Blue Anesthesia

by Daniel Lidman

  “Twelve days,” Susanne replied, blushing.

  “Barely two weeks?”

  “Uh-huh. Samuel always referred to the incident as the ‘twelve days’ to give it more of an impact. I think he was traumatized for at least a month.”

  They laughed underneath nature’s painting. Susanne looked up, and the sky was painted with a vibrant blue. “Well,” Axel said. “Maybe I could draw her something?”

  “She’d love that.”

  “Are you looking forward to seeing her again?”

  Susanne smiled. “I miss her more than anything. I’m going to take her for ice cream every day for like a year, just to see her smile. God, I could never get tired of that smile. What about you, brother of mine?” She bumped her head into his shoulder. “What are you looking forward to?”

  “Well, certainly not the time I’ll have to spend in an asylum after all of this is done.”

  “Please don’t say that,” Susanne replied with friendly annoyance. “I’m not coming to visit you in a place like that. I think I’ve had enough of those places for at least a decade. Really, though; what are you looking forward to?”

  Axel chuckled. “I’m looking forward to being reborn.” Susanne prepared to laugh at this, thinking that he made another joke, but she saw a serious look in his eyes. “I also miss someone more than anything,” he went on. “I miss the old me. I can’t recall when this entity entered my body, and changed me beyond the point of recognition. But I’m looking forward to getting rid of it. I’m looking forward to being content with myself; to be happy.”

  Susanne looked at him with proud eyes. “It’s okay if I can’t get rid of it on my own,” Axel said, looking back at her. “It’ll definitely leave once I visit enough family dinners. The boredom will kill it.”

  “It’s weird how you’re almost back to being you again,” Susanne said. “You’re making more and more jokes each day.”

  “Yeah,” Axel replied, blushing himself.

  “Will you get help if you can’t get rid of it on your own? And I don’t mean help from yourself or anyone else in this family. Will you get help from a professional?”

  Axel turned silent. Wind swept his hair, carrying sand.

  “I’ll go with you,” Susanne said. “I mean, if you want. You don’t have to be alone. I also know that you’re inclined to accept things out of the kindness of your heart. So, if some jackass offers you a medication with a bad reputation, I’ll be there to confirm.”

  “I’ll get help, Susanne.”

  “Do you promise?”

  “I promise,” he replied, smiling. He knew that he meant it.

  A roar from a truck ended their comfort. It sped up the path. Gravel and dirt flew behind its tires in a miniature sandstorm. Humphrey almost threw himself out of the truck, pistol in hand, catching the light of morning. He didn’t bother to shut off the engine, or even to close the door. He pointed at Axel in his walk, which dug up the ground.

  “You,” he said. “You’re coming with me.”

  Susanne grew a concerned aura. “What’s going on?”

  “Deceiver,” Humphrey said in a deep voice. He didn’t turn to look at her. He stared at Axel with sharp eyes. “I should’ve known. The ocean is darker toward the bottom, crabby.”

  “What are you talking about?” Axel asked, not returning the stare.

  “THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN IS WHERE THE CRABS LIVE!” Humphrey shouted, filling the inside of his surgical mask with spit. “You’re of the night. I met the leader of the night, and he confirmed that you were indeed not of the blue. The ocean is darker toward the bottom, where crabs live. You can’t reach the blue.”

  A moment of silence as Axel and Susanne tried to process this.

  “I ought to kill you like I killed the others.”

  “What others?” Susanne asked.

  “I killed the anteater for his truck; I killed the toad for her gasoline; and I killed the leader of the night for his evil. And now, I shall kill you. You are useless to me. It’s not you who carries The Valuables anymore.”

  Axel laughed. “Kill me, then.” Although Axel couldn’t see it, the calm nature of his own voice made Humphrey’s mouth drop. “I would love for you to kill me. I would love to know that I was the last straw. Because of me, you’d succumb to a madness even you can’t handle. You claim to be for the greater good, but you and I both know that I am now useless; you said so yourself. I believe that’s why you haven’t killed me since Susanne arrived. Tell me, Humphrey, how would killing me now benefit the greater good? There would be no reason for it. And guess what? The universe also knows that. It’s watching you.”

  A stake of brimming silence pierced Humphrey’s tongue. Even with his surgical mask on, he now felt naked. “Night,” he managed in a nervous whisper.

  “Am I, Humphrey? Am I? We all know that people of the night are liars; evil people who don’t obey the laws of the Verse-of-U. Instead, they obey their own laws, benefiting themselves instead of the whole world. Could you trust one of those people? More specifically, could you trust their leader? We’ve had our moments throughout this quest: all those times that I helped you. Would you still call me of the night, looking back?”

  Susanne looked at her brother with silent bewilderment. For a moment, she wondered if he had gone insane.

  Humphrey put his hands on the sides of his head. They stayed for a minute, clashing into hair; the pistol stood tall on one side, resembling an antler. He slammed his hands against his head. Anxious grunts escaped his mouth.

  “I can make myself useful,” Axel said, now looking at Humphrey. A tear of silver dropped from Humphrey with a jerk of his eye. “I am useless now, true, but I can prove myself to you. Give me a chance to become useful. It’ll rid of the dilemma, which you now face. Once I’ve proved myself, you can decide what you want to do with me. The universe will then allow your decision, even if it’s morbid.”

  “Don’t you dare,” Susanne said. Her lips trembled. Both men turned to look at her. Her blonde hair swept over her face. Some of it tucked inside of the rim of her glasses. Behind the rectangles of glass, her eyes vibrated in their sockets. Her nose pulled upward, and her mouth parted in a trembling frown. “Axel, don’t you do this.”

  “Susanne, listen to me—“

  “You listen to me!” Her face broke apart, crackling with wrinkles, which would soon be permanent with age. “I thought I lost you once. I wandered around my house for days. I must’ve noticed every detail in my house; every dent in the wall and every plank of the floor. I still recall the floral patterns on our tapestry, because I paced back and forth, staring at it when I worried. I am more familiar with your face in the family pictures around my house then I am of your face now. I stared at those pictures for hours. When I close my eyes and think of you, I don’t see you as I do now—I see you in those pictures.”

  She started to weep. “I refuse to lose you again. Do you hear me? I REFUSE! YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO GROW OLD AND HAPPY. WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES, I WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE AS YOU ARE NOW, SMILING. AND YOU WILL STICK AROUND LONG ENOUGH TO BE HAPPY, AXEL! YOU WILL!”

  Susanne Gardner exhausted herself, and fell into her brother’s shoulder, crying. She stared at him with concerned eyes. In that moment, Axel found himself to be such a fool for ever doubting her love for him. He smiled at her—a smile most genuine. “I’m going to be okay,” he said. He turned to Humphrey. “Get me out of this straitjacket. I’ll help with the extraction.”

  Axel winked to Susanne. Humphrey didn’t notice, but even if he did, Axel doubted that he had enough social experience to know the meaning of such a thing.

  “Very well,” Humphrey replied. “We’ll perform the deed in the barn.”

  3

  Axel fell flat on coarse hay as Humphrey released him from his straitjacket. His body mildly recovered from the great pressure upon his bones and skin. He moved his arms around as if it was the first time he had been able to do so.

  Susanne still wore her straitjac
ket. She leaned against a wall with her knees high. Humphrey displayed all the knives, which he had grabbed from Bertha’s Groceries, in front of her. With the clank of steel hitting steel, Axel approached him with haste.

  “This is my time, remember? I’m supposed to prove my usefulness. I’ll handle the knives.”

  “Alright,” Humphrey said. “But I’ll handle the pistol.” With the pistol aimed at Axel, he took a few steps backward, putting distance between them. Axel dropped to his knees in front of his sister, who seemed too afraid to look at him.

  “Can you run?” Axel whispered.

  Susanne nodded.

  “You won’t prove much by just talking,” Humphrey said, cocking the pistol.

  “I’m just making sure that she’s ready.”

  “Well, get on with it!”

  Axel started down at two rows of knives. Each row carried four knives. Largest to smallest went from left to right. Axel didn’t see the scissor, but didn’t care much for it. He grabbed the largest knife; a slicing knife, tall and thin. Axel looked toward Humphrey, took notice of his excited trembles, which the pistol absorbed, and then gave a nod to make his glance less suspicious. He positioned himself at an angle where he could see Humphrey’s excited trembles in the corner of his eye. Axel knew that this was the defining moment of Humphrey’s life; the excited trembles were unavoidable.

  What makes them even more apparent, Axel thought, is that he’s watching someone else decide the fate of the world, as he sees it. That must increase the excitement by a tenfold.

  With a gentle motion, Axel pulled down Susanne’s glasses, allowing them to rest on the ridge of her nose so that she could just as easily put them back on with a sway of her head.

  “Left eye,” Humphrey said. His voice carried electric anxiety, slippery in tone. His words were caught in saliva.

  Axel pointed the slicing knife’s tip toward Susanne’s left eye. In the corner of his own eye, he noticed how the pistol started to dance in Humphrey’s grip. He moved the knife closer. The pistol began to shake between Humphrey’s palms in a slight echo. Axel moved the knife even closer, inches away from pricking into Susanne’s eyeball.

  The knife grew closer and closer. Humphrey’s trembles increased. One hand grasped his mouth.

  Susanne felt ice touch her eyeball. For a second, Axel saw confusion in her look. Humphrey’s trembling began to shake the muzzle of the pistol; just what Axel waited for. He leaped from his feet, caught the balance of a sprint, and ran toward Humphrey with the slicing knife. Humphrey jerked backward, pulling the trigger with a rapid finger. The first bullet missed, hissing above Susanne, striking the barn’s rear wall. A second bullet touched the floor beside Axel, a few inches from his left foot.

  He felt a sharp pain in his shoulder. The third bullet burrowed into him. With his empty hand, Axel put pressure on the wound, not knowing if the tiny rocks he felt were bones or gunpowder. Warm blood escaped through the cracks of his fingers.

  Humphrey fired a fourth time. The fourth bullet vibrated with heat against his head, before striking into the wall behind him. Axel felt an intense burn on the side of his head, as if someone struck a match there. The bullet pulled away enough skin to leave a trail of blood down his neck and back. Humphrey fired a fifth time, but this bullet struck the roof, for now, Axel was on top of him. Without thinking, Axel held the knife high. “Don’t worry,” he said. “This will only hurt a little.” With all of his muscles, he brought the knife down. He felt the texture of moist flesh as it pierced into Humphrey’s stomach.

  “DECEIVER,” Humphrey tried to exclaim. He lodged the pistol’s barrel against Axel’s side and pulled the trigger. Axel screamed, tumbling over. Humphrey crawled on top of him. He placed the pistol beneath Axel’s chin. Axel suspected the pistol to feel cold, but it was warm, coated with red.

  With the ringing in their ears, none of them heard Susanne come from behind. She bit Humphrey’s neck, grinding his skin between her teeth before applying enough force to bite through it. When she had a confident grip, she pulled, hearing skin rupturing.

  Humphrey yelped a sound of extreme pain. His body went numb, and he dropped the pistol. Susanne pulled Humphrey upward. His panicked hands clawed for a grip on her hair. Axel grabbed the slicing knife, turning and twisting it, before pulling it out. Humphrey shrieked a cry loud enough to remove the ringing in Axel’s ears. Having little strength, Axel struggled for another stab. He pierced Humphrey’s waist, met bone and wiggled the knife to get around it. The knife lodged halfway into Humphrey when Axel released, dropping flat to the ground, vibrating the hay around him with a thud.

  Axel struggled up again. Blood bubbled in his throat with exhausted grunts. Humphrey reached for Axel’s tongue and grabbed. It felt like a wet sock. He twisted, turning it around, knocking out a few loose teeth in the process.

  “DECEIVER,” he uttered. “I’VE BEEN DECEIVED!”

  Susanne pulled Humphrey away with her bare teeth. Axel laced his fingers around the knife’s handle. Susanne grunted with might, pulling him with all her strength. Axel slid the knife out of his chest. She cast Humphrey to the side, where he desperately tried to cling onto anything, but only grabbed hay. Axel used the knife to free Susanne from the straitjacket. She noticed that he blinked frequently.

  Axel’s reaction time grew slow. Susanne struggled out of her straitjacket when Humphrey leaped over her. “I’ve been deceived!” With a slap, he swept away her glasses, which she had managed to put back on. He reached into her left eye with his fingers, squishing it like a berry. Hot water squirted onto his gloves. He felt its heat through the fabric, radiating against his skin.

  A gunshot broke Susanne’s scream. Axel fired a bullet into Humphrey’s jaw, lodging it out of place, making it sway like a child’s swing. The surgical mask tore, and hung from one side of Humphrey’s face. He dropped. His legs twitched. It reminded Axel of the beetle.

  Humphrey Windrill fell silent.

  Susanne felt a slimy texture run down her left cheek. The warmth had left it, and it turned cold against her skin. On all fours, she scavenged around in the hay for her glasses. In her panic, her hand brushed past them several times before she found them. She put them on, not daring to look down onto the remains of her eyeball, sliding down her cheek. In her run, a cool wind blew steady against the mush. She ran for the knives. She put all of them inside of her straitjacket and carried it like a sack over her shoulder. She removed some of the belts from Axel’s straitjacket and tied them around her brother’s wounds. He held on to the pistol.

  “Axel,” she said. “We have to move, okay? The keys are still in the truck. I’m driving us to Birch.”

  He said nothing, but his physicality said enough. He had turned into a shiny, red Christmas ornament, glittering with sweat and blood. Susanne swung his arm over her shoulder, held it in place with her own hand, and lifted. Heavy grunts escaped him. Blood dripped from the tip of his fingers.

  Susanne thought of elementary school. All those times her brother had lifted her spirit with jokes and laughter. “It’s my turn to carry you now,” she said, not knowing if she meant to speak to herself or not.

  They felt the coarse texture of hay through their shoes. Axel felt it more than Susanne, for he hopped instead of walking. His feet struck the ground with more weight. In the barn, there were a few spots with soft dirt on the ground, instead of hay. Both of them expressed inner gratitude for this. It was much easier to walk on.

  Within minutes, they reached the giant doors. Susanne pushed; standing in the middle, both hands on one side. Axel fell into the door with his weight. It helped. When they contracted fresh air, Axel fell onto a path of gravel, head first. He was face-to-face with black tires and smelt their rubber. The pistol jumped out of his grip. It slid beneath the truck. He managed to grab it again. Its grip was rid of sweat, now dry with tiny rocks stuck to it. Susanne pulled him up.

  She opened the door to the backseat. Axel fell onto the seats, covering all of them with his l
ength. He knocked over the canister of gasoline. Liquid moved around with a slight echo. Eventually, the sound grew slow and steady. Axel closed his eyes. He pretended that he listened to ocean waves.

  For the first and last time, Susanne Gardner let someone ride a car without a seatbelt. The keys were in the ignition, greeting her with a shiny reflection. She expected that the car wouldn’t start, but it did. They were off. The world fell silent to her thinking. Sounds went past her with no impact. She couldn’t even hear the engine in the midst of her thoughts.

  For most of the ride, Susanne stared into the rear-view mirror, observing her brother. His eyes were closed. His arms were tucked together. Occasionally, his head bobbed along with the car, appearing lifeless.

  Susanne grew enough courage to ask if her brother was still alive. A foul taste lingered in her throat after she asked. She tried to swallow it away.

  “You know it, champ.”

  4

  Susanne stared down the tongue of Birch.

  They were driving into the suburbs now. Children no more than ages of five ran across their porches, expressing themselves with laughter and deep smiles instead of words. Susanne pulled over onto the curb of the first house. She felt bad—in spite of her current situation—that she removed the joy from children’s faces. They were barely any taller than the truck’s tires. They stood statues, following this weird one-eyed woman with the turn of their heads. Susanne ran, stumbled. She caught her balance seconds before she knocked on a door and rang a doorbell, both at the same time.

  A maid opened the door. She was about to ask Susanne if she could help her with anything, before retreating her words, realizing what a stupid question that would be.

  “Call an ambulance—please. My brother is dying.”

  The maid ran down the hall, toward the telephone. Susanne took a cautious step inside, smelling a unique scent. She yelled for the maid to also notify the police.