. I know one when I see one. We used to have this pond by my house, and freshwater ducklings made it their home. Anyway, how come your brother is of the sea when you’re a freshwater duckling? I mean, since you’re a duckling, you stay on the surface of the water; meaning, that you live a happy life—I could tell by the child and all. But still, sea and freshwater are very different, wouldn’t you say?”

  Susanne ignored the ludicrous question. “Where are we going?”

  Humphrey seemed to take no offense to this. “We’re going to meet your brother, like I said.”

  “And where is my brother?”

  “You know, you’re a lot more talkative than your brother. He barely spoke at all when I took him for a ride. But then again, I suppose ducks quack.”

  “Is he hurt?”

  “My Verse-of-U, do you not care about the greater good? Who cares if he’s hurt? The world is hurting, as it has for decades. And it will only continue to dwell in pain. Do you not care about other people besides your loved ones? Cast your eyes over the horizon for once.”