Bad for You (Mad, Bad, & Dangerous to Love)

by Antonia, Anna

  My mouth went dry. This diabolical man really was going to deny me my orgasms completely sometimes?

  “And considering what you just tried to do,” he murmured hotly in my ear, “maybe I should keep this one for me today. Experience is a far better master than words.” He then stopped moving. His hips plastered to mine, driving his threat home far more eloquently than words.

  “Oh, please! I’m sorry, Gabriel. I won’t do it again.”

  “I’m sure you won’t, especially after suffering the consequences this time around.”

  I wanted to open my eyes, to plead for leniency. Instinct told me things would go worse if I did. I remained trapped, beholden only to him to give dimension in my dark world.

  “I’m so sorry, Gabriel. It’s just that I didn’t know…” How I hated admitting to something I didn’t know! I licked my lips, somehow sensing his attention was fixated on my mouth. I did it again and begged, “Gabriel, you make me feel so good. Please don’t do this to me.”

  He sighed, aggrieved and lusty all at once. “I’m going to spoil you so badly, Emma. Already I can’t deny you a thing.” I sagged in relief. Gabriel then gripped my chin. “Today, dear girl. Today. I’m sure familiarity will render my softness and then we’ll see, won’t we? And considering how naughty you already are, I’m sure I’ll be in trouble quite a bit.”

  Oh. Another flood of warmth drenched us both. There was no hiding the effect his words had on me. Who knew I’d be so receptive to being some kind of a masochist?

  Although I probably shouldn’t complain about that.

  Gabriel chuckled in male satisfaction. With his free hand gripping the back of my head and beautiful mouth devouring mine, he resumed making my toes curl.

  He filled me to the brim, making it so I could barely recall my name, much less anything else. Blinded and unable to touch him with my hands, I focused on my other senses to create the picture of us I couldn’t see.

  As always, Gabriel epitomized brilliant light and glorious color. The chill had long left my body as the heat from his skin warmed me. We broke apart, mouths looking for other pleasures divine. My nose nuzzled the line of his throat. I suckled the pulse beating strong. I loved the scent of Gabriel’s body, the sound of his voice as he crooned my name or growled in dark pleasure.

  He dropped kisses all along my jaw, neck, and shoulders. They branded me as his. All the while Gabriel imprinted me from the inside. Greedy, I wanted to pull him into my body, to keep him there forever.

  Such strange thoughts when making love…

  Soon the liquid slide became too much for me. I fisted my hands, shoving one against my mouth to keep the loud cries from spilling out. I wanted to come, but I wouldn’t do it until Gabriel said I could. He may have said he was spoiling me, but he didn’t give me the explicit go ahead.

  Which I hoped would come soon because I could hardly hold on.

  Attuned to me as always, Gabriel thrust into me harder. His fingers slid past my spread thighs and settled into the tender cleft.

  “It’s okay, Emma. Come for me, my love.”

  I arched wildly. Delicious, drugging pleasure sank into my veins. My free hand immediately reached for the pillar above. Gabriel’s fingers plucked me, gently rolling my flesh between thumb and forefinger before smoothing it in long, even strokes. My thoughts scattered like pebbles on glass. Perverse, I didn’t want to come anymore. I just wanted to feel this ecstasy with Gabriel forever. Joined together as one.

  “Emma, look at me.”

  I shook my head for reasons I couldn’t explain. I didn’t mean to be so disobedient. I just couldn’t seem to help my contrary nature. No wonder Gabriel and Gretchen questioned my ability to obey.

  Gabriel wasn’t amused or inclined to indulge me anymore. “Now,” he growled. There was no sweetness in his tone. No compromise. “Don’t fight me and don’t make me tell you again.”

  Nervousness plagued me. I’d come to find comfort in my dark world, ephemeral images of Gabriel there to keep me company. It felt safe. I’d be utterly exposed once I left. Still I slowly opened my eyes. Gabriel’s beautifully clear gaze impaled me surely as his lower body already did. A broken gasp flew from my reddened lips.

  “Touch me.”

  I reached out, greedily rubbing my palms against his clothed shoulders and chest. The more I touched, the more he touched me. When I dropped my gaze to where we were joined intimately, Gabriel commanded in a clipped tone, “I didn’t give you permission to look away, Emma.”

  The sureness of his authority over me made it difficult to remember the charming, playful man I’d become reacquainted with. Gabriel’s earlier fumbling awkwardness had melted my heart. The playful, eager man who had bought me a dress and strapped shoes to my feet seemed a long ago, faded memory. This man bore very little similarity to him.

  Intrigued, I couldn’t deny wanting to know this side of Gabriel Gordon.

  I kept my stare on his. Even while my hips thrashed against his clever fingers and heavy shaft. I barely blinked and didn’t dare close my eyes when the knot in my belly tightened and broke. I whimpered his name, desperately clutching his shoulders as the waves dragged me further.

  “Who’s doing this to you, Emma?”

  “You are, Gabriel.” Just saying it sent another violent aftershock through my body.

  His lips settled on mine. “Do you like the way I fuck you?” His tongue slid into my mouth deeply before retreating. “Do you, love?”

  I moaned an affirmative.

  “Tell me, Emma.”

  Far past the ability to be embarrassed, I panted, “I like the way you fuck me, Gabriel. It’s all I ever want anymore.”

  Satisfaction pulled at the corners of his mouth. “Good. Oh, that’s so…so very…fucking…good!” Gabriel’s thrust faster. My core tightened about him and my sensitive nerve endings sprang back to carnal life. I moaned how much loved him, how much I needed him.

  Gabriel wrapped his hand around my jaw, fingers digging into my skin and forcing my mouth to open widely. His kiss dominated me. I could barely breathe but didn’t care. I pushed my body against his, clutching his hair so that I could kiss him as aggressively as he kissed me.

  This was who we were now. Together as one. No walls, no fear.

  He snapped his hips and then stilled. “Emma!” Gabriel moaned into my mouth. Deep joy flooded me. I kissed him deliriously, ravenous to consume every last groan of Gabriel’s gratification.

  This is what it’s liked to be loved by the whole of a man. His goodness and his badness. Both sides. All for me to experience and to know.

  Tangled in his net, I regretted my ignorance in thinking our love could be calculated and tweaked like a formula. Gretchen was right. The wait was worth it. I trembled with anticipation for the things I couldn’t imagine but was bound to experience at his elegant hand.

  Awakened and in a state of euphoria, I wanted to tell Gabriel of my beautiful revelations. I wanted to dance across the room and sing my heart out. The urge to babble my bliss itched the corners of my smiling mouth. I did none of those things. Instead, I kept kissing him as a dying woman clings to her last breath.

  Violently and with the hope that she’ll keep it forever.

  All too soon it was gone. I almost could believe the glorious sense of freedom was all in my imagination. I hoped I’d feel it again, but if not, then at least I had this.

  I moaned his name into his open mouth.

  Gabriel’s kisses gentled in response, coaxing me to mirror. The tension eased from our bodies. He whispered his undying love for me between soft, lingering kisses. Eventually he let me down. My feet had barely touched the ground before Gabriel picked me up again. “No, not yet.”

  “Aren’t your arms tired?” I teased while ecstatic that I didn’t have to leave the safe structure of his hold.

  He shook his head. “You insult me, Emma. I’m lazy but I do work out.”

  “I can tell.”

  “You’re flattering me. Do it some mo
re? Tell me how big my muscles are. ” He fluttered his eyes.

  There was my silly man. Which meant our current game was over. I still couldn’t say I understood the reasons for why Gabriel did what he did, but I could no longer pretend any part of me disliked it. I very much looked forward to the next engagement.

  He, on the other hand, didn’t seem to share my ease of mind.

  “I shouldn’t have asked all of that of you just yet,” he declared rather abruptly.

  “All of what?” I asked in genuine curiosity.

  “You were afraid out there and I made you walk anyways. It scared you and I’m sorry for it.”

  Strange. “I know. Why did you make me?”

  “To see how much you really trusted me. I needed to know.”

  I hugged him tighter. “I’m sorry about all those questions last night. I should’ve known you better than that.” Guilt was a stain that sometimes felt impossible to ever fade. How many times had I hurt Gabriel and how many more times would I do it again?

  I didn’t mean to do it, Gabriel. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I’m not braver when it comes to you.

  He squeezed me back. “Ssh, Emma. Don’t apologize for your truths. I know we’ve moved blazingly fast, despite our past connection with one another. I’m just glad to know that you trust me enough.”

  Enough. Not completely. Not fully. Just enough.

  Emotion overwhelmed my island of contentment. Gabriel seemed incapable of holding anything against me. I wasn’t sure if I was worthy of such loyalty and devotion.

  “You really shouldn’t be so nice to me.”

  “What a strange thing to say!” Gabriel kissed my forehead. “Why would you say that?”

  I shook my head, unable to explain. “Nothing. I’m sorry that I forgot.” My fingertips traced the sharp line of his beautiful cheekbone.

  “Forgot what?”

  “Forgot that nothing worthwhile ever comes easy.”

  Gabriel studied me with the gorgeous half-smile that always made me want to curl my toes. “You liked it. It excited you to be under my control.”

  Suddenly shy, I nodded my head. Gabriel said my name in measured warning. He also raised his hand and held it right over my backside in case there was any misunderstanding on my part.

  “Yes, I liked it!”

  He grinned and then slapped my ass hard.

  “Ow!”

  Undeterred by my undignified howl, Gabriel did it again. I gripped his lapel and buried my face in his chest. His laughter rained over me. Happiness held me in its palm. “You liked that.”

  “Of course, I did. I love spanking my sweet Emma.”

  “Gabriel?”

  “Yes, baby?”

  “Mr. Lemmings did leave, didn’t he?”

  “No. As a matter of fact, he’s been waiting in the kitchen this whole time.”

  “What?!” I scrambled in vain to get back onto the ground. Gabriel denied me. His snickers had me yelling his name. “You almost gave me a heart attack!”

  He spun me around. “Didn’t I already tell you I don’t share?”

  “Yes, but—”

  “I don’t share, Emma. In any way. I’m greedy, didn’t you know?”

  “Good.” I couldn’t help the pleased grin from spreading across my face. “I’d hate to have to kill you for trying to share me.”

  “Duly noted, my sweet.” We laughed together, the giddy chortles of those newly in love. “So do you still like it?”

  “Like what?”

  “The penthouse.”

  “Oh! Yes, I do.”

  “Good. Because I sent Mr. Lemmings away with the promise of a fully signed lease.”

  “And he didn’t mind leaving us alone?”

  “Of course not. Money has its advantages and he most likely trusted our christening wouldn’t cause any noticeable damage to the place.”

  “You think he knew what we were doing?”

  “Absolutely. Mr. Lemmings is a man of the world, after all. And you’re such a beautiful, delicious morsel that I truly can’t be blamed for wanting to taste you. Often.”

  I ducked my head. Gabriel didn’t seem like he was ready to let me go anytime soon, so I just continued to enjoy the feeling of his arms around me. “Why do you need a penthouse again?”

  “I don’t actually need one. I want one.”

  “Tiny square foot apartments not living up to the dream?” I teased softly.

  “It’s sublime, Emma. However, I don’t want you jumping out of your skin or being on the verge of throwing a fit every time we’re there because I’m not spanking you or tying you up. Hence, a separation is needed. This place is for us to play. For you to try certain things my way. The apartment, yours at least, is for us to just be. No games. No play. Just good, old-fashioned, vanilla sex.”

  I considered his plan. It was a good one. The unfamiliar taking place in unfamiliar surroundings. I liked it.

  I pounced on one word. “Vanilla? I’m the plainest flavor of all flavors.” My fingertips poked his ribs unmercifully. “Is that what you’re saying, Gabriel Gordon?”

  “Hey, don’t knock it! Vanilla is one of my favorite flavors, Emma. Especially dripped all over you…” His unflagging erection prodded me.

  “Again?” My throaty chuckle let him know I was more than interested in exploring his taste for vanilla and other flavors intimately.

  “Again, Emma. I want you down on your pretty hands and knees for me.”

  His growl did delightful things to me. We didn’t exit the penthouse for another two hours. Thankfully Gabriel had come prepared so there was no hint of foil or latex left behind to ever tell what naughty things we’d been up to.

  EIGHT

  Our worlds intersected frequently over the next week.

  Whether at the office, elevator, apartment, or penthouse, Gabriel and I never completely left the other’s orbit for long. He called me religiously five minutes before the noon lunchtime he’d decreed for me. My body had instantly become accustomed to this habit.

  I yearned for it to an unhealthy degree. A switch appeared about thirty minutes before his call, turning me from a focused employee to one who could barely remain seated in her chair. I couldn’t concentrate. My gaze kept darting from the computer clock, to the phone, to my watch, and back again.

  I’d entertain the urge to take a quick walk to shake out the excess energy. Only the fear that I’d miss his call and then lose my chance to be with Gabriel prevented me from doing so.

  Unfortunately, my awakening in the penthouse lasted only so long, leaving me barely enough to remember through hazy memories and emotions. I’d chase after those bits, trying in vain to find that sweet spot where I had let go of all my fears and habits and find freedom. Instead of finding paradise, I’d find that memories from high school filled the void until I was stuck in their midst.

  So many girls, all desperately in love with beautiful, tortured Gabriel Gordon spun through my mind. They were so violently in love that their emotions eventually turned into hate. Those girls were bewitched, drunk on simply being in his presence. They’d needed Gabriel to place them in the center of his consciousness. Anything less made them insane. In short order, I’d transformed into one of Gabriel’s many wraiths.

  Unacceptable.

  “Hello, Emma.”

  “Hello, Gabriel.” It was a solitary game I played in defiance of my own feelings. How long could I pretend to be verbally unmoved even while heat pooled low in my belly? I did it because I didn’t want to be a wraith. I wanted to be me—strong, independent, and…

  The word trail always ended at this point. I didn’t know how to love and not run away. And I didn’t want to run away from Gabriel. So I stayed. I stayed and went through the motions, confused and unsure of who I really was when I loved Gabriel Gordon. I just knew who I wanted to be.

  Someone who was confident and sure of her abilities.

  “How are you surviving the day without me so far, my dearest love?”

/>   Terribly now. I need you and I don’t want to need you but I do.

  Surrounded by my real life and all the trappings of a responsible, ambitious employee, it was too disconcerting to admit how fixated I was on him. I always lied.

  “Fine.”

  “Mmm, just fine? Lucky you.”

  I couldn’t control the nervous clacking of my fingers. My answer never fooled him, but Gabriel didn’t call me on it. Hopefully he never would. I believed he understood the transition I faced and trusted me enough to know I was doing my best to get to where I didn’t have to hide any of my emotions.

  The confusion faded whenever I saw him. Then I could dismiss the haunting fear lurking behind my every smile.

  Lunch was more than sharing a meal. It was the twining of our fingers. The smiles shared between us. The quiet embrace in the back of his limo where we held each other so tightly there wasn’t room for anyone or anything else but us. Conversation ebbed and flowed. Sometimes we climbed over each others words, eager to share every molecule of our day. Other times not an unnecessary word crossed our lips.

  We always broke off in the same place we started—the elevator.

  On Thursday I saw my doctor and got a prescription for birth control. Gabriel had kindly offered the services of his private physician, but considering how his doctor had just treated Embry, I declined. It didn’t necessarily make Gabriel happy, but he didn’t argue.

  I also met my security team—both of them. In a gesture of transparency, Gabriel wanted me to know the people who were following me, for my own safety and his peace of mind of course.

  “I know this is all new for you, Emma. I don’t want you walking around, wondering who’s on my payroll. That’s why I want you to meet the people who are going to keep you safe. They are the best at what they do. They are also really good at staying out of the way. You’ll probably never see them, but if you do, you’ll know who they are.”

  He’d also met my demands from the other night and hired a small security team that would report solely to me. I did my best to seem comfortable at both meetings, but it was a challenge.

  The groups’ background was a mix of military and police experience and training. I didn’t want to dwell on what they must think of me. They probably thought I was a temporary presence in Gabriel’s life. I know I would think that if I was in their position.