The Housewife Assassin Gets Lucky
Page 28
The kids clamor into the back of the van, and we’re off. Mary, who, on any given day would have taken the passenger seat up front, chooses the two-seat row in the middle instead, with Trevor.
I maneuver around a Porsche going too slow for my taste, and in the process get honked at by a bus. The driver is miffed because we’ve killed any chance he has of making the light.
“Cool driving, Mrs. Stone.“ Trevor’s approval wins me a temporary reprieve. Then he smiles shyly at Mary. “So, you and your dad will be at the Parent-Student dance this Friday, right?”
This eighth-grade rite of passage is one of the highlights of the school year. Two years from now, it will be my turn to go with Jeff. Although it’s Mary’s turn, without Carl there to take her, she will miss out.
Jeff and Mary’s father is never there for them, no matter what the occasion.
This is why she retorts, “No way! I wouldn’t be caught dead there. It’s for dorks.”
Certainly not for a girl who hasn’t seen her father in years.
But Trevor doesn’t know this. Seeing his crestfallen face, Mary falls silent. She is angry with herself.
No really, she is mad at Carl.
I run the last light between the baseball field and us. Yes! Yes! We’re only nine minutes late!
I’ve won Jeff’s approval. I know this because he stops to give me a quick kiss on the cheek. “So Mom, you brought my athletic cup, like I asked, right?”
“What? But I … don’t remember!” I rummage through the athletic bag that was packed this morning: uniform, hat, glove, cleats—
But no athletic cup.
“I called and asked you to get it from my underwear drawer, like, four times!”
The caller ID on my cell confirms this.
Aw, heck.
League rules: No one plays without a cup. Not even if you’re the team’s star pitcher. Because of me, Jeff will be benched for this very important game, which could bring the Wildcats even closer to the Orange County Major League division title.
And there is no way I can make it to the house and back in time. We both know that.
Cheever pumps his fist in the air. He is the team’s backup pitcher.
A tear rolls down Jeff’s cheek as he staggers to the back of the van.
“Jeff, I’m so sorry,” I say. But I know he can’t stand to hear my lame excuse.
Why should he? He’s heard them all before.
“Hey, Mom, what’s my denim skirt doing back here?” Mary holds it up to me, accusingly, before shrieking “Ewwwyuck!”
I glance over and notice that it is sprayed with some sort of white goo. One of the larger chunks is covered in hair follicles.
Yuri’s.
But that doesn’t seem to bother the Terrible Two. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be mimicking Mary’s high-pitched squeal as they toss her skirt back and forth like a hot potato.
Once again, I’m back in the doghouse with my kids.
At least, until I outrun a Ferrari or something.
Buy The Housewife Assassin’s Handbook (Book 1)
Novels by Deborah Coonts
THE LUCKY O’TOOLE VEGAS ADVENTURE SERIES:
WANNA GET LUCKY?
A woman falls from a tour helicopter to the horror of the 8:30 Pirate show crowd.
Was it suicide? An accident? Could she have been pushed?
Lucky’s day began with the invasion of the Adult Video Awards and Trade show convention, then got more hectic when the spouse-swapping annual event checked in.
And if adding a body to the mix wasn’t enough, Lucky’s got a new suitor. Her best friend, Teddie, a female impersonator who is pressing to take their relationship to the next level.
Can she really date a man who looks better in a dress?
What happened to the woman over the pirate show?
Will her sleuthing skills catch the killer and save her job?
LUCKY STIFF
SO DAMN LUCKY
LUCKY BASTARD
LUCKY CATCH
LUCKY BREAK
LUCKY THE HARD WAY
LUCKY RIDE
LUCKY SCORE
* * *
LUCKY NOVELLAS:
LUCKY IN LOVE
LUCKY BANG
LUCKY NOW AND THEN
LUCKY FLASH
* * *
OTHER BOOKS BY DEBORAH COONTS:
AFTER ME
DEEP WATER
CRUSHED
Novels by Josie Brown
THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN SERIES
DOWNLOAD THE FIRST BOOK FOR FREE
The Housewife Assassin’s Handbook (Book 1)
Every desperate housewife wants an alias. Donna Stone has one, and it happens to be government-sanctioned. But when terrorism hits close to home, espionage makes for strange bedfellows--and brings new meaning to the old adage, "Honey, I'm home..."
The Housewife Assassin’s Guide to Gracious Killing (Book 2)
The Housewife Assassin’s Killer Christmas Tips (Book 3)
The Housewife Assassin’s Relationship Survival Guide (Book 4)
The Housewife Assassin’s Vacation to Die For (Book 5)
The Housewife Assassin’s Recipes for Disaster (Book 6)
The Housewife Assassin’s Hollywood Scream Play (Book 7)
The Housewife Assassin’s Killer App (Book 8)
The Housewife Assassin’s Hostage Hosting Tips (Book 9)
The Housewife Assassin’s Garden of Deadly Delights (Book 10)
The Housewife Assassin’s Tips for Weddings, Weapons, and Warfare (Book 11)
The Housewife Assassin’s Husband Hunting Hints (Book 12)
The Housewife Assassin’s Ghost Protocol (Book 13)
The Housewife Assassin’s Terrorist TV Guide (Book 14)
The Housewife Assassin’s Deadly Dossier (Book 15 - Series Prequel)
The Housewife Assassin’s Greatest Hits (Book 16)
The Housewife Assassin’s Fourth Estate Sale (Book 17)
* * *
THE TOTLANDIA SERIES
DOWNLOAD THE FIRST BOOK FOR FREE
TOTLANDIA: Book 1 (The Onesies/Fall)
In a world of power and prestige, no one has more than Bettina Connaught Cross, leader of the Pacific Heights Moms & Tots Club. If you want to be admitted into the most exclusive children’s playgroup in all of San Francisco, you simply cannot cross her.
But this year’s admissions process is more rigorous than ever, pitting prospective members against each other to prove their mettle. Four of the six candidates vying for the remaining four slots have a secret that would knock them out of the running. Jade is a former stripper and porn actress, who has been absent for most of her son’s life. Jillian’s husband cleaned out their joint accounts and left her for his pregnant assistant. Ally never even had a husband—just a sperm donor—and she’s hiding a high-ranking corporate job. And Lorna fears that her son may have special needs… just the excuse her sister-in-law, Bettina, needs to deny her entry to the club. Can these hopeful moms keep up appearances long enough to outlast the competition? Or will their chances—and their private lives—go up in flames?
TOTLANDIA: Book 2 (The Onesies/Winter)
TOTLANDIA: Book 3 (The Onesies/Spring)
TOTLANDIA: Book 4 (The Onesies/Summer)
TOTLANDIA: Book 5 (The Twosies/Fall)
TOTLANDIA: Book 6 (The Twosies/Winter)
TOTLANDIA: Book 7 (The Twosies/Spring)
TOTLANDIA: Book 8 (The Twosies, Summer)
* * *
THE TRUE HOLLYWOOD LIES SERIES:
Hollywood Hunk
(Formerly published as “True Hollywood Lies”)
Hollywood Whore
Available in the United Kingdom, Ireland, Australia, and New Zealand.
* * *
OTHER BOOKS BY JOSIE BROWN:
The Baby Planner
Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives
The Candidate
(A Political Thriller)
Copyright Informatio
n
The Housewife Assassin Gets Lucky
(c) 2018 Josie Brown and Deborah Coonts
V080718
ISBN# 978-0-692-15091-7
Published and Distributed by Macondray Lane Press
Houston, TX
macondraylanepress@gmail.com
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Text and Content related to original characters, scenes, and events created by Josie Brown prior to the publication of this book bears registered copyrights and trademarks of Josie Brown.
* * *
Text and Content related to original characters, scenes, and events created by Deborah Coonts prior to the publication of this book bears registered copyrights trademarks of Deborah Coonts.
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No part of this book shall be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without written permission from the publisher. No patent liability is assumed with respect to the use of the information contained herein. Although every precaution has been taken in the preparation of this book, the publisher and authors assume no responsibility for errors or omissions. Neither is any liability assumed for damages resulting from the use of information contained herein. All rights reserved.
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This is a work of fiction. All incidents, corporate entities, and dialogue, and all characters with the exception of some well-known historical and public figures, are products of the author’s imagination and are not to be construed as real. Where real-life historical or public figures appear, the situations, incidents, and dialogues concerning those persons are entirely fictional and are not intended to depict actual events or to change the entirely fictional “events or to change the entirely fictional nature of the work. In all other respects, any resemblance to persons living or dead is entirely coincidental.
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