Shiftr_Swipe Left for Love_Ryzard

by Ariana Hawkes

  “I’ll let you know how it goes,” he said gruffly, almost overcome with emotion.

  “Please do, Ryzard,” Tamika said, her cheek a little pink, and gave him a cheery wave as she left.

  Marilyn could be my mate, Ryzard thought much later that night, as he was sitting on his new porch, gazing up at the stars. We already mated. And Shiftr says she’s the one for me. And she’s as feisty as all hell. What happened before was the old me. I haven’t been screwing around for a long time. Haven’t been getting drunk. Not drunk like that anyway. I have a chance with her, goddamnit! He bunched his fists and leapt to his feet. I’m going to make her my mate. If it’s the last thing I do!

  8

  Marilyn’s encounter with Ryzard had shaken her up badly. She’d never in a million years thought that she might run into him again. First, he’d threatened her, and her family, and then he’d sent her a message on Shiftr like nothing had happened. It didn’t make any sense at all. And then he’d sent her a long, rambling apology, explaining that his father had been a drunk and mistreated him, which had led to him not being able to commit to anyone. And sometimes drinking too much and getting into trouble. She didn’t know what to do. He was the father of her boys, but she felt like she didn’t want him anywhere near them. She needed time to think and absorb, and in the meantime, she blocked him from being able to message her, which had the unintended consequence of deleting his message and removing his profile from her feed.

  But one thing kept playing on her mind – Shiftr had identified them as being 95% compatible, which, according to her new friends in Hope Valley, was a rare thing, and meant that they were almost certainly mates. But what could he and I truly have in common? she thought. She was a survivor, who – apart from that one crazy night that led to Ryzard becoming the father of Angus and Blake – always tried to make the best of things. Ryzard was a guy who didn’t seem to be in control of himself at all. And that was a quality she couldn’t stand in a man. It reminded her too much of her husband and the spineless way he’d been dragging out that secret affair with her best friend for all those years. But, at the same time, an image kept coming back to her – how in the bar that night, he’d taken her sore, bruised hand and examined it, very tenderly. But so what if he’s capable of tenderness, she told herself. He’s still a deadbeat.

  And the boys kept growing. It seemed like she had to buy them new clothes almost every week. She was so torn. She’d signed up to Shiftr to find them a father – and herself a partner – but they had a father already, living right here in Hope Valley. It was too much to absorb. She didn’t open the Shiftr app again. Instead, she concentrated on getting to know the other human mothers with shifter babies in Hope Valley. Lauren and her mate Connor had a lovely daughter called Willow, Dina and Logan had a son named Hayden, and Lori and Bruno had a son named Tad and a daughter named Nancy. They were kind and supportive and reassured her that she was doing a great job of bringing up her twin bear cubs. She told them that the boys’ father was a bear shifter, but she was vague about where he was, and she didn’t mention Ryzard’s name to anyone.

  One bright morning, she was in the kitchen, washing the dishes and watching the boys play on the lawn outside. They were at a stage where all of their toys had to be thrown around, all the time. Consequently, they were only allowed to play with plush and inflatable toys at the moment, but she was still keeping an eye out that the flying objects didn’t do either of them any damage. They made a lot of noise when they played together – the usual childish yells and gurgles – but there were often some noises mixed in that sounded more animal than human – grunts, purrs and rumbles.

  After a while they both disappeared around the side of the house. As long as she could still hear their steady stream of chatter, she wasn’t worried. But then, there was a different kind of sound – kind of a mewl, or a call. They were both making it at the same time, and for some reason it made her hair stand on end. Dropping her dish towel, she rushed outside. And what she saw made her clap her hand over her mouth in terror.

  The two boys were standing beside the picket fence, staring at something intently. And that thing was a huge, black bear. It was sitting down and it seemed to be communicating with the boys – at least, the three of them were making the same mewling sounds.

  “Boys! Come here right now!” she screamed. There was a pause before they turned their dark heads to look at her. It was as if they were breaking out of a trance. She ran forward and snatched them up. For a fleeting moment, she and the bear looked at each other, and she saw something human in its unusual, light-colored eyes. “Get away from us! Don’t ever come back here again!” she bawled.

  Then, she turned and ran inside, bolting the front door behind her. Hugging her boys against her body, she collapsed onto her sofa, breathing hard. A huge black bear, so close to her tiny sons! Despite hanging out with shifters often, she’d never seen them in their animal forms the whole time she’d been in Hope Valley. It was almost as shocking as the time she’d seen a huge black bear in her motel room. Was it Ryzard? Or some other shifter? Or not even a shifter, but a wild, full blood bear? No. There are no full-blood bears in Hope Valley. The shifters had already told her that. Shifters and animals didn’t mix. Distractedly, she registered that Angus and Blake were squirming on her lap, desperate to get free. They weren’t at all scared. Their little faces were lit with excitement and curiosity. She bounced them on her knees, and explained to them that bears were dangerous and that if they saw a bear again, they were to run to her as quickly as they could. She was wasting her breath; they both giggled and gurgled. They were too young to understand the warning.

  Later that afternoon, when she’d put them down for a nap, she sat at the kitchen table, worrying. The more she thought about it, the more convinced she was that that bear was Ryzard. She remembered those light-colored eyes. He had no right to turn up unannounced, meddling in their lives. Who knew what he was intending to do. Maybe he was planning on kidnapping them. “Over my dead body!” she hissed. They were her children, and she was ready to do whatever it took to protect them from anyone – including their father.

  9

  It had taken Ryzard two full days to find Marilyn’s cabin. First he’d made the mistake of assuming that she lived downtown, and he’d combed every inch of the city, trying to pick up her scent. When he was satisfied that she wasn’t there, he shifted and searched for her in the forest. The national park was huge, but being in his bear form gave him the advantage of a keener sense of smell, and he was able to cover the distance quickly.

  At last, he picked up a scent. It was very faint, but definitely Marilyn’s. he followed it all the way to a neat, pretty, two story building, right on the edge of the forest, facing the road. That was her cabin. Her sweet, heady smell wafted towards his nostrils, true and unmistakable, connecting directly with his loins. My mate, his bear said. Desire surged in his veins as he loped up to the picket fence surrounding the property. His nostrils flared as her scent became stronger and stronger. She was there right now, inside the house. He was almost sure of it. He peered through the windows, using his keen bear’s eyesight, but the rooms didn’t look to be occupied. But wait – is that her? a dark shape in the shadows. His heart hammered in his chest as he crept as close to the fence as he dared. No. It was a tall lamp. Disappointment pressed him back.

  He recovered himself and continued, walking around to the front of the house. The front lawn was huge, and there was a children’s swing on one side and a toy truck on the other. The front door of the cabin was open, and Marilyn’s exquisite smell wafted over to him. She’s home! his bear purred. But then he stopped again. Marilyn shouldn’t see him in his bear form. That’s what had caused all the trouble in the first place. He needed to go home, get himself ready and looking good, just like she deserved. But just as he was turning back, he saw something that shocked him to his core: a small shape emerged from the side of the building. It was closely followed by an identical small shape.
The two shapes hurtled over to the swings with a lot of squealing and giggling. Ryzard froze. Babies? She’s got babies? His head swum. He stopped breathing and stared at the two dark-haired toddlers. They were boys; twins. With strong, vigorous bodies. How did he not know this? He sniffed hard, picking up their scent, and he received an even bigger shock. No. It can’t be. Yours, his bear said. What? How? I made her pregnant that night? He shook his head. It didn’t seem possible. Before he could restrain it, his bear gave a long, low call. The boys instantly stopped what they were doing and froze. Then their heads whipped around in his direction, their light blue eyes becoming very wide. And then they ran toward him, tottering on their tiny legs. A shiver went all the way through his body. His heart hammering in his huge chest, he spoke to them in the language of bears, and they came right up to the fence, purring and gurgling in return. Gently, he licked their little hands and faces. Mine, his bear purred, at the same time as his human side was silently freaking out. They were absolutely identical, from the huge, curious, pale blue eyes, to the little upturned noses, to the broad foreheads.

  And then Marilyn appeared, even more beautiful than last time he’d seen her, her hair a dark cloud around her face. But her face was a picture of fury and terror. She yelled, snatched the boys away and rushed inside the cabin with them as fast as she could.

  “Angus, Blake, come inside and play,” he heard her say in a softer tone. Ryzard gazed at her in wonder. He could tell that she was a good mother – kind and patient. The boys threw him one final, inquisitive look over her shoulder, giggling all the while. He felt like a little bit of his heart had been torn off and carried away with them. But when Marilyn turned to look at him, her face was like a brewing storm. And then she said the hard words that cut into his soul. His bear let off a howl, but he tore it away from the fence, forced himself to run all the way home.

  Back home, he shifted to get his bear under control and allow him to think more clearly, and he sat on the porch steps, feeling like his head was going to burst with all the thoughts buzzing around inside. I have cubs. I made her pregnant that night. What the hell have I done? I impregnated her and left her alone to be a single mother. It just gets worse and worse. And she hated him. Don’t ever come back here again. That’s what she’d said. It hurt like hell. But it’s no more than I deserve. For the first time in weeks, he felt like doing something self-destructive. He glanced at his brand-new cabin, half-minded to go and tear it all up.

  He got to his feet, fists bunched and a roar escaping his lips, prepared to charge at the front door and tear it off the hinges. And then he paused. No. This is the old me. Screwing everything up and running away. I don’t do this anymore. Those boys are amazing. At the thought of them, his bear started up purring. They’re so beautiful, so perfect in every way. The way they looked at him and communicated with him was incredible. It was as if they knew that he was their father. And how Marilyn had looked holding them, like a born mother. He blinked as something stung his eyes, then he scrubbed at them with his knuckles. His knuckles came away wet. And his throat felt all clogged up too. He was crying? He’d never cried in his entire life, as far as he knew. My boys. His bear let off a roar. He sunk down onto his knees in the grass, and broke out into sobbing, raw sounds he didn’t even know he was capable of making escaping his lips. He was crying for these tender young lives that he’d had a hand in creating, and also for his own childhood that had been so brutally ruined by his father. He promised right there, holding his fist against his chest, that he’d do whatever it took to protect his boys from the harm he’d suffered. He was going to be a father to them. After what he’d done to Marilyn, he didn’t expect her to want to have anything to do with him, and he accepted that. She was too good for him. Way out of his league. All he wanted was for her to realize that he was a responsible human being now, and allow him to see his sons.

  The following morning, Ryzard got up, scrubbed every inch of himself in the shower, put on a clean red check shirt and a pair of blue jeans. Then he drove into Hope Valley to get a haircut and shave, before heading to the big toy store. When he walked through the doors of the brightly-lit store, something came to life inside of him. When he was a kid, he’d yearned for all the toys that the other kids had, but his dad never bought him anything. Now he rushed around, piling a trolley full of all the things he’d dreamed about, and a lot of new-fangled toys that he’d never seen before. And the whole time, he dreamed about playing with his sons, showing them how to use building blocks and kick balls around.

  As he put his purchases in the trunk of his car, he wondered if he ought to wrap them up. Not unless I’m fixing to still be wrapping them by next Christmas, he thought with a chuckle. He’d never given a gift to anyone before; never considered how they ought to be wrapped up.

  Maybe I should get Marilyn a gift too, as a peace offering, he thought. He stopped the car outside a downtown jewelry store and went in.

  “What kind of personality does the lady have?” the assistant asked him, after he’s tried unsuccessfully to select something from the bewildering array of glittering trinkets.

  “Uh, she’s very strong. As feisty as all hell. She doesn’t take any crap from anybody,” he said. The assistant blushed.

  “I think this might suit her then,” she said, picking out a jade green bracelet. “It’s a very strong piece.” He took it from her and turned it over, and at the same time, he got that tight feeling in his throat again. Marilyn. Too bad he wasn’t good enough for her.

  Minutes later, Ryzard was on his way back to the national park, heading in the direction of Marilyn’s cabin. He parked the car outside of the gates, then opened the trunk. He’d probably overdone the gifts, he mused. But he just hadn’t been able to help himself. He picked out two toy cars; he’d come back for the rest. He looked around the garden eagerly, but the boys were nowhere to be seen. Taking a deep breath, he opened the gate, closed it carefully behind him, and strode along the path to the front door. He tried to prepare himself for her being angry or hostile, imagined her brown, syrupy eyes flashing in hatred. He was strong enough for this. He had to be. Any pain was worth it to be with his sons.

  10

  Marilyn’s nerves were frayed. She’d been awake most of the night, worrying about the boys, wondering what Ryzard was planning. And then came a knock at the front door. She startled and automatically ran over to the boys where they were playing in the hallway. The door’s locked, she reminded herself. She wasn’t letting the boys play outdoors anymore, whether she was watching them or not. There was another knock, making her jump again. She crept to the door and looked through the spyhole. At the sight of Ryzard, her breath caught in her throat. He was looking good; more than good. He was as handsome as the night they’d hooked up, but he’d lost that hard edge that she remembered. His brown hair had recently been cut, and it was short at the back and sides and a little longer on top, so that it flopped onto his forehead. His strong jaw was clean shaven, and his pale blue eyes sparkled with health. Against her will, her heartbeat sped up.

  “I know you’re there, Marilyn,” he said in his deep, growly voice and she gasped. “My bear’s nose can tell whether you’re close or far away.” She took a step back from the spyhole.

  “What the hell are you doing here, Ryzard?” she snapped. “I know it was you who was sniffing around yesterday as well. I hope you don’t think you’re going to kidnap my babies?”

  “What? No, of course not. I didn’t know that we – that you – had kids until yesterday. This has been a total shock to me.”

  “Then what do you want?” she yelled, feeling her face flush with fury. “Have you come to make trouble for us?”

  “I came here to speak to you. To prove to you that I’ve changed.”

  “I don’t care whether you’ve changed or not, Ryzard. I don’t want you around me.” He was silent for a beat.

  “Then I at least want to get to know my sons. To help you with them. To be their father.”

&n
bsp; “How do you know they’re your sons?” He chuckled, maddeningly.

  “Because they have the same scent as me.” Her anger welled up, approaching boiling point.

  “They’re not yours. Yes, you may have contributed a single seed to their development. But they’re mine. I bore them – which wasn’t easy considering how much larger they were than human babies – I gave birth to them, and I’ve brought them up. All by myself. So don’t come here insisting that they’re yours. They’re mine, and mine alone. You’re not a fit father. Any court of law in the whole country would agree with me!”

  To her surprise, he had nothing to say to that. Her words had stung him. Good. But his silence was making her uneasy.

  “So don’t think you can turn up on my doorstep making trouble!” she added for good measure. As she strained her ear at the door, she heard a sound like a groan of pain.

  “I know I might have given you a certain impression of myself on the night we met and conceived your cubs. And when you met me the other day as well. But that’s the old me, and I’ve been working hard on myself since we last met. The fact is that I have no rights in a court of law anyway, Marilyn. I’m a shifter, and the law doesn’t give us any protection at all, because they don’t know we exist. The only rights I have over them is the fact that they’re my flesh and blood. They’re shifter babies and they need a father to help them to grow up right. I know that better than most.” There was a pressure against the door, as if he was leaning against it. “Look, I didn’t come here to cause trouble. The last thing I want to do is stress you out. I would never try to take your sons away from you. All I want to do is help you out. I brought a couple of things for the boys. I’ll leave them here, and if you want to talk, you can come find me. I live right at the end of the western forest road, last place you come to.” The door gave a creak as his weight moved off it, and straining her ears, she heard him walk across the porch and down the steps. She tiptoed back to the spyhole, in time to see his retreating back as he strode along the path. She rushed back to her babies, gathering them onto her lap, realizing that her heart was pounding. She heard a car starting up and driving off, and she let her breath out in a whoosh. He’d left? Just like that? She’d half expected him to turn into a bear and break her door down. Angus and Blake were scrabbling on her lap, trying to get down. It was too difficult to hold them both, so she let them go. Immediately, they ran through the hallway to the front door and started scratching at it. A pang hit her square in the chest as she realized what they were doing. They want their father. Their animal instincts are drawing them to him. As much as she hated the thought of having anything to do with him, was it wrong to keep her babies away from their father? Ryzard did seem different somehow, she realized. Gone was the cockiness. She got up and looked out of the living room window. And he seemed to have left a hell of a lot of things in her garden. Leaving the boys in their playpen, she went outside, and was greeted by a huge pile of toys. She was reluctant to accept them, but there was no point leaving them outside. With several trips, she carried them in, planning to hide them upstairs until she’d figured out what to do with them. But Angus and Blake took one look at them and started shrieking. With a sigh, she lifted them out of the playpen and supervised them as they tore the boxes apart with exclamations of excitement.