Coming Out

by Danielle Steel

  “Have I told you lately how proud I am of you?” She looked up at her firstborn with a happy smile, while Frieda watched them with pleasure. Olympia was a beautiful woman, and her son was a handsome, kind-hearted boy. He'd been eight when Olympia and Harry got married, and Frieda had watched him grow from child to man. Like his mother, she was proud of him, too. He was a good boy.

  “I love you, Mom,” Charlie said quietly, and she saw the same shadow in his eyes again, as though there were a question there. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't figure out the question, or the answer.

  “I love you, too, Charlie. More than you know. The girls look pretty tonight, don't they?” He nodded, and she continued chatting as they danced. It had been years since she danced with him. It startled her to realize how much he looked like his father at the same age, but he was a much better person. “There are a lot of pretty girls here tonight. Maybe you'll find the girl of your dreams,” she teased him. In truth, she would have been unhappy if he had. She wanted him to find a girl from a more interesting world than this one. These people were all right for one night, but in some ways they were an oddity, a relic from the past, like Charlie's father. She wanted him to find someone with broader horizons than these, a woman whose values weren't as narrow. And as she thought about it, Charlie looked down at her with a quiet smile.

  “I know this is a crazy place to do it, Mom. And I know it's probably the wrong time. But I've wanted to tell you something for a while.”

  “If you tell me you have a skull and crossbones tattooed on your chest, I'm going to hit you.” He laughed and shook his head, and his eyes grew serious again.

  “No, Mom. I'm gay.” He didn't miss a step as he danced with her, and she looked at him with eyes filled with more love and pride than he had ever dared to hope he would see there once he told her. She hadn't let him down. And for her, the question she'd seen in his eyes for so long had finally been answered. She didn't say anything for a long time, and then she leaned closer to him and kissed him.

  “I love you, Charlie. Thank you for telling me.” His confidence in her was the greatest gift he could have given her, just as her peaceful acceptance of what he had told her was the greatest gift she could have given him. “I guess when I think about it, I'm not all that surprised. I am, but I'm not. Was that what happened with the boy who killed himself last year? Were you in love with him?” Maybe in her heart of hearts she had wondered about it all along. She was no longer sure. Maybe her heart had told her Charlie was different long before her head understood.

  “No.” He shook his head. “We were just friends. He went home for the weekend and told his parents he was gay, too, and his father said he never wanted to see him again. He killed himself when he got back.”

  “How terrible of his father to do something like that.” She caught a glimpse of Chauncey over his shoulder as they danced. It was not going to be easy for Charlie to share this news with him. They both knew that. Chauncey had a million prejudices on a multitude of subjects.

  “I think I was afraid that something like that could happen to me. Not killing myself. But I was afraid of what you'd say if I told you and Dad. I think I knew you'd be okay, but you never know. And I can't see Dad taking it well.”

  “He probably won't. He has some growing up to do. Maybe I can help. But I don't think you should try telling him tonight,” she said cautiously, and Charlie laughed. Chauncey was obviously drunk, as always.

  “I wasn't planning to tell him tonight. I've wanted to tell you and Harry for months. Do you think he'll be okay?” Charlie asked with a look of concern. What Harry thought mattered a lot to him. He had deep respect for the man, even though he wasn't there that night. Not being there was just something Harry thought he had to do. They had all forgiven him by then, even his wife.

  “I think Harry will be fine. In fact, I'm sure of it. Tell him whenever you want.”

  “I will. Thanks, Mom,” he said then, looking down at her. He looked happier than she'd seen him in months. And as she looked at him, the dance came to an end. “You're the best mom anyone could ever have. Now can I tell you about the tattoo on my back?” He laughed at her, looking like a kid again. But that night they both knew he had become a man. He had taken the terrifying step from childhood into adulthood. Tonight had been a rite of passage for him, too, a terrifying one. And thanks to her, he had landed on both feet, and the ground under him was solid, whatever his sexual preferences were. She loved him no matter what. That was clear. He had her unconditional love and respect.

  “Don't you dare tell me you have a tattoo, Charlie Walker. I might have to strangle you for that!”

  “Don't worry, Mom, I don't.” He had to go backstage to the others then, but he had known that before he did, he had to tell her. He didn't know why, but he knew that he had to tell her tonight. He wanted to. In a different way than his sisters, he had come out, too.

  She turned to look at him again before he led her back to her table, and she told him just what he wanted to hear and needed from her. “I'm proud of you.” He kissed her cheek and led her back to her table. There, standing quietly next to her seat, was Harry in white tie and tails, watching her. He looked as though he had always planned to be there with her. Frieda was beaming up at him with pride. It had not just been a night for the girls, it was a good night for sons, too.

  “What are you doing here?” she asked softly, smiling at him, as Charlie left them. She was touched beyond words that he was there. His coming, despite his principles and objections, was a gift she would forever cherish, as she would the trust of her son. It had been a memorable night so far.

  “I decided to take your suggestion, and my mother's, and get over myself. I thought tonight might be a good time to do it.” Everyone seemed to be having epiphanies that night, and she had had hers, too. She realized that she loved him, whether he came to the ball or not. She had given up hoping ever since he told her how strongly he felt about it.

  “Do we have time for a dance?” he asked her gently, and she nodded. It was the last dance before the presentation. He had orchestrated his arrival perfectly.

  “I love you, Harry,” she said happily, waltzing slowly in his arms.

  “I love you, too. I'm sorry I was such a pain in the ass over this. I guess I had to work it out for myself.” And then he laughed. “My mother told me tonight when she left that she was ashamed of me. She said I was the most prejudiced person she knew. Max even said it was stupid of me not to come. I know it was. The only one I care about here is you, and the kids of course. But I wanted to be here with you. I'm sorry I let you come here alone. How was dinner, by the way?”

  “Interesting. Chauncey had a tantrum over Veronica's tattoo. I don't blame him, but as usual, he went a little overboard.”

  “Did she tell him to get fucked?” he asked with amusement. He had obviously missed the fireworks over dinner, but had turned up for the best part, the part that really mattered to her. The presentation of her girls to society, whatever that was.

  “Remarkably, she didn't,” she said in answer to his question about what Veronica had said to her father. “She told him to grow up. That's not a bad idea. Getting sober wouldn't be a bad idea, either. He still drinks too much.” She had a lot of things to tell him when they went home that night, mostly Charlie's admission to her. It was foremost in her mind. But she didn't want to tell him here. She was still a little startled by what her son had told her, but touched that he had taken her into his confidence at last. He had looked like a thousand-pound weight had been lifted off his shoulders from the moment he told her. She still had to digest it herself. But in the end, whatever he was or wanted or needed, or made him happy, was fine with her. And she knew it would be with Harry, too. Chauncey was another story. She suspected he was going to take longer to adjust. And then she laughed as she continued to fill Harry in on what he'd missed. “I thought Chauncey was going to have a heart attack when the Washingtons walked in.” Harry laughed in resp
onse.

  “You certainly know how to make a statement a lot better than I do. Whatever their rules are, you've probably broken all of them with who you have at your table, along with the biggest WASP in Newport. That's one way to mix it up, and drag these people into the real world. How's my mother doing?”

  “I think she's having fun.” She smiled up at her husband then, with a look of obvious pleasure. “Thank you for coming, Harry. I'm so glad you're here.” He could see how much it meant to her and was pleased. He had done the right thing in the end and he knew it.

  “So am I. When does the show begin?” A drumroll at the end of their waltz answered his question, as the bandleader asked everyone to take their seats.

  Harry followed his wife off the floor, and sat down next to her and his mother in her wheelchair, and a moment later, the room went dark, a curtain rose, and a spotlight shone on an arch of flowers. A line of cadets from West Point appeared, raised their sabers, and crossed them. The debutantes were going to pass underneath, just as they had when Olympia made her debut twenty-seven years before. Frieda's eyes were wide as she watched the performance, and a moment later, the first girl came out. They appeared alphabetically, and Olympia knew that with the last name of Walker, the twins were going to come out last. They had forty-eight other girls to watch before Virginia and Veronica made their bows.

  The girls came out slowly, some looking nervous, others looking confident, some smiling broadly, others not at all. The wreaths of flowers on their heads made them look almost angelic, and some of the gowns were really lovely, others were slightly over the top. There were fat girls and thin ones, exquisite ones and plain ones, but as each of them came out, holding her bouquet, her gloved hand tucked into her escort's arm, each looked as though it was the most glorious moment of her life. The announcer called their names, and those of their escorts. They stood still, as everyone applauded, siblings whistled and shouted, and with measured grace, they curtsied, walked slowly down the stairs and under the cadets' sabers, and crossed the ballroom to wait for the others. There was something slightly silly about it, and wonderfully old-fashioned. It was easy to imagine girls doing it for the past several hundred years, right into modern times. Unlike their ancestors, these girls were no longer looking for husbands. They were stepping out into the world among family and friends for one magical moment they would remember forever. It was a world waiting to receive them and celebrate them, one that would be easy for some and harder for others. But tonight, in this one shining moment, everything that was happening was to assure them that everyone in the room loved them, was proud of them, and wished them well. There was an overwhelming feeling of joy and tender approbation in the room, as everyone applauded for each girl. And then at last, Olympia and those at her table applauded as first Veronica and then Virginia came out. Veronica looked anything but reluctant. She looked confident and proud, smiled a sexy smile, held her stole around her, and came down the stairs with measured steps, passed under the swords, and crossed the room to the others. Then Charlie appeared with Virginia. He looked incredibly dashing as he tucked his sister's gloved hand into his arm. He squeezed her arm gently, as she smiled shyly, dropped into a graceful curtsy, and walked slowly down the stairs and past the cadets. They paraded one more time around the dance floor, stood in a breathtaking line of young beauties, curtsied one last time, and then the fathers were invited to come to the dance floor. Chauncey got up more steadily than Olympia expected, and walked proudly onto the dance floor to claim Virginia. Olympia then whispered something to Harry. He hesitated, and she nodded, and then he went out to claim Veronica.

  Chauncey glanced at him for a moment, and then nodded. As though prearranged, they each danced with one girl for half a dance, and then switched. It was a moment Olympia knew that she, Harry, and Frieda would never forget. The man who had objected so strenuously to everything the evening stood for had danced with her daughters the night of their debut. And when the dance was over, much to Olympia's amazement, Chauncey shook his hand. It had turned out to be a rite of passage not only for the children but for the adults as well. Both families had acknowledged their bond to each other through their children. And then Chauncey came back to the table and invited Olympia to dance.

  “I still haven't gotten over that tattoo,” he said, looking down at her, smiling this time. For an instant, she could almost remember the man she had once loved. He shared these lovely children with her, and they had just shared a night that they would all long remember and cherish. She laughed at what he said.

  “Neither have I. I thought I was going to keel over when I saw it. I guess our children will always surprise us, and not always in the ways we want. But we're lucky, Chauncey, they're great kids.”

  “Yes,” he admitted without hesitation, “they are.” She looked across the dance floor and saw Harry dancing with Felicia, Veronica with Charlie, and Ginny happily in the arms of Steve, who had broken her heart the night before. She was laughing as he said something to her, and Olympia couldn't help wondering if Ginny had dazzled him and changed his mind that night. She hoped so. The girls deserved to be happy on that night more than all others. She knew that the girls would be out with their friends all night, and home after they had breakfast somewhere.

  Both girls made a point of coming over to her to tell her how much they loved her, and how glad they were that they'd done it. Veronica hugged her extra tight, and all three women cried as the twins thanked her. In that one shining moment, Olympia knew it had all been worthwhile.

  She and Harry danced long after Chauncey and Felicia and their guests left. Frieda sat happily in her wheelchair, enjoying the music and watching the people. They all had midnight supper, and it was two in the morning when all three Rubinsteins left. Frieda said that if she hadn't broken her ankle and been in a cast, she would have danced all night. She said it was the most magical evening of her life. Just seeing how thrilled she was to have been there touched Harry's and Olympia's hearts.

  Charlie had made a point of coming to say goodbye to them before he left with the girls. They were going to a private club to dance some more. It was a night none of them would ever forget. Charlie had whispered to his mother before he left, “Thanks again, Mom, I love you.”

  “I love you, too, sweetheart.” She smiled at him. For that one night, everything that mattered bonded them to each other. Both girls had come to thank her. Even Veronica said she'd had a great time, which was exactly what Harry said as they left.

  “I had a terrific time, Ollie,” he said, looking at her tenderly. He loved what she had done for his mother. She had known instinctively how much it meant to Frieda, and nothing in the world could have stopped Olympia from getting her there. Each in their own way, they had all come out that night. Perhaps Harry most of all. He had given up his radical ideals for just a moment, allowed himself to be mellowed, and discovered that it wasn't such a travesty to move in many worlds. Frieda's eyes were still sparkling as they got in the limousine. Tonight Frieda was Cinderella, Olympia had been her fairy godmother. And Harry had turned out to be the handsome prince after all.

  The three of them gathered in the kitchen when they got home, where Harry made omelets. Frieda was still wearing her beautiful black velvet dress, as Harry loosened his tie. They sat at the kitchen table, talking about each special moment of the night.

  “That was quite a dress Felicia was almost wearing,” Harry said as he finished his omelet, and Olympia laughed.

  “She suits Chauncey to perfection, better than I did,” Olympia said generously. “Maybe Veronica broke the ice with her goofy tattoo. Madame Butterfly. Maybe I should get one, too.”

  “Don't you dare!” Harry growled at her, looking more handsome than ever to his mother and his wife.

  Olympia helped Frieda get into bed, while Harry cleaned up the kitchen. Frieda looked up at her daughter-in-law from her pillows, with stars in her eyes.

  “Thank you, Olympia. I had the best time I've ever had.”

/>   “Me too,” Olympia said honestly. “I'm so happy you and Harry were there.”

  “He's a good boy,” Frieda said proudly. “I'm glad he did the right thing.”

  “He always does,” Olympia said, and kissed her good night, then she turned off the light and left the room. Harry was waiting for her in the hallway outside his mother's room. They walked upstairs hand in hand and quietly closed the door to their bedroom, so they didn't wake Max. The sitter Harry had called at the last minute had left when they got home. She'd been fast asleep in Charlie's room, since it was nearly three. It was almost four when Harry unzipped Olympia's dress and looked at her with pleasure, and then she remembered what she hadn't been able to tell him until then. Her eyes grew serious as she looked at him.

  “Charlie told me something very important tonight.”

  “That he has a tattoo, too?” he teased, and she shook her head. She wasn't sad for Charlie. She had enormous respect for him.

  “Charlie came out tonight, too.”

  “Out of what?” Harry asked, looking confused, and then he understood. It didn't completely surprise him, although he had never been sure. But he had wondered once or twice, and didn't want to say anything to Olympia, in case his suspicions weren't accurate. He was afraid it might upset her. It hadn't. It had surprised her, but she loved him more than ever.