The Vexation of Vampires (Penny White Book 5)

by Chrys Cymri

  ‘He did?’ James sounded pleased. ‘I must’ve picked it up from him.’

  Lord Willis bent his head around to look at Jago. ‘And, my young friend, why are you perched on my back?’

  ‘Ride upstairs? To bed?’

  ‘Seems to me,’ the unicorn said drily, ‘that your wings are in fine working order.’

  ‘Please, Uncle Willis?’

  ‘Well, Master Jago, since you have asked so nicely, I will serve as your steed this evening.’ The unicorn bent his head to us. ‘Father Penny, Mister James, if you would excuse me.’

  ‘You know,’ James said as the sound of hooves on wood echoed through the hall, ‘I think Lord Willis is going to miss Jago.’

  ‘Probably.’ It was not my place to reveal the loneliness of unicorns. I made my way up the ramp to the next floor. Time to go to my room to settle in with a wee dram of Talisker and a good book.

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  The next morning saw me yawning as I walked up the road to the nearby primary school. The differences between the site and those I knew in England were dramatic. No fences to keep possible dangers at bay. Instead, a field stretched out on one side for the herbivores to graze on at breaks and lunchtime, and a forest on the other for the carnivores who might want to hunt. The buildings were much taller, so that staff like adult dragons could fit easily inside.

  But other things were the same. The children might be unicorns and gryphons, but they still loved visitors. Several broke away from the group milling around in the playground to rush up to me. ‘Father Penny! Father Penny!’ A dwarf wrapped her arms around my legs. A were-badger was so excited that he shifted shape, leaving his clothes behind as he butted my arm with his blunt muzzle. Several young dragons circled over my head.

  An adult unicorn came out, carrying a bell in her mouth. The brass tones echoed across the grounds, and the children obediently made their way inside. The were-badger collected his clothes and hopped behind the rest, trying to both walk and dress at the same time.

  The head teacher put down her bell. ‘Father Penny. I’m pleased that you could be with us this morning. This will be your last assembly in our school, I believe?’

  ‘Yes.’ I felt a pang as I walked over. ‘My time in Caer-grawnt is nearly over. I’m sorry that I haven’t come in more often.’

  ‘Nonsense.’ She led the way past classrooms to the main hall. ‘The previous rector never came at all. That you have appeared regularly was laudable. The fact that your assemblies have been both enjoyable and thought-provoking has been a bonus. The children will miss you.’

  ‘And I’ll miss them.’

  She glanced at me with her bright blue eyes. ‘Are the schools in England that different to ours?’

  ‘Just a little,’ I said as a small harpy flapped overhead.

  I took my place at one end of the long room. The children filed in, the smallest taking their place at the front, and the larger ones further back. So at my feet sat various weres, their faces shifting in my eyes between human and animals such as hedgehogs, squirrels, and one annoyed looking fox. Dwarves, elves, and the younger dragons and gryphons filled the middle, with a few harpies set off to one side. At the back were those who couldn’t sit, such as unicorns, and the older dragons. The teachers, as varied in species as their students, took up positions around the hall. I had no idea how many of the town’s citizens could afford to send their children to school, but nearly two hundred youngsters faced me.

  ‘We’re delighted to have Father Penny with us today,’ the head teacher said. ‘I’m also sad to say that this is her last assembly.’ A few of the children began to whimper. ‘Now, now, none of that. Let’s show Father Penny how much we have appreciated her. Let’s all sing “One More Step Along the World I Go.”’

  I was impressed as they sang all five verses from memory. As for me, I had to mumble during the last two, trying desperately to remember the words. Several of the children noticed and nudged each other. A glare from the head teacher brought them back under control.

  ‘Good morning, children,’ I said when they’d finished.

  ‘Good morning, Father Penny,’ they roared back.

  I pretended that I’d gone temporarily deaf. Then I gave them a sad smile. ‘Yes, I’m leaving. The last church service with me and my deacon, Morey, is this Sunday. So, this morning, let’s think about what is really important, more important than your teachers, or me. I’m going to need two volunteers to start with.’

  Limbs of every description went into the air. I picked two of the smallest children, a were-squirrel and vampire. ‘What are your names?’ I asked them.

  ‘Ceri,’ answered the squirrel, her long red ponytail swishing as she all but danced in excitement.

  The vampire spoke so quietly that I had to lean in close to hear him. ‘Niall.’ His face was pale and intense under his short dark hair.

  ‘Thank you, Ceri, and Niall.’ I straightened and raised my voice. ‘This is a story from the Bible, one which Jesus told.’

  ‘So it’ll be, “Jesus is nice, so we should be nice”,’ one of the largest dragon children muttered.

  ‘Jorund,’ the head teacher said warningly.

  I held up a hand. ‘Jesus is our inspiration for making peace between us and God, and between ourselves and others. But that’s not the message behind today’s story.’

  Jorund waggled his purple horns, but he shut his jaws.

  ‘Now, Niall,’ I continued, ‘I’d like you to be the wise person in my story. Ceri, do you mind being the silly person?’

  The were-squirrel’s giggle made me wonder if I’d typecast her. Niall’s scowl eased slightly as he nodded.

  ‘Once there were two people who wanted to build a house.’ I scanned the hall. ‘What do you need if you want to build a house?’

  ‘A good shovel,’ one of the dwarves said. ‘So you can dig out the soil.’

  ‘I think Father Penny is thinking of the sort of buildings we have in Caer-grawnt,’ the head teacher said. ‘What do you think was used to build those?’

  ‘Bricks?’ suggested a were-fox.

  ‘But what do the bricks have to rest on?’ I asked. I tapped the hall’s wooden floor.

  ‘You have to put something else down first,’ a unicorn declared. ‘Like wood or concrete. So you have a proper floor.’

  ‘What’s wrong with mud?’ asked one of the harpies.

  ‘Some of us,’ said the unicorn archly, ‘like a proper floor.’

  ‘Or you can pick something strong to start with,’ I said, directing my gaze at the young unicorn before flashing a smile at the harpy. ‘So Niall, the wise person, looked around for the right place to build his house. He said, “I’m going to build my house to stand a long time. I’m going to build on rock.” And he found a rock. But what do we know about rock?’

  ‘It’s very hard,’ a were-badger said. ‘Blunts your claws.’

  ‘So, the wise person had to dig, and dig, to make the foundations of his house.’ I motioned to Niall to pretend to be digging with a shovel. He followed my actions, but I could see that many of the children found it a bit difficult to understand. ‘Of course, some of you would have used claws.’

  ‘My ma would’ve used dynamite,’ said a dwarf.

  Something else which had made its way over from Earth, it seemed. I could only hope that the citizens of Lloegyr would use explosives more wisely than my own kind. ‘After many days of hard work, the foundations were ready. So, what else do you need to build a house?’

  The children called out their answers. ‘Bricks!’ ‘Logs!’ ‘Clay!’

  ‘All of which you can use to build walls for the house.’ I touched Niall on the shoulder. ‘So, wise person, you need some walls. Could you please pick out six people to pretend to be your walls?’

  Niall moved quickly through the hall, picking from a range of sizes and ages. I was particularly pleased to see a harpy amongst his choices. ‘Well done, wise person. Now, the six of you are to make a circle around
Niall, facing inwards. Hold hands or, well, huddle up close to each other.’ The children obeyed, harpy stretching out wing arms to a were-hedgehog and an elf. The dragon and unicorn pressed shoulders together. The gryphon stretched out her pinions to complete the circle.

  I turned my attention to the were-squirrel. ‘Now we have Ceri, the silly person. She’d watched Niall dig for days and days to set the foundations. Ceri, what do you think the silly person thought of all this work?’

  ‘I don’t want to do all that,’ Ceri responded. ‘Can’t I just put walls without all that digging?’

  The response was so perfect that I wondered if she’d heard the story before. ‘That’s right. The silly person decided just to build on sand. So she just put up the walls. Ceri, would you like to pick six people to be your walls?’

  The squirrel danced off. She took much longer than Niall, seeming to enjoy her moment of popularity as volunteers waved arms, wings, and horns in the air. Finally, six children came to the front, and formed a circle around Ceri.

  I took a deep breath. ‘For many days, all was well. The sun shone, the two people tended the rock and sand gardens, respectively. Then a storm came. The rain came down.’ I encouraged the children with hands to lower them, wriggling fingers to indicate rain. ‘And the rivers rose.’ Hands came up. ‘And the winds beat against the walls of the two houses.’ Now I pointed at the children who had wings, which they extended upwards and waved while making hissing sounds. ‘And thunder rolled.’ Now the unicorns could come into their own, stamping their hooves against the floor. ‘The walls began to sway in the wind.’

  I looked over at the two circles and rocked on my feet. The children quickly picked up the message. ‘The winds became even stronger, and the walls swayed even more. Then, with a mighty crash, the walls of the foolish person’s house fell down! But rather carefully, please.’

  The six children surrounding Ceri flopped to the floor, snorting and giggling. I pointed at Niall. ‘But the walls of the wise person, which had been set into a firm foundation, remained standing.’

  ‘Walls all gone,’ Ceri said sadly. ‘I’ll have to live in the trees.’

  ‘Or maybe not.’ I looked over at Niall. ‘Do you want to invite her into your home?’

  Niall’s face creased as he thought. Then he reached past the linked arms of a were-badger and an elf. ‘No one should be homeless. Come to mine.’

  ‘Great!’ squeaked Ceri, and she scampered over to join him.

  ‘What Jesus was telling us,’ I said to the children, ‘is that you need to have firm foundations for your life. What’s really important? Your family, your friends. Your community, this school and this town. And it takes hard work to live together. But then, if you do work together, you can survive any storm, anything that happens in your life. Let’s say together the prayer Jesus taught us, the Lord’s Prayer. “Our Father, who art in heaven…”’

  The children recited the words along with me. I nodded at my actors, and they returned to their places.

  ‘Thank you, Father Penny,’ the head teacher said when we’d finished. ‘And, of course, the best foundation for our lives is God. Isn’t that so, Father Penny?’

  I felt my cheeks warm. ‘Oh, yes, of course, God.’

  ‘Do you want to thank Father Penny, children?’

  ‘Thank you, Father Penny,’ the children chanted.

  ‘Mister Gorge, I believe you have the announcements,’ the unicorn continued. ‘I’ll see Father Penny out.’

  A dragon began to advise the children of the day’s schedule as I followed the head teacher from the hall. ‘Thank you for choosing Niall,’ she said as we walked back to the entrance. ‘It’s difficult for him here.’

  ‘Is he the only vampire in the school?’

  She dipped her head in a nod. ‘There are very few vampires in the town. Niall, as with the others of his kind, is only here because he was adopted. The town keeps a flock of goats to supply them with blood.’

  ‘There aren’t any vampire families?’

  ‘Vampires don’t like to settle. And they’re not always welcome.’ We were now outside the building. The early sunshine had been replaced with grey skies, and I hoped I wouldn’t regret my lack of coat. ‘Thank you again, Father Penny. I will be in St George’s for your last service. We’ve mentioned it to the children, so we hope some of them will come with their parents.’

  ‘The leaving service is at four,’ I said. ‘But there will be drinks and nibbles beforehand. Let them know.’

  The clouds thickened. I felt a few drops in the air. My jacket was a ten-minute walk away, and my next appointment was in the opposite direction. I sighed, asked God to show some mercy to a hard-working priest, and headed down one of the nearby side streets.

  Arnar had been dying for as long as I’d been in Caer-grawnt. I had fully expected to be taking his funeral at some point, but the old dragon was still on this side of the ultimate thin place. I reached into my trouser pocket. My engagement ring clicked against the metal lid of the small pyx. Good. I hadn’t forgotten to bring the container with me. Several communion wafers rested inside.

  A small dragon let me into the high-ceilinged house. I’d never been able to establish her exact relationship with Arnar. She called him ‘Uncle’, but I suspected that this was used as a title of respect rather than indicating family ties. Both of them had the green-black hide of search dragons, so I wondered if he had provided her with sanctuary. ‘Good morning, Katla,’ I said, our eyes nearly level. ‘How is he?’

  ‘Found a bit of flame this morning.’ Katla’s high-pitched voice always startled me. ‘Singed the wall, he did. Landlord won’t be pleased.’

  ‘Shows he’s feeling a bit better, though.’ I followed her from the hallway to the sparsely furnished living room. The dark patch by the fireplace was a blot on the otherwise white wall, and the smell of smoke flavoured the chill air.

  Arnar hulked at the far end. Even in his current state, I could see that he had once been a very large dragon, perhaps a third taller than Raven. Dull green skin sagged against prominent bones, and clear liquid dripped from his eyes and nostrils. As I walked over, a high smell, like that of decaying flowers, filled my nostrils.

  ‘Dydd da, ddraig glodfawr,’ I greeted Arnar. Like a good number of Caer-grawnt’s citizens, he could speak English, but he preferred to use Welsh.

  ‘Dydd da,’ he wheezed.

  ‘I’ve brought you communion,’ I continued in Welsh. ‘Shall we pray together?’

  Katla had taken a seat nearby, her long tail curling around her forefeet. Our three voices recited the Lord’s Prayer, and I said some additional prayers. Then came the moment I dreaded, when Arnar opened his jaws and held out his blue tongue. Saliva dripped from his teeth and, as always, splashed over my arm as I placed the communion wafer into his mouth. I’d have to change out of my fleece and shirt once I was back at the mansion.

  Afterwards, Katla brought me a cup of black coffee. I tried to make myself comfortable on an old sofa which rested near the unlit fire. ‘How are you, Arnar?’

  ‘Joints ache, teeth hardly work properly, can’t taste my food, and this youngster tells me I can’t flame in my own house,’ Arnar said in his deep voice. ‘But mustn’t grumble.’

  I studied him over my mug. ‘I’m leaving the parish on Monday.’

  ‘Ie. So you’ve said. You won’t be doing my funeral.’

  ‘Looks unlikely.’ I hesitated, trying to find the right words in Welsh. ‘I have the notes of what you want. Have you changed your mind on anything? Or shall I give them to the churchwardens?’

  ‘To the police, more like,’ Katla commented. ‘Family will be coming after his body, you see.’

  My face must have given me away, for Arnar chuckled before saying, ‘Yes, Father, even in my state. Dragon flesh is too important to be put to ground. Or so the pagans in my family believe. They’ll want to eat me.’

  ‘How old are you?’ I asked.

  ‘I’ve seen at least a
hundred winters.’ The thin wings rustled as he rearranged himself on the stone floor. ‘Perhaps even twenty more. Time was when time didn’t matter.’

  ‘Things change,’ I said.

  ‘Yes. And not all to the good.’ The green eyes met mine. ‘Time was that dragons lived in their longhouses and unicorns on their plains. Gryphons camped on their hunting grounds, and dwarves carved out their caves. Now we’re urged to come and all live together. Place our backs and our lives into the service of making money for others. There are even those who chose mates from outside their own species.’

  ‘Uncle Arnar is very traditional,’ Katla said quickly. ‘But he doesn’t support Cadw ar Wahân.’

  ‘I don’t think mixed species couples should be attacked,’ Arnar agreed. ‘But that doesn’t mean I have to like it. People should stick to their own kind.’

  Just as well Peter wasn’t in the room. No doubt he would have wanted to argue with the dragon. ‘And the technology,’ I said. ‘That’s changed during your lifetime, hasn’t it? Gas lamps and steam driven machinery, for example.’

  ‘As long as we don’t become slaves to these things.’ Arnar sneezed, and I ducked just in time. Thick droplets splattered against the wall behind me. ‘That will be for your generation to sort out, Katla.’

  ‘We will, Uncle,’ the smaller dragon assured him.

  ‘Always remember that you’re a dragon. Don’t sell your strength for another person’s profit.’

  ‘No, Uncle.’ Katla stretched out her neck and touched his jaw with her nose. ‘Once you no longer need me, I’ll seek out the other search dragons. Father Penny tells me that they have their own settlement. I’ll be safe there.’

  ‘You’ll have to make your own way to the settlement,’ I said apologetically.

  ‘Of course,’ Katla said. ‘But that’s okay. I am a search dragon. I can find anything.’

  I pulled out my notebook. ‘Body into the church overnight, requiem mass, burial in the churchyard. Katla is right. I’ll ask Lord Willis to put this into the hands of the local heddlu. The police will keep your body safe until you can have a proper Christian burial.’